by Ali Parker
“Wait just a fucking second. I never said I was using you and I wasn’t. All I’m saying is that there has to be truth to what I’ve written for it to have affected you like this. I’m sorry if you feel like that’s an admission of anything else.”
“You’re sorry?” she asked, eyes going wide as she stared at me disbelievingly. Tears filled those big brown eyes of hers again, filling me with an overwhelming urge to go to her. I wanted to wrap her up in my arms and promise that everything would be okay. A part of me wanted to beat the fuck out of the person who had put that look in her eyes, but that would’ve been counterproductive.
If I fucked myself up, I wouldn’t have anything on Ross’s desk anytime soon and it was vital that I did. “Yes, Haven. I am sorry. You don’t have to believe me, but I never used you. I can’t just let this go either. Life doesn’t work that way.”
Her shoulders slumped, but fierce determination entered her eyes as she looked at me. “If you publish this article, I don’t ever want to see you again.”
She meant every word. I knew she did. It was written all over her beautiful face, but that didn’t change anything. Not when my mother needed me.
“I wish you felt differently, but I understand,” I said, my voice much quieter now. “Feel free to leave, Haven. If it’s obvious that I never gave a fuck about you, the same can be said for how you clearly never gave a fuck about me. You know why I need to publish this article, and you know what will happen if I don’t.”
“No, I don’t. Just because you need to publish something doesn’t mean you need to publish those filthy lies. The newspaper was right, Colton. If you have to stoop this low, you’ve definitely lost your edge. Maybe you never even had one to fucking begin with.”
She shook her head, never breaking eye contact while ripping my heart apart. When she’d said her piece, she turned on her heels and marched out of my house. And out of my life.
The door slammed so hard the frame rattled, but I barely heard it over the sound of the blood pounding in my ears and my heavy breathing. I replayed her last words over and over again in my head, each time feeling another tear in the fabric of everything I was. My heart, my soul, my fucking morality. She’d ripped it all to shreds, and it still didn’t matter.
I had to do what I had to do, and what I had to do was to get the money the nursing home needed for mom’s care. After I got it, I would simply have to figure out how to get to where I’d been before I met her.
Completely focused on my career and only paying any attention to women when I need to get off.
Ross had been onto something when he said relationships would never end well. Perhaps I would take a page out of his book from here on out because I was never going through this pain ever again.
It just wasn’t worth it. Nothing could be worth feeling the way I did right then, and yet I didn’t have any time to waste. I couldn’t go crawl into bed or lick my wounds. I’d already promised Ross he wouldn’t have to mop me off of the floor again.
Doing any of that might very well cost me my job, and that was the one thing I couldn’t afford. Dragging a deep breath into my oxygen-starved lungs, I screwed my eyes shut and counted until I could think straight again.
I had an article to write.
Haven might think she hadn’t given me anything, but she’d given me plenty to work with. Once I had it down, I would take the piece to my mother.
If there was one person who would shoot straight with me about whether my morality or my ethical standards were hanging by a thread, it was her. If she agreed with Haven, I’d have to find a way to rewrite the same information. I couldn’t afford a complaint being made about me right then.
Any question about my professionalism could ruin me in the company’s eyes.
And I won’t let that happen. Not on top of everything else.
Chapter 31
HAVEN
My eyes felt like they’d dried up into raisins by the time I got to the office the next morning. I hadn’t cried as much as I did after leaving Colton’s condo in a very, very long time.
After a night spent alternating between berating myself mercilessly and trying to mourn a relationship that I’d really thought would make me happy, I was spent. I hadn’t gotten more than an hour’s sleep, and I doubted I would be getting any tonight.
While my computer started up, I nursed the strongest cup of coffee I’d ever made for myself and tried to fight the onslaught of tears that were trying to break free again. I’d really thought I was all cried out, but it seemed not. Not by a long shot.
My throat was tight from the effort, and my eyes burned. While I knew how utterly stupid I had been to believe otherwise, I still just couldn’t quite believe everything that had happened.
“Good morning,” Kayla practically sang from the doorway when she arrived at work. “I had the best idea last night. I thought we could—”
She cut herself off when she took me in, then rushed to my side. “Oh my God. What happened? Are you okay? Is Mae okay?”
My gentle giant gave a huff from her bed at the sound of her name. Kayla flicked her gaze in her direction, exhaling a soft sigh of relief before focusing on me. “Haven? What happened?” She crouched down in front of me, a worried frown pulling her perfectly shaped brows together. “Haven?”
“I’m fine,” I snapped. Instantly feeling guilty about it, I averted my gaze from hers. “I’m sorry. I’m just used to wallowing by myself. Would you mind giving me a minute?”
“Sure, but I’m here if you need to talk,” she said gently as she pushed to her feet again. “I’ll go get all our overnight guests squared away and the front desk sorted. Take all the time you need.”
“Thank you,” I mumbled, catching her eye just in time to give her a tiny smile before she disappeared out of the office again.
The morning passed excruciatingly slowly, and I moved as if I was in a daze. Which made sense because I was.
