“It’s a big city. Lots of people,” Mika replied quietly, already running out of arguments. She’d made them all before and they sounded just as hollow this time as they had years ago. “It doesn’t matter because we’re not in love and he hasn’t asked me to go with him. It’s moot.”
But she could fall so easily…
“Cal wouldn’t have kissed you unless he felt something. You feel it too. Are you really going to fight this?”
Was she? Her head and her heart were at war currently and both hurt from the skirmish.
“I have no idea what I’m going to do, honestly. I’m so confused I barely know which way is up. I thought I’d handled my feelings for Cal, to be honest. Placed him in his own little compartment and labeled it ‘The Past’.”
“Now he’s your present,” Charlotte replied crisply. “What do you plan to do about it? Run and hide or gather your courage and face it?”
Mika had to finally admit there wasn’t any way to outrun her past. It had found her, kissed her, and made her feel things she hadn’t in so long. It was bad and good and yes, kind of annoying all at the same time. She hadn’t been consulted about whether she wanted this but here it was whether she liked it or not.
“I don’t really have a choice. If I don’t deal with Cal now he’ll haunt me for the rest of my life.”
“So what’s the plan?”
“I have no idea. There is no plan except to survive the next few months but one thing is for certain. I’m done with trying to avoid him or make him feel guilty. From now on I deal with Cal straight on, no games. If he wants to spend time with Alex then that’s fine and dandy with me.”
“And if he wants to spend time with you?” Charlotte asked, a playful smile on her lips as she snagged another piece of bacon. “What will you do then?”
“You ask a lot of questions,” Mika said instead of answering. She stood and went straight to the coffee pot, warming up her cup, studiously avoiding looking her friend in the eye.
“Michaela Adams, you don’t fool me.”
Mika had a terrible feeling she wasn’t fooling anyone. Cal least of all.
Chapter Nine
“I’M ALL FINISHED up in the bedroom. That only leaves the table you want built for the back porch.”
Cal was wiping his hands on a towel as he joined her in the dining room of the haunted house. Mika was at the table putting the finishing touches on some throw pillows for the parlor. She’d tried to keep her distance from Cal all week but he kept finding reasons to talk to her about this and that. Nothing of real importance but it still all seemed perfectly legitimate.
But it was still awkward as hell.
After the kiss they’d shared she simply didn’t know how she was supposed to act. She’d had a week to think it over and she wasn’t any closer to sorting out her emotions. All she knew was she still had feelings for Cal. Strong feelings that weren’t going to fade away on their own. They hadn’t after all this time so it looked like they were here to stay.
Now the only question was what was she prepared to do about it?
Mika was a woman who valued bravery and right now she wasn’t a shining example. Her heart was crying out for one more chance with Cal and her head was in a semi-permanent state of muddle. It didn’t make for the best combination.
“I can’t believe how quickly you’ve worked through that list. I thought it would take twice as long.”
Mika congratulated herself on how normal she sounded and not like the confused, sleep deprived woman she actually was at this moment. She handed him a bottle of water from the cooler at her feet, their fingers brushing just long enough to send a bolt of electricity straight up her arm and down to her already fluttering stomach.
“I like to keep busy. Dad doesn’t have much work these days.”
“Is he going to retire soon?”
Cal sat down in a folding chair with a soft groan. “I hope so, but he likes to stay busy so I guess a carpentry job every now and then isn’t such a terrible thing. It’s big jobs like this that I don’t think he should be doing.”
The haunted house was a huge job and Cal had donated every bit of his labor. It was above and beyond the call of duty, especially since he didn’t call Applewood home any longer.
A small factoid she needed to remember.
“I don’t know what we would have done without you.”
She cursed silently as her voice sounded more breathless than she intended.
“You would have managed. You always have before.” He tipped the bottle back and drained the last of the icy liquid. “Where’s Alex tonight? I thought he was going to help me stain those chairs.”
