by Amy Clipston
“How’s your day going?” Ruth asked Madeleine.
“It’s going fine, thank you.” Madeleine pulled out her sandwich and bottle of water. “How about yours?”
“The usual.” Ruth turned to Linda. “And yours?”
Linda shrugged. “Dirty rooms and unmade beds.”
Madeleine smiled. “I wanted to tell you something. I’ve made a decision.”
Ruth raised an eyebrow. “What decision is this?”
“I’m going to become Amish.” Madeleine waited for their reaction.
Linda nodded slowly, and Ruth studied Madeleine.
Then Linda frowned. “Do you realize what you have to give up? You can’t use your cell phone or drive your truck.”
“I know.” Madeleine nodded. “I’m comfortable with that.”
“Why do you want to be Amish?” Ruth asked. “Does it have to do with your neighbors?”
Madeleine nodded. “Partly it does. When I say I want to be a part of the community, I am thinking of Emma Beiler. I made a promise to her, and I intend to keep it. But I also want to be Amish for myself. I want to feel closer to God, and I think being a part of this community of faith will help me do that.”
“What promise did you make to Emma?” Ruth asked.
“Does this have something to do with when she went missing the other night?” Linda asked. “I heard about that when I stopped at the market yesterday.”
“Yes, it does.” Madeleine opened her bottle of water. “Emma was upset, and I promised her I would never leave her.”
“Have you spoken to the bishop?” Linda asked. “You’ll need to talk to him about joining a baptism class and living as an Amish person for a certain amount of time.”
“I’m planning to go see him this weekend.” Madeleine sipped her water.
“Do you want me to go with you?” Ruth offered.
“No, but thank you.” Madeleine smiled at Ruth. “I need to do this myself.” She looked at Ruth and then Linda. “Do I have your blessing?”
“Of course you do.” Linda touched her hand. “You have my blessing. And if you change your mind, I’ll still support you. Becoming baptized is a big decision, and you might change your mind after you start the classes.”
“I don’t think I’ll change my mind.” Madeleine turned to Ruth. “How do you feel about this, Ruth? I really value your opinion.”
“If you feel God is leading you to this, then I support it.” Ruth smiled. “I have a feeling he is leading you, and I’m glad to hear it. If you feel this is your home, then you belong here.”
“Thank you.” Madeleine hoped the bishop would feel the same way.
TWENTY-THREE
Saul was staining a cabinet when he heard a knock on the door frame behind him. He looked over his shoulder and saw Marcus standing in the doorway. He stepped back from the workbench and pulled off his respirator.
“Marcus,” Saul said. “Wie geht’s?”
“I was in the neighborhood, and I thought I’d stop by.” Marcus stepped into the shop, closed the door behind him, and craned his neck to look at the cabinets. “Nice work.”
“Danki.” Saul pointed toward two stools across from the workbench. “Would you like to have a seat?”
“Ya.” Marcus hopped up on a stool. “Sylvia and I have been worried about Emma. How is she doing?”
“She’s fine.” Saul grabbed two bottles of water from the cooler by his workbench and handed one to Marcus. “She’s actually taken the news a lot better than I thought she would. I feel bad for keeping it from her for this long, but I was afraid of how much it would hurt her.”
Marcus sipped the water and shook his head. “I don’t think you did anything wrong by waiting to tell her. She’s just a little girl.”
“But she had a right to know.” Saul sat on the bench across from Marcus. “I guess I need to give the credit for how well Emma is doing to Maddie. She’s the one who helped Emma understand that her mother left because she couldn’t handle being a mother. That’s what matters, not that Annie left me—though I’m sure questions about her mother choosing another man will eventually come up.”
“Why was Madeleine the one talking to her?” Marcus asked.
“Maddie comforted Emma as soon as she found her and told Emma that although Annie left her, she has plenty of people who love her. She told Emma that I’m the only parent she needs because I can love her as much as two parents would.” Saul sighed. “Maddie knew how to say all the right things because her father left her before she was born. She knows how it feels to be abandoned by a parent. She was there when Emma needed her most. I feel God put Maddie in Emma’s life because he knew Emma was going to need her.”
