“They’re sick, yes. But no one’s dying,” Zephyr says, running a hand through his dark hair. “The Cure keeps us alive. Even with whatever new diseases the Leeches have made.”
“I’m dying,” I whisper.
He puts his head in his hands. “Don’t believe that. It’s just more Leech lies, Meadow.”
“It’s not,” I say. “You’ve seen it, Zephyr. Every time the switch makes me weak, the number gets higher and higher. It’s going to reach a hundred sometime. And then I’ll be gone.”
He lifts his head, glares at me. “Would you stop?”
“I’m only speaking the truth,” I say. “Accept it.”
He’s silent, unmoving. I think back to the conversation my father and I had, hours ago, when my tears dried up, and reality took their place. His eyes dripped a stream of crimson, and he wiped it away, smearing a streak across his face. If I die, Meadow . . . You have to save Peri for me.
You won’t die, I said. My mother’s Cure will never be broken.
What if it already is? he asked. What if this is really the end?
Our eyes met, and I knew.
“My father is dying, too. But it’s from something here, something they did to him.”
“Meadow, it’s not possible,” Zephyr says. “Years of this, and no one’s dropped yet.”
“It is possible,” I say. “Somehow, he’s the one who’s finally going to give them their stupid Death Code, and then they’ll use his blood, and his body, to experiment and find a way to kill the rest of us. And if we find Peri soon, and give the signal and get my father out of here, back to the New Militia, maybe the Surgeon can fix him.” I sigh, and touch the small lump on my inner wrist. “My mother could have.”
“Whoa, whoa, hold on.” Zephyr laughs, but it is more of a bark laced with anger. “She wouldn’t have saved him. She would have rejoiced with the rest of the Leeches and talked about the beauty of the science or something crazy like that. She was a murderer, Meadow. A monster.”
“So am I,” I say, and I glare up at him with gritted teeth. “And so are you.”
“No. You’re not the same as her, and neither am I. We’ve both done things. We’ve both killed. I did it because I had to, and you did it to survive. But she did it because she believed it was the only answer. Because she wanted it to be, without anyone controlling her. Because she wasn’t human.”
“Don’t talk about her like you knew her,” I say.
He looks into my eyes, and I see flames of anger.
Pain.
“I knew her better than you ever did,” he whispers.
The words hit right to my heart.
He keeps going, fueling off of the hurt on my face, throwing the truth like punches. It’s like he has held all of his anger from me, and now it’s exploding forth, and he can’t quit.
“Stop trying to imagine her as the woman you used to know, the woman who never was, and you’ll be happy she’s dead for real this time.” He clenches and unclenches his fists. “I wouldn’t change things, you know. If I could go back, I’d shoot her through the heart a million times over, and I’d love it. And if you’re still the Meadow I know you are, you’ll understand exactly what I’m saying. I think you’re mad because deep down, you didn’t get to be the one to kill her.”
I swing out my knife, hold it to his throat. “You might have known my mother, but you don’t know me.”
“I do know you, Meadow,” Zephyr says. He leans in, so that the knife breaks his skin. A trickle of blood runs down his neck, bright crimson in the fading firelight. “You disagreed with her, and when we found her in that cell, you saw the truth of who she really was. You’re just using her death as an excuse to push me away from you.”
He is quiet for a time. When he speaks, his voice cracks.
“You’ll never love me, will you, Meadow?”
I am hurting him. I have always hurt him, been the one piece of his world that doesn’t quite fit. Pushing him away would shatter him, tear the fullness of his heart to shreds.
“I don’t even know why I care,” he says. “Each morning I open my heart to you, and you stomp all over it. You’re selfish, and you don’t care.”
I put my head in my hands, but I don’t cry.
I have no tears left.
“After all of that, I still want you. But not this you. I want the Meadow I know is still stuck in there, somewhere. The Meadow who is fearless, even when it comes to love.”
