Sarah began to laugh until tears were streaming down her eyes. And then, the laughter ceased and she began to cry in earnest.
"Shh." Frost pulled Sarah close as a cadre of servants led by Wilson, descended upon the study after hearing the scuffle. "It is alright, Sarah. Everything will be well. Trust me. Hodge shall never bother you again."
"But...but...but Rayne is gone," she sniffed, hating how pitiful she sounded. "I know I hurt him last night when he saw me with Daniel, but I was turning down the marquess' offer of marriage. I thought Rayne knew that. He said that he did. We...we..."
Frost only hugged her tighter. "I know, Sarah. He knows. He would not have..." Then he cleared his throat, embarrassed and unable to say anything more. "Let's just say that Rayne would not have kept you out all night if he did not understand."
"But why?" For truly, Sarah could not comprehend why Rayne had not been there beside her when she had awoken that morning.
As the servants removed the now groaning baron, Frost urged Sarah back to the settee. "Rayne has a very peculiar notion of love, my dear sister. You know this. He has been left or abandoned so many times that now, he prefers to be the one to leave and do the hurting rather than being the one to feel the hurt. It is his way of protecting himself."
"But I told the idiot that I love him," Sarah grumbled, her usual spunk beginning to return. "I said that I had turned down Daniel's offer for me. Rayne must know that I am telling the truth."
Frost rubbed at his eyes, clearly exhausted. "I am certain he does, sweeting, but last night, Rayne saw you kissing another man. You did not mean for your actions to hurt him, but they did. And I am certain that in the back of Rayne's mind, he now wonders how long it will be before you do such a thing again. Did you explain that you were telling Lord Lansdale no?"
"I...did." Sarah pursed her lips. "I am not certain I ever got around to telling him about the specifics, however. Nor why I kissed Daniel."
"Then tell him again," Frost urged quietly. "Explain yourself a thousand times over if necessary. Because until you do so to Rayne's satisfaction, in his mind, you are already with one foot out the door, ready to run away from him. Just as so many others have done over the years. Everyone he has ever loved, in truth."
Frost sighed again and closed his eyes. "Rayne has been in love with you since you were both children, Sarah. If you were another woman? One he had not known nearly all of his life? Then he might be more willing to take a chance and give away his heart. But this is you. And unlike other women, you alone have the power to destroy him so very easily. If he were to take you to wife, and you were to try to leave him or take a lover? That would be the end of him. His love for you is that deep, even if he has not said as much. Losing you would destroy him. And he knows that. Couple that with his belief that I would object to his courtship of you, and I am certain he thought he was doing the right thing. For both of you."
Sarah swallowed hard. She knew she should have tried harder last night to explain herself. But Rayne hadn't wanted to hear her words, and she had not tried very hard to say them. Instead, he had kissed her, and, like the fool for him that she was, she had melted into his arms. And into his bed.
"However did you get to be so intelligent?" Sarah asked as she leaned into her brother, grateful for his support.
"Years of practice," he retorted, a small smile twisting his lips. "And I do mean years." Then he sobered. "We will find him, Sarah. We have an entire house full of help, including two of the best that Bow Street has to offer. There are only so many places he can go to hide. You will have your second chance. And when you do get that chance? Please make certain that he knows I approve of the match. If he is certain of that, then the rest will fall in line."
She nodded. "You are a wonderful brother, Robert. Did you know that?"
Frost kissed the top of her head as he grinned. "I know." Then he settled Sarah more fully against him. "But for now? Rest. I think the both of us need it before we go on blundering about like fools in the dark. Rayne will wait for you. There is time."
Sarah wanted to protest but she felt her eyelids getting heavy as the early morning heat combined with the heat from her brother's body and curled around them both. He hadn't said as much but she knew Frost had been waiting for her this morning. Likely, he had put Lavinia to bed and then waited up all night.
