Teth heard footsteps approaching the cottage from her tiny window, which had been thrown open to allow some air to circulate in the sweltering room. She glanced out and saw a boy break out of the trees and run toward the house. It was the youngest Mullins boy, no more than ten. He paused when he saw the house and watched it cautiously. He panted for a moment then yelled, “Lord Ronigan’s coach just arrived. He asked me ta tell ya, the young lord’ll be comin’ ta see ya soon.” The boy stared at the house for a moment, unsure. Ever since, Milne’s condition had worsened, they were afraid to come near, as if the disease that had been eating her for months was suddenly contagious.
“Thank you, Kerry,” Teth called. “Your message has been delivered. Run on home.” The boy jumped at the disembodied voice then turned and ran back up the trail. Teth, for her part, tried to force her suddenly pounding heart back down from her throat. She took a deep breath and clasped her hands to keep them from shaking. This is it, she told herself. She watched the edge of the clearing where the path broke from the trees, expecting to see Dasen stride from it at any moment.
“Are you alright, Tethina?” Milne asked around a series of coughs.
“I’m fine. Just working on this dress,” Teth answered. “I’ll be down in a minute.”
“Do you want me to put the kettle on for tea?”
“No, I’ll get it. I just want to finish this line of stitches.” When there were no other sounds from below, Teth turned to the pile of lace and silk draped across her lap and sighed. Ipid must have paid a fortune for the dress: pounds of cream-colored silk, yards of delicate handmade lace, a hundred or more freshwater pearls, weeks of embroidery, perfect stitching. And she had slit it down the back just to get her shoulders in. Now she was trying to finish pleats down the sides to make it snug across her chest and middle. Pins stuck from the material to show the line the stitches needed to follow, but they strayed clumsily; the material bunched and gapped around each. She had no right to be sewing this dress, but no one else had been willing to help. She had lost most of a day going from house to house nearly begging for assistance, but the pending arrival of the local landlord had sent every woman into a frenzy sewing their own dresses, and not a one could spare Teth anything more than scorn. “Should have learned to do it yourself instead of running wild. . . . Never wanted to be a lady before, why should you look like one now? . . . You’ve no right to join a lord. Maybe he’ll see that and pick a real woman. . . . Only after you teach my worthless son to hunt.” Even more doors simply went unanswered or were slammed immediately in her face.
At first, Teth had been angry. She had plotted revenge and even started rigging traps around a few houses before she realized the futility of it all. In a few days, she would be gone, never to see this cursed village again. She would leave them with their derision, let them think what they wanted. They weren’t worth her anger any longer.
But that hadn’t helped her with the alterations, a new everyday dress, or any of a thousand other things she needed. The village store had sold every scrap of available material in a matter of hours once Ipid’s arrival was known. None of her other dresses fit any better than that first, and Milne, being a full hand shorter, had nothing to offer.
Not that she would have had time to make a new dress. Teth would be lucky if she got the joining dress ready in time. Milne had helped her plan and pin the alterations, but it was up to Teth to do the sewing – her aunt was simply too weak. They had split the dress down the back to fit her shoulders then drawn it in to be trim across the chest and middle. The bodice had required its own tucks at the front as Ipid seemed to consistently overestimate her endowment there. The existing arms were so tight her hands went to sleep in minutes, so she cut them off and sewed new ones out of a silk shawl that Ipid had given Milne. The colors and texture did not quite match, but it was passable. They decided to let the waist be. It hung awkwardly where it was supposed to rest on her hips, but if they had drawn it up, the bottom, which was meant to drag the ground, wouldn’t have covered her shoes. To end it all, the slippers that had come with the dress had been several sizes too small, so the dress would have to drag to conceal her blood-stained doe-hide shoes.
“The Order be damned,” Teth cursed and shoved her thumb into her mouth. She pulled it out and watched a drop of blood form. She could almost count the red, swollen dots where she had stuck herself over the course of the past two days. That’s enough for now, she decided.