“I can’t,” I whisper. “You need to stop this. You need to pull yourself away, and forget about me, because all I’m capable of is hurting people. I kill and I lose the ones I care about, and it’s all because of me. You don’t think I saw the expression on your face, after we found my brother? I can’t have them and you. It’s too much. I can’t keep you all safe.”
My voice breaks.
Zephyr takes a deep breath, shakes his head. “You blame yourself for what the Leeches did to your family. The only one you should be blaming is your mother.” Zephyr reaches out, takes my hand. He twines our fingers together, and squeezes them tight. “The world can change us,” he says. “But it can’t tear us apart. Not if we don’t let it. And I won’t, Meadow. I just need to know that you’re in this, too.”
“I don’t know what will happen tomorrow,” I say. “I can only give you today. When I need you, you’re there for me. You’re always there, Zephyr, and I’m not. I can’t take all of you and give you just a part of me in return. It’s not right.”
“No,” he says, letting go of my hand, and I’m afraid this is it.
The end.
I don’t want it to be over.
“No, it’s not right, Meadow. At all.” Zephyr’s eyes are so green right now. So full of memories of the past, and I want to go back to the beginning of it all. Before we discovered what he was, what my mother had done, what secrets the Initiative was hiding. Before we kissed, and killed together, and ran for our lives.
But that would mean living in darkness.
Together, we were the sparks that set the world of the Shallows on fire.
Together, we created the light.
Zephyr sighs, his resolve crumbling. “If a part of you is all you can offer, I’ll take it.” He leans in, kisses my forehead. “I’ll take anything you have to give. Because I love you. Every broken piece of you.”
Love.
Such a foolish word.
“I can’t love anyone but my family,” I say. “That’s how it has to be.”
He nods. “If we get out of this place alive, we’ll put each other back together. And slowly, you’ll start to see. There’s room in your heart for more than just your family. You can add me, too, Meadow. I can fit in.”
“I hope you’re right,” I whisper.
“My moonlit girl,” he says. “The first time I saw you in my dreams, I knew I had to have you.”
“Now you’re just being ridiculous,” I say. “No one will ever have me.”
“I can try,” he says. He leans in, about to kiss me.
That’s when the Night Siren goes off.
CHAPTER 90
ZEPHYR
It’s the worst sound in the world. The Night Siren.
And yet it sends my nerves roiling. Sends my body into action.
“Time for food, boys and girls!” Saxon shouts from across the cave.
Everyone stands up, straps gear to their bodies.
“What happens now?” I ask.
Meadow shrugs, looks at her father, who lies beside us.
He is hardly awake. “You search for the rations,” he says, without opening his eyes. “And if you find them, you do what I taught you to do. You stay alive.”
“Let’s go,” Saxon says.
Meadow squeezes her father’s hand.
Then we join a group of Yellows and head from the cave.
CHAPTER 91
MEADOW
Saxon leads the group.
We go back down the tunnel, back through the waterfall and in
to the pool. As soon as we surface on land, it is like old times. Zephyr and Sketch follow, and Koi and I run side by side.
“We never know where they’re going to drop the food,” he says. “But we know that when they do, the worst of their attacks come.”
We are specters in the darkness, our feet silent and steady on the hard ground. I am not used to the temperature, and it makes it harder to breathe. The wind dances with tiny white flakes, landing cold as ice on the tip of my nose.
But it feels good to move. The action is familiar, running with my brother, like the times he helped my father train me on the beach. Like the times I learned, little by little, to become strong.
At some point Koi stops. Holds up a fist.
I sink to one knee and wait, motionless.
There’s a whirring overhead, a sound that makes my hair stand on end.
It is two Cams.
“Damn,” Koi hisses.
The Cams swoop down, stop in front of us, and swivel back and forth, taking in the faces of my group.
“It’s too late to run,” Koi says. “They’re fast.”
The Cams explode.
We dive for cover, as pieces of metal rain down.
