by Amy Clipston
Madeleine sniffed and wiped her eyes again as the bride and groom recited their vows. The bishop read “A Prayer for Those about to Be Married” from an Amish prayer book called the Christenpflicht. When the second sermon was over, the congregation knelt while the bishop again read from the Christenpflicht. After he recited the Lord’s Prayer, the congregation stood, and the three-hour service ended with another hymn.
Once the ceremony was over, the men began rearranging furniture while the women set out to serve the wedding dinner.
“I’ll introduce you to Hannah before going to help.” Ruth took Madeleine’s arm and led her to where Hannah stood with her family.
Hannah’s face brightened as they approached. “Ruth, hi. It’s so gut to see you.”
“It’s wonderful to see you,” Ruth said. “I’d like you to meet my friend Madeleine Miller. She works with me at the hotel. Madeleine, this is Hannah Peterson.”
“Hi, Hannah.” Madeleine shook Hannah’s hand. “We’re neighbors, actually. I live a few streets away from your bed-and-breakfast. I inherited my grandparents’ house and moved into it back in February.”
“How nice.” Hannah touched the arm of the man next to her. “This is my husband, Trey. And this is my daughter Amanda and my son, Andrew.”
“It’s nice to meet you all,” Madeleine said as they smiled at her. “I like to run a few mornings a week, and I jog past your bed-and-breakfast a lot. I’ve thought about stopping in to say hello.”
“Oh, you should,” Hannah insisted.
“Thank you. I would really like that.” Madeleine excused herself before turning back to Ruth.
Women began bringing trays of drinks and food out of the kitchen.
“Should I help with setting out the dinner?” Madeleine asked Ruth.
“No, no.” Ruth shook her head. “You’re a guest.” She pointed toward a corner. “You can sit with the other Englishers. I’ll join you if you’d like.”
“Oh no.” Madeleine touched Ruth’s arm. “You go and enjoy your family. Thank you for explaining the service to me.”
“Did you understand any of it?” Ruth asked.
“I actually did. My Dietsch is coming back to me.”
“That’s wunderbaar.” Ruth smiled.
Madeleine smoothed her hands over her long blue skirt and hoped her plain blue blouse and skirt were modest enough for the wedding. She wanted to blend in and not offend any members of Carolyn’s community. She touched her bun, making sure her thick hair had stayed in place. She’d used nearly half a can of hairspray on it that morning. She also had forgone any makeup, which seemed freeing. She used to worry about choosing the right colors of lipstick and eye shadow, but lately she felt most comfortable without any makeup at all.
“Madeleine!” Emma appeared beside her and grinned. “It’s gut to see you!”
“It’s nice to see you too, Emma.” Madeleine touched her arm. “How are you? How’s your ankle?”
“It’s great!” She danced around. “See? It doesn’t hurt at all. The ice and bandage really helped.”
“Oh, that’s great news.” Madeleine touched Ruth’s arm as well. “Do you know Ruth? She’s my friend from work.”
“Ya, I know Ruth.” Emma smiled up at her.
“It’s great to see you, Emma.” Ruth nodded at her.
“How do you know Carolyn and Josh?” Emma asked.
“I work with Carolyn and Ruth at the hotel,” Madeleine said.
“Oh.” Emma nodded slowly. “You need to come by the farm. One of our barn cats had another litter of kittens, and they are cute. I’ve been naming them. You can name one too. You can keep a couple of them if you want to. Do you like cats?”
“I do,” Madeleine said. “I have cats living in the small barn on my property. In fact, I think there may be a new litter there too. You’ll have to come and visit them someday.”
“Oh ya. I’d love to see your kittens too.” Emma glanced across the room. “There’s my best friend, Esther. I better go. See you soon.”
“How do you know Emma?” Ruth asked as Emma ran off.
“My property backs up to her father’s,” Madeleine explained. “Actually, my grandparents owned all of her father’s property and sold it to him years ago.”
“Oh ya. I had forgotten that.”
Madeleine watched Emma meet up with another girl and walk over to her father.
Ruth’s gaze moved across the room. “I see my son and his family over there. Would you like to meet them?”
