by Amy Brent
I walked out of the office and got in line at the checkout desk so I could make my next appointment. There were a million things I had to make choices on, and I had to be in a place where that was even possible. My life had been a whirlwind of events since I found Alex cheating on me, and I knew the first step was calming everything down. I just wasn’t sure how to make that happen. Every time I told myself everything was going to be okay, fear would strike, and I would think about how alone I was. I was terrified to go through all this alone without a partner by my side like the other women sitting in the waiting room. I could barely look at the other expecting mothers with their husbands holding their hands without feeling like I was the only one in the world. It was devastating at times.
My father and I didn’t always see eye to eye, but when I was growing up, I could see how much he loved my mother. He was there for everything from dance recitals to birthday parties and everything in between. He worked hard to be a good father and provide for his family. My whole life, I never even gave two thoughts to the fact that I might not have the perfect family and the perfect life. When everything came tumbling down with Alex, I still had the hopes that I would meet someone else one day and get married, have babies, and be the kind of mother I always wanted to be.
Now I was faced with a different scenario. I was faced with the idea of being a single mother. I didn’t know any single mothers, but I knew it was a hard road, and it was the last thing that I wanted. I wanted a family like the one I grew up in.
“Your appointment is all set,” the nurse said, smiling at me and handing me a card. “We’ll see you then, and if you need more vitamins or medicine, give us a call.”
“Thank you.” I took the card and put it in my wallet.
I walked out of the doctor’s office and stood in the sun, soaking in the warmth on my face. It was days like these that made everything bearable. They gave me hope that life wouldn’t always be as tough as it was right then. I knew it was only the momentary pass of the sun overhead, but I lived for those small moments between the sad thoughts that went through my mind all the time. I pulled my purse in front of me and headed across the parking lot to my car. I sat inside for a moment, not believing I was already three months along. Before I knew it, the baby would be there. That was when the fear came back again, and I took in a deep breath. I put the car in drive and headed over to my parents’ house to have dinner with them. I tried to have dinner with them as often as I could now.
They knew I was pregnant, I had sat them down not long after finding out and told them. It was hard to explain to them the mistake I had made, to tell them I had slept with a complete stranger. It was even harder to tell them that afterward, I’d found out he had a family of his own. I could see my father’s heart breaking right there in his favorite chair. As much as I wanted the perfect family, my parents wanted that for me even more. They had raised me to be the kind of woman they could be proud of. It took my father a bit to come around, but finally, after about a month, he started to talk more cheerfully about the baby and ask how we were doing. It was nice having him in my life for all of it.
I pulled up to the house and waved at my dad who was out in the yard doing something tedious and time-consuming. I got out and walked up to the house, knowing that my mom would want to talk about the appointment. At that moment, I really didn’t feel like talking, but I knew it was important to keep them as close as I could. It would be important for me and for the baby. My mom was in the kitchen cooking like always, and I put down my things and went in, picking up the green beans and starting to snap the ends off them.
“Hello, sweetie.” She came over and kissed me on the top of the head. “It’s good to see you as always.”
“It’s good to see you too, Mom,” I said. “How’s that sculpture coming along?”
“It’s good,” she said excitedly. “I’m putting the overcoat on now, and then I will be adding the color. It takes a lot of time, but I love it.”
“I wish I had artistic talent.” I sighed. “I got Dad’s stick drawing ability.”
“Maybe the baby will be an artist.” she smiled. “Oh, did you have your three-month checkup today? Did you get a picture of that baby for me?”
“I did have the appointment, but the sonogram machine was in repair, so that will have to wait,” I said. “But the rest of it went really great. He used another machine and listened to the heartbeat that he could finally hear, and it was strong, which was a relief.”
“Oh, good.”
“And my blood work came back looking good,” I said. “The increase in vitamins and the fact that I am progressing well is probably the reason I don’t feel quite as bad as I did in the beginning. He’s hoping that by the second trimester, all of my morning sickness will be gone.”
“That would be wonderful,” she said. “How about your weight? I know you were concerned because you were losing weight.”
“He said I was fine. He said it was normal, and actually, I had gained a pound since my last visit,” I said. “I guess it fluctuated a bit.”
“And how are you feeling? Mentally?” She took the beans from me.
“I don’t know.” I sighed. “I’m scared, I guess. I’m scared of a lot of things. It’s scary to go through this alone, and I know I have you guys and the girls, but I mean without a partner. I’m worried something will go wrong. I’m terrified that I won’t be a good mother. I’m scared of everything.”
“That’s natural,” she said. “And I think you’ll be a fantastic mom. If I can do it, then I know you can.”