Then the smoke hits. I cough, gag, as something horrid burns in the back of my throat. Everyone else is coughing around me, hacking up green fluid.
I look down at my cuff. It blinks, then skyrockets to a 64.
Zephyr’s hits a 50. Sketch’s only reaches 36. She was farthest from the blast.
Koi, who stood closest to me, is a 72. The other Yellows’ numbers change, too.
As soon as the coughing dies down, there is a giant whirring noise. At first, I think it is the Biters, coming back. But then Saxon points to the sky.
“Pay attention,” he commands the group.
A part of the dome opens up, metal spiraling outward to form a tiny hole in the metal sky. Something is lowered through it.
“Rations,” Koi says. “Looks like it’s about a mile east of here.”
“So what now?” I ask.
He smiles. “We run.”
CHAPTER 92
ZEPHYR
It’s too damn cold to be outside.
And it’s snowing, little flakes of white that dance from the sky and land on me, make me shiver like a street rat.
“Stick together. It’s about teamwork, but I won’t stop to save your ass if you fall,” Saxon tells Sketch and me, as we follow Koi and Meadow. The rest of the Yellows run behind us. They’re silent, but I’m crashing across the fallen twigs and leaves like I’m a thousand pounds.
I’m not used to these woods.
At least Meadow’s strong now, able to run, to help.
Somewhere to our right, I think I see flashes of another color in the woods. Pink. But then it disappears, and I wonder if I ever saw it at all.
Soon Koi slows. The pack follows suit, and we snake through the trees at a brisk walk, keeping as quiet as we can.
We stop before a small clearing.
I can see something dark in the center, a big bundle lying motionless.
“Rations,” Saxon whispers in my ear.
I stand up to move for it, but he grabs me, holds me back.
“Wait.”
We sit still, and I don’t know what we’re waiting for. Until I see the figures move into the clearing. They’re quick, silent. It’s dark in here, without the moon or the stars, but I know they aren’t Yellows. Which means, by Ridge rules, they’re enemies.
I watch as they reach the bundle, start unwrapping it and pulling things out, putting it into bags they brought with them.
Saxon nods.
“Three,” he whispers. “Two”—he rises to a crouch—“one!”
He stands and fires an arrow. Then he’s shouting for us to run, and everyone spreads out like a fan, sprinting for the other tribe.
Screaming, weapons raised high. There’s got to be twenty, thirty enemies. Some of them turn, stand to fight, while others take the rations and run.
“After them!” Saxon shouts. He tackles a guy, stabs him with his carved spear. I see his pink cuff flash to 100 as he dies instantly.
Meadow goes in for the fight.
Koi joins her, back to back, and they’re like death together, slashing knives, taking out enemies.
“Zero, come with me!” Sketch yells. She grabs my arm, and we chase after the people who stole the rations. We reach a girl, tackle her. Sketch kills her quick and painless. “After the boy!”
I turn, see someone racing ahead, into the thicker trees. I sprint for him, holding the knife the Yellows gave me.
I leap, and in my head, I tell myself I’m fighting a Leech. It’s all a blur, the twist of body against body, punches to the jaw, the throat. The crack of bone and the burst of blood. The slice of my blade against my enemy’s desperate, sweating skin.
By the time it’s all over, we’ve gotten the rations.
We’ll eat tonight.
“Yellows!” Saxon screams. Everyone lifts their weapons to the sky. Sketch screams like a madwoman, but I can’t celebrate. Because I see Meadow stumble and fall.
I rush to her side, lift her wrist to my eyes.
93.
She’s switched again.
“I’m running out of time,” she says. Her silver hair is coated with streaks of crimson. “We have to find Peri. Before it’s too late.”
“We will,” I say.
We head back for the cave.
I have to carry Meadow the whole way home.
CHAPTER 93
MEADOW
Morning comes. I wake with the C on my cuff again.
The switch didn’t kill me. Not yet.