Silently cursing, she set the dress on her bed and ran down the stairs. She found Milne in her usual position asleep in her chair, each breath a rasp. Teth could not keep herself from wondering which would be the last. Careful not to disturb her aunt, she slid the kettle back over the coals of the fire and added a freshly split log to keep them going. While the water heated, she tidied the room: put away dishes, swept the plank floor, dusted the few scraps of furniture. The main room, like the house, was small, only a dozen paces in each direction. A square table with four simple chairs defined one side. On the other was the fireplace with a round woven rug and two stout chairs facing it. Against the far wall were a cabinet with dishes and several hooks that held various pots and pans. At the back of the room was the small storage room that led to the garden. Milne’s tiny room was behind the steeps stairs, and the shop where she met those seeking her skills as an herbalist was the enclosed porch at the front.
When the room was presentable and the first wisps of steam were rising from the kettle, Teth got down the fine porcelain tea service, another gift from Ipid, and a sealed pot of tea leaves. She measured a scoop of tea into the pot, thought and added another half. Then, checking to be sure her aunt still slept, she snuck to the porch and rifled the drawers of her herb chest until she found the one that held the forkleaf petals. She took two then added another. She closed the drawer silently and returned to the main room.
“Are you drugging him or poisoning him?” Milne asked before she was through the door.
Teth jumped. Her heart hammered. “I thought you were sleeping. You almost scared the life out of me.”
“So which is it?” Milne’s head appeared around the chair. She held the red cloth to her mouth and wheezed.
Teth sagged. “Forkleaf petals,” she admitted, holding her hand out for her aunt to see.
Milne chuckled. “I never thought of you as believing such nonsense, but it won’t hurt him, so you’re welcome to try.”
Feeling foolish didn’t stop Teth from dropping the small pink petals in the pot. Forkleaf petals were rumored to calm men’s hearts, make them desire a settled life, and look on a woman more fondly. Milne made good money selling the petals that only grew in the higher elevations for a short time each year but privately dismissed their efficacy at every opportunity. Still, Teth wanted all the help she could get. She added water to the pot and placed it on a polished wooden tray with two cups. “Would you like some?” she remembered herself and asked Milne.
“Not with that stuff in it,” Milne made a face. “Are you going to change your clothes before he arrives?”
Teth looked at herself. She was wearing her usual short pants and long-sleeved shirt. Her feet were bare, her hair was a mess, and her breasts were bound with cloth. “I suppose,” she admitted. “Not that the dress is much better.”
“It will have to do. Speaking of which, how is the gown coming?”
“It looks like it was sewn by a sailor on a three-day binge, but it’s almost done.”
“I’m sure no one will notice the dress, my dear. They will be too busy looking at the beautiful creature wearing it.”
Teth stuck her tongue out at her aunt.
“You best get going,” Milne warned. “I hear rustling in the trees. I think your promised has come to call.”
“Curse the Order,” Teth swore. “Can you stall him while I change?”
“Of course, dear. Now hurry upstairs. He’ll be here in a few seconds.”
Milne coughed. Teth flung open the trunk at the end of her bed.
“Please let me help you to your chair or would your bed be more comfortable?” Dasen asked. “Of course, you are capable, but what is the purpose of the young but to help the old?”
A mistake there, Teth thought. Milne hated being reminded that she was old.
“My father told me that you had been ill. I was very sorry to hear it and have prayed to the Order that you recover quickly.”
Teth made a face at the overly pious sentiment – if the Order cared, Milne wouldn’t have gotten sick in the first place. She pulled out the dress and started to remove her clothes.
“You can’t know that,” Dasen said, aghast. “The Order is often mysterious, and we can only align ourselves to It and trust that Its goodness will protect us.”
By the Order, Teth thought, am I going to be the first girl to join a counselor? She unwound the cloth from her chest and pulled the blue dress over her head. Her shoulders barely made it through the small arm holes. The material strained until she thought it might split. It sagged through the middle and only fell to the center of her calves. With her breast unbound and legs uncovered, she felt absolutely naked. How can anyone dress like this? She could not ever imagine being comfortable in such a creation.
