It was time for another position change, but this time it was with me on my back and Carina mounted upon my manhood. She started to move her hips up and down, and Stephania, meanwhile, brought her lovely ladyfruit down over my face, and I plunged my tongue deep inside before moving it up to her clitoris. Carina, who was right behind her, reached around and began caressing Stephania’s nipples, and the combination of all of our efforts was making the girls call out in glorious cries of pleasure. Sweet Lord of fornication! This was by far the coolest dream I had ever experienced, and so I devoted myself fully to the task at hand, and that meant taking hold of her thighs and moving my tongue faster and faster until the moaning grew louder and louder. Strangely, I was feeling my own orgasmic release approaching in spite of the fact that I’d never managed to climax in a dream. This time was different, however, and the feelings were more intense and growing with each second. The orgasmic cries of ecstasy continued, and I was feeling a bit like a lone hitchhiker standing on an empty highway, and my impending release was coming on like a speeding car. Stephania was at the wheel, and Carina was beside her riding shotgun, and the closer the car drew, the closer I was to release. Suddenly, the metaphorical car overtook me, and it seemed as though everyone in my dream was in the throws of sweet climax. Stephania was undulating before my eyes, and Carina was grinding her pelvis mercilessly into mine, and I felt drunk with pleasure as I floated in euphoria. Time was immaterial, and we basked in the fold of our shared orgasmic embrace until finally coming to rest. At that point, my lovely dream companions crawled beside me, and I cradled them in my arms and felt their soft, warm breasts resting against my body as my dream melded back into the confines of quiet slumber.
CHAPTER NINE
Mourning Boner
STRANGE—I WAS dreaming again, but my surroundings were different from my previous erotic episode, as it was less hazy, but Stephania and Carina were in it once again, and they were both gently caressing my manhood and making it swell to the point that I was all but begging for release. But then, I tried to move and realized I was tied down to an X-shaped altar of sacrifice atop an ancient stone pyramid. At that moment, Alessandra came walking up holding a ceremonial dagger, and beside her there was an army of half-man, half-beast creatures who looked very much like the description of the evil minions of King Chalupa. Fuck, first I’d had the best sex dream ever, and now I was in a full-on fucking nightmare—without any actual fucking.
“Finn!” Alessandra yelled, as she held the knife over her head and prepared to stab me.
“Alessandra, you can’t do this!” I pleaded.
“Finn!” she said, again, this time with more intensity.
“No!” I screamed.
She swung the dagger down, but the impact felt more like a slap, and I was suddenly awake and in the bedroom of my suite and looking up at a very angry Alessandra.
“What’s up?” I asked groggily.
“You, apparently.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You have an erection, dumbass.”
“I do?”
“Yep.”
“That’s weird, as I was just having a crazy dream, and you were in it,” I said, before instantly realizing that I should stop talking.
“Really? Is that how you got the erection?” she asked.
“Doubtful, as you were about to plunge a dagger into my chest.”
“Maybe I was in a jealous rage because you were sleeping with two other women.”
“No, as that was my earlier dream—wait, how could you have possibly known about that?” I asked, feeling a little confused.
“Because there are currently two women in your bed, and one of them is Carina, and the other is my little sister.”
I had a quick glance and realized she was correct, and even more awkward was that Stephania, in spite of being asleep, had a death grip on my rather hard wiener.
“Holy shit! I have no idea how they got here,” I said.
“Do you remember that I told you to keep an eye on my little sister last night?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, this is definitely not what I had in mind.”
Holy shit! What the hell happened last night? I pried Stephania’s fingers loose then jumped up from the bed and tried to hide my manhood, though it seemed rather pointless, as the damage had already been done. I grabbed my shorts off the floor, slid them on, then took a minute to try and reboot my brain. My mind felt hazy, and I had no clear memory of what happened after I had gone to bed, let alone how I ended up naked and sandwiched between Stephania and Carina.
