by Shari Ryan
“You two are an inspiration,” Jean says. “I want you to know that. The two of you hold this fairytale story that makes people ooh and ahh. You hold strength and courage, determination, love, and that is what’s given you the motivation to work through your issues in life. You have had every odd held against you, yet, here you are, coming out on the other side with your heads held high.” Jean lifts her yellow notepad and pen from her lap and twists around in her seat to place it on her mahogany desk behind her. Then, she leans forward to shake my hand. “I wish certain people received awards for their accomplishments, Dani. Your story is incredible, and you should share it with whoever will listen. I’m proud to tell you that you don’t need to see me anymore, and I hope for nothing but the very best for both of you in your coming years.”
I know what she’s about to say, but the only words I hear are, “I now pronounce you: husband and wife.”
TEN YEARS AGO - I WAS 20 YEARS OLD
I didn’t want anything big. When I was younger, I dreamt of a fairytale wedding with all the fixings. I also imagined my dad walking me down the aisle, a father-daughter dance, and my husband dancing with his mom at the same time. None of that was a possibility, so a typical wedding was no longer what I imagined.
Instead, we went to St. John in the US Virgin Islands. There were twelve guests, and it was perfect.
Lexi was more nervous than I was, pacing around the bridal suite inside the resort. “You’re going to make me crazy if you don’t stop freaking out,” I told her.
“You—you look so gorgeous, and I want everything to be perfect, and they haven’t brought me the flower petals, and if they don’t bring them in the next five minutes, I’m going ...” Lexi pokes her head out the door, “scream about not having the flower petals,” she shouted.
“Lex, relax. It’s fine. Everything is fine,” I told her.
“Why are you so calm?” she asked.
“I’m getting married today,” I tell her. My answer is simple, but it’s true.
“I don’t know how you guys made this work so perfectly, but I hope my life ends up like yours does someday,” she tells me.
The door to the bridal suite opens, and an employee of the resort is holding a basket of flowers. “It’s about time,” Lexi scolded the woman.
“I’m so sorry for the delay,” she apologized.
“It’s fine. You’re amazing. Never stop being you,” Lexi tells her.
Lexi.
“Are we ready?” I ask her.
“I’m not ready,” Mom cries.
She’s been staring out the window for the last five minutes.
“Mom, I’m not leaving you. You’re just gaining a son-in-law.”
She pinched her lips together and pressed a tissue up to her nose. “I’m so thankful for this day,” she says.
“Don’t make me cry!” I shouted at her.
Marcy wrapped her arm around Mom’s shoulder. “Come on, Carly. You’re the mother of the bride. You can’t smudge your makeup either. Plus, we need to get seated.”
Marcy and Mom walked over, and both kissed me on the cheek. “We’re all about to become a family,” Marcy says.
I breathed in and out slowly, trying not to let my emotions get the best of me. The room cleared out except for Lexi because she’s the maid of honor and was walking down just before me.
“Ready?” she asks.
“More than I’ll ever be.”
She took my hand, and we walked out into the hall where the wedding coordinator was waiting for us. I heard music playing. It was the soft ballad Layne refused to share with me before recording it in the studio. He named it, “Dani’s Song.” He gave me a song. It has the words, “Will you marry me?” written into it.
I didn’t hear it for the first time until it was on the radio. He told me when I heard the song the first time that I’d have to answer his question. We were in the car, driving to dinner, and it played. The song ended, and I screamed yes. It was the best proposal because I never imagined it happening like that.
When we turned the corner out of the bridal suite, nearing the white-coated aisle, Johnny, Devon, and Sal were waiting in tuxedos, lined up, and their hands clasped in front of their waists. All of them chopped their hair and removed their piercings. “Wow, look at you guys,” I told them.
“We clean up well,” Johnny said.
“Well, I do,” Sal, replied, straightening his jacket.
“You guys look like tools,” Devon told them.
“May I?” Johnny asked Lexi, holding his arm out for her to hold.
“You may,” she said, beaming.
“We know you wanted to walk down the aisle alone,” Sal told me.
“But, we won’t let you,” Devon continued. “Layne has been our brother, and now you’re our sister, and we’ll always be here for you, especially right now.”
A tear fell, and I tried to catch it before it streaked down my face. Sal reached over with a handkerchief, but didn’t let me take it. “Put your hands down,” he said, wiping the tear away with a gentle touch. “Come on, sweetheart. Let’s get you married to the greatest man on earth.”
“He really is,” I cried out with a sniffle.
Devon and Sal walked me down the aisle toward Layne. He was dressed sharply in a tuxedo, his hair was slicked back, and the smile on his face—it was for me. “You two are going to have an amazing life together,” Sal tells us, handing me over to Layne.
“Thanks, bro,” Layne told him.
“You’re a lucky man,” Devon told him.
Aly had been with Layne the last few hours so I could get ready and I know he handed her off to Mom when she sat down, but Aly is doing her best to roll off Mom’s lap. “Mama,” she yelled.
“It’s okay, Mom,” I tell her, reaching my hands out for Aly.
“He gets both of us today,” I said as Aly jumped into my arms.