“Is Tethina here?” Dasen asked. “I understand. Certainly I am in no hurry. We have at least an hour before the sun is down.”
Teth quickly ran a wire brush through her hair, working out the few snags and wishing for the first time that she had a mirror in her room. She slid in two simple clips to hold the fine strands behind her ears. There was barely enough there to clip – it would have just reached her eyes without them. Most women in the village wore their hair in great braids wound upon their heads. They seldom, if ever, cut it. Teth could never deal with that but suddenly felt embarrassed by her child’s length crop of hair. It was even shorter now that Milne had evened it out. She had said that was better than having it look like it had been cut with a knife by a fire, which was exactly how Teth had last cut it.
“My studies have been very productive,” Dasen explained. “I am given a great deal of freedom to follow my own projects and spend most of it studying the order of commerce and labor. I think Tethina will very much enjoy the university. It has the first college for study of the matronly side of the Order. . . . Yes, it is quite revolutionary.”
Finally, she retrieved her shoes from beneath her bed. They were ragged with blood still staining the leather, but the only others she had here were long, heavy, fur-lined boots that she wore in the winter. She took a deep breath, felt the heat rising in her face, the sweat forming on her brow and down her back. Despite the heat, she shivered. With an uncharacteristic prayer, she opened the door and started down the stairs. A thousand questions crammed her mind. As many potential scenarios played out – everything from him running into her arms to running out the door. After nearly two weeks to think about it, she knew now that Milne had been right, she had to change, but she would never, could never be like other women. She could not host teas, command servants, lay in bed, belly swollen with a child. Could he understand that, meet her in the middle, craft his world to fit a misfit like her?
With each step, her apprehension built. If he chose, Dasen could destroy her, lock her in a house, beat her, rape her, ignore her. Milne had said to be his friend, to trust him, but it was too big a risk. She had decided that she would do whatever she must to remain free. She would try to win Dasen to her side, but if they could not find a common ground by the time the forest ended, she would disappear, return to the forest and cast her lot with the animals and trees. Once they reached the city, he would have all the power. If she had not swayed him by then, she never would.
Her pulse quickened until blood pounded in her ears when she reached the bottom step and saw Dasen. He rose immediately from his chair and met her eye. She was struck by how tall he was. He was probably half-a-head taller than her, and she was as tall as most of the village men. She was not used to looking up to anyone and found it unnerving, but she held his gaze.
“Tethina,” he started cautiously. Blood rose in his face. “It . . . it is good to see you again.” He bowed slightly then approached. “I . . . I am sorry it has been so long. I should have written. If I had known . . . .”
Teth could not stop herself from laughing. “If you had known we were going to be joined? I think that caught us both by surprise.” She cast a look at Milne, who only smiled.
“Well,” Dasen sighed. He now stood a long pace from her and seemed to be wondering what to do next. He scanned her up and down, trying to keep his expression neutral but failing utterly to hide his bewilderment. He was obviously surprised but not as much as he could have been. So how much did he know? She had always assumed that he knew as much about her as she knew about him, but maybe that was not the case. So he was either surprised to see the infamous Teth in a dress or surprised to see a normal girl in such a shambles of a dress.
She decided to end his confusion. She took a deep breath. “I don’t know how much you have heard, but I don’t usually wear dresses – they aren’t very practical in the forest – and this is the only one I have that is even close to fitting.”
Dasen gulped. “I . . . well, I suppose we’ll have to remedy that.” He looked her up and down again, trying to hide his dismay. “I am sure we can have something more appropriate made before we arrive in Thoren.”
“I’m sure you’re right,” Teth conceded. She was not sure what she had wanted him to say, but that had not been it. She suddenly felt less comfortable in the dress than she ever had. She brushed by Dasen and walked to the table. “Can I get you some tea?”
“That would be lovely,” Dasen leapt, obviously relieved to change the subject. “Milne, will you join us? I see that only two cups have been laid out.”