“Oh, sure.” Madeleine smiled. “I’d love to.”
“Wonderful.” Ruth led Madeleine across the room. “I can’t wait for you to meet my family.”
Saul was talking with Marcus when he saw Emma and Esther rushing toward them.
“Dat!” Emma began, out of breath from running. “You’ll never guess who’s here!”
“Who?” Saul glanced at Marcus, who shrugged.
“Madeleine! She’s here,” Emma said.
“That’s nice,” Saul said.
“She asked how my ankle is, and she told me she was happy to see me,” Emma continued. “I told her about the barn cats, and she said she has barn cats too. She wants me to come over and see her new kittens.”
“Now, Emma,” Saul began. “What did I tell you about leaving Madeleine alone?”
Emma frowned. “I know, Dat.”
“What did I say?” he asked again.
“I shouldn’t bother her,” Emma said, her voice lacking its previous enthusiasm.
“That’s right,” Saul said.
Emma turned to Esther. “Let’s go help them serve the food.”
“Okay!” Esther agreed.
The two girls headed to the kitchen.
Marcus sidled up to Saul. “Who’s Madeleine?”
“She’s the Englisher who lives in the haus in front of my property.” He nodded toward where Madeleine was standing. “She’s over there by Ruth Ebersol and her family.”
Marcus looked toward the Ebersol family as Saul studied Madeleine. She looked different today. In fact, he almost didn’t recognize her. Her dark hair was styled in a tight bun, and she was wearing a plain dark blue blouse and skirt. He was relieved to see her in appropriate clothing. At least she wouldn’t give Emma the wrong idea about how a woman should dress.
“I take it that you finally got to meet her then?” Marcus asked.
“Ya.” Saul crossed his arms over his chest. “A few weeks ago, Emma fell and Madeleine came over to help her. I was in the shop and didn’t hear Emma crying out.”
“You never told me this.” Marcus’s eyes were wide with concern. “Was Emma hurt?”
“She sprained her ankle, but it healed up just fine. Madeleine told me how to care for it. She’s a nurse.”
“Oh. That’s gut that Madeleine heard her.”
“Ya, it was.” Saul considered Emma’s interest in Madeleine. “But I don’t want Emma getting too friendly with this Englisher. I don’t want her to influence Emma into thinking that it’s a gut idea to leave the community.”
“How would Madeleine do that?” Marcus looked incredulous. “She’s just your neighbor.”
“Right, but apparently Madeleine is Martha Stoltzfus’s grossdochder. Martha’s dochder left the community, and now Madeleine has come back. If Emma gets to know her better, she may influence Emma to leave.”
“Just like your bruder did.” Marcus finished his thought.
Saul sighed. “Exactly.”
Marcus leaned over and lowered his voice. “Why don’t you just say what you’re really thinking? You’re afraid she’ll leave like Annie did.”
Saul gave him a stiff nod. He couldn’t admit the words out loud.
“Saul, you can’t live in fear of that,” Marcus said. “Emma is going to make her own decisions. You just keep doing what you’re doing—being a gut dat to her. She’ll make the right decisions. God has the perfect plan for her.”
Saul prayed his best friend was right, but
he couldn’t stop that nagging fear at the back of his mind.
“Hi, Saul.”
Saul turned and found Madeleine standing beside him. “Madeleine,” he said with surprise. “Hi.”
She stuck her hand out to Marcus. “Hi. I’m Madeleine Miller. I live next to Saul’s farm.”
“Nice to meet you.” Marcus shook her hand. “I’m Marcus Smucker.”
“Smucker.” Madeleine tilted her head with surprise. “Are you related to the bishop?”
“Ya, I am, actually.” Marcus nodded. “He’s my daadi. I mean grandfather.”
“I know what daadi means,” Madeleine said with a smile. “My grandparents were Amish. They were Martha and Melvin Stoltzfus.”
“You’re living at your grandparents’ house?” Marcus asked.
“That’s right.” Madeleine nodded. “I inherited it.”