“Dani,” Layne said before the minister started speaking. “Can I just say, I do?”
“I do too,” I tell him.
“It doesn’t work like that, folks,” the Minister interrupted.
It worked that way for us. We allowed the Minister to perform the ceremony perfectly, but we became a family on our terms.
CURRENT DAY - 30 Years Old
Relief fills my body from my toes to my head, it’s a warmth I’ve craved for so long, and now, I have it. “Thank you, Jean.”
Jean reaches over to Layne next, “And you, Layne, you are an exemplary case of a supporting spouse. I have seen many couples come in and out of my house through bouts of sickness or worse, and I’ve watched a lot of them give up on trying. You, however, fought for what you wanted and did more than expected from you. You went above and beyond for Dani on so many occasions I lost count. She is a lucky woman to have you as a husband and a partner. I hope you know that.”
“I’m the lucky one,” Layne says. “Trust me.”
“Well then,” Jean says. “You two are free to go, and I hope I never have to see you again.”
“Thank you,” Layne, and I mirror each other’s words.
The appointment shined a lot of light onto our lives. It was like a marriage renewal of sorts, and I feel like we have another chance, which we do, in a sense.
“Wow, I feel like we graduated with honors,” Layne says as we slip into the Jeep Cherokee.
“I’m so glad we don’t have to go anymore, and I’m even more glad you wore your lucky shoes. Thanks for doing that. Those things haven’t let us down yet, have they?”
“You noticed?” he asks.
“I notice everything,” I respond with laughter. “Thank you for being my husband, my best friend, and everything I’ve ever needed. Just in case I don’t tell you enough,” I say.
“You tell me in more ways than you know, Dani.”
We’re both complacent and humming to music on the ride home. We’ve been letting Aly get a ride from her friend’s mom a couple of days a week, and now that she’s fourteen, she’s a
llowed to stay home alone as long as the house alarm is on while we’re gone. She’s shown us a lot of responsibility and maturity these past few months, so this is our way of telling her we trust her.
We walk into the house and punch the code into the alarm system to disarm it, but when the beeping sound goes away, music sounds in its replacement. “Is she down in the basement?”
“Yeah, I think so,” Layne responds.
“She’s listening to Shattered Stars,” I tell him, chuckling at how cute it is that she’s become so enamored with Layne’s music over the last few months.
Layne places his hand up, stopping me from taking another step. “Hang on a second.”
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“That’s not me playing. She’s not listening to the song.”
“What are you talking about?”
Layne takes my hand and tugs me toward the basement door. We saunter down the steps until we have a view of Aly playing Layne’s guitar, singing into the mic he set up to use. Aly is singing Shattered Stars. Everything in my face tingles and my eyes immediately well up with tears. “Did you teach her that?” I whisper into his ear.
“No, baby. I’ve been teaching her beginner chords on the guitar.” Layne pulls me back up the stairs and closes the door gently.
“Layne, she’s incredible. She must get her talent from you,” I tell him. I say it without thinking my comment through because usually when someone says that to another person it’s because they share the same DNA.
“I’m not sure that’s possible, Dani,” he says, laughing.
“Sure it is. You’ve raised her too. She’s a part of you.”
“God, I’m so damn proud of her. Our little girl, listen to her, Dani.”
“I know. I hear it. She’s amazing.”
“I don’t think she wants us to know she’s playing this.”
“Why?”
“Trust me, okay?” he says.
“You always say that, and you’re always keeping secret surprises from me. What are you hiding now?” I flap my hand into his chest, walking back toward the basement door.
“No, no. Just hold on,” Layne says.
He walks back over to the front door, opens it and slams it, loud enough to rumble the house. The music from downstairs stops instantly, and it’s clear she doesn’t want us to know what she’s playing. Aly’s feet stomp up the stairs, and she’s up in the kitchen within seconds. “Hey guys,” she says, closing the basement door behind her, breathless. “I was just looking for the guitar strings, Dad. You said you had extras in your case downstairs, right?”
She had this whole thing planned. I want to know what she’s doing.
“Yeah, I’ll grab one for you, kiddo. Bring your guitar downstairs, and I’ll fix it up for you, okay?”
“Thanks, Dad. Oh, how did your appointment go?”
“We graduated,” I tell her.
“Thank God. You two aren’t allowed to get divorced.”
“We were never getting divorced,” Layne tells her. “What made you think that?”
“I don’t know, ask Aunt Lexi.”
Layne and I give each other a look of confusion, and I’m not sure I want to know what Aly knows or what she’s assumed on her own, but I better have a word or two with Lexi.
“I’m gonna take a quick ride down the street. I’ll be back in a bit, okay?” I tell Layne. He knows, by the way I’m speaking and the probable look on my face that I’m going to Lexi’s house.
Layne grabs keys hanging off the key ring hook behind him and tosses them over to me. “I’ll start dinner in a bit,” he says.
I hop into the car and adjust the mirror, catching a quick glance at my reflection. I can almost see a smile appearing in place of my frown lines.
With the radio turned up, I make my way the few miles to Lexi’s house, finding her car in the driveway. She’s usually home around this time, so I figured she’d be here.
