by Jillian Hart
“We feel the same way,” Brooke assured her, moving in to hug her next. Bree and Colbie came next to say their goodbyes. She had to blink hard to keep her vision clear.
“Give my love to Lil.” She polished off her lemonade, set her cup on the table and gathered up her bag and keys. Her feet didn’t want to carry her forward because her heart held her back. The tie she felt to the McKaslins, and more strongly to Luke, kept her in place, refusing to let her go.
You have to do it, she told herself, digging deep for the strength. The Lord must have helped her because she didn’t know how her shaky legs carried her all the way to her car. Or how she managed to face the man who followed her there, his shadow falling over her with the sun at his back.
“Guess this is it.” His face in shadow was a mystery to her, a dark mask she couldn’t read.
“Guess so.” She popped the trunk and tossed her gym bag in. “Thanks for the party. It was a fun way to end my time here.”
“It was my pleasure.” He bowed his head, his face even harder to read. “You have a safe drive. When you stop for the night, maybe you could send an email.”
“Maybe.” She reached for her car door but he beat her to it. He towered over her, made larger than life by the endless blue sky framing him.
And by her feelings for him, so great they had no limit.
Please say you feel that way, too. She waited for him to stop her, but he didn’t. He stood patiently holding her door, the friend he’d intended to be all along. Clutching her keys, she slipped into the sun-hot seat. This was the last chance for him to stop her, but instead, he closed her door.
So, that’s how he felt. She bowed her head, taking a moment to sort through her key ring and so she could gather her strength. She knew he cared. His kiss, his kindness and the way he treated her told her that. But it wasn’t enough. She swallowed hard, slipped on her sunglasses to hide the tears swimming in her eyes and started the engine.
Your heart is not breaking, she told herself firmly. This is not the end of the world.
Except it did feel that way. She rolled down the window, praying the smile she put on her face fooled him. “No excuses this time. You finish the book before our next Good Books discussion. Every chapter. Got it?”
“Yes, ma’am. What about you? If you give orders, you’d best be able to take them. The discussion is tomorrow night. I’ve got time tonight and tomorrow to read.”
“I have the audiobook.” Her smile seemed falsely bright. “I have a whole day on the open road.”
“That you do.”
“Something tells me I’ll be able to finish it in time.”
“Then I’ll see you in the chat room?”
“That’s the plan.” Her chin wobbled a bit, but the sunglasses hid her eyes from him. Her real feelings were a mystery.
What were the chances that this was killing her, too? He jammed his hands into his pockets and rocked back on his heels. What if he asked her to stay. Would she? Would she want a life in Montana with him? She had a good life in California.
“Do you have everything?” That’s what he asked instead of risking his heart. “Another lemonade? A piece of cake for the hotel?”
“No, thanks. I’m good.”
“Okay, then.” Awkward, he stepped back from the car, saying nothing more because the rest of the McKaslins ambled into sight, grouped together, arm in arm.
“Text when you get there!” Colbie called out.
“So we know you made it—” Bree started.
“—safe and sound,” Brandi finished.
“Can’t wait to see you next month,” Brooke chimed in. “We’ll do lunch.”
“I know just the place.” Smiling like this was killing her as she put her car in gear. “Goodbye. Thanks for your friendship.”
Goodbyes filled the air like a chorus. Only Luke stood apart, his granite face carved into a mask she couldn’t read. He’d turned so the sun fell across him, illuminating him perfectly. Strong man.
Tender heart.
That got her every time.
He lifted one hand in farewell as she pulled away. He was an image in her rearview mirror as she rolled down the driveway, diminishing with distance. Soon he was nothing but a blur in the mirror and when she turned onto the country road, he was gone. She had to stop hoping he wanted her.
Sobs built in her throat, but she held them down. Tears blurred her vision but she blinked them away. Wasn’t this why she hadn’t wanted to get involved in the first place? Wasn’t this why she’d only wanted to stay friends? To spare herself from this heartache.
She gripped the steering wheel tighter, adjusted the air conditioner and guided her car down the ribbon of road, heading straight into the sunset. The dream of Luke McKaslin had been a lot to lose.
* * *
“It’s over, Betty.” Luke stabbed the slab of alfalfa with the tines of his pitchfork. “Honor’s gone.”
The cow watched him with curious eyes, mooing her sympathy. He forked the alfalfa over the fence rail, doing his best to keep busy, to keep moving. Maybe if he didn’t stop to feel it, loss wouldn’t have a chance to sink in.
Except it wasn’t working. He couldn’t ignore the pain hitting him square in the chest. Heartbreak took a hold of him he couldn’t break. He could still see her driving away, taking a piece of him with her.
Why hadn’t he taken the risk when he’d had the chance? If he’d spotted a hint of vulnerability in her eyes or read the slightest wish on her face, he’d have done it. If he thought for one instant that she felt like this for him, he’d have been down on his knee, asking her to love him.
Betty nudged him with her nose, interrupting his thoughts.
