by Amanda Lance
“Why?”
“I-I heard you liked it.”
I smiled. “Oh.”
As we reached the town square, I lifted my hand and stretched it out to the sunshine. The light felt good there, and while the warmth seeped into my bones, I tried to ignore the feeling of James’ eyes on the back of my feet. I felt like he wanted to look at me, but maybe didn’t know how to do it without being obvious.
“Say…” I turned around and poked his shoulder. “Where are we going, anyway?”
“Do you want to see my museum?”
“Is it just me or does that sound like a bad pick-up line?”
James ran a hand through his hair and I caught the smell of his shampoo. I decided to walk down wind of him from then on.
“It’s not, I promise.” He coughed over his other shoulder, but I think he was trying to hide how pink his face was.
“I didn’t think this town was big enough for a museum.”
“It’s not a real museum; I guess it’s more like a science center.”
“I haven’t been to one of those things since I was little.”
“It was stupid of me to mention it.”
“Does it have those plastic skeletons?”
“Of course.”
“A planetarium?”
“Nothing like that.” He frowned.
I shrugged. “Good. Those things are overrated, anyway.”
There was a big plain building at the end of a strip mall with nothing else in it except a closed Blockbuster. The windows of the Ravel Center of Science and Technology were blacked out. The entire building was only two floors.
No one was waiting at the admittance stand, so we probably could have just walked right on through, but James waited until the attendant came and gave him a five dollar bill. He told me that the place ran on donations, which explained the lack of lighting and the dampness. It was colder and darker in that place than the damn basement. I glanced at crooked pictures on the wall of Albert Einstein, Marie Curie, and a bunch more that I didn’t know. With stained red velvet carpet, the place reminded me of an old movie theatre or one of those cheesy haunted houses people went to in October.
I reached out for James in the semi-darkness. His elbow stiffened, but he let me curl my arm around his anyway.
He showed me the Human Life exhibit loaded with those anatomical models with pull apart organs and plastic muscles inside. I’ve never been a science wiz, but even I could see some vital pieces missing here and there. I’m pretty sure the human body has two kidneys…
“Almost everything is just donations from Universities and hospitals,” James explained. He pointed to a set of optical models behind a display case. “When the optometrist at the mall retired, he gave this place a lot of his stuff.”
I plucked the optic nerves like guitar strings. “Do you come here a lot?”
“This place and the petting zoo are the only field trips Ravel Elementary ever takes. When I got my license, I started coming around once in awhile.”
“A break from the monotony?”
He smiled. “Exactly.”
I walked over to the eye displays and stared. None of the irises were gray, though.
“You really like this place, don’t you?”
“I guess I’m kind of a geek.”
He blushed when I said, “Geeks are hot now. Very Trendy.” I looked around. “What’s upstairs?”
He paled. “Physical sciences and chemistry.”
“That could be neat.”
“Nah, just lots of old computers and batteries…”
James walked into the next room and turned on the lights. Under the title Evolution of Man, the cavemen had been rearranged in lurid displays. I sighed, took my hands out of the hoodie pocket, and tugged at the arm of a pioneer woman until her finger was out of her nose.
“Sorry,” he said suddenly. “This is really lame.”
“It’s not.”
I’m not sure what possessed me to do it. Later on, it might have been the misery in his voice, a sort of regret that I didn’t understand. Still, I reached for him, listening to his breath slacken as I circled my hand around his wrist. His whole body seemed to tense but at least he didn’t pull away. He stared at me, those short eyelashes batting away his shyness. I was awkward, but I didn’t feel unwanted, just sad. Whether it was his unhappiness I was picking up on or just trying to deflect my own, I knew that if I could squeeze that loneliness out of him, then I could help us both. I took his arms and circled them around me as far as my own arms would go. He was still a frozen statue, so I hugged him tighter until he finally hugged me back. When he did, he made this sound between a hiccup and inhaling. I laughed.