Mika plucked at a thread on her sweater. “He’s, um, he’s with Charlotte and her kids. He’s spending the night. Then tomorrow night they’ll stay at our house. We switch off so the boys can spend time together.”
Cal’s brows shot up and Mika’s heart beat a little faster. Since they’d bared their souls they hadn’t been alone – truly alone – but they were now. All the other volunteers had wandered off to their homes.
“I’m sure he and Kenny will have fun. So what do you have planned for your evening alone?”
Mika shrugged carelessly as if there wasn’t a wall of living, breathing tension between them at the moment.
“Probably a hot bath and some pizza. Maybe read a good book.”
Mika hadn’t sat down long enough to read a book in years. She’d been too busy being mother and father to a little boy that needed both while making a living at the same time.
“How about dinner and a movie?”
It was her turn to look surprised. She had to consciously close her mouth as it was hanging open with shock.
Did he just ask her out on a date?
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Cal.”
“Why? Because we kissed the other night and you liked it? Well, I liked it too. I liked it so much I think we should do it again.”
She wasn’t prepared for this.
“I didn’t like it.”
That only made Cal grin and laugh because they both knew she was a big, fat liar. She’d loved that kiss and had been thinking about it constantly since it had happened.
“You’re lucky lightning is busy elsewhere, sweetheart, or you’d be fried. Now let’s try this again. Would you like to go out tonight?”
“No,” she mumbled, shoving papers willy-nilly into her bag and trying not to look him in the eyes. She needed to get the hell out of here because she was starting to feel weak. “I need to go home.”
“No, you want to go home. You need to face the fact that there’s still something between us. Don’t you owe it to yourself to find out what it is?”
Mika slapped her purse down on the table, anger and frustration bubbling just underneath the surface as she held on to her temper by a thread. “You are such an arrogant ass. You think no woman can resist you.”
Cal shook his head and stepped closer so she had to look up at him. “Not in the least. The fact is I’m not such a great bargain right now. A man in the midst of a mid-life crisis. Unemployed to boot. That’s hardly irresistible. But I haven’t stopped thinking about that kiss and I think you’ve done the same thing. I don’t know where this might lead but I know that I want to follow where it goes. Tell me you don’t feel the same.”
“So what if I do? I know how this ends, Cal. I was there the last time, remember?”
“Not this time,” Cal growled, wrapping an arm around her and yanking her close. Their bodies were melded together and she was swamped with his heady scent, her senses almost drunk. “I’ve thought a lot about us and there’s nothing for me back in Chicago. I’m staying put this time.”
With every fiber of her being she wanted to believe him. It would all be like a fairytale with her, Cal, and Alex living happily ever after in a home with a white picket fence.
She didn’t believe in the Tooth Fairy anymore.
“You’ve rented the house for th
ree months.”
His smile widened and his arms tightened around her, their lips so close. “Sometimes I forget how news travels around here. It doesn’t make any difference though. I’ve done a lot of thinking and I’ve decided to stay.”
“You could never be happy here.”
“The old me couldn’t but I’ve changed, sweetheart. Already I feel less stressed and happier than I have in a long time. It’s over with the FBI and I know it. I’ll be lucky if they don’t throw me out on my ass.”
“So you’ll take me as a consolation prize?”
The words came out more bitter than she’d planned but there was still too much anger in her heart to believe his sweet words.
“I’ll take you as my second chance at happiness. I blew the first but I’m hoping you’ll want to try again. What we have is rare and I realize that now. I think you know it too.”
“When did you come to that conclusion?”
His large hand, callused and rough, cupped her cheek. “This morning, actually. I might be a little slow on the uptake but once I get there I’m all in. Now I’ll ask again. Will you go out to dinner with me?”
“No.”
“Say yes.”
“No,” she said again but it didn’t have the force of the first one. He was looking at her with an expression of longing that she’d almost forgotten. “No.”