Marcus eyed Saul with suspicion. “You still have feelings for that English maedel.”
“I just appreciate what she did for Emma. She’s the one who found Emma. And she talked to her and calmed her down too. I don’t know if I could’ve done that.”
“Ya, you could’ve. You’re her dat.” Marcus scowled. “You know her best. I’m grateful that Madeleine found Emma before it got any later or colder, but don’t give her all the credit. You’re doing the best you can with Emma, and you’re doing a fantastic job as mamm and dat.”
Saul took a long drink of water. “I don’t know. I still feel Maddie was helpful. Emma seems much more content knowing the truth than I thought possible.”
“You’re treading on dangerous territory.” Marcus’s eyes were full of concern. “You really do have feelings for her, don’t you?”
“No, I don’t.” Saul knew he was lying to his best friend, but he couldn’t admit the truth out loud. He wouldn’t dare confess that he’d been thinking of Madeleine nonstop ever since she’d found Emma. He couldn’t tell Marcus he was starting to wonder if he should take another chance with Madeleine and invite her over for supper.
“You need to be careful,” Marcus warned. “You don’t want to risk losing Emma to the outside world. If Emma thinks that much of Madeleine, then she may start asking questions. She might want to know what it’s like to join the military or drive a car. You don’t want to lose her like you lost your bruder.”
“I know. I know.” Saul shrugged. “I’m not going to lose Emma. I’m just thankful Maddie is our neighbor. That’s all I meant.”
“You have to be careful. Emma is at a very impressionable age.” Marcus stood. “I need to get home. Tell Emma hello for us.”
“I will.” Saul waved to his friend. “Danki for stopping by.”
“I saw Maddie outside earlier,” Emma said while washing dishes later that evening. “I waved to her, and she waved back.”
“What was she doing?” Saul brought a bowl to the counter.
“She was carrying grocery bags into her haus.” Emma scrubbed a pot while she spoke. “I was going to go and help her carry in her bags, but I didn’t want you to be upset with me.”
Saul nodded as Marcus’s warning rang through his mind. “That was a gut choice. It’s best that you leave her alone.”
“I miss her.” Emma frowned up at him.
“I know.” Saul touched her arm. I do too. “We appreciate all she did when she found you, but we need to give her some privacy.”
“But she said she’ll always be here for me.” Emma’s eyes were determined. “Why can’t I be her friend?”
Saul sighed. He felt torn between the Amish community and the outside world. “I know it doesn’t make much sense, but I’m only trying to do what’s best for you. Right now I need you to follow my rules. You’ll understand why when you’re older.” He paused, waiting for her to argue with him. Instead, she simply nodded.
“Okay, Dat,” she said before turning her attention back to the dishes.
He breathed a sigh of relief. For now, the argument was settled, but he knew she would keep asking him why she couldn’t be friends with Madeleine. And soon he would run out of explanations.
Madeleine parked her truck in front of Bishop Elmer Smucker’s ho
use the following afternoon. She climbed out and then smoothed her hands down her cloak. She’d dressed in her new purple dress and apron that she’d completed with Carolyn’s help. Her hair was styled in a traditional Amish tight bun and covered with a prayer kapp she’d found in her grandmother’s closet. Wearing the prayer covering made her feel closer to both God and her grandmother. She only hoped the bishop would see that her intentions were pure.
She walked up the front path leading to the bishop’s white, two-story house and knocked on the door. She folded her hands in front of her cloak and shivered in the cold breeze.
The front door opened, and Elmer Smucker stood inside the storm door with a confused look on his face. Madeleine estimated he was in his late seventies. He was short and stocky with a long, graying beard. After a moment, he held open the storm door. “Hello. May I help you?”
“Good afternoon,” Madeleine said. “I’m Madeleine Miller. I’m Martha Stoltzfus’s granddaughter.”