“She has everything she wants back home in California. Why would she stay? But I should have asked. Now I’ll always wonder what if.” He rubbed the cow’s nose, grateful for her sympathetic company. “To be honest, I didn’t think it would hurt this much to watch her go.”
“Typical man thinking.” The grass crackled behind him as Brooke trekked closer. “Why is it so difficult for you men to follow your hearts?”
“Because we try not to feel them.”
“Finally. A little honesty.” Brooke shook her head, scattering her dark hair. “What is your heart telling you about Honor?”
“That I’d made a mistake when I kissed her.”
“You kissed her? When?”
“It doesn’t matter now.” That had been before her dream job. When he’d thought he had a chance to win her. Kissing her had been the wrong move, he could see now. If he hadn’t kissed her, then maybe he could be convincing himself right now that he wasn’t dying inside.
Betty batted her eyes at Brooke and leaned over the top fence rail, begging for attention. Brooke obliged, rubbing the cow’s forehead.
It was a lovely night. Soft sunlight, the sheen of color lighting the underbellies of the clouds and the promise of impending sunset gave the evening a peaceful air. But he couldn’t feel it. Every moment that passed, he hurt worse. Like a vise clamping down on his sternum that refused to stop.
“Luke, are you okay?” Brooke squeezed his arm, concerned. “You don’t look all right.”
“I’m fine.” The words came clipped and abrupt, but it was the best he could do. He couldn’t forget the image of Honor driving away. He kept seeing it over and over in Technicolor glory, digging more deeply every time, making a deeper wound.
No, he had no idea losing her would hurt like this. He’d been through heartbreak before. Never had it felt like this.
“Let me guess how you’re feeling.” Brooke leaned against the fence rails, gazing out at the peaceful valley. “It’s like you’ll never get a proper breath again because of the terrible hole in your chest.”
“That would be accurate.” He coul
dn’t deny it. And the hole kept getting bigger.
“Every rib feels as if it’s been broken twelve times.”
“Maybe thirteen.”
“You feel like the sun has set and will never rise again.”
“Something like that.” It was hard to admit Honor meant that much to him, because it was tough being this vulnerable. Harder still to let down the guards around his heart and feel what was there. Especially when he’d tried so hard all along not to.
“You feel like you’ve lost a big part of yourself and you’ll never get it back.” Brooke picked a daisy from the wild grasses at their feet.
“Yeah.” He swallowed hard, wishing he didn’t have to acknowledge the place in him that felt empty, the piece Honor took.
“Do you know what that means?” Brooke plucked one daisy petal and let it fall on the wind.
“Yes, but I don’t want to admit it.”
“Oh, you big tough guys. I think you fall harder than any others.” Brooke picked off another petal. “You love her. You love her not.”
“Sure, I was a little sweet on Honor, but—”
“You love her.” Brooke sent another petal fluttering on the wind. “You love her not.”
“Okay, fine.” Saying the words wouldn’t change anything, but they finally rolled off his tongue. “I love her. Really love her. I didn’t want to let her go.”
“There. Was that so hard to admit?”
“It was.” He rubbed the spot on his chest, hurting bad enough to bring him to his knees. Not that he intended to show it.
“Then go get her, big brother.” Brooke’s smile turned mischievous. “I happen to know where she’s staying.”
Chapter Seventeen
The last, bright rays of sunset lit the hotel’s parking lot with a crimson glow as she trundled her suitcase along the sidewalk. Her feet felt heavy, but not as heavy as her heart.
You can do this, Honor. Keep going forward. Don’t look back. Whatever you do, don’t think of him.
But it was impossible. Love, deeper than she’d realized, lived in her heart. Stubborn. Impossible to stop. What was she going to do about it?
She didn’t know. It wasn’t like she could drive back to Luke’s place and declare her love. She squinted at the row of doors, found room 134 and headed toward it. She blinked, but she kept remembering Luke’s image in her rearview mirror growing smaller, looking forlorn and lost, his head bowed as she’d driven away.
I would have stayed for him, she told the Lord as she stopped in front of her door. I would have loved it here in Montana.
She hadn’t realized it, but this place had become home. She already missed the warmth of the McKaslin camaraderie, the view of the mountains from Luke’s place and Betty. She hadn’t said goodbye to Betty.
Her cell chimed, startling her out of her reveries. She inserted the keycard in the slot and the lock beeped open. She hauled in her suitcase, tossed her bag on the neatly made bed and drew open the curtains. The view of the parking lot was stunning.
Fine, that was sarcasm. But she really did miss trees and meadows and shimmering purple mountains. Imagine that.
This isn’t helping, she realized, as more grief crashed over her. It just kept coming. What she needed was distraction, and the best way to do that was to see who’d texted her. The text she’d received was probably from Kelsey, who’d threatened to check up on her this evening, wanting updates so she could adjust the time of the welcome home party accordingly.
Determined to push any thoughts of Luke from her mind, she plopped into the armchair by the window. She reached for her phone, but Luke’s number stared back at her. Not Kelsey’s.
