“I thought things would have changed by now. For the better.”
“In what way?”
“I suppose I thought I’d be able to open the front door without having a panic attack.”
Molly sat forward. “You tried?” There was a small frown on her face.
“Yes. Didn’t even make it to the door before I started to get stressed. Then Max opened the door from the outside, and, in my panic I thought he was Stanton, I totally freaked out. I tried to hit him.”
“What did he do?”
“He just crouched down next to me and started talking. I can’t even remember what he said. I can just remember his calm voice.”
“Good. He handled it right, then. You shouldn’t have tried doing that without my input. You can’t push yourself too fast, Savannah.”
“But I feel like I’m not getting anywhere.”
“Where do you want to be? Besides not being able to leave the house what is frustrating you so much?”
“I want . . . I want my relationship with Max and Logan to go back to what it was. We don’t even sleep in the same bed anymore. One of them sleeps on the floor, and the other sleeps upstairs in our bedroom.”
“Why is that?”
She glanced down at her clenched hands. “In the beginning, it was so I didn’t have to go up and down the stairs with my injuries, and they didn’t want to sleep in bed with me in case they hurt me.”
“But you’re fully recovered now. You could go upstairs on your own.”
She could. Of course, she could, but . . .
“You’re worried they don’t want to sleep with you? Have they given you any indication they feel that way?”
“It used to be that they couldn’t stop touching me.” Making love to her. She hadn’t realized how much she’d needed that attention until it was gone. “They tell me they love me.” Once she’d pointed out that she hadn’t heard them say it in a while. “They give me small kisses and gentle hugs. But . . .”
“It’s not the same.”
“No. They’re worried about scaring me. But Max and Logan would never hurt me. I’m not saying I might not react strangely sometimes. I might have flashbacks. But I miss them touching me. I miss sex, damn it.”
Molly smiled. “Sounds like you’re frustrated all right.”
“Yep.”
“You could take charge. March on up to your bedroom and stake your claim. Initiate sex.”
“Yes, I know.” She dropped her gaze to her lap.
“But?”
“It’s silly.”
“No, it’s not. It’s how you feel. That’s never silly.”
Spoken like a true therapist. “They’ve always sort of taken charge, you know? I’m used to them—” she broke off, blushing. No need to get into your sex life with the therapist, Savannah.
“They’re dominant in the bedroom?”
“Not just there,” she muttered.
“You practice BDSM?” Molly asked matter-of-factly. As though she were asking Savannah whether she took milk in her coffee.
Savannah could feel the flush creep up her face. Holy shit, how had they gotten onto this?
“No,” she squeaked then cleared her throat. “We don’t . . . they’re not . . . hell’s bells. They’re not my Doms. We don’t go to clubs, we don’t have a room filled with floggers and paddles. I can’t believe we’re talking about this.”
Molly laughed. “Don’t worry. I have all sorts of clients with all sorts of kinks, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
Well, Savannah guessed she should have known it wouldn’t phase Molly. She hadn’t blinked when Savannah said she had two husbands. Although she’d figured Laken had given her a head’s up.
“Do you know anything about Haven?”
Molly shook her head.
“Um, well, around here men are slightly more dominant than you’ll find in other places. They tend to be overly protective—of all the women. When I was new in town, a man approached me asking for directions. I decided it was easier just to take him over to the development he wanted to see. As we were heading off, the sheriff intercepted us and asked what was going on. Then he gave the man directions, pulled me into his office and proceeded to lecture me for ten minutes on the dangers of speaking to strangers like I was a child. He then told me if he couldn’t rely on me to keep myself safe he’d assign guardians who’d see that I followed the rules, and if I didn’t . . .” she drifted off.
“If you didn’t?” Molly asked, looking intrigued.
“They’d spank my butt. It’s not abuse,” she said quickly.
“Oh, no, I get it.”
“You do?”
“You’d be amazed by the number of people I counsel who find that a good spanking is an excellent form of stress release.”
Really? But, then, Savannah guessed she was right. Sometimes a spanking served to release all the tension and tears she had bottled up, allowing her a way to let go and get it all out. She’d just never really thought of it that way before, but maybe that’s part of the reason she sometimes deliberately pushed her men.
Well, that and the sex afterwards.
“Savannah, can you ask your husbands to come into this session?”
“What? Now?”
“Yes, I think we need to have this talk with them present.”
Shit. She wasn’t ready for that.
“You did say you were frustrated things weren’t moving faster. They aren’t mind readers. You need to tell them what you want.”
Savannah sighed, knowing she was right. “Are you sure we have time?”
“We have time. Besides, I can just bill you extra.” Molly winked.
Savannah smiled, although she didn’t think her insurance would like that. She grabbed her phone and sent a text to both men. “I’m not sure if Max is around.”
“Well, let’s wait and see. It would be best if they were both here.”
Two texts came back. “They’ll be here in a few minutes.”
“Good. Let’s do this.”
All right for her to say. She wasn’t the one about to lay herself bare.