“I’ve seen you at Martha’s haus. It’s nice to finally meet you.” Marcus turned toward Saul. “I’m going to go find my fraa. I’ll see you both later.” He nodded and then headed toward the other side of the room.
Saul wished his friend had stayed by his side. He had no idea what to say to Madeleine Miller.
“It’s good to see you again, Saul,” Madeleine began. “I spoke with Emma earlier. She said her ankle has healed nicely.”
“Ya, she’s all better now. Danki again for your help.” He fingered his suspenders and tried to think of something else to say. “I didn’t expect to see you at the wedding. I noticed you were talking to Ruth Ebersol. Do you know her and her family well?”
“I work with her at the Lancaster Grand Hotel.” She glanced toward where Carolyn and Joshua were sitting and eating their wedding supper. “Carolyn also works with us.”
“That’s right,” Saul said. “I remember Carolyn worked at the hotel.”
Madeleine smiled at him, and her eyes were the color of his morning coffee. “Well, it was nice to see you again, Saul.”
“Ya, it was nice to see you too,” he said, repeating the sentiment.
“Take care.” She gave him a little wave and then headed toward a corner where other Englisher guests were talking.
Saul studied Madeleine as she approached another guest and began to talk to her. He was surprised she had taken a moment to speak to him. That was friendly of her, but at the same time, he didn’t like the idea of Emma getting to know Madeleine. She was much too worldly for his liking, and he needed to shield his precious daughter from the Englisher world. After all, Emma was the only family he had left.
EIGHT
Hannah stepped out onto the porch and breathed in the brisk October air. It was surreal to be back at the farm where she’d lived with her first husband, Gideon. This was the same home where Gideon had brought her after their wedding and where she’d had her three children. It was also on this property that Gideon had succumbed to his massive heart attack nearly seven years ago.
Although she’d enjoyed seeing Carolyn and Joshua’s wedding, she’d felt a bit claustrophobic surrounded by the members of her former community. No one said anything outright about her excommunication, but the sad expressions people tossed her way, even those who were kind enough to speak to her, were overwhelming. She felt like an outcast in the home that had belonged to her not very long ago.
She descended the porch steps and gazed off toward the barns where Joshua’s horses and animals were housed. Her husband’s shiny European car seemed out of place inside the sea of buggies clogging the field beside the pasture. It almost seemed like an analogy for her life—she was a lone anachronism when she visited her former community.
“Hannah?”
She glanced up toward the porch to where her former mother-in-law, Barbie Glick, was staring down at her. Her stomach tightened at the sight of the older woman, who had criticized her both while she was married to Gideon and when she decided to leave the community to marry Trey.
“Barbie.” Hannah worked to keep her voice even despite her anxiety. “Hello. It was a lovely wedding, wasn’t it?”
“Ya, it was.” Barbie’s blue eyes bored into her. “What are you doing here?”
“I was invited.” Hannah crossed her arms over her dark blue dress. “Carolyn invited me, Trey, and my children.”
Barbie studied her. “Well, I’m glad that your kinner came. I like to see my grosskinner as often as I can, you know.”
“And you also know that you’re welcome to see them anytime. I’ve never kept them from you.” Hannah stood her ground, despite her frayed nerves. “All you have to do is call me, and Trey or I will bring them to your house. Amanda drives now, and she can come over on her own as well.”
“Fine, then.” Barbie nodded and then disappeared into the house.
Hannah blew out a deep sigh when the woman was out of sight. She’d hoped to speak with Lillian, and she’d spotted her across the room a few times after the service. She’d tried to approach her, but each time she started to cross the room, another kind member of the community stopped Hannah to speak with her.
A group of young people was gathered by the horse barn. Amanda smiled and laughed while surrounded by her former school friends. Although Amanda and her boyfriend, Mike, weren’t dressed in traditional Amish clothing, she seemed comfortable with her friends. Hannah searched the sea of young faces for Lily’s.
“Hannah?” Trey approached her. “I was wondering where you went.”
“I’m sorry I left abruptly, but I needed some air.” She hugged her coat to her body. “I knew coming here would be difficult, but I didn’t imagine just how difficult it would be.”
