Fizz was silent as she slowly let the air out of the cuff and took her blood-pressure reading. ‘Your BP’s fine,’ she told Maggie.
In the silence that followed, Maggie wondered if Fizz was finding the kit to test her blood sugar but then she opened her eyes to find that her friend hadn’t actually moved from the side of the bed. And that she was staring at where she’d opened the button of her trousers. At the red marks her waistband had left on her skin. Her friend’s voice was quiet when she spoke.
‘You’re quite sure you’re not pregnant?’
Maggie swallowed hard. She still hadn’t finished adding up the weeks in her head. ‘I might be a little late,’ she confessed. ‘But I was late last month, too, and that was okay. I think it was just due to stress.’
‘Normal period last time?’
‘A bit light, I guess. Normal enough.’
‘Are your breasts tender?’
‘They always are a bit when I’m about to get my period.’ Maggie pushed herself up. ‘I can’t be pregnant, Fizz. There was only one time when we weren’t super-careful and that was ages ago and, as I said, I’ve had a period since then.’
‘A late one. You do realise how common it is to have some bleeding in early pregnancy, don’t you? Like, twenty five percent of women.’
‘Don’t say that,’ Maggie muttered. Of course she realised. She’d been a midwife. Had the rush of relief of believing she wasn’t pregnant conveniently washed away that particular bit of knowledge?
Fizz put her hand on Maggie’s abdomen. ‘Can I have a feel?’
‘Sure.’ Maggie lay down again just to buy herself some thinking time. Even if the unthinkable had happened and she was pregnant, surely Fizz wouldn’t be able to feel anything.
‘Hmm...’
‘What?’
‘I’m absolutely sure I can feel your uterus and that’s not easy to do unless someone is getting close to twelve weeks along. That would fit with your weight gain as well. And thinking that your coffee tasted strange.’
Maggie shook her head. ‘Nope. Can’t be.’
Except that she was counting weeks in her head again. Back to the night of that coastguard job. If she had become pregnant then she would be...about ten or eleven weeks along now.
Oh... God...
‘Is it Joe’s?’ Fizz asked quietly.
It was hard to speak through a suddenly dry mouth. ‘Don’t say anything,’ she whispered.
‘Of course not. Are you going to tell him?’
She didn’t have a choice, did she? ‘I need to figure out how to do that first,’ she said. ‘It’ll be the last thing he wants to hear.’
‘You’re not looking too thrilled yourself.’
That was such an understatement that Maggie let out a huff of laughter. And then she found herself blinking back tears. ‘What am I going to do, Fizz?’
‘Get some irrefutable evidence, for starters. I’d eat my hat if I was wrong but stranger things have happened. You could pee in a cup and I’ll test it for you here, if you like. Or take a blood test.’
Maggie shook her head. ‘No. What if Joe comes in?’ She was doing up the button on her trousers again. ‘I’ll do it tomorrow.’
She knew what the result would be. It all made perfect sense now. She’d just been looking the other way, even when she’d had reason to suspect it right from the start when her period was unusually late. But, no, she’d stuck her head in the sand and pretended everything was fine because she’d decided that it had to be that way. She’d glanced at the potential consequences and put them in the ‘too hard’ basket—and grabbed at what seemed to be a reprieve with both hands.
‘You’ll need to get a proper obstetric check-up as soon as possible. And an ultrasound. That’ll give you a more accurate estimate of dates. Hey...’ Fizz put her arms around Maggie. ‘It’ll be okay, hon.’
Reassurance might be a good thing when someone was having a heart attack, to keep the heart rate down and oxygen level up, but it didn’t feel at all useful at the moment. Or believable.
It wasn’t going to be okay.
Not at all.
* * *
‘You should go home.’
‘I’m fine. Fizz told you there was nothing wrong with me.’
‘You’ve been weird all afternoon.’