Sarah didn't deserve such an understanding family. Nor did she deserve a man like Rayne. Still, she loved him, and she was going to do everything in her power to get him back. The only other option she was willing to consider for her future was marrying Lord Lansdale, and she did not want to agree to such a thing just yet. At least not until she pleaded her case to Rayne one last time. She could only hope and pray that he would listen. And that he would forgive her.
Chapter Twenty-One
Town Tattler
Yes, once more I have broken my promise to you, dear and faithful readers. I swore I would not pen another word until the Little Season is finally upon us. However, there is a development of note that simply cannot be allowed to pass unremarked upon. Our beloved Earl of Heartbreak has vanished!
Rumors regarding his whereabouts abound, of course, but one thing is for certain. He was last seen four days ago on the back lawn of Hallowby Grange heading off into the darkness. I am told he seemed angry and perhaps he was. After all, it is not every day that London's most notorious rake and confirmed bachelor falls in love.
Will the earl accept his fate, as most men of his station eventually do, and settle into matrimonial bliss? Or will he continue to resist and hide out, praying that his lady love never finds him again? As if that is even likely, for they both move in the same social circles. Time will tell, I suppose, though if I was a betting woman (and I most assuredly am not!) I would place my money on Lady Sarah Tillsbury. She has never been the shy and retiring sort before. Why should she start to be now?
I am also pleased to report that Lady Pearl Weston is scheduled to make her much-delayed debut next Season with the help of Lady Sarah. Will the woman still be known as a Tillsbury then or will she be a Bexley? Or, if she cannot bring the earl up to scratch, is there even a remote possibility that Lady Sarah will be a Weston herself? I am told that an offer of marriage was extended though I am also told that the offer was declined - for now. After all, our new Marquess of Lansdale is, for all intents and purposes, an American and I understand that they do things quite differently on that side of the Atlantic. Including waiting for brides. And allowing a woman to plot her own course in life - including whom she marries!
The future brings changes, my dear readers. Large ones. Who will thrive, who will merely survive and who will fall behind? Only time will tell, I suppose.
-Madame C
Four days. It had been four very long days since Rayne had risen just before dawn and fled the summerhouse at Hallowby Grange, leaving Sarah - and his heart - behind. There also wasn't a minute that went by that Rayne didn't regret his actions to some degree. He had been foolish and stupid once again. Even though at the time, it seemed to him as if he was making the correct decision.
Now, with time to reflect upon his choices, he knew that he had not. He should have stayed. He should have fought for her.
He loved Sarah. Despite everything, she loved him in return. She had chosen to come after him that night, not run back to Lansdale when she could have so easily done just that. But she didn't love Lansdale. She loved him - Brook Bexley. More fool her then he supposed, but she did anyway. At least Rayne still hoped that she did.
Because once again, he had screwed up. Rather royally this time. Perhaps to the point where the damage he had done to whatever lay between them could not be undone. It was not quite as bad as when, despite warnings from all of his friends, he had taken Marietta Crestwood as his mistress and she had turned out to be nothing more than a delusional, title grasping whore who had made Sarah's life miserable for a time. No, this wasn't quite that bad, he decided. But it was close.
For a mo
ment back at the summerhouse, Rayne had considered shaking Sarah awake as the dawn broke, taking her one last time and then dragging her back to the manor house so that they could confront Frost when he awoke. It had been a hazy dream, one Rayne thought he might finally be able to reach out and snag. Then, the old fears had crept back in, making him wonder and worry. Especially about Frost.
The man did not want his friends sniffing around his sister let alone courting her. He had stated as much for years. What part of that was unclear? None. More to the point, what about Sarah? She said that she loved him, but what about Lansdale? She had been kissing him after all. She said that she was saying good-bye to the man, but was that true? Or was it true for now and then, in time, she would come to realize that she had made a mistake by choosing Rayne, a rather disreputable earl, over the almost-too-perfect-to-be-real marquess?