I rap my knuckles against the door and twist the knob while announcing my entrance. No one is on the first floor of their open concept house, but I know Lexi spends a lot of time upstairs in her office, which is across from the twins’ playroom.
“Lex?” I shout. I hear a scurrying noise upstairs, but I don’t let it stop me from heading up there. “Hellooo.”
A chair rolls across the floor and slams into a wall, or so it sounds. What the heck is she doing? She does bookkeeping for a few small businesses in-between taking care of her twin girls and thirteen-month-old son, who are all very quiet at the moment.
I find Lexi sitting at her desk, her hand propping up her cheek and headphones covering her ears to block on the sound. She doesn’t wear headphones when she’s home alone with the kids, who are shockingly playing nicely with Legos in the playroom across the hall. It usually sounds like a zoo in here. No judgment though. I remember the days even though it was just Aly.
I wave my hand around to get her attention, hoping not to startle her. She jumps anyway and takes off her headphones. “Oh my gosh, I didn’t hear you come inside.” Liar, liar, I want to say.
She immediately turns her gaze back to the computer screen, cupping her hand over her forehead, but it’s too late. I saw the red stains in her eyes. “Why are you crying?”
“Why are you crying?” she asks me in return.
“I’m not crying,” I respond.
“Is everything okay?” she asks.
“I was about to ask you the same question.”
“I saw Aly at school today when I was picking Nicky up at preschool.” That explains when they spoke. “She was getting in some chick’s car, and I didn’t recognize her so, obviously, I asked her a million questions, which led to her confessing you and Layne were at the marriage counselor again.”
“Is that when you told her we might get divorced?” I keep the snide feeling of the question to myself because Aly has a tendency to exaggerate and I don’t know what to accuse Lexi of anything until I find out what really happened.
“What?” She sounds sincerely confused. “Did she say that?”
“Yeah, pretty much,” I tell her.
“That twerp.”
I’m used to the relationship between Aly and Lexi. The two of them have more or less grown up together. Lexi wasn’t forced to act like an adult at sixteen like I was, so naturally, she spent her following years being a teenager. By the time she was ready to grow up, Aly was a tween, and they were having teen-girl arguments. They love each other though. Lexi is kind of like her over-the-top cool aunt, so we call her Aunt Lexi.
“So, what happened?” I ask her.
“She told me where you were, and I told her it was good for you guys to make sure everything was smooth sailing while you recover. I said not everyone who goes into marriage counseling ends up divorced, so there’s no need to worry.”
“Aly only heard one-word of that, I guess. It’s probably best not to mention the ‘d’ word to her.”
“Sorry, I wasn’t thinking straight,” she says, tussling her newly cut red bob from side to side.
“Why is divorce on your mind, Lex?” I’m not stupid. Lexi is an open book that I can easily read backward and upside down thanks to the words being so big and bold.
“No reason,” she says, placing her fingernail between her teeth.
“Lexi, listen to me. You and Johnny are going through a rough patch. It happens, okay? We all have our moments. That man loves you with all his heart. I know he’s been quiet lately, but you’ve been wrapped up with three kids and a part-time job. That’s a lot.”
“He slept on the couch last night, Dan. That’s never happened before today.”
“Why did he do that?”
“He said he fell asleep.”
I shrug with a half-smile. “There’s a good chance he did. Nicky hardly ever sleeps. Plus, if he didn’t just fall asleep, I might assume he was just trying to get out of a midnight feeding with Nicky. Men do that sometimes.”
“I don’t know. He’s been
acting so strange lately.”
“And you’re thinking about marriage counseling?”
“It’s like you know the inside of my brain,” she sighs.
“Pretty much.”
I grab a pen from her desk and a piece of computer paper, then write down Jean’s name. “She put up with a lot of my shit, but honestly helped us a lot. I highly recommend this one.”
“What’s her divorce ratio?” Lexi asks.
“Are these the thoughts going through your head?”
“Yes, Dani. Divorce is real, and I can’t raise these three kids on my own. Plus, I love Johnny. He’s my one. I want to make sure I’m still his, you know?
“You should tell him to give Layne a call. Maybe some guy time would do them good. Layne can talk to him.”
“He would?” Lexi asks.
“Of course. You know Layne, he doesn’t keep to himself and has a hard time minding his own business.”
“True,” she says. “Okay, I’ll tell him to do that. Maybe have Layne call him to make plans first.”
“I’ll do that. But first, I’m going downstairs to do the dishes in your sink, and I’m going to empty your trash bin that’s overflowing, and I’ll even fold that load of laundry scattered across your couch.”
“Oh my gosh, my Dani is back.”
“I never went anywhere. I was just a little lost in my own world there for a second.”
“And Fight Club. Don’t forget that.”
“Right.”
I twist on my heels to leave the room, but Lexi stops me. “Dani, wait,” she says.
“What’s up?”
“I’m really proud of you. I don’t tell you enough. You’ve been to hell and back and I look up to you guys. If you pulled through the past couple of years, I think Johnny and I will be okay in the end too. You give me hope.”