Joe opened the fridge in the staffroom and looked at all the food that had been packed up and stored. It looked like nobody had had any appetite for Shirley’s roast dinner after it had been interrupted in such a dramatic fashion. Cooper and Adam were out on what would be their last job for their shift and the night duty staff were due to arrive soon. Don was upstairs in his office and Maggie was sitting on one of the couches, her legs tucked up, staring into space, which was so unlike her it was disturbing. She never sat and did nothing like that. She talked to people or read something or busied herself in some way and she did it with an enthusiasm that made those around her think she was making the most of every minute of her life. It was one of the things Joe had always loved about Maggie—how good you felt in her company—how much brighter your day became.
He walked over to her now and perched on the arm at the other end of the sofa.
‘Shirley’s going to be fine, you know. She sailed through that angioplasty. She’ll be home in a couple of days and probably here cooking breakfast by the end the of the week. Or another Sunday roast.’
Everybody loved Shirley’s Sunday roasts but, for Joe, they were even more special because they felt like the kind of family ritual he’d never had as a child. Shirley was almost more of a mother to him than his own mother had ever been.
‘I know that.’ But Maggie’s smile looked a little forced.
‘So what’s the matter?’
Maggie gaze slid away from his. Had he said something to upset her? Joe thought back to when things had started to get weird this afternoon. Maybe Maggie was coming down with something and it was just too early for Fizz to have picked it up when she’d had a look.
Or maybe it wasn’t something he’d said.
‘It was that coffee thing, wasn’t it? That’s when things got weird. When Fizz suggested you might be pregnant.’
Maggie still wasn’t looking at him. In fact, she looked as if she was frozen now. Not even breathing. A shiver started at the back of Joe’s neck and trickled all the way down his spine.
‘You are...aren’t you?’
Finally, slowly, Maggie turned her head and looked up to meet his gaze and the truth was blindingly obvious.
Joe swallowed hard. ‘I don’t understand. We’ve been so careful.’
‘Except that first time.’
‘What? How far along are you?’
‘I’m not sure exactly. Fizz thinks it’s close to twelve weeks. If it was that first night that would mean about eleven weeks.’
Joe closed his eyes, grappling with emotions that were rushing at him like tsunamis. Panic? Anger? He managed to keep his tone level.
‘And how long have you known?’
‘I still haven’t done a test. It didn’t even occur to me until Fizz was so sure but it makes sense. She reminded me that twenty five percent of women can have bleeding in early pregnancy that they might think is a normal period...’ Her voice trailed away. ‘When it isn’t.’
Joe could hear the ice around his words. ‘You told me it was safe. You promised me that it was safe.’
‘I thought it was. I truly believed it was.’
‘Really?’ Joe was losing the battle to keep those overwhelming emotions at bay. He got to his feet, hoping that a bit of pacing might help. It didn’t. He swung back to face her.
‘I’m not sure I believe you, Maggie. It’s a bit of a coincidence, isn’t it? You tell me how desperate you are to have a baby and then...’ His brain was taking him back to that steamy night. He could hear echoes of
words.
His words—We can’t do this...
Maggie’s words—Why not? I want this, Joe...
But what had she wanted so much? Sex with him or the possibility of becoming pregnant? Panic about what the future might hold could wait. Right now, this was about being betrayed. By the one person he would never have believed could do that.
‘I trusted you...’ His voice was loud now. He never shouted at anybody, ever, but this was getting alarmingly close.
Maggie was scrambling to her feet as well. ‘I know. I’m sorry, Joe. This is as much of a shock to me as it is to you.’
‘I don’t think so. You wanted this. You were planning to be a single mother.’
‘No...’ Maggie’s voice was raised now. ‘I mean, I thought I wanted it but then I changed my mind. And even if I hadn’t changed my mind, I wouldn’t have wanted it to be like this.’
‘What the hell is going on in here?’
They both turned to find Don Smith, Aratika’s manager, at the foot of the staircase that led to the upstairs management office and control desk.