“I just wish I could find Brandt,” I said, leaning against the chair back. “Even if he does have a family, he deserves to know. It’s not my place to keep that from him. Whether he decides to be there or to tell his family is up to him.”
“You know, when I was pregnant with you, and your father and I were married, I was terrified,” she said. “I was terrified of all of those things, especially feeling alone and helpless, even if he was right there with me. When you were born, though, as soon as I held you in my arms, I knew that everything was going to be okay. If you really feel that it’s imperative that Brandt knows, then keep searching. Understand, though, that if you find him, that doesn’t mean you’ll all of a sudden not feel alone and scared anymore. You’re a good person, Emma. You made a choice that has lifelong repercussions, and that is okay because we all make those in our lives. I know that if you follow your heart, you’ll end up right where you need to be.”
“Thanks, Mom,” I said, smiling. “You always have the right words.”
“Come on,” she replied, looking up as my father walked in the door. “Let’s go eat.”
We all sat down at the table and had a great meal, listening to my father talk about the fishing, my mother talk about her art, and talking about the future with the baby. When I left, I felt better than before, but Brandt was still strongly on my mind. I couldn’t help but think about him and the family that I might have been able to have if I had only left my phone number with him or gotten his. There was no guarantee he would have ever called, but it would have been better than the situation I was in.
When I got home, I was exhausted, so I climbed up the stairs and started to get ready for bed. I took off my shirt and looked in the mirror. My belly was starting to push out a little. I rubbed my hand over it and thought about the heartbeat from earlier. There really was a tiny human inside of me, fighting to get stronger.
“Hey there,” I said, talking to the baby for the first time. “I am your mommy, and I want you to know that I will do everything in my power to protect you and keep you safe. You don’t have to hurry. You’re in a good place right now.”
I sighed and turned, pulling on a pajama top and climbing into my bed. I lay awake thinking about Brandt and how much I really needed him at that moment. I wanted nothing more than to feel his arms wrapped around me, his voice whispering that everything was going to be okay. Three months had flown by, and this baby was goi
ng to be there before I knew it. I knew that I had to find Brandt, and I had to find him fast.
Chapter 17
Brandt
“Can I get you a drink?” the stewardess asked.
“No, thank you,” I said. “I’m okay.”
I turned back and shifted in my seat. I had gotten the last available seat on the plane, and though it wasn’t comfortable, it was one of the most important seats I had ever purchased. I could feel the nerves in my body surging through me, and though normally I fell asleep on flights, there was no way I was going to be able to rest on that one. It was not only the most important seat but also the most important flight I had ever been on. I looked down at my hands, grasping onto the small square business card in my fingers.
It was like fate, and I still couldn’t believe what had happened. I had taken my monthly cleaning day off from work, feeling more dismal than ever. I still hadn’t found Emma, and I felt like I was reaching a point where I was finally going to give up the search. It had been months, three months, and there wasn’t a single sign of her whereabouts. That day, I decided to move the furniture to vacuum underneath. When I picked up the couch, I chuckled, looking at all the toys that Sicily had lost under there. As I was picking them up, I found it. It was a business card that looked like it had been under there for a while. There was an imprint in the carpet from where the couch had pressed down on it. At first, I didn’t even look at it, figuring it was one of mine that had slipped out of my pocket.
I slowly picked up all the toys and took them to Sicily’s playroom and returned, grabbing the card and walking toward the trash can. I stepped on the pedal to open the lid and happened to glance down before tossing it. I didn’t recognize the print, so I took a closer look. My mouth hung open, and I walked over to the couch, sitting down and staring at it. It was Emma’s business card. Either it had fallen out of her purse or she had left it behind, and it had gotten pushed under the couch. Either way, it had her full name, Emma Lauder, and the name and number of the graphics company that she worked for. I couldn’t believe my eyes.
Immediately, I got up and walked into the bedroom, completely in a haze, and picked up my phone, dialing the number. I got a message that the phone number had been disconnected, so I called information looking for another listing. Unfortunately, there wasn’t another listing, so I grabbed my laptop and started searching for the website. Of course, when I found it, it was under construction, and there was no more information on how to find the place.
I patted the card against my hand, thinking about how the universe had finally given me a sign. I might not have her phone number, but I had her full name, and now I knew for sure that she was from Camden. I looked around the room at the empty walls, the quiet of the house, and felt like I was all alone in the world. I had to find her, to have her in front of me. I picked the phone back up and called my mother.
“Mom,” I said excitedly. “Can you watch Sicily for tonight, maybe more?”
“Sure,” she said. “Are you okay?”
“I found her business card, Mom.” I laughed. “It was under the couch. I have to go to Camden and find her.”