“I’m sorry.” Trey rubbed her shoulder. “I’d hoped it would go better. Do you want to leave?”
Hannah sighed. “I don’t know. It seems like Andrew and Amanda are having a good time. I hate to pull them away from their friends.”
“Mike brought his car, remember?” Trey asked gently. “You can tell them we’re leaving and ask Mike to take Amanda and Andrew home. I’m certain it won’t be a problem.” He continued rubbing her shoulder. “I don’t want you to feel like you need to stay here if you’re not comfortable. You came and you congratulated Josh and Carolyn. We can go now, okay?”
Hannah hesitated and stared toward the group. Is Lily over there? If so, will she talk to me? Will today be the day she finally forgives me? At these thoughts, her hand moved to her abdomen, which had begun to protrude more in the last few weeks.
“You wanted to talk to Lily.” Trey said her thoughts aloud. “You were hoping she would want to talk today, right?”
Hannah nodded.
Trey’s gaze moved toward the group of young people. “Do you want me to see if she’s there?”
“No.” Hannah shook her head. “I can’t ask you to get involved in this.”
“Maybe it’s time I get involved,” he suggested.
“I think that might make it worse. She might accuse me of trying to bully her into talking with me.” Hannah turned back toward the young people, and her eyes quickly found Amanda and Lillian talking off to the side. Lillian was talking while Amanda nodded. Beside them, Mike chatted with Leroy King, the boy Lillian liked.
“I don’t know how much longer I can watch you suffer,” Trey said. He stopped rubbing her shoulder and turned her toward him. “I worry about you and how it could affect our unborn child.”
“I’ll be fine.” Hannah forced a smile as she looked up at him. “I promise you it will all be fine.” She laced her fingers with his. “Let’s go home.”
“Did you say good-bye to the bride and groom?” he asked.
“I congratulated them earlier.” Hannah nodded. “It’s all right if we leave.”
“Sounds good.” Trey led her toward his car, which was parked near the younger people. They stopped close to where Amanda, Lillian, Mike, and Leroy were talking.
“Hi, Mamm.” Amanda smiled over at them while Lillian’s smile faded.
Hannah studied Lillian, who looked down at her shoes.
&
nbsp; “We’re going to head home,” Trey said. “Mike, would you please bring Amanda and Andrew home?”
“Absolutely,” Mike said.
Hannah continued to stare at Lillian, who moved her eyes from her shoes to a nearby leaf.
“Do you know where Andrew is?” Trey asked Amanda.
“Ya.” Amanda pointed toward the house. “He was with Daadi when I last saw him. I’ll let him know you left, and I’ll keep an eye out for him.”
“Thank you,” Trey said. “You all have fun, and we’ll see you later.”
“Lily,” Hannah said while watching her daughter’s eyes continue to look at anything but her. “Lily, please look at me.”
Lillian scowled as she met her gaze. “What?”
“I’d like to speak to you in private before I leave.” Hannah held her breath. Please answer me, Lily. Talk to me!
Lillian looked at Amanda, who gave her an encouraging expression.
“Fine.” Lillian turned to Leroy. “I’ll be right back.”
Leroy nodded. “Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”
Hannah and Lillian walked past the car and moved behind the large barn that housed most of the horses. “How have you been?” Hannah asked when they stood together.
“I’m fine.” Lillian pushed her glasses farther up on her nose and lifted her chin in defiance. “I’m a gut teacher, and the school board is very satisfied with my work with the scholars.”
“I knew you would be a great teacher.” Hannah smiled. “I’m so proud of you.”
Lillian continued to scowl.
“I see you’re still friends with Leroy King.” Hannah attempted to pull Lillian into a conversation.
Lillian shrugged. “We’re getting to know each other.”
“It looks like Leroy and Mike get along. That’s nice, ya? The four of you can do things together. Maybe you can all have a buddy day.”
“Why are you here?” Lillian narrowed her eyes. “You know you don’t belong here anymore.”
Hannah winced at her daughter’s cruel words. “That’s not true. Carolyn asked me to come and bring Trey and your siblings. I have every right to be here. You know that. People who leave the community come back for special celebrations.”