“Oh, Madeleine. How are you?” He opened the storm door wider. “What can I do for you?”
“I’m well, thank you. I was hoping I could talk to you. Is now a good time?” She paused while gathering her thoughts. “It’s a personal matter.”
“Of course.” Elmer made a sweeping gesture. “Please come in. Would you like to have a seat?”
“Thank you.” Madeleine followed him into a large family room. She removed her cloak and folded it in half. She sat on a sofa and placed the cloak beside her while Elmer sat across from her in a wing chair. “I guess I should’ve called first.”
“It’s no problem,” Elmer said. “What can I do for you, Madeleine?”
Madeleine paused for a moment and then decided to plow forward with the full truth. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and praying, and I want to know what I need to do to become Amish.”
“Ach.” The bishop’s eyes flew open as if he were startled by an unexpected noise. “You want to be Amish?” He asked the question slowly, as if trying to comprehend the words.
“Yes,” Madeleine said. “I inherited my grandparents’ house, and I spent a lot of time with them when I was a child.”
“They were gut people.” He suddenly smiled. “Now that you say it, I recall seeing you with them. Martha was always froh when you were here.”
Madeleine nodded. “I was froh too. I cherish those times. Becoming Amish and a part of this community would give me the chance to have a real home.”
The bishop studied her while fingering his beard. “This is something you’ve been considering for a while?”
“Yes,” she said. “I’ve spent the past several months in prayer about my life, and the other night I realized I belong here. I believe God has told me to become a part of the Amish church.”
“But your mother left before you were born.” The bishop’s expression was pointed. “It’s rare an Englisher joins our community. What are your true intentions?”
“I work with the Amish at the hotel, and my closest friends are Amish.” She paused and considered what else was in her heart. “I learned Dietsch from my grandparents, and I understood the language when I went to Carolyn Glick’s wedding and when I went to church with Carolyn.” She cupped her hand to her chest. “My heart belongs in this community, and I’m ready to start living like a true member.”
The bishop’s expression softened. “Are you certain your reasons are pure?”
Madeleine paused, thought of Emma, and knew she needed to be honest with the bishop. “I’m sure you heard about Emma Beiler running away. The truth is, I made a promise to her that night when I found her. I told her I love her, and she asked me to prove that I’ll never leave her. By becoming Amish, I will not only join your community, but I will prove to Emma that I’ll never leave her.”
Elmer studied Madeleine. “You’re saying you want to convert to keep a promise to Emma Beiler?” He raised one of his bushy gray eyebrows. “It’s not my place to judge, but I’m not certain that’s a strong enough reason to become Amish.”
“My reasons are pure because it was God who brought me to this decision after months of praying. This wasn’t a hasty decision,” Madeleine said. “I’ve searched my heart and soul, and I know I need to convert to feel whole again. When I’m at home in mei mammi’s haus, I feel as if I belong here.” She folded her hands as if to pray as her thoughts turned to Travis. “I lost my fiancé tragically, and that caused me to refocus my life toward God. I believe mei mammi left me her haus because she knew how much I loved this community, and it’s as if she’s calling me back home.”
The bishop rubbed his beard and was silent for a moment. “You truly believe God put this decision in your heart?”
“Absolutely,” she said, emphasizing the word. “I could never have decided this without his guidance.”
Elmer paused. “I believe you. Now, back to your request to join the church. What would your family say about your decision to convert?”
“My parents will understand.” Madeleine fingered her apron. “I plan to call my mother tonight and tell her.”
Elmer fingered his beard. “And your mamm left the faith before you were born, right?”
“That’s right. She hadn’t joined the church before she left, but she told me that she always felt as if she were shunned.” Madeleine sat erect, hoping to look serious and respectful. “Her relationship was strained with her parents until I was born, after my father left her. I have a great love and respect for the Amish faith. Now it seems God is leading me to the faith more than ever.”
Elmer nodded while contemplating her words.