“Coward,” he whispered in her ear, his breath caressing her skin and sending sparks straight to her toes.
“Challenging me isn’t going to work. And I’m not a coward.”
“That’s the damn truth. The woman I knew wouldn’t have run from this, Mika. She wouldn’t run away from her feelings. That’s one of the things I loved about her. Her innate honesty. You were the first one to say I love you. You were courageous and I thought you were the most amazing woman I’d ever known. Hell, I still do.”
How was she supposed to stay strong when all she wanted to do was collapse in his arms? It wasn’t fair and it pissed her off but he was right about one thing. She’d changed since she became Alex’s mother. She’d become a shadow of her former self, playing it safe at all times and eschewing risk. It hadn’t happened overnight but here she was a real wimp. The kind of woman who could bore herself to tears.
“Fine. Just dinner.”
“And a movie,” he pressed but she shook her head in exasperation. He’d always been like this. Give the man an inch and he thought he was a ruler.
“Maybe a movie. Don’t push me, Cal. I can easily just go home and eat in front of the television by myself.”
“Okay, you win. Dinner and maybe a movie.”
“What did you have in mind? The diner?”
Cal’s arms loosened and he stepped back and began packing away his tools one by one. “Actually I heard about that new steak house in Virginia Beach and I’ve been wanting to try it. Are you game?”
He knew very well she loved a well-cooked filet with a baked potato on the side. Her answer was a given.
“Then I definitely need to change.” She looked down at her faded blue jeans and white blouse, already second-guessing the entire evening. “Is that okay?”
“Of course. I can’t go like this either. Why don’t I pick you up in about an hour?”
Like a date. With kisses and stuff. She was such an idiot. Cal made her do things she wouldn’t normally do.
“An hour,” she echoed, grabbing up her things and making her way toward the car. She didn’t want to think about how unwise the entire idea was. “I’ll be ready.”
As ready as she’d ever be.
Chapter Ten
CAL RAN HIS finger around his collar again as he and Mika sipped their coffee. They were sitting in the new steakhouse in Virginia Beach after enjoying a delicious meal and excellent service. The restaurant had certainly lived up to its hype and he and Mika had managed to keep the conversation light and friendly for most of the meal.
He was still nervous as hell. Everything he wanted was riding on this so the pressure was on. He’d always thrived on the adrenaline but the sweat pooling at the back of his neck was no joke. This tiny woman held his future happiness in her hands.
She was nervous too.
She fidgeted in her chair, crossing and uncrossing her legs while she jangled her foot to some beat that only she could hear. Now that dinner was drawing to an end she was playing with her spoon, her gaze riveted to the flatware as if it was the first utensil she’d ever seen in her life.
“So what do you think about a movie? I’ll let you choose. They have them all here in Virginia Beach.”
The Applewood cinema only showed two movies at a time and they were whatever Sam’s wife enjoyed, which meant they were usually chick flicks of some sort where someone dies in the end and everyone cries. Not a car chase, alien, or superhero to be found.
“It’s kind of late.”
Mika still didn’t look up, needlessly stirring her coffee, the china clinking with every turn of the spoon.
Cal quickly checked his watch and grinned. “It’s nine o’clock. That’s not late unless you’re Alex’s age. We’re all grown up and we can stay out when it’s not a school night.”
Mika finally looked up at him a reluctant smile on her lips. “I’m usually passed out on the couch by nine-thirty. It’s funny because I used to be such a night owl.”
Laughing, he remembered a few crabby, cranky mornings but he’d always known the way to get on her good side. “I never could convince you that the sunrise was something worth getting up for. You once threw your alarm clock at me when we were going fishing.”
“Why do fish get up so early anyway?” Mika wrinkled her nose and Cal had to quell the urge to kiss her right here at the table in front of all the other patrons.
“I doubt they have a big social life so they probably go to bed early.”