Did she open it? Or would it be easier on her heart to just let it go?
Her phone chimed with a second text message. From Luke. She squeezed her eyes shut. Could she do it? Could she keep being friends with him, or would it always hurt this much?
Her phone chimed a third time. Feeling God’s hand on her shoulder, knowing she didn’t have to do this alone, her thumb hit the key that brought up his message. Two words lit up her screen.
I’m sorry.
For what? she typed and hit Send. Luke had always been wonderful, a perfect gentleman. He’d been an awesome…friend wasn’t the right word. He was more than that. He would always be more than that. Nothing she could do could change that. Her heart had decided on him.
His answer flashed onto her screen. For letting you go tonight.
She had to swipe her eyes before she could text him back. Well, I had 2 get on the road. I have a driving schedule 2 keep.
Forget the driving schedule.
Of course she needed a schedule. But I planned it carefully.
U know what they say. Plans R meant 2 B broken.
Where was he going with this? She couldn’t see it. Too much had happened today for her to think clearly. She swiped her eyes again, wishing those pesky tears would stop, but they just kept coming. Talking to him like this—as friends—was agony. She couldn’t do it anymore.
Her phone chimed. Look out UR window.
She squinted at the message. Now he really wasn’t making any sense. She looked up and a man’s blurred shape crossed the parking lot, walking in her direction. Not that she could see very clearly, but she’d know that shade of sandy hair anywhere. Only one man she knew had those strong shoulders and easy-going gait.
Luke! She grabbed hold of the doorframe without remembering getting up from the chair or crossing the room. What was he doing here? Why couldn’t she do a better job at hiding her joy at seeing him again?
Her cell phone chimed with one final text.
I love U.
She stared at the screen, the words blurring until she couldn’t read them.
“I sure hope you feel the same way.” He towered over her, her very own Montana cowboy, saying the words she longed to hear.
“You love me?” She couldn’t believe it. Was she dreaming? Was this really true?
“I love you so much, darlin’, I can’t live without you. I know this for sure.”
Words brought more tears to her eyes. This was real. She laid her hand on his chest, feeling how real he was. “You really love me?”
“More than words can say. I’ll sell out my half of the dairy to Hunter if I have to. I’ll learn to surf. I’ll take up beachcombing. I’ll do whatever I have to, if only you think one day you can come to love me, too.”
“No, I’m sorry. That’s not going to happen.”
“You mean you don’t want me?” Pain shone in his eyes.
The poor man. He really didn’t get it, did he? Had she protected her heart that much? So that he couldn’t even guess her true feelings at all?
“No,” she corrected him, tenderly, letting her affection show in her voice. “I can’t come to love you, because I already do. I love you, Luke McKaslin.”
“You don’t know how glad I am to hear that.” Joy rumbled in his words as he opened his arms to her. “I need you so much, Honor. Don’t think I can breathe without you.”
“I know just how you feel.” She stepped into the strong arms of the man she adored beyond all else. Her one true love. Once she was tucked against his chest, she felt whole. Her world felt right. She had found her home.
And it was him.
She tipped back her head to peer up at him. “Are you sure you want to become a California guy?”
“I can do it.” Those dimples of his could make a girl swoon. “I might have to leave Betty behind, though.”
“Yes, as I’m fairly sure they don’t allow cows on the beach.” She held on to him so tight, she was never going to let him go. “As I’ve grown fairly fond of Betty, too, maybe we should just stay here.”
“In Montana? You would do that? What about y
our job?”
“What’s a job compared to a life spent here with you?” She felt his heart skip a beat and when he leaned in to kiss her, she’d never known such bliss. His kiss spoke of fairy-tale wishes and storybook happiness and promises made to be kept.
This was true love’s kiss.
Epilogue
One week later
Honor’s cell chimed, although she could barely hear it above the rush of the waves slapping the shore. The constant music of the ocean wasn’t so different from the wind in a forest, she decided. Different, but also wondrous.
“I can’t believe you are packing up and leaving me.” Kelsey gave her long black hair a toss. “Not that I can blame you. Look at that man. Amazing.”
“He really is.” She stopped to let the water wash over her bare toes, keeping one eye on the man up ahead, talking with Anna Louise’s fiancé.
Luke had blown her away as a Montana cowboy, but standing on the beach in a white T-shirt and denim cutoffs, he looked right at home. As always, her heart gave a little swoop.
“You totally love him. Oh, I know just how you feel.” Anna Louise gave a dramatic sigh, her engagement ring sparkling in the sun. “Do you think he’s going to propose soon?”
“No idea, but we’ve talked about getting married one day.”
While her friends squealed in delight at the prospect of another wedding, she decided to check her messages. Just one, from Jerrod Lambert.
I aced it, no problem, he’d written. Thanks, Teach.
Wow. He’d done well, just as she knew he would. She’d answer him later, when she didn’t have her friends seizing her by the arms.
“C’mon. It’s time for our dinner reservation.” Kelsey tugged her along.