“Now that you’re fully awake, would you care to tell me what happened last night?” Alessandra asked angrily.
“Believe me, I wish I knew, though, based on what I can remember of my supposed dream, I have a sneaking suspicion there was some sex involved.”
“Oh, you think so?” she asked sarcastically.
I retreated to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, then waited until my boner subsided before taking a massive horse piss, which also gave me a little time to try and recall the events of the previous evening. Everything was still kind of a blur, and, upon finishing up, I decided I needed some coffee and headed for the kitchen. Alessandra followed, and, as we passed through the living room, I discovered Ricardo, Julio, and Isabella all naked and entwined on the futon. The mystery was deepening. I went into the kitchen, made a pot of my favorite morning beverage, and quietly waited as it brewed—all the while abstaining from speaking another word until I had some coffee in my system. It finally finished, and I grabbed two cups from the cupboard.
“Coffee?” I asked.
“Love some,” she said, a bit curtly.
I poured two cups, added cream, and took a sip and instantly felt better. Now that I had my morning medicine, we took a seat at the kitchen table, and I had the distinct feeling that I was about to be harshly interrogated.
“OK then, care to elaborate on what the hell happened last night?” she asked.
“Sure, but just give me a second to try and replay it all in my head.”
I thought back to the bar and decided to work my way backwards by starting with the final pitcher of margaritas. Before that was the fight, and before that I had watched as the frat-apes dosed the girl’s glasses with pills. There was only one unusual lapse in our surveillance, and it had occurred as a result of the group of people that walked by and temporarily blocked my view. The pitcher was there on the table, but I assumed the assholes wouldn’t bother to dose it for fear of dosing themselves. I, therefore, mentally fast forwarded to our arrival at the table and realized that Paul hadn’t yet bothered to refill the guy’s glasses. Holy shit, he must have dosed both the girl’s glasses and the pitcher in the hopes that he would be able to increase the amount of the drug if the girls didn’t react strongly enough from their initial drinks. What a shit fucker!
“We fucking got drugged at the bar,” I said.
“Seriously?”
“Afraid so.”
“How?”
“Well—three asshole frat boys from USC tried to roofie your female grad students, and, while I initially kept the girls from drinking the tainted alcohol, it turned out that all six of us ended up getting roofied when we drank from the remaining pitcher, which I didn’t see get dosed, as the bar was crowded, and my perception was obviously a little thrown off by the fight.”
“So, you got into a fight as well?”
“Yeah, with the frat-apes. They were pretty pissed off that I kept them from drugging and scoring with your sister and the others, and the only way to deal with them was by using a little bit of force.”
This news seemed to make Alessandra look a bit uneasy.
“How much force are we talking about here?” she asked.
“Oh, not much, as it was just a bit of kitten play.”
“Good, because technically you’re my responsibility, and I’m supposed to be helping you and, more importantly, keeping you out of trouble, but
, somehow, on your first night in Costa Rica, you’ve already been involved in two physical altercations and a sex party.”
“At least I’ll never get accused of being boring.”
“True, but it doesn’t mean you couldn’t be accused of being a sexual deviant.”
“For the record, I left everyone in the living room and went to bed very much alone and believed the three-way had all been a crazy dream—at least until you woke me up, and I saw Stephania and Carina lying beside me.”
As she considered my words, we sipped our coffee in awkward silence, and I took a quick look around the apartment to survey the damage. Everything looked pretty much in order except for the three naked grad students splayed out on the futon. Sweet Jesus, what kind of Rohypnol did we consume?
“What do we do now?” I asked.
“Get them cleaned up and on their way. We have a big day ahead.”
I gathered the guys, and Alessandra saw to the girls, and, thirty minutes later, everyone was dressed and gathered by the door. Before we said our goodbyes, I leaned in and whispered softly to Stephania and Carina.
“Do you two remember much of last night?”
The two girls looked at each other and smiled before turning to me.
“You seriously don’t remember anything?” Stephania asked.