It was official, James McKay was breathless.
Something smashed in the lobby. The noise was good because it distracted me from thoughts that weren’t exactly innocent. James let go of my waist and looked at the floor. He was jittery, though I didn’t understand why until a squeaky voice shouted something in Spanish.
“Yo, McKay!”
“Hey!” The timbre of his voice had changed, it was more akin to anger.
“J-James, what—”
He put his hand out to silence me and I obeyed, despite my curiosity.
“McKay?” A shorter Hispanic boy peeked his head out from around the corner. “Just the man I was looking for!”
I watched James’ shoulder droop. And though I didn’t want to be directly rude, the boy was hard to look at. Other than having longer, oily hair, his face was covered with pimples and any teeth that were not obscenely crooked were inky black.
James sighed. He was clearly annoyed. “Hi, Nicky.”
“How are ya, bro—long time no see.” He was shaking James’ hand like he was trying to rip it off. Then he stopped and looked at me. in that creepy way that made my radar go off. “It’s good to see you. I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
I nudged James with my elbow. “And here you said you didn’t have any friends.”
“Who, and it’s good to see you, too!” Nicky kept eyeing me up and down, a gesture I was not fond of, to say the least. I cowered behind James instinctively, and then wondered why the instinct was there to begin with. “Very good to see you.”
James closed the step between us. “You shouldn’t be here.”
“I know, man, I know. But Louie wanted to talk to you about that thing…” I watched his eyes shift back and forth and saw how dilated his pupils were. “You know,” he emphasized again, “that thing.”
“Yeah, I understand you perfectly.”
James turned to me, kind of desperate. “I’ll um, ah—”
Nicky wrapped his arm around James’ shoulder and led him away. “We’ll be right back, sugar.” He laughed. “Try not to let those ghouls and goblins eat your sweetness up.”
I waited until I could no longer hear their footsteps before bolting out of there.
“Hadley?”
I was sitting on the sidewalk waiting for James. Maybe I shouldn’t have been, but he still had my backpack, and I was all but certain I would get lost trying to walk home by myself. So I waited, and when he sat beside me, I felt better.
“Hadley?”
“James.”
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
He nodded. “Maybe we should get back to school—”
“James?”
He shut the door behind us and we walked down the parking lot to the road. I was glad that Nicky kid was gone, but an eerie feeling still lingered with the facts I knew from afterschool specials and my parents’ lectures.
“Was that kid high?”
“Yes.”
“How do you know him?”
“I’d rather not say.”
“You don’t tutor him, do you?”
He hesitated before turning back to me, and for the first time since our original meeting, I saw the same tired but defensive boy who just loved his dog and simply couldn’t sleep.
All
he did was shrug.
I smiled and tried to coil my arm around his but he pulled away. “I’m your friend, James McKay.”
“I don’t have any of those.”
We remained silent for the rest of the walk back to school, and by the time I reached my locker, it nearly killed me that I hadn’t made him smile the entire way.
Chapter 22
McKay
I shouldn’t have sold to the Goths.
I shouldn’t have indebted myself to The Stooges.
I shouldn’t have brought her there.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
The reason anyone in the illegal pharmaceutical industry gets caught is because they’ve make a stupid mistake. Not stupid mistakes plural, but one stupid mistake, singular. And now I’ve made three. The first because I needed, no, wanted the money. The second because I knew I’d never be able to sleep until that look of worry was wiped from her pretty face. And then the third was because I really liked, no, like, Hadley Grayson.
Very stupid.
I can’t let any of those things happen again. I got lucky that the Goths managed not to kill themselves this weekend, and that’s if they even used the stuff I sold them. Hopefully, they did and that’ll be the end of it, they’ll never use it again. At least I’m confident that King Asshat won’t touch anything I make ever again, including but not limited to playdough spaghetti and homemade cookies. How could someone with a sister worrying at home for them do something like that? I guess Jenna was the one who egged him on and Simon was trying to impress her or something. Even then, that’s pretty stupid… On second thought, if Hadley Grayson asked me to jab a pencil in my eye, I’d probably do it.