Milne watched Dasen for a long moment then rose and put a hand on each of his arms. “It is meant for you,” she rasped with a wink. “I think I’ll lie down for a while.”
“I should leave you then.” Dasen looked suddenly nervous, as if he were being left alone with a semi-trained bear.
“No, dear,” Milne assured. “Despite her appearance, Tethina doesn’t actually bite. You’ll be fine without me.”
That only seemed to increase Dasen’s apprehension. “I . . . I’m sure, but my concern is . . . . I mean. . . it is not that she will . . . I mean shouldn’t she have a chaperone.”
Milne laughed, and Teth could not suppress a snicker. “First of all,” Milne said, “you are to be joined tomorrow. Even if anything happened, I doubt anyone would care. But most important, I do not have any fear that our Tethina cannot take care of herself.” Dasen’s eyes crept back to Teth, who was standing in her natural position, axe handle straight on the balls of her feet, muscles taught. He released a long breath and looked suddenly faint.
“Here is your tea,” Teth offered. She approached and handed him a cup then turned to help her aunt to her room. She heard Dasen sip the tea and watched him over her shoulder. Would the forkleaf petals work? As the tea hit is tongue, Teth saw his face transform but not as she had hoped. He winced, pursed his lips, and barely forced his mouth to swallow. His eyes went to the cup in profound distaste as he worked his tongue in his mouth.
“That is why it doesn’t work,” Milne whispered. “It tastes terrible. No man in his right mind
would drink enough for it to have any effect. Your natural charms will have to be enough this time.” She laughed and patted Teth on the arm. So it does work! Teth thought, I just have to find a way to mask its taste.
When she returned from her aunt’s room, Dasen’s tea was sitting on the small table between the two chairs. He eyed it dubiously as if it might bite him. Teth used his distraction to inspecting him. Over the past few days, she had constructed an image of Dasen from her distant memory and Ipid’s letters. To her surprise, he looked almost exactly like she thought he would, like an overdressed counselor who never made it out of his church. He did not look like he had done a real day’s work in his life, like he had never even seen the sun, like he couldn’t walk fifty paces without being winded. His clothes were extravagant, perfectly pressed, and, from all appearances, brand new. He wore heather-grey pants of such a fine weave that Teth could not even see the individual threads. They were cuffed smartly at the top of his shining black boots and creased all the way up to where they met his slate-grey jacket. The five onyx buttons running down the jacket were undone, revealing a black vest embroidered with tiny blue, red, and yellow flowers peeking from thin green vines. Five additional buttons glimmered like rainbows from the vest until they gave way to a shimmering blue silk scarf that had been tied around the top of his crisp white cotton shirt and then tucked into the vest.
As impressive as that seemed, the clothes did not suit the man. He looked as out of place as Teth would wearing that joining gown tomorrow. He pulled absently at the tight collar as sweat ran down his brow and cheek. The vest was too snug as were the pants. He shifted from foot to foot as if trying to find a comfortable way to stand in the boots. Despite his attempts, he lacked the posture to maintain the lines of the suit. His shoulders slumped, legs sagged, and belly stuck out. Most of all, his face lacked the command his clothes required. It was narrow and long, cheeks high and sunken, nose pinched, jaw angular. His ears stuck out from his narrow head like two handles – Teth suppressed a smile as she remembered grabbing those ears as a girl; how he had screamed. His neck was long and white as bone as were his hands and face. His narrow lips were drawn together in contemplation. His, maybe brown, eyes studied the room with honest interest as if trying to link every object into a larger pattern that he could not quite capture. None of these characteristics struck Teth as something she saw in men who wore suits like Dasen’s: the governor, Ipid’s assessors, the few other officials who ventured to these distant parts. All in all, Dasen looked thoughtful, unassuming, and kind, just like the boy she had known so many years before. But will he accept me as I am? He could certainly be worse.
