by Marie Force
“Turn over.”
When I’m posed on all fours the way he wants me, he kneels behind me, grasps my hips and drives into me again. “Yes,” he whispers. “I wanted to be deeper.”
I drop my head to my forearms and submit to him completely. He’s taken such tender care of me during my illness. I want to give back to him in every possible way.
“Ah, God, Nat…” His fingertips dig into my hips, and he picks up the pace. Then he reaches around to stroke my clit.
“Flynn…” He’s not my Sir right now. He’s not my Dom. He’s my husband, and I love him desperately. “Please…”
“Yes. Now. With me.”
It’s perfect and beautiful, and the connection I feel to him is nothing short of spiritual. He has truly been there for me in good times and in bad, and we’ve had plenty of both in our first six weeks together.
He rests on top of me, the way he always does after he makes love to me. I love the way he holds me afterward while our bodies cool and pulse with aftershocks.
“Flynn.”
“Hmm?”
“Thank you for taking such good care of me while I was sick.”
“It was my pleasure to take care of you, but don’t ever scare me like that again.”
“I want you to know…”
“What, honey?”
“That marrying you was the best thing I’ve ever done in my entire life.”
“Awww, sweetheart, me, too.”
“A lot has happened since we met, and my life has changed completely—in some ways we both wish hadn’t happened. But even knowing what we do now about what was in store for us, I wouldn’t change a thing if it meant I got to be with you.”
“I’m glad to hear that. Sometimes I wonder if you rue the day your wildebeest led you to me.”
“Best day of my life. No question.”
“Mine, too, sweetheart. Mine, too.”
I’m as thrilled as Natalie to be out of the house and cruising down the Pacific Coast Highway in the silver Mercedes sedan that will be hers when she gets her license. I’ve never given away one of my precious cars. It will be my pleasure to give this one to her.
“We need to schedule your road test. You’re ready.”
“Are you sure?”
“You’re doing a great job. You’d never know it’s been a while since you last drove.” I punch out a text to Addie asking her to get it booked for the week after the Oscars.
“I’m more comfortable than I was before.”
“While we’re on the subject of your comfort, I want to talk to you about the club.”
“What about it?”
“I want you to be prepared for what to expect there.”
“Okay…”
“It’s hard for me to talk about this because I’m so conditioned not to.”
“I understand the need for discretion.”
“It goes beyond discretion, as much as I appreciate that. You’ll see people there you know and like. You’ll see Marlowe possibly dressed in leather, brandishing a riding crop as she makes some dude her bitch. You’ll see Hayden and his ropes, and perhaps Kristian and Emmett and Jasper in a variety of scenarios.”
“You’ve mentioned they’re all members.”
“The thing is, you can’t look at them with any kind of judgment, no matter what they might be doing or how shocking it might be to you. The club is their place to let loose. It’s where they go to be totally themselves. Every single thing that happens there is done under the basic tenets of safe, sane and consensual. Everyone is there because they want to be, even if they’re on the receiving end of something that might look awful to you. Everyone who is inflicting painful pleasure is doing so with the utmost care and concern for their subs. We don’t let anyone in there who doesn’t believe these things to be the core values of our lifestyle.”
“I understand exactly what you’re saying.”
“I’m not accusing you of being judgmental or anything like that. You’ve been the opposite of judgmental, but this is still very new to you.”
“Will they mind that I’m there?”
“No, sweetheart, they’ll be thrilled to see you there and to know you’ve fully accepted me and my lifestyle. They’ll be happy for both of us and eager to share this part of our lives and our friendship with you.” I glance at her and find her pondering what I’ve said in that adorable, serious way of hers. “It’s hard to explain until you’re really part of it, but by sharing this aspect of our lives, our friendships are deeper and more meaningful. We give each other a safe harbor to get away from the insanity of our public lives. Taking you there will be one of the greatest thrills of my life.”
“Even if we don’t do anything?”
“We won’t do anything. Not there. Not tonight. That’s something we’ll work up to. Tonight we’re there to observe.”
“What if…”
“Say it. There’s nothing you could say or ask that would be wrong.”
“What if I just can’t ever bring myself to have sex with you in public?”
“Then we won’t bring that part of our relationship to the club. But that doesn’t mean we can’t still be part of the club in other ways.”
“What other ways?”
“Supporting our friends and their need for the public demonstrations. Some people get off, big-time, on getting busy in public.”
“Do you?”
“I have, in the past, but it’s not an essential ingredient for me. You and I are forging our own path that works for us. Nothing and no one who came before us figures into that. If you told me that all I could ever have is what we’ve already done, I’d be more than satisfied.”
“But there’s more, right? Things you want to show me and teach me?”
“The variety and options are endless. We’re only limited by our own imaginations. But none of it has to happen in public if that’s not your thing—and I’d completely understand if it isn’t.”
“I haven’t decided anything yet. I’m reserving judgment until I have more information.”