I know I don’t have that option anymore, though. I have to stay away from her. She obviously isn’t as stupid as I thought she was and would eventually know how I fertilize my college fund.
I’m a total piece of shit for taking Hadley to the science center. There was a feeling that pricked my gut, like getting stabbed with a bunch of little needles. I don’t know much about Nicky, other than that he works at one of Louie’s labs. But that doesn’t bother me. In order for Louie to know where I was, he would have had to have me followed, but that didn’t bother me.
What bothered me was that Nicky had seen me with Hadley. It would get reported to Louie.
I get Hadley back to school, and then go straight to my house. I almost expect to see Louie there himself, but I would have to stop there anyway to let Dog out.
“Hey, boy. Are you okay?” He takes his sweet time getting up from the sofa, having a hard time getting his hips aligned before taking the last leap with his back paws.
I feed him and then let him run outside for awhile. If Louie comes around, then I don’t want Dog to be there.
When you’re involved in the illegal paramedical industry, it’s important to have several locations available to you.
I like the park dead-center in Ravel (it’s cliché, I know, but bear with me). Your typical park is open from dawn to dusk, but because Ravel Municipal Park is where the local scouts usually have their campouts (how sleeping in a tent in a soccer field is camping is beyond me) it’s not unusual to see people there at night. In the summer, local birdwatchers are given a permit to watch for bat migrations and the occasional baseball game runs late, prompting the outfield lights. So I think if the police are doing a search of the area and they see a couple of people wandering around, as long as no one is holding spray paint cans or wearing ski masks, you can think of a good excuse.
Overall, the park is empty except for one or two wayward joggers and a couple of kids throwing free shots at the basketball court. I roam around and try to be as inconspicuous as possible. If Louie wants to see me out of the blue, I figure it can’t be any good. What if he got pinched by the cops and they offered a lower sentence to bring in the rest of his cohorts? I replay the last few batches of ecstasy I made for him over and over in my head, trying to figure out if and where I could have screwed up. How pissed would Louie be if he or one of his people had a bad ride after using my product? I always saw him as more of a business guy and less to take things personally, but then again, it was hard to know who anyone was.
It is just after dark when the kids at the basketball court start clearing out. I look around the jungle gym and glance up at the bird nests high in the trees to look out for microphones or wires or anything else that could possibly incriminate me. Hell, I even feel around the water fountains and the pavilion where dog walkers could get plastic bags to clean up after their dog.
I know I’m being paranoid, but Louie has never asked to meet me out here in the open like this. Taking the time to address me in a public forum is definitely not his style. And it still scorches me to think of the way Nicky looked at Hadley. The few times I’ve met him, he was so cranked up, I doubt Hadley with her lean arms and outstandingly long legs would have any trouble outrunning him. I still hated it. Hate. Hate. Hate.
Now I’m beginning to hate this Goddamn park.
Along the edge of the tennis court, which had its nets down for the season, there is a path made out of mulch. It lead over to the cross section of a high cobblestone bridge that connects the two ends of the park. Underneath there is a creek, but the cement tunnel that closes it off is still plenty tall and wide enough for a few human bodies. I can clearly see it has been occupied by players of all ages. Gum and condom wrappers have stuffed into holes of the pavement along with the remains of bottle rockets. I’m thinking this probably leads out to sewers, that it would make a great club house for a kid, or a great place to kill someone.
I stuff my hands into my pockets, remembering the way Hadley had briefly worn the same sweatshirt. I tuck my nose inside and thought I could smell her perfume there over my own grossness, but it could have just been my imagination.
“McKay?”
Louie is whispering my name from on top of the bridge. From here it sounds louder than it probably is. I take this as a good sign. He probably isn’t stupid enough to address me out loud if he is there to kill me.