“I know this seems sudden, but I truly have thought this through.” She nodded emphatically.
“You realize you can’t simply decide to be Amish and then quickly convert,” Elmer said. “You’ll need to live as we do without any of your modern conveniences. And you must complete baptism classes.”
“I understand,” Madeleine explained. “My house is already an Amish home. I’ll stop my cellular phone service, and I’ll sell my truck. I’ll find a ride to work. I’ll have the phone in the barn hooked up and use that to make calls. I’ve already been worshiping in your district, and I’ve made some Amish clothes.” She glanced down at her dress and apron. “Carolyn Glick helped me make this dress and apron, and I found prayer coverings in my mammi’s closet. I’m ready to make a full commitment to this community and to my new life right away, and I’ll be ready for my instruction.”
“Wonderful.” Elmer stood and crossed the room, coming to a stop in front of her. “I’d like to welcome you to the Amish community.” He shook her hand “You’re invited to join the baptism class in the spring.”
“Oh, thank you!” Madeleine clapped her hands together. “I mean, danki! This is wonderful. I’m so grateful. I appreciate your time.”
Elmer chuckled. “Gern gschehne. I’ll see you at church.”
“Yes, you will.” Madeleine pulled on her cloak. “Have a good afternoon.”
Madeleine finished her supper at the kitchen table that evening before pulling out her cellular phone and dialing her mother’s number. Anxiety coursed through her while she awaited her mother’s voice on the other end of the line.
“Hi, Maddie,” Mom said. “How are you doing today?”
“I’m doing great, Mom. How are you and Jack?”
“We’re fine. I was just trying to figure out what to make for supper. What did you eat?”
“I had veggie burger and corn.” Madeleine chuckled. “It was a gourmet meal.”
“Yes, it was.” Mom laughed. “What’s new with you?”
“Well, I met with Elmer Smucker today.” Madeleine gathered up her dirty dishes while she spoke, her phone between her shoulder and neck. “He’s the bishop for this church district.”
“Why did you meet with the bishop?”
“I’ve decided that I want to convert.” She placed her dishes in the sink. “I want to become Amish.”
“What did you say?”
“You heard me.” Madeleine leaned against the sink. “I want to be Amish. I love this community, and I want to be a part of it.”
“Are you certain?” Mom asked.
“I’m positive.”
“You realize what you have to give up, right?” Mom continued. “You need to get rid of your truck, and you love that truck. And what about your phone? And the Internet, music, and movies.”
Madeleine smiled. “Mom, I can live without the truck. I’ll have to pay for rides, but I’ll eventually get a horse and buggy. I already have a barn and a fenced pasture for a horse. There’s a phone in the barn, and I’ll just have to have it hooked up again. I’m living without music, movies, and the Internet now. I’ve thought this through. I know what I’m doing.”
Mom was silent for a few moments. “Are you doing this for that man next door? For Saul?”
Madeleine shook her head. “No, I’m doing this for me.”
“Are you sure, Maddie?”
“I am doing this in part for his daughter. But deep in my heart, I’ve always felt as if I belonged here.” Madeleine paused to gather her thoughts. “I hope you support my decision, Mom. This is very important to me.”
“If this is really what you want, then I will support you. But I hope you’re not doing this to win a man’s heart. You need to do what’s right for you, not someone else.”
“I know that, Mom.” Madeleine began to fill the sink with hot water. “I feel closer to God when I’m in this community. This is what I want to do.”
“When will you be baptized?” her mother asked.
“I’m going to join a baptism class in the spring. I’m going to shut my cell phone off soon. I’ll have the outside phone hooked up next week, and then I’ll call you and give you the number.”
“Okay.” Mom sniffed. “I never expected this. I’m really surprised. My mother would be so proud of you, Maddie. She really would. And I’m proud of you too.”
“Thank you, Mom. That means a lot.”
“Well, I’ll let you go. Call me next week.”
“I will.” Madeleine disconnected the call and smiled. She was thankful for her mother’s support.