Kayla was a lifesaver, stepping in to deal with our clients while I was short to the point of being abrupt. She ran interference for all of four hours before I heard the gates in front of the doors clanging shut.
I frowned but didn’t have the energy to go check on what she was doing. A minute later, she appeared in my office again.
“Come on. We’re going for a walk.”
I shook my head, groaning as I imagined walking outside under the hot sun when I felt like I could barely move. “You go. I’m fine here.”
“You’re clearly not fine.” She marched right up to me and took my hand, tugging like a toddler trying to get their mother to take them to get an ice cream. “We’re going for a nice long walk to clear your head. Then I’m going to buy you the most delicious cappuccino in town and a giant slice of cake.”
My stomach grumbled at the mention of cake, reminding me that I hadn’t eaten in over twenty-four hours. “Fine, but we’re walking, eating, and drinking quietly.”
“We’ll see about that,” she mumbled under her breath but released my hand when I heaved myself out of my chair.
We exited the clinic through the back, not taking Mae with us. I knew she had everything she needed, and we’d left the door into the yard open for her, but I still felt guilty about leaving her behind.
Ultimately, though, I knew I’d just end up with knees full of gravel if I tried walking her in the state I was in. Kayla looked at me when I stopped, turning around to glance back at the clinic.
“Don’t worry about Mae,” she said. “I’ll take her for a nice long walk later this afternoon. She wouldn’t want to sit at the coffee shop anyway, and you need some cake therapy.”
I sighed but nodded, falling into step with her again. For the first few minutes of our walk, Kayla stuck to my request of walking in silence.
The sun was scorching on my exposed shoulders and neck since my hair was pulled up, but it felt good. Like it was burning some of the doubt and cobwebs away.
Leaves rustled in the trees above our heads, but the bree
ze wasn’t enough to cool the day down any. Birds sang, cars raced by, and there were people all around.
Focusing on all those sounds and on people going about their normal daily lives, I finally started to feel human again. The breeze carried wafts of cinnamon rolls from the bakery down the street on it, as well as the slightly less pleasant scent of exhaust fumes and an open drain somewhere.
I scrunched up my nose, and Kayla laughed. “There you are. I was wondering whether you were even aware of anything going on around us.”
“I’m here.” I tipped my head back toward the sun but kept walking. “Thank you for making me come out with you. This is helping.”
“No problem. Mama always said that walking out in the sunshine was like a bath for the soul.”
I laughed. It was soft but real. “I can imagine her saying something like that.”
“She’s just full of little pearls of wisdom.” She bumped her shoulder into mine. “Wanna tell me what’s going on?”
“Not really, but also, yes.” I released a heavy breath, dropping my head to look at my friend. Her green eyes were gentle and understanding.
“I know how that feels. It might make you feel better but only when you’re ready.” She smiled before taking my arm and linking it with hers. “Whatever it is, I’ll be happy to try to help you figure it out and work through it.”
I lowered my head until it rested on her shoulder, allowing the comfort she offered to seep into me. That warm feeling of acceptance spread through my veins once again. Just because my sort-of-semi-relationship with Colton hadn’t worked out didn’t mean I was all alone in the world again.
When Kayla went back to school, at least her mom would still be around. It wasn’t the same thing by any means, but it meant a lot to me knowing that there were two people in the world who really did care about me.
“I went to Colton’s place after work yesterday,” I said as we walked into a small coffee shop around the corner from the clinic.
I’d never been there, but it was decorated in a bohemian style with plenty of colors, patterns, and random assortments of pillows and things everywhere. None of the furniture or lamps matched, but it felt all the more cozy for it.
It smelled like cinnamon, vanilla, and freshly brewed coffee inside. There were only a few other people, but Kayla led me all the way to the corner anyway.
We sat down at a round table that was barely big enough for the vase of wildflowers on top of it as well as the coffee and cake Kayla wanted to order, but the clatter somehow made me feel better. She whispered something to a waitress before taking her seat and we’d hardly gotten settled before the kind-eyed girl brought everything over.
Our coffee mugs were the size of my head, which seemed perfect, and the strawberry cheesecake slices she set down were as big as the entire cake tin I had at home. There was no way we’d finish it all, but it sure looked delicious.
“Thank you,” I said before the waitress left.
Kayla gave her a wide smile and nodded her thanks before turning to me. “I had a feeling this had something to do with Colton. What happened?”
“He asked me for help with his article. It turns out you were right all along. He’s still looking into the clinic and he’s written another piece about how there’s no trace of the ‘owner’ anywhere. He goes on to say that even the clinic itself is bare of any evidence that the man exists and that none of his sources turned anything up.”
“Why is he writing it then? He has nothing to go on.”
I buried my head in my hands but then changed my mind and picked up my fork. After shoveling a monstrous bite of cake into my mouth, I allowed the creamy sweetness to fortify me. “That’s exactly it. He hasn’t found anything, which has convinced him that there’s something to find.”