I’m thinking that at least I don’t have to worry about that.
“Shh,” I whisper, “down here.”
I hear him swear as he slides down the small mud embankment. You would think he’d spend less money on nice shoes. When he climbs into the tunnel, the bottom of his pants are wet and I can hear sloshing in his sneakers.
“Dude, what the fuck?”
“You rang?” It’s important not to say anything incriminating. Let him say something before I do.
He laughs and I wonder if he has just gotten his teeth cleaned, how many had to get high for him to do it. “Yeah, Lurch. You know, you’re kind of a hard guy to get a hold of. I had to send Nicky to get you.”
“I don’t appreciate that.”
“You kidding me? I wouldn’t have to do that if you kept a regular phone.” Louie starts picking at his hair. I’m wondering if he’ll get to be so vain in prison. Then again, with enough money, he’ll probably be able to do anything he wants. He’s wearing some kind of oversized t-shirt with a shiny holographic design and a ball cap on sideways. If he wasn’t so hygienic, he’d be a walking cliché. Ha ha.
I think that if Hadley were here, I would tell her that. Whisper it in her ear, if I were more confident, and make her laugh.
“What was so important?” If I initiate the conversation then I can stay in control. I look at the growths on the cement and try to seem indifferent. I wonder if they are mold spores or wads of spunk. I wonder if they are spitballs or more gum. I think they look like tumors. I wish I had a tumor, a big cancerous one. I think how unfair it is that kids all over are dying faster than they should be, when I’ll probably live to see flying cars.
“You’re gonna start making more E for me.”
“More?”
“You deaf, bitch? More. M-o-r-e. I’m gonna need regular batches. No more of this sporadic bullshit.”
“How r-regular is regular?”
My
heart is jumping around. Have I said something that will incriminate me yet? A sweat starts on my forehead. I hope my hood will cover it. I don’t want Louie to know how terrifying he is.
“We keep the same routine, but I’ll call you on this from now on.”
I catch the phone he tosses me. It’s just like the same low-grade prepaid kind I use, and I feel like I might die. My chances of getting caught pretty much just doubled. There’s no way I can collect the kind of materials I’ll need for regular ecstasy batches without Frank knowing. And when he knows, he’ll take my money, and then I’ll have to pay for college with a regular job. Regular jobs mean talking to normals, and dorm rooms, and student loans.
And I can’t breathe.
And I must be dying.
Chapter 23
Hadley
Like so many other unnecessary things, we had tossed out the Halloween stuff before the move, so there wasn’t a whole lot to work with. It hadn’t occurred to me that our group had been discussing costumes all week (apparently Rachel was having trouble coordinating something matching with Mark) and the drama went right over my head.
“What are you going to go as, Hadley?”
My eyes continued to search the parking lot for James. “I wasn’t going to dress up.”
“BS,” Rachel declared. “Come to Jenna’s with us after school. Her parents aren’t home and I stole a ton of stuff from the drama department. We’ll hook you up with something.”
“The entire thing is ridiculous,” Jenna said. “The thing gets busted by midnight every year. You can bet money on it.” She stormed off towards the front gate, flustered as usual.
I pretended to look up from my notebook. “Wait, why are you hooking me up?”
Tim flicked a piece of lead at me from his pencil. “The Shaes’ Halloween buster.”
“Seriously, Hads,” Simon said. “We’ve been talking about it all week.” He rushed to catch up with Jenna, who half-ran with an armful of books and a large diorama.
“You are going, right?” Tim bounced at my side, but I was less than interested in his attention or affection. I was more concerned with the fact that James hadn’t spoken to me in almost a week, not since we had skipped lunch and fourth period and gone to the science center. I figured the kid we’d come across there wasn’t a friend of his, or else he would have been more forthcoming. I had also been asking around and no one had ever heard anything about James McKay tutoring, though it was a fact that he had the second highest GPA in our class and had already been accepted to three different schools, including one Ivy leaguer.