“I remember a bit, but I thought it was all an amazing dream.”
“It was amazing all right,”Stephania said.
“Yeah, though it wasn’t a dream,” Carina added before she and Stephania each kissed me on the cheek then headed out the door.
Sweet Jesus! I’d had my first threesome, and I could barely even remember it. As I stood there contemplating their parting words, Felicia, Ricardo, and Julio headed out the door, but Ricardo paused at the last second.
“Just so you know—your secret is safe with us, Mr. Bond,” Ricardo said, with a wink.
He stepped outside and closed the door, and, now that they had all gone, it was time to get to work, and first and foremost was calling Greaves. I dialed and reached his assistant and was then transferred to his personal line.
“Morning, Finn, did I miss anything fun last night?” he asked.
“You have no idea.”
“Oh—do tell.”
“Well, the first major event was when three USC frat brothers tried to roofie the girls, and I ended up in a minor bar tussle, though that was nowhere near as exciting as when we all unknowingly drank from one of the tainted pitchers, and then later in the night, two of the girls ended up taking advantage of me in a drug induced ménage à trois.”
“No fucking way!”
“Way, I’m afraid.”
“You don’t sound that enthusiastic.”
“In spite of the obvious fun, things got a bit awkward when I was awakened by the big sister of one the girls I had sex with—while the little sister was still beside me—along with her friend.”
“How exactly do I get into the private investigation business?” he asked.
“Surrender your dignity and resolve yourself to a life of poverty.”
“I’m in,” he said.
We shared a chuckle, then it was time to get down to business.
“So, where are you going to start your investigation?” he asked.
“Well, we’re going to leave the campus in about forty-five minutes and head up to the mysterious Chalupa ruins.”
“I suppose I don’t have to tell you to be careful up there, as we don’t need another missing American.”
“I’ll try and stay the hell away from any ghost kings or their evil minions.”
“Good, and you’ll also be glad to hear that I got you a meeting with Lars Ortega Von Träger tomorrow.”
“You work fast.”
“I do, and better still, you get to meet at his country estate. It’s quite a place and not far from Chalupa.”
“How convenient.”
“Yeah, but be sure and check in periodically, so that I know you’re still alive and well.”
“I will, and speaking of which, can I reach you through the Embassy after work hours?” I asked.
“That’s a good point. I’ll give you my cell number and email.”
He relayed me his contact details, and I put them to memory.
“Thanks. That should do it. I’ll call you tomorrow,” I said, before hitting the end button.
I took a sip of coffee and wondered what I was going to have for breakfast. No sooner had the thought crossed my mind than Alessandra pulled out all the makings for a typical Costa Rican breakfast, and fifteen minutes later we were eating a lovely meal of scrambled eggs, rice, beans, and salsa with tortillas on the side, which was a bit like having breakfast burritos in kit form. After several long minutes of quiet eating, I decided it was about time to clear the air.
“Alessandra, I’m really sorry about what happened with your sister and the other grad students last night.”
“It’s OK. Stephania told me about the bar and what happened later. I suppose I can’t blame you for any of that. In fact, I should be the one apologizing. My sister, as I said, can be a bit of a wild child.”
“So, does she remember exactly what happened between us?”
“Oh yeah.”
“Care to share?” I asked.
“You seriously don’t remember?”
“Not entirely, as it’s still a little fuzzy.”
She smiled knowingly.
“Well, according to my sister, she and Carina went into your room and completely took advantage of you.”
I couldn’t help but smile.
“I may not entirely remember it all, but I have a feeling I’ll never forget it.”
“Yeah, and I’m pretty certain my sister and Carina won’t ever forget it either.”