Mika tapped her chin in thought. “I think they probably do. They swim around in schools so they’re always socializing. I bet fish are all extroverts.”
This was more like the woman he’d left behind. Zany. Challenging. Gorgeous.
When he’d picked her up tonight he’d had to put his tongue back in his head. Dressed in a little black dress that skimmed her thighs and showed just a hint of cleavage, she looked mouth-wateringly beautiful. She’d left her auburn hair down and all he could think about was running his fingers through those silky strands.
“I know what you’re doing, sweetheart. You’re trying to distract me from the original question. Do you want to go see a movie?”
“No,” she sighed, setting her spoon down on the saucer with a clatter. “I want to go to the beach. I haven’t been in ages. Will you take me?”
Moonlight, sand, and Mika frolicking on the shore. Hell yes, he’d take her. Then he’d kiss her under that moon and remind her of all the good things they’d had together.
* * *
THE WATER WAS cold.
Mika danced in the soft sand as the waves lapped at her toes. Giggling as the foam tickled the soles of her feet, she reached out to grab Cal’s arm and pull him in with her. They’d both taken off their shoes but mostly he’d stood there watching her act like a crazy loon.
It had been so damn long since she’d had…fun.
No worries in sight and nothing but the night ahead. Alex was safely with Charlotte. The haunted house was ahead of schedule. Even the term papers she’d assigned had been read and graded. There wasn’t a speed bump in sight.
“Christ on a unicycle,” Cal hissed as another wave crashed into their legs. “This water is like ice. Now I know why we only came here in the summer.”
“It’s not that bad,” she protested, pulling him deeper until the water reached their knees. Well, her knees. He was much taller. “It’s refreshing.”
The full moon hung overhead and she could clearly make out his scandalized features. “If this is only refreshing you might like to take a dip into Lake Michigan in January. You’d love it.”
Digging her toes into
the sand, she closed her eyes and felt the in and out pull of the tide plus the gentle breeze on her face. She hadn’t felt so alive in years and a huge part of it was this man.
She wanted to be the person she used to be.
She wanted to do that with Cal.
Mika opened her eyes and stepped closer to Cal before grabbing his shirt with both hands, the material bunched in between her fingers. She tugged on the fabric until they were almost nose to nose. This was the most important question of her life and she needed the answer. She couldn’t wait to figure it out at some later date. It was now or never.
“Are you really staying in Applewood? Don’t bullshit me, Cal. Tell me the truth. Are you staying?”
She’d practically shouted but thank the gods there wasn’t anyone around. She couldn’t drag her gaze away and they simply stood there for a long time looking into one another’s eyes. She hoped he could see that she needed to know the truth and nothing but the truth.
“Yes,” he finally said, his voice deep but still soft in the silence. “I’m staying. Applewood is home and so are you. I had a long talk with my mother on Sunday and she set me straight about a lot of things. I may not know what I’m going to do with the rest of my life but I know that I want you in it.”
Mika wanted desperately to believe. Cal had evoked so many emotions in her since the day he’d walked back into her life. It was as if she’d been asleep for years but was now awakened, seeing everything clearly. So many mistakes, so many hurts. Was she arrogant to think they could wipe that away and start again?
“You’re not sure about me, are you? I’ve never lied to you, Mika. In the past I never said that I’d stay. I never made you a promise I couldn’t keep. So when I say to you now that I’m not going anywhere I’m telling the God’s honest truth. Will you trust me?” Cal asked, his fingers tracing her jaw and taking her breath away. She’d been alone way too long and had missed his strong hands. “Maybe this will remind you that you can.”
His lips were on hers and she gripped his shoulders as the world spun on its axis. The very breath seemed to be sucked from her body even as her heart sounded in her ears like a timpani. This was what she’d pushed out of her mind, told herself she didn’t need.
Hot SEALs: Discarded Heart (Kindle Worlds; Danger Incorporated Book 2.5) Page 6