“That’s a very wise way to approach it.” I look up to see that while we talked, we’ve driven almost to Redondo Beach. “Want to go check out the beach?”
“Can we do that?”
“Sure.” I grab my Dodgers ball cap from the backseat and put it on. “I’ll just send Seth a text to tell him we’re getting out.” We find a place to park and manage to get onto the beach without anyone noticing us. Natalie has her long, distinctive dark hair up in a bun that makes her look much younger than her twenty-three years. I’m feeling brave and daring today, so after a long walk on the beach with her and Fluff, who had a nice nap in the backseat while we were on the road, I lead her to a beachfront café, where we sit outside and enjoy the warm sunshine, drinks and an appetizer with a minimum amount of fuss from the waitstaff.
Josh and Seth are at a nearby table, keeping an eye on things. They are close enough to get involved if need be but far enough away to give us some privacy.
“This was a really nice day,” she says when we’re heading back toward the city.
“It was good to get out and get some air.” I’m driving because I want her to take a nap on the way home. I worry about her becoming overtired after being so sick. She truly scared the hell out of me with the way she went from fine to not fine in the matter of an hour and then spent two days in and out of it.
At one point, her fever had registered at one hundred and three. I was awake for two days keeping an eye on her and caring for her. I’ve never been so happy to see my mother as I was when she came to the hotel to check on us the second day. I hadn’t wanted to expose her to the flu, but she’d cried nonsense and spent half a day with me, keeping me company as I worried obsessively about Natalie.
The doctor had to tell me more than once that it was “just” the flu, and I had to be talked out of taking her to the ER on two different occasions. Thank God she’d rallied and was now almost fully recovered, but I won’t
soon forget the fright of her illness or the loneliness of having her close by but unavailable. I hated that almost as much as I hated that she was sick in the first place.
I glance over to check on her and see that she’s asleep with Fluff rolled up in a ball on her lap. The two of them are so damned cute together, even if one of them likes to bite me.
I can’t wait for tonight, to take Natalie to the club and to introduce her to yet another facet of my life. I feel confident that she’s ready, that we’ve talked it all through and she’s prepared for what to expect. When I get home, I’ll text the others and let them know I’m bringing her by. They’ll appreciate the heads-up, and I fully expect them to be thrilled to welcome her.
Hayden, in particular, has expressed concern about me marrying someone outside our lifestyle, as that had been such a spectacular failure the last time around. That makes me think of Valerie, and I wonder if she has gotten the offer we arranged—to appear on a reality TV show about a fishing boat in Alaska.
Rather than confronting her and making her day with my rage over what she tried to do to Nat and me, Hayden suggested this route, and I have to admit it’s fucking brilliant. I smile to myself when I picture her in an environment she will find so far beneath her, but I’ve made sure it’s the only offer she’ll get for the immediate future.
She’ll have no choice but to take it, which will get her out of town and out of my hair for the time being. Our manager, Danielle, who took on Val only because I asked her to when we were married, was happy to facilitate something as far beneath Valerie’s self-determined standards as she could find.
When Danielle came back to us with the Alaskan fishing boat show, Hayden and I laughed our asses off and told her to go for it. Make it happen.
I’m fairly confident Valerie will have no doubt how she ended up in Alaska. She might blame me until the cows come home, but it isn’t my fault that she has no other options. Her reputation as a self-aggrandizing prima donna makes it so no one wants to work with her. That’s on her. The affair she had with our director at the end of our marriage won her no friends either, especially when it came to light that she broke up the director’s marriage to exact her revenge on me.
I haven’t forgotten the one ace she still holds in her hand—her knowledge of my sexual preferences. The only reason I’d ever care if that got out is because it might embarrass my parents. Not to mention the potential impact on my career. But that’s a much lesser concern. I don’t even want to think about my parents catching wind of my preference for kinky sex. The thought of that makes me feel like I’m getting the flu.
Natalie is still asleep when we arrive at home, so I pick up her and the wildebeest and carry them inside, laying Nat on our bed and tucking her in for a while. We’ve got plenty of time. The club doesn’t really get busy until after ten anyway.
I take advantage of the free time to play with some thoughts on the big idea I had the other day. Before it goes much further, though, I need to talk to Natalie about it because the story that’s running around in my head is hers—and ours. Ever since the idea came to me, it’s almost all I can think about. I’ve learned to trust my gut in this business. If a project gives me the chills, chances are it will resonate with audiences, too. Jeremy’s story in Camouflage is a recent example of my instincts paying off in a big way. Not only is the film a huge critical and financial success, it’s racking up the awards, too.
I reach for my phone to call Hayden. I want his take. If he thinks it’s an awful idea, then there’s no point in pursuing it with Natalie.
“What’s up?” he asks when he takes the call.
“This and that. Did you get my text?”
“Yep. So are you doing a scene tonight?”