Sweet Lord! This had been one hell of a start to my Costa Rican adventure, so God only knew what lay ahead. We finished breakfast, then I excused myself to get ready, as I was desperate to shit, shower, and shave. I grabbed fresh clothes and adjourned to the bathroom and was ever careful to lock the door and thus avoid bringing about some kind of horrific catastrophe. I dropped onto the pot and found myself ruminating about the night before, though I made a point of avoiding any thoughts of the dreamy three way for fear that it would send a rush of blood to my gentleman region. A semi was counter productive to a decent dump, so I focused instead on my brief introduction to the history of Chalupa and all the superstitious mumbo jumbo I had learned from the grad students. What were the fucking odds I’d potentially be up against a marauding ghost king and his army of half-man, half-beast demon creatures? But, what was an ancient ruin without such colorful residents? I suppose—just a ruin.
My dump was nearly at an end, and I decided to do a preliminary courtesy flush in order to make sure my gentle poops made a clean escape. I hit the lever, and the cool waters of my commode swirled away beneath me, but, as I was about to reach for the toilet paper to conclude my proceedings, the door inexplicably opened, and in walked Alessandra. I panicked and jerked back so hard that I knocked the toilet handle lever off, and, as I tried to catch it, I inadvertently sent it flying. Mother of goats! I looked to see where the handle had landed and spied it on the far side of the room, where it was resting directly beside Alessandra’s left foot. Wonderful. She saw the panic in my expression and let out a little laugh before she spoke.
“Are you OK? You look a little spooked,” she said.
“Yeah, because I’m on the fucking toilet here!”
“Sorry, but I just needed some tissue, and, since the door was unlocked, I figured you weren’t doing anything too important,” she said, grabbing one from the box on the counter.
“I’m pretty sure I locked it.”
“I’m pretty sure you didn’t, as I’m in here right now.”
She took a second to look in the mirror then removed an errant eyelash.
“Um—hello? Do you mind leaving me in peace, so I can finish up?”
She laughed yet aga
in.
“If it makes you feel any better, I’ve spent three months straight on digs where all we had for a bathroom was a bucket and a cheap plastic shower curtain, so, believe me, there isn’t anything that can phase me when it comes to bodily functions.”
“I appreciate your candor, but we’re hardly more than strangers, and I’m not exaggerating when I say that it has sometimes taken months before I was even able to breach the body function stage with a woman to whom I was romantically inclined.”
“Well, then I guess it’s a good thing we’re not romantically inclined.”
“Yet,” I said.
She smiled.
“Nice try.”
Oh well, it was fun to flirt a little with Hot Sauce, but it really wasn’t the right time to pursue a member of the opposite sex, considering the fact that I was perched on a fucking toilet.
“Look, I really just need some alone time to finish up here.”
“No problem, I’ll be outside.”
She left, and I spent a full minute focussing my breathing in hopes of getting my heart rate back to normal. What was it about women always walking in on me while I was on the toilet? It’s almost as though they had some kind of primal instinct—as though they were predators preying on the member of the herd who was the most vulnerable or in a weakened state. Just as I was about to get up and make a dash for the handle, the door opened yet again, and she walked back into the room.
“Oh, sorry to intrude again, but I realized you’d be needing this,” she said, as she reached down, grabbed the handle, and tossed it over.
“Thanks,” I said, as I caught it.
“You’re welcome, now I promise not to bother you again.”
She stepped out of the bathroom, closed the door behind her, and thankfully left me in peace. I reattached the lever, wiped, then flushed the toilet before entering the shower to take solace in the familiarity of its embrace. A shower was a shower regardless of where you were in the world, and that was the kind of comforting I needed at the moment. I applied shampoo, soap, then rinsed off and got dressed and decided to take a look at the lock on the bathroom door. I quickly discovered the problem was that the door was slightly off kilter and required a mild lift to get the lock mechanism to fully seat into the well on the frame. Without that in place, it would appear locked but would open with little more than a stiff breeze. It was a typical and easily overlooked detail that I would program into my mental bathroom disasters preparedness manual. Finished in my holy sanctuary, I rejoined the queen of dumpus-interruptus and suddenly had a thought.
The Chalupa Conundrum Page 13