“I was so sorry to hear about your aunt,” Dasen started when he saw that she had returned. “I spoke with Governor Rawlins when we arrived. He has offered the use of this house on Lake Mithrel for as long as we require. I am told it is only a few hours away by coach. We can stay there until. . . . well, until . . .”
Teth felt her emotion rise at the thought of her Aunt’s death. “Thank you,” she cut Dasen off to spare him from saying what they both dreaded. “That is very kind of you.”
“I thought we could use the time to prepare you for life in the city. I brought you a book that may help.” Dasen turned and picked a slim leather-bound book from the chair where he had been sitting with Milne. He approached and handed it to her. She looked at the spine, A Woman’s Place in the Holy Order. She thumbed through the pages, saw that they had been printed on a press rather than transcribed, something not often seen in Randor’s Pass. Several phrases had been underlined. She read one of the first:
It is well established that women lack the mental capacity to see and understand the Order. It is thus the purpose of men to be their guides. Without this guidance, women will quickly loose site of the Order and fall into Chaos. Thus women must be subservient to men so that the Order can be maintained.
Teth felt her anger rise with each word but managed somehow to keep it from her face. Somewhere, Dasen was still speaking, “. . . this can be a guide as you prepare for your new life. I will be happy to help you. That is the role of a husband, after all.”
Teth ground her teeth to keep herself from screaming. So this is how it would be. Dasen already had his plan to turn her into a proper, subservient little baby machine. And like any good student, he had a book to show him how. She finally drew her eyes from the terrible book. Dasen was smiling, as if her silence were confirmation that she accepted his role over her. She wanted to slap that smile straight off his face. But. She took a deep breath. Now was not the time. Wait, she told herself. You need him right now, but once you’re joined, he’ll be as trapped as you. Looking at him, she was sure he was too weak and timid to hurt her, but she had no such reservations. Alone at Lake Mithrel, she could think of several ways to change Dasen’s mind. If he couldn’t help her, be her friend, then she’d try something else. She managed a smile, he already looked terrified. “Thank you for this and your promised assistance. I am sure it will be very helpful.”
Dasen beamed. “I am so glad to hear you say that. I know that you have not had a man to guide you, and do not blame you for that. I am sure that your life has been hard without that guidance, but once you have found your way back to the Order, you will see how much easier it is to be part of a community, to make friends, and find fulfillment in your life.”
Fulfillment in my life as your slave? she thought but kept smiling and nodding. Save your anger for a time when you can use it, she told herself. “I have always struggled with my place in the community,” she cooed. “I hope that this will be a new start.”
“I am sure it will.” Dasen almost grabbed her arms in his excitement. “And I am sure you will enjoy your time at the university. I can teach you some things about the matronly side of the Order, but the counselors in the women’s college have dedicated their lives to its study. Their guidance will be a revelation, I am sure.”
“I have no doubt,” Teth nodded like a dog seeking a scrap of meat. A bunch of men who’ve never been joined telling me how to be a better woman, I can’t wait for that.
“Of course, I will help you prepare your letter seeking admittance.”
“Could you? I am so nervous about my writing.” Perhaps, when I’m through, he’ll use those skills to write a letter telling his father that he has no intentions of returning to the city. He could buy a cottage in the forest somewhere and live as her slave instead.
“It would be my pleasure. The letter will have to be worded carefully.” Oh, very carefully, Teth thought. “We cannot deceive the di valati regarding your time away from the Order. We will have to emphasize your lack of guidance, deep regret, and desire to find the Order again.”
“Deep regret,” Teth echoed.
“I am sure that the di valati will find that a compelling reason to approve your study.” Dasen looked at her, beaming. The joy on his face was almost infectious, almost. Teth, for her part, hoped that he was too entranced by her doe eyes to see the smirk that she could not fully banish from her face.