“That’s stupid.” She pulled a disgusted face at me. “Did you tell him that you were the owner or any of that?”
“No.” I snorted and devoured another piece of cake. “Why would I? He hasn’t been truthful with me for one single minute since we met. I don’t owe him shit.”
“I agree that you don’t owe him the truth, but it might make him back off.”
“It won’t.” The corners of my mouth pressed in and I widened my eyes at her while shaking my head. “He doesn’t care about me. He never did. He tried denying that he’d only used me for all of about two minutes before he started defending the article and himself.”
She let out a soft whistle. “That sucks, but do you really believe he’ll keep writing it if he knows the whole story?”
I nodded. “He needs money for his mother’s nursing-home expenses. This is all he’s got. He won’t just shrug and back off. He’ll just keep coming. He’s that blinded by all this.”
“Wow. There’s nothing else he can write about?” She frowned. “That doesn’t seem right.”
“It’s not, but it is what it is. I think he blames this story for making him lose his edge, and now with the added incentive of needing the money from it, I doubt he’ll give up.”
She squared her shoulders. “Okay, then. We need to be ready. What do you think the fallout will be?”
“If people believe the crap he’s written? It will probably end up scaring most of our customers away. No one wants to be associated with something like that.”
“Anyone who knows you won’t believe it, though,” she said, and the certainty in her voice only made my heart break a little bit more.
I smiled sadly. “That’s just the thing, isn’t it? No one here really knows me all that well yet. It would be easier for them to find a different vet than to stick with me when one of their very own sons accuses my clinic of wrongdoing.”
“They might’ve known him for longer, and they might be used to reading his stories, but we don’t know how credible people think he is.”
“True, but I’m pretty sure they think he is credible. Hell, even I believed in him. I feel like an idiot for it now, but he definitely had me fooled. The only person he didn’t have fooled was you.” I took a breath. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you.”
“Hey, it’s okay.” She reached across the table and laid her hand over the top of mine. “It’s not like I knew it for sure. It was only a hunch.”
“A correct hunch.” I turned my hand over in hers and squeezed it before withdrawing to inhale more cake. What was it about cake that made it so appealing no matter what I was going through? I swore the sugar was like a balm to the broken bits inside. “A hunch I should’ve listened to.”
“No. You were right to give him a chance. For a little while there, you two seemed really happy together. A connection like that always deserves a chance.”
“A connection?” I sniffed and waved my fork around in the air. “There was no connection. Whatever connection I thought there was must’ve been manufactured as part of the game he was playing.”
“Maybe my mom can help,” she suggested, hope sparking in her eyes when they met mine. “I’ve told you before she has a lot of contacts. I’m sure she’ll mobilize them for you.”
“Thanks, but I can do this myself. I’m the one who got us into this position, and I’ll get us out.” I didn’t have any idea how, since I’d kind of blown the whole “getting him to drop it” portion of the plan. I’d work it out, though. I had to.
If I didn’t, all I stood to lose was everything I had.
Chapter 32
COLTON
The weather was as miserable and despondent as I was when I drove to the nursing home to see my mother. I’d stayed up all night crafting the little bits of information I had into the best, most factual article I could, then spent the rest of the morning until it was time to leave tossing and turning.
Sleep had eluded me at every turn, and I had a feeling it was going to keep doing it. Every moment from when Haven had walked into my place until she stormed out haunted me, refusing to leave my thoughts for as much as a minute.
It would be a long time before I had any peace again after t
he way our conversation had played out, but I was hoping showing the article to Mom would at least bring closure to some of the issues Haven had stirred up in me.
Even Ross had questioned my approach to this story right from the very beginning. I’d known I was playing hardball without any strength to back it up, but hearing Haven phrase things the way she had gave me pause.
Ross and Haven, the only two people who I thought really knew me except for my mom, were both unconvinced by how I’d handled this piece. If my mother objected too, maybe it was time to reconsider my apparently new, pathetic way of doing things.
I blew out a breath and increased the speed of my windshield wipers when the rain suddenly doubled in intensity. If I had to reassess and reconsider, it would have to be after this article was published.
Maybe I’d take the rest of my time off anyway and go back to where I’d gone wrong. I had no idea where it was, but if Mom agreed with them, I wouldn’t have much of a choice.
I kept thinking back to the hurt on Haven’s face, to the pain in her eyes when she’d read it. I’d let the primal rage those emotions stirred deep within my own chest drive my writing process. I didn’t know what else to do about them.
Writing had always been my outlet. But now I was the person causing the kind of rage and heartbreak that usually left me so impassioned about a story that it felt like justice demanded it be written in order for the victims to find their peace.
I was still struggling with who that made me. Was Haven the victim here, or was I? Both of us, or neither of us? I sure as hell didn’t feel like a victim, and I doubted she did, but there was a lot wrong with that fucking clinic and what it had done to my life. Justice demanded something be done about it. I just wasn’t sure whose peace I was fighting for.
I didn’t know much of anything anymore. I was so fucking confused that I nearly took a wrong turn on a road I’d been taking for years.