I eat a handful of rations, just enough to give me energy for a few hours.
Then I find Koi. “We’re going after her,” I say. “Now.”
“Meadow, if you change again while we’re out there . . ”
“I won’t,” I say. “We’ve already wasted an entire day and half. It’s now or never, Koi. I won’t switch. I’ll fight it.”
It is a lie, and it comes easily from my lips. But I know he doesn’t believe me. We don’t know when it will happen again. When it will be the very last time, and I take my final breaths.
“We’ll come, too,” Sketch says from behind me. Zephyr stands beside her. I sigh, check to make sure my knife is still with me.
“We kill anyone who stands in our way,” I tell them.
We leave the cave in search of my sister.
CHAPTER 94
ZEPHYR
Koi has made a map of places he’s searched.
It’s scratched on a slab of thick bark, and he points it all out, showing the Xs and marks where Peri hasn’t been.
“She could be with others, right?” I ask. “She’s obviously got a cuff. Have you checked all the other camps?”
“That’s what’s strange,” he says. “I can’t find her in any of them.”
Meadow slices a tree with her blade. “Peri is smart. She knows not to trust anyone. She’s probably on her own somewhere. Hiding.” There’s pain in her voice. “If she’d been trained sooner, she would know how to defend herself.”
“She was too young,” Koi says.
Meadow glares at him. “And we weren’t? As soon as we could walk we were learning how to wield knives. The only thing Peri could wield was her teddy bear.”
“Dad figured she’d be safe,” he says. “We were strong enough together.”
“Until you all got caught,” Meadow says. “What if she’s dead already, Koi? What if someone saw her Regulator, like mine, and thought it was something special, and killed her for it?” She’s screaming.
She’s shaking all over, and her eyes are crazy. It’s like she’s staring at an enemy, instead of her brother.
Koi steps forward, until his nose is almost touching hers. “Peri is alive. And we’re going to find her.”
Meadow slaps a thorn branch out of the way and stomps ahead.
; We get to what Koi calls the Eye of the Ridge by the end of the hour. It’s a big, flat expanse of trees wiped away. An empty clearing, the very center of the whole forest. I freeze when we reach the edge of the clearing.
There’re other tribes here. Blues, Blacks, Yellows, Oranges, Pinks, all standing around. No one’s killing each other. They’re just staring into the clearing with hungry eyes. Waiting hands.
A ring of Leeches is in the center of them, standing beside a few black vehicles that are packed full of what looks like medical supplies.
“I check here, every other day,” Koi explains. “The Initiative comes. They give out extra rations to whoever shows up.”
“I swear, we’re never going to escape these mother-loving bastards,” Sketch hisses.
My stomach turns, seeing them. There are at least fifty, dressed in the same black uniforms they wore in the Shallows. They have bigger rifles, too. Ones that look like they could blow a hole right through your gut.
And something else is different about them.
“What’s on their bodies?” I ask.
When the Leeches move, something blue flickers across them. Almost like a second skin, glowing pale with electricity.
“Protection,” Koi explains, motioning for Sketch and I to follow. “Some kind of electric current. We can’t get to them. Bullets, knives, spears. You touch them, you get blown back. It’s a hell of an invention. Genius.”
“They had that surrounding their Compound, in the Shallows,” I say, remembering the night I went crazy with the rifle, trying to take out as many as I could under the influence of the Murder Complex.
“And they had the Cams,” Meadow says. One whizzes past, overhead.
“And the Perimeter,” Sketch adds.
It’s almost funny how similar the Shallows and the Ridge are. Similar, but different. They’re both hell, no matter which way you twist it.
We join the other groups, waiting on the sidelines. We get a few glares. Harsh words are exchanged, and Koi tells us to ignore the others. But no one does anything more than that and it’s this weird, peaceful moment in time. Like the massacre last night, or the encounter with the Greens on the first day we got here, didn’t even happen.
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