‘We can all hear you yelling at each other.’
‘It’s private,’ Joe snapped.
‘Not any more.’ Don was walking towards them, shaking his head. ‘Are you pregnant, Maggie?’
‘I think so...’ Joe saw the moment the tears welled up in her eyes and one escaped to roll down her cheek. ‘Yes... I’m sure I am. I haven’t done an official test but it all adds up.’
He didn’t like to see Maggie cry but there was nothing about any of this that Joe was liking. Quite the opposite. This might, in fact, qualify as being one of the worst days of his life.
Don glanced at Joe. ‘You’re the father, I take it?’
‘Apparently.’ It was a cruel thing to say. Maggie would never cheat on anybody, even if it hadn’t been a ‘real’ relationship.
Don was looking at Maggie now. ‘And you’re keeping the baby?’
He heard Maggie gasp. He was shocked himself that Don would even ask.
‘You might think it’s none of my business,’ Don said, ‘but it actually is. I want you to take a few days’ leave, Maggie. You’ve got a lot to think about.’
‘But—’
‘You’ll have to step down from active duty. We’ll find you another position. If nothing else, I don’t think you and Joe can work together again. Judging by the last ten minutes, patient care could be compromised by the issues between you two.’ He held his hand up as Maggie opened her mouth to say something else. ‘I don’t want to know about your private lives but I’m not having it affect the operation of this rescue base.’ He glanced at his watch. ‘It’s nearly changeover. Go home, both of you.’ He was shaking his head as he headed back towards the stairs. ‘I think we’ve all had enough of today.’
‘He can’t do that,’ Maggie whispered. ‘He practically just fired me...’
‘He can. And he did.’ Joe had never been this angry in his life. He walked away from Maggie before he found himself saying something he might later regret and he didn’t stop moving until he’d left the building and wrenched his car door open.
‘Hey, Joe!’ One of the night shift crew was getting out of her car. ‘You getting off early for good behaviour?’
‘Something like that.’ Joe actually managed to find a smile. ‘Have a good one, Angie.’
He dropped into his driver’s seat and slammed the door shut, backing out and taking off and deliberately ignoring what he could see in his peripheral vision.
Maggie, standing by her bike, her helmet in her hands, but she wasn’t moving to put it on. She was watching him leave.
He didn’t want to speak to her again right now. He didn’t even want to look at her. He was having his life ripped apart and there was nothing at all he could do about it. He was being forced into becoming a father when it was the last thing he’d ever wanted to be. He was losing the colleague who’d always been his favourite person to work with. And he was losing someone he’d thought would be one of his best friends for life.
This was worse than betrayal.
Right now it felt like complete destruction.
There was only one place he could be that might help him deal with emotions that were trying to make his head explode. Instead of making the turn that would have taken him home to his apartment, Joe turned the other way. Towards a beach that he knew would provide a challenge. It was a good thing he kept his board and sail strapped to his roof rack most of the time. He must have known that, one day, it might feel like he needed the wind and the waves in order to stay sane.
It felt like it might actually save his life today.
CHAPTER SEVEN
SHE’D KNOWN IT could be the end of her world as she knew it.
But she hadn’t realised it would feel quite this devastating.
On more than one occasion of being slowed down or stuck in city traffic as Maggie made her way home, she had to swipe at the tears streaking her cheeks beneath her visor.
This was her fault.
How stupid had she been?
Classic signs of pregnancy and she’d simply ignored them all. The tender breasts and weight gain. Today hadn’t been the first time she’d thought food tasted or smell wrong, either. She’d even dismissed feeling nauseated last week as being due to a greasy takeaway the night before.
Blind. And stupid.
No wonder Joe thought she’d done this on purpose. Who wouldn’t after hearing her banging on about being happy to become a single mother?
And no wonder he hated her right now. He was probably relieved that she wasn’t going to be allowed to be on the front line of any emergency service while she was pregnant and, as from tomorrow, he would have a new partner as part of his crew.