All of those questions and more had flown through his brain that morning. So Rayne had done the only thing he knew how to do. He had run - from the one and only woman who had ever loved him. And likely the only one who ever would.
He regretted those actions now. In fact, he had regretted them the moment he had requested that Mercury be saddled and sent word to Aversely to pack his things and send them on to Oakwood where he hoped to hide out until this entire mess blew over.
Given the article from Madame C. in that morning's edition of the Town Tattler, unfortunately this mess would not blow over any time soon. In fact, it was likely to drag on until next season, especially if that blasted gossip had anything to do with matters. She was all but declaring Lady Pearl the next One, and Sarah the silly chit's sponsor.
The woman also had Sarah all but married to the marquess by the beginning of next season. That might not be so bad. After all, Lansdale cared for Sarah, and she seemed to like his company as well. He was also not a friend of Frost's, so he would be an acceptable suitor. He would also be good to Sarah, unlike Baron Hodge.
Hodge. Just the thought of the man made Rayne's blood run cold. What if Sarah refused to wed Lansdale? Would the baron still come after her? He was persistent after all and once more as he lay in bed, Rayne considered going back and begging forgiveness. If he would even be allowed in past the front door.
Still, Rayne had made his decision where Sarah was concerned and he was determined to stick to it. He had done the right thing. The correct thing for her. No matter how much it hurt him. He also had no right to ask her to forgive him. He didn't deserve it.
Finally mustering up the strength to push himself out of bed, Rayne wondered if he hadn't made a mistake in sending Aversely on to Fieldown as well. He didn't need help dressing, certainly. Rayne had been performing that task by himself for years now. Rather, the valet was only supposed to be delivering a message to Rayne's mother, but what if the man let slip where Rayne was hiding out? Then his mother would likely descend upon Oakwood with a gaggle of women trailing behind her in a giggling cloud of silks and jewels, all ready to snag themselves an earl. After all, the house party at Fieldown was to continue for another three days yet, the packs of women moving in and out of his estate like interchangeable wheels on a carriage.
In his self-imposed seclusion, Rayne had, however, come to the decision that next summer, his mother would have to make do with hosting her annual house party at Oakwood. And perhaps downsizing things a bit. She had many friends, that much was true, but she could limit the guest list - and not have one long-running party for nearly three weeks where guests came and went at their leisure. He wanted his home back and perhaps Frost had been correct when he said that the aging countess would be amenable to change. Rayne hoped so anyway. He was tired of being kept from his own home each summer.
Plucking his banyan from a nearby chair, Rayne shrugged into the garment and decided to see if Mrs. Booth, the small estate's cook and housekeeper, had breakfast ready yet. She was not accustomed to him being in residence without a fair bit of warning and his unannounced arrival a few days ago had sent her into something of an uproar. After four days, he would have thought she would have adjusted to his presence, but as of yet, she still seemed to be flustered whenever he asked for something as simple as a piece of toast.
Rayne was about to pour some water into the wash basin when he heard the rustle of what sounded very much like silk behind him. He froze, wondering what sort of fresh hell was about to be unleashed upon him.
"I liked it better when you were unclothed."
Rayne stood up straight, careful to school his face into an impassive mask before he turned around. He didn't want her to notice how almost desperately happy he was to see her. "Sarah. You being here is dangerous for both of us. I really must demand that you leave. Nothing good can come of this if we are caught out. You should not be here."
Especially not alone and especially not looking all mussed, as if she had just been thoroughly bedded. And certainly not wearing one of the exotic silk gowns that he had purchased for her in a fit of madness back in Persia and hidden in the summerhouse, both hoping and not that she would find them some day. Even now, he wasn't certain how she had located them, but there was a part of him that was very glad she had.
"I woke up and you were gone." Sarah's face was all but blank as she took another step into the room, her soft slippers making very little sound across the Persian carpets. For his chambers here at Oakwood were very much like those in the summerhouse, done in the same jewel-like tones and with the same Persian influenced furnishings. It was a place where Rayne could retreat and think of Sarah. Dream of her. Wish that she was there with him to fulfill his every fantasy.