***
Logan walked into the house, following Max. They’d been unloading the supplies Max had gotten in town when they’d received the text from Savannah.
“Do you think she’s okay?” he asked, moving past Max, impatient to get to her. He entered the living room before Max could answer, his gaze zeroing in on Savannah.
“You okay? What’s wrong?” She looked flushed to him. Was she coming down with something?
“Nothing’s wrong. Molly just wanted to talk to you both.”
He walked over and placed the back of his hand on her forehead. “You feel warm.”
“It’s warm in here.”
Logan was unconvinced.
“Logan, Max. Nice to see you again. Maybe you could all take a seat so I can see your faces.”
Logan sat on one side of her, while Max sat on the other.
“What’s going on?” Max asked sharply, looking uncomfortable.
Logan studied Savannah intently.
Reaching over, she took hold of Logan’s hand. “I’m fine, Logan. I promise.”
He grunted. She took Max’s hand as well, almost clinging to them.
“I asked for the two of you to attend this session because Savannah has brought up some issues that concern you both.”
“What is it?” Max asked.
“Oh . . . I . . . um . . .”
“Savannah would like to discuss your sleeping arrangements,” Molly interjected.
“What do you mean? Don’t you want us sleeping with you?” Logan asked sharply. Did she want them to leave her alone at night? He couldn’t do it. As it was, when it was his turn to sleep upstairs he didn’t get much sleep. He missed her. Worried about her.
“That’s just it, you don’t sleep with me,” Savannah pointed out. “I want to sleep with you again, in our bed. No more sleeping on the floor. No more sleeping in the spa
Hell, yeah.
“Well?” she asked, looking nervous.
“Savannah, the only reason we haven’t been sleeping with you is because we thought you might sleep better on your own,” Max said. “We didn’t want you to wake up and get frightened if we were beside you.”
“I feel better when you guys are close. When you’re touching me.”
“I’ll move your stuff now,” Logan said, rising. If she wanted to sleep with them, then he wasn’t saying no. In fact, he was going to move her things before she could change her mind. There was nothing he wanted more than to have her in his arms again.
“Wait up, Logan. There’s more,” Molly said.
Savannah smiled up at him. “Sit down, big guy.”
“Savannah?” Molly prodded.
“I want sex,” she blurted out.
“Do we really need to have this conversation in front of her?” Max half-whispered, deliberately not looking at Molly.
Logan liked that Molly didn’t beat around the bush. He’d been worried she’d talk therapist speak and he wouldn’t understand a word she said. Or that she’d drone on and on about useless stuff. But she seemed a straight shooter to him.
“Please,” Savannah begged.
Logan frowned over her head at Max. Savannah had only had a few sessions with Molly, and already she was ready to move back into their bed. As far as Logan was concerned, Molly was a miracle worker, and he’d do whatever she told him to as long as it helped Savi.
Anything but leave her. He could never do that.
“Fine. You want sex.” Max’s words were stilted.
“No problem, darlin’,” Logan said quickly. “Whatever you want.”
Savannah looked slightly frustrated. She glanced over at Molly.
“That seems to be part of the issue, Logan,” the therapist said gently.
Huh? Now she’d lost him.
“So much of Savannah’s life is different. There is before she was attacked and after. I think we all know that you can’t go back to what you had before. She has triggers and fears she didn’t have before. But there are some things that haven’t changed. Her love for the two of you hasn’t changed, and I assume your love for her hasn’t either?”
“Of course it fucking hasn’t,” Max said, looking offended. “We love her more than ever.”
Logan pulled Savannah close, wrapping his arm around her waist. “You know we love you, right, Savi?”
“I know, it’s just . . . you’re both treating me like I’m fragile. Like I’ll fall apart at a wrong touch. I’m not saying I won’t get scared or have flashbacks sometimes. But I know you guys would never hurt me. I don’t want gentle, tender sex. Well, you know, not all the time. I want you guys to be like you used to be, take charge and dominant.”
“I could do the wrong thing and scare you,” Logan said, worried. He didn’t want her to fear him.
“And if you did, then you would soothe her. You would do what Max did the other day and talk to her calmly. Bring her back gradually. Nobody said Savannah would be cured overnight, but this is a step forward for all of you. And sometimes, having someone take charge can be good for someone recovering from a traumatic incident.”
What the hell was she talking about? He looked over at Max, but the other man had his head down. Logan sighed. There was still stuff going on with Max he wasn’t talking about. But Logan could only deal with one thing at a time. Right now, he was trying to understand what the hell the therapist was talking about.
“You want us to take charge of Savannah?”
“Look,” Molly leaned forward, “I wouldn’t suggest this to my vanilla patients.”
Vanilla? She thought they were part of the BDSM lifestyle. He opened his mouth, but she waved her hand.
“I know you don’t practice BDSM but Savannah has told me a little of your relationship, and I think this might be of some benefit. For some of my submissive clients, when everything gets to be too much, and they can’t stop the thoughts or the voices or memories, they might ask their Dom to take control. They move into high protocol where the Dominant partner is in complete control. They decide everything. Not all the time, just for a period to give the sub a break. Life can be stressful and overwhelming, and it’s a way to tune all that out. Spanking is another way.”