Oh...help... Maggie swiped her face again and gave an enormous sniff. She’d betrayed her best friend and nobody was going to believe it was the last thing she would have done intentionally. She’d lost the job she loved so much as well. She’d probably have to go and help Danny with uniforms and supplies and restocking the kits. Or she’d be assigned to a research project and be stuck behind a desk collecting data and putting it into spreadsheets.
Fizz had had to give up being on the helicopters due to her pregnancy, too, but at least she was able to keep working in the emergency department for as long as she wanted. She also had the support of a loving partner who’d probably been thrilled when they’d discovered they had a baby on the way.
This was Joe’s worst nightmare, wasn’t it?
As Maggie turned up the road that led up the valley to her house, she was still thinking about Fizz. Or rather about her wedding night. About when Joe had opened up and told her why he would never want to bring a child into the world.
Kids get caught in the flak... They can grow up thinking that it’s their fault. That, no matter how hard they try, they can never fix things...
Maggie could remember very clearly how much she’d wanted to cuddle that small, unhappy boy hidden beneath the surface of Joe’s adult life.
The urge to put her arms around him and hold him now was even more powerful.
Because she cared. So much. She loved him.
Not just as her best friend and favourite workmate.
How broken she was feeling right now told Maggie that perhaps she didn’t just love Joe in terms of friendship. Was she in love with him? Was that why the thought of not having him in her life from now on was ripping her apart so painfully?
Something else she’d been conveniently blind about, maybe. Had she really believed that they could just ‘have fun’ together and then go back to their old friendship with nothing fundamentally changed between them? And how had she been so absolutely sure that you couldn’t fall in love with someone you’d known for so long? That you’d have at least some idea it was going to happen within the first few
minutes of meeting them?
As blindsiding as this was, it certainly felt like the kind of heartbreak that came from the end of a relationship with someone she had been completely in love with. She’d told Joe that the ‘real thing’ had a basis of genuine friendship but that there had to be chemistry involved. Well, they’d found that chemistry, hadn’t they? It had just been too easy to dismiss the alchemy as ‘fun’ because they both knew there could never be a future together. Maggie wanted a family. Joe didn’t. End of story.
Walking inside made Maggie come face to face with another part of what would be her new reality in about six months’ time. Single parenthood. Laura looked tired. Worried.
‘What’s up?’ Maggie asked.
‘Harry’s not feeling well. I’ll have to keep him home from school tomorrow if he’s not better but I can’t afford to miss my shift...’ Laura took a second glance at Maggie. ‘Sorry... I shouldn’t just dump on you like that, the moment you come through the door. You don’t look like you’ve had the best day yourself.’
‘It’s okay.’ It was actually a relief to have someone else to think about. ‘What’s the matter with Harry?’
‘He’s got a sore tummy and doesn’t want to eat anything.’
‘Any vomiting or diarrhoea?’
‘Not yet.’
‘Is he running a temperature?’
‘I was just going to take it.’
‘You do that,’ Maggie said. ‘I’ll put the kettle on and make us a cup of tea.’ Wine would be preferable, she thought, but that was off limits from now on. ‘And don’t worry about tomorrow. I’ve got some time off so I can look after Harry.’
‘Really? I thought you’d only just started work for this week.’
‘It’s a long story. I’ll tell you later.’ Maggie poked her head around the kitchen door to wave at Harrison, who was lying on the couch, watching a cartoon on television. ‘Hey, Harry...sorry you’re not feeling well, buddy.’
His little face was pale beneath that thatch of dark spiky hair but he managed a brave grin as he waved back that melted Maggie’s heart. He was such a cute kid and a delight to live with but Maggie knew she got to enjoy all the good bits and not have the responsibility of the other side of the coin, like childhood illnesses or injuries or the financial stress of being the sole provider. The world of single parenthood.
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