Now she actually was here and his entire world was upended once more. He really didn't think that was very fair. After all, he had been plagued by memories of her for days. Now she stood before him looking utterly calm and completely dispassionate, as if she hadn't a care in the world.
"I am sorry, Sarah, but it was for the best." Rayne cinched the belt on his robe tighter. He would not give in, not on this. "And why are you even here? How are you even here? If your brother discovers you have gone from Hallowby to come here, he will kill us both!"
Unsurprisingly, Sarah didn't answer him. Instead, she simply took two more steps into his bedchamber as she plucked at the skirt of the gown she wore. It was a magnificent creation, half Persian in design and half English. The luxurious fabric draped and flowed beautifully over her body, just as he had suspected it would, and yet somehow still managed to display her curves and her breasts to their best effect. Rayne should never had purchased that gown, a creation of deep purple silk that made his cock ache with the very thought of seeing her in it - as it did right at this very moment. Nor should he have purchased the other three. And if he had still done those very foolish things, he certainly shouldn't have placed those same gowns in a carved wooden trunk in the summerhouse at Hallowby where Sarah could find them if she looked hard enough.
Except that it occurred to him then that, in some way, he wanted her to find them. It was a way of declaring himself without actually saying the words. Perhaps he was not so intelligent as he thought after all. Perhaps he truly was the bloody idiot Sarah routinely proclaimed him to be.
"Strangely, I found this in the summerhouse," Sarah said as she continued to saunter into his room until she was but three or four steps away from him. Close enough to touch. And acting as if she had not heard a word he had said about her presence in his bedchamber. "Odd that there are women's gowns in precisely my size and the colors I favor hidden among the other trunks containing your treasures, don't you think?" She smoothed a hand over the skirt. "Or perhaps not so odd. Not if you wanted me to find them. Wanted me to know they were for me. For I am certain none of those garments would fit Dory or Aurelia."
She was clever, his Sarah.
"I can explain, if you would but allow me." Even though Rayne had no idea what he would say. Or if he even had enough of a brain left to form words of any sort.
"Or you can finally admit that you love me and likely have
for a very long time." She quirked an eyebrow at him. "Perhaps even for as long as I have loved you." Those were not questions. They were statements.
Rayne swallowed hard. It would be easy enough to claim ignorance he supposed, but it would also be the coward's way out. Being honest with her would take far more courage than he had displayed thus far. Even now, the old Rayne wanted to run, just as he had so many times before. He wanted to lie and say he did not care, just as he had with all of those other women.
However this was Sarah. She was different. He could not lie to her about something as important as this. For he understood that this was his last chance. If he sent her away now, she would not come back. Likely, she would head straight to Lansdale and his offer of marriage. That would be no less than Rayne deserved. The very thought of her with the marquess made him ill.
He needed to be strong and find his courage. He could not hide any longer.
"I stayed away, you know." Rayne saw Sarah's eyes widen a fraction. "I did my best to stay away from you so that I wouldn't fall in love with you, knowing that it would only end in disaster."
She pressed her lips together firmly. "Your trips abroad."
Rayne nodded. "Italy. The Orient. Persia. Egypt. They were all so I didn't have to watch you with other men because I was too cowardly, too afraid of having my heart broken when your brother forced us apart. Because I knew that he would. Or at least I believed that he would based on his edicts regarding friends. So I ran. I would come back for a time because I could not stay away. At least not completely. I took lovers because..." When a dark looked crossed Sarah's face, Rayne decided to skip that part of his confession. "It is of no consequence. But I ran because I could not have you, Sarah. Because I knew that your family, in particular your brother, would view me as not worthy of you. And he is right. I am not worthy. Though in my opinion, no man is or ever could be."
The Earl of Heartbreak Page 27