Huh?
He looked over at Max again. Why wasn’t he helping him out here?
“A spanking can be a great stress reliever when someone’s been bottling things up as Savannah does. A way to get out tears and frustration. Again, not all the time. It’s just a thought.”
“What do we do when we take charge?” Logan asked.
“Oh, I don’t think either of you will have a problem with that. Don’t push her to do anything that might be a trigger. Don’t tie her up, don’t force her to go outside, avoid any of the words or phrases he used.”
“We wouldn’t do that!” Logan said, outraged.
“I wouldn’t have suggested this if I thought you would or if I didn’t think Savannah completely trusted you. It’s obvious how much you all love each other. Just think about it.”
Logan nodded. He glared at Max again. Was he even listening?
“If any of you have any questions or issues or you just want to talk feel free to call me at any time,” Molly told them.
“Yeah, okay,” Logan said, even though he knew he’d never call her.
“Good. I think that’s enough for you all to think about today. Savannah, how have you been getting on with your list of self-affirmations?”
Logan could tell by the way Savannah squirmed and looked down that she felt guilty as hell.
“Have you written any down?” Molly asked.
“No. I just don’t see the point.”
“This, along with the exercises I taught you can really help with the negative thoughts. I want you to try and write five before our next session.”
“Oh, I don’t think—”
“She’ll do it,” Logan said firmly even though he didn’t know what the hell self-affirmations were. “If you think it will help, she’ll do it.”
“Logan!”
“Good.” Molly smiled at him. “Now, Savannah, no more trying to push yourself to go outside. We’ll get there, I promise. We’ve come a long way in a short time, and you need to be patient. Understand?
“Yes, all right.”
“My stomach is rumbling, so it’s time to go. Max, Logan, good to see you again. Savannah, I’ll talk to you soon.”
Chapter Seven
“Max, what do you think?”
Max grabbed one end of the dresser, and they carried it out of the downstairs bedroom. “About what?”
Logan led the way up the stairs. “About everything the therapist just said, or weren’t you listening? You seemed to be miles away.”
Oh, Max had been listening all right. And drowning in guilt. Savannah needed him here. But if he didn’t take a job with Travis then they were all screwed. Wasn’t the best thing he could do was to keep a roof over all of their heads?
“Got other things on my mind.”
They’d had reached the upstairs bedroom, and Logan dropped his end.
“Hey, warn a man before you do that,” Max complained. “It could have landed on my toes.”
Logan shrugged. “Sorry. Got things on my mind.”
“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?”
“What? It’s okay for you to use as an excuse for pulling away from us but I can’t do the same?”
“I am not pulling away from you guys.”
“No? You’re not exactly here with us, though, are you?” Logan gave him a look of disgust. “I’m going to check on Savannah. I’m sure you can handle the rest of this by yourself. That seems to be how you roll lately.”
Max stared after Logan, feeling his frustration. Fuck it!
He sat on the bed and leaned his elbows on his thighs, staring down at his hands. He needed to explain to Logan and Savannah about the trouble they were in. Especially after the phone call he’d received from the bank manager on his way home. He wanted to come out and talk to all of them about their current financial situation.
That was never good.
Max thought he’d managed to put him off by telling him he’d soon have a big payment coming in.
There was only one way to get his hands on that kind of money quickly. He pulled out his phone and searched through his contacts for Travis’s name.
“Max,” the other man greeted him.
“You called?”
“I have a job for you.”
“I’ll take it.”
“You sure? You don’t want to know what it is? It’s high risk. I don’t usually give these jobs to family men.”
“I’m sure.”
There was a pause. “If you need money, I can lend it to you.”
Seemed like he was taking hit after hit to his pride lately. “I just want the job, that’s enough.”
“Fine. But you make sure that bear of a brother of yours knows that if you die, it wasn’t my fault.”
“I can tell him that, doesn’t mean he won’t come after you.”
Travis laughed. “Yeah, that’s what I fucking figured. So make sure you don’t die, huh?”
“I’ll do my best.”
***
Nerves butterflied through her stomach. She pretended to concentrate on the television, but if anyone had asked her what was on, she couldn’t have told them.
Who knew it was possible to feel so nervous about sleeping with her husbands? She hadn’t even been this nervous the first night she’d slept with them. Of course, back then she’d had attitude to burn.
She stood and stretched, not meeting their gazes. “Um, think I’ll go get ready for bed.”
Things had been a bit awkward between them all since they’d ended the call with Molly. The guys had immediately moved her stuff upstairs. Then she’d spent time putting things away while Logan made dinner and Max was in his office.
Max was acting kind of odd. He was quiet. Too quiet. But she figured maybe he hadn’t liked talking about their sex life in front of Molly.
“Wait a minute,” Max said, turning off the television. “You’ve got something to do first.”
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