“Then do it,” she said, laughing in return. “Good luck.”
“Thanks.” I hung up and accomplished the fastest bag packing I’d ever done.
I went straight to the airport and bought the last ticket to Bangor, Maine, the closest airport to her. I couldn’t let the opportunity pass me by. And that was how I ended up right there, gripping tightly to a piece of paper and feeling more nervous than I ever had before. The plane ride was only an hour long, and the drive was another hour, but still, I would get to Camden right in the middle of the day, which was perfect because I would still need to hunt her down when I got there. I didn’t have a lot of leads, but I had that card, and that was enough motivation for me.
I turned my attention out the window and watched the white fluffy clouds passing by. I thought about Emma and wondered what her life was like in Camden. I wondered if she lived by herself or with her friends. I wondered if she had found someone new when she got back, or if she would be single and available. Most of all, I wondered if she was going to be interested in sitting down and talking to me about everything that had happened since she left. I wanted to know what she thought, why she left, and if she had thought about me the way that I had been thinking about her. I had a million questions floating around in my mind, and I had to force myself to calm down a bit. I was finally going to get to see her again and get the answers that I needed.
Everything she told me might not be what I really wanted to hear, but it was important that I heard it anyway. If she had no interest in being with me, it would at least give me closure. I would be able to go back to New York and give up on the search, get my life back on track. If she was interested, then that was a whole other story. It would be a fairy tale story, one that I didn’t know if I would ever get, but I was making the leap anyway.
The flight, even though it was only an hour, seemed like it took forever. When we landed in Bangor, I didn’t waste any time. I went straight to the rental car place and got a vehicle. I made sure the car had GPS and then gassed up and headed out to Camden. Maine was more beautiful than I could have imagined, and the drive gave me some time to think. When I reached the Camden town limit sign, I smiled, realizing it was as small of a place as I’d thought it would be. I drove along slowly looking for a hotel and pulled into a small bed and breakfast that was right on the edge of the main part of town.
“Hi,” I said, smiling at the innkeeper, a little old lady.
“Well, hello there,” she said. “What can I do for you today?”
“I wanted to rent a room from you,” I said. “I’m not sure for how long, so let’s start with a week.”
“All right,” she said. “Oh, you are a long way from home.”
“Yeah,” I laughed, looking at my license in her hand. “I’m from New York City.”
“Well, welcome to Camden.” she smiled. “Breakfast is at eight, but if you miss it, I leave out muffins and such until ten. Dinner is served at seven, and there are also several restaurants in town if you’re interested. You’re in the Blue Room at the top of the stairs, first door on the left. Let me know if you need anything.”
“Thank you.”
I went upstairs and smiled as I walked into the quaint room with a big bed in the center. The whole thing was painted a deep shade of blue, and the deep mahogany furniture sparkled in the sun coming through the window. I unpacked my things and stood there trying to decide what to do next. I didn’t really have a plan. I looked at the map on the desk and then grabbed the card, figuring I would drive around trying to find the graphics company to start with. I could figure the rest out from there. I grabbed my coat and headed out the door, a feeling of excitement in my chest. As I rounded the corner, I stopped, deciding that maybe the innkeeper could make my search a little less stressful.
“Excuse me,” I said with a smile, handing her the card. “I was wondering if you could tell where to find this business.”
“Oh, yes,” she said. “That’s Greg’s place. He’s the owner. They moved locations not long ago, so this address is wrong. You’ll find the shop on the opposite end of town. Just go out here to Main Street and turn right, follow it all the way until you have to turn, and it’s on your right. You’ll go through town, so drive slow. There’s a lot of foot traffic this time of year.”
“I will,” I said, taking the card from her. “Thank you.”
I jumped in my car and pulled out onto the road, heading toward town. At first, there was nothing but small neighborhoods and little old houses lining the road. As I came into the clearing, I recognized the town from the pictures. All the buildings on each block were connected, covered in pastel yellows, blues, and greens. All the signs looked as if they were hand carved and you could tell the traffic lights had only been there for a few years. There were a ton of people walking along the sidewalks, talking, shopping, an
d running errands. It was the complete and total opposite of what I was used to, but I had to admit, it was postcard beautiful.
I drove up to the center of the city and stopped at a red light. The crossing guard smiled as she waved a group of kids across the crosswalk. To the left and ahead was a large park with new playground equipment and people out in the grass taking in the sunshine. In front of me was more rows of shops leading up to the end of Main Street that the innkeeper had told me about. I smiled and relaxed, feeling at ease in the little town. I looked over at the small café with a carved cup of coffee as its sign. It was adorable, and there were a bunch of people inside