“No, nothing like that. We’re taking baby steps, but so far, so good. She’s curious about the club, so I figure I’d bring her by to get a feel for it.”
“I gotta say… I didn’t see that coming. In light of everything… From her past and all.”
“She’s got this inner strength that astounds me, and a determination not to let her past dictate her future.”
“I know I’ve been kind of a douche about her and you and everything, but I hope you know how happy I am for you.”
“Thanks, man.”
“And despite how it might’ve appeared on occasion, I like her and I like her for you, even more so now that you’re not hiding a big part of who you are from her.”
“I like her for me, too,” I say with a low laugh.
“I bet you do.”
“So listen, I’ve been thinking about something that I want to run by you.”
“Is it a title for the film that defies naming?”
“I wish.”
“So do I,” he says with a sigh.
“If it’s any consolation, the early cut is amazing.”
“I’m happy with it, too. I just wish we could name the fucker.”
“We will.”
“What’s the other thing you’re thinking about?”
“Natalie’s story.”
“What about it?”
“It’s a powerful story that hits all the right notes.”
“You’re not seriously considering…”
“Not seriously. Yet. So far, it’s just an idea.”
“What does she have to say about it?”
“She’s next on my list. If you think the idea is ridiculous, then there’s no point in bringing it up with her.”
“It’s not ridiculous.”
“Really?”
“It’s an amazing story, Flynn. Why do you think you’ve got photographers camped outside every building you’re known to frequent? They want a glimpse of it. People are captivated.”
Captivated. That’s the word I used to describe my feelings the day I met her, and nothing has changed since then. “That would make for a good title.”
“Great, so you’ve got a title for a film we’re not even making yet, but for the one that’s almost done, you’ve got nothing?”
Laughing at his wry comment, I experience profound relief at being back on familiar ground with my closest friend and business partner after a rough few weeks. “I’m working on it. I swear.”
“Yeah, yeah. Where have I heard that before?”
“I’ll see you tonight.”
“I’ll be there. Cresley is in town. She’s coming by.”
“Oh great. I want Natalie to meet her. See you there.”
“Later.”
While I wait for Natalie to wake up, I prepare a light dinner of salad and pasta, feed Fluff and go out with her into the backyard so she can pee. I stare into the pool, which glows from within by lights on a timer, thinking about how Natalie’s story might be told in a film.
Would I be violating her further by even suggesting it? That’s my greatest fear. Along with my greatest fear goes my greatest motivation—to tell the rest of the world about the strong, resilient woman I had the good sense and even greater fortune to marry.
“There you are,” she says when she comes out to join us.
Fluff bounds over to greet Natalie, her glee nothing short of puppylike.
Natalie scoops her up to give her a hug and receives joyful dog kisses to her face that make her laugh. “How long was I asleep? She’s acting like I was gone a week.”
“Every minute without you feels like a week to us, right, Fluff?”
Fluff barks in reply, and we both laugh.
“Are you and Daddy bonding?”
“We were just discussing an invitation to a father-daughter dance when you joined us.”
Natalie puts Fluff down and wraps her arms around me from behind. “Is that right?”
“Yep. Fluff says she has nothing to wear, and I told her I’d take her shopping if she promises to never again bite my ass when I’m going down on Mommy.”
“And what did she say to that?”
“What does ‘going down’ mean, Daddy?”
She pokes my ribs and rocks
with laughter behind me.
“Are you hungry?”
“Starving.”
“I’ve got just the thing for you.” I turn to her, put my arm around her and lead her inside to eat.
“You made this all by yourself?”
“Sure did. I had to boil water and everything.”
“I thought you didn’t know how.”
“I watched a video on YouTube.”
She laughs while I pour us both a glass of chilled chardonnay, and we dig into the meal, which is surprisingly good, considering I made it.
“How’re you feeling?”
“Great. The nap was just what I needed. I’m starting to feel like my old self again.”
“I’m glad to hear it. I like your old self a lot.”
“Sorry to be such a drag this week.”
“Don’t be sorry. You were sick.”
I twirl pasta around my fork, but I lose my appetite thinking about the film idea I want to run past her.
“What’s on your mind over there?” She’s looking at me over the top of her wineglass.
“An idea that’s been running around in my head.”
“What sort of idea?”
“The kind you’re either going to love or hate. I can’t decide which.”
“What sort of sexual torture have you dreamed up for me now?”
“Not about sex, although when you ask me things like that, it gives me other ideas.”
Her cheeks flush with color. “Forget I asked, then.”
“I won’t forget, but the idea is about your story.”
“My story? What about it?”
Here goes nothing… “It would make for a rather compelling film.”
For a moment, she’s expressionless, and then her mouth opens and closes again.
“You want to make a movie about what happened to me?”
“I would like to consider the possibility.” I’m unable to determine her true feelings, because her expression is totally blank.
“You’ve gone from not wanting to talk about it in the interview with Carolyn to wanting to make a movie about it?”