“It appears the sun is falling behind the mountains,” Teth observed. “We wouldn’t want to defy the Order before we have even been joined.” She had gotten everything she needed from Dasen and was ready for him to leave. In the end, he was just like every other boy she had met. He would never accept her for who she was. He would try to force her to be something she could never be, insist that she learn her place, follow his rules, be his toy. Perhaps he would use his intellect rather than his fists, but it was all the same to her. Well, she had a lot of experience with his type, and Dasen would soon find out what happened when Tethina Galbridge was pushed, she pushed back, hard.
Dasen managed to pull his eyes from her and glance out the window. Long shadows were indeed creeping over the cottage and surrounding clearing. The Order dictated that a woman not see any men once the sun set on the night before sh
e was joined. They likely had another hour before full sunset, but she counted on Dasen not knowing how the mountains made the sun seem to set early. “You are quite right,” he conceded. “I have to say that it has been a pleasure speaking with you. I . . . well, I do not know what I expected, but I am much encouraged by our match. I hope you feel the same.”
“I certainly do. Now you should be on your way. I have much work to do to prepare myself for the ceremony.”
“Please, pass along my thanks to your aunt and my regrets that I was not able to bid her goodbye.” With that, Dasen found her hand, brought it to his lips, and kissed it gently. Luckily, he did not see the look of distaste on her face – even though her heart betrayed her by doubling its pace. He rose, backed away a step, and finished, “I shall look forward to seeing you tomorrow and beginning our journey together.”
“Yes,” Teth managed. No one had ever had the audacity to kiss her before, even on the hand, and she was surprised that she could still feel where his lips had brushed her. She cursed herself for acting the girl, but the unwelcome reaction seemed to please Dasen. He smiled genuinely. Teth had to admit that it was a nice smile, there was kindness in it, a warmth that no person, beyond her aunt, had shown her in years. She cursed herself again for her weakness and cast the thought from her mind. “I will see you tomorrow,” she finished. “Thank you for coming.”
They smiled dumbly at each other for a few more heartbeats before Dasen turned, nearly stumbled over a chair, and, blushing, made his way out the door. He looked back one last time before he reached the clearing and waved. For some reason, Teth was sad to see him leave and almost regretted the way their relationship would have to go. He seemed to actually like her. She just wished it was the real Teth that he liked.
“Tethina, what was that about?” Milne’s voice rose as loud as Teth had heard in weeks. A fit of coughs followed. Teth took a deep breath and turned resolutely to face her aunt. On the way to her room, she casually tossed Dasen’s book on to the fire.
“I know you didn’t mean any of that,” Milne scolded as soon as Teth walked through the door to her room. She was propped up in her tiny bed with no intent of sleeping. “So what are you trying to do? I thought we agreed that you were going to be his friend, to trust him.” She coughed but held up a hand to show that she was not finished. “If you’re going to trust him, you have to be honest with him.”
“Did you see that book he brought?” Teth proclaimed defensively. “He has already decided what my place should be. He’s no different from Counselor Torpy, except that he’ll be my husband. He can do a lot more than make me transcribe The Book of Valatarian.”
“I did not see the book,” Milne admitted, “but I met Dasen. He is just like he was as a boy: considerate, kind, thoughtful. I promise you that he doesn’t want to hurt you. But he doesn’t know what to do any more than you do. So he has read some silly books. That is what he does. It is up to you to show him that his books are wrong. And you can’t do that unless you put down that constant guard of yours. Let him know you. Let him see the real Tethina. Allow him to know and love you like Ipid and I do. Show him that you are willing to compromise but be honest with him about where the line is. Do you really think that Ipid or I would allow you to be joined to someone who will not love you. Surely, it will take time and work, but if you allow it, I know that he will love you, the real you.”
Milne’s words stung like needles. Teth knew that her aunt was right, but she couldn’t risk it. It was too much of a leap with a boy she barely knew. “It is so hard,” she whispered, wiping a tear from her cheek. “Why does it have to be so hard?”
“Because for some reason that is what the Order has deemed for you.” Milne held out her arms. Teth climbed into her bed and laid her head on her aunt’s rattling chest. “The Order must have great plans for you, because it has tempered you more than any child I have ever seen.”
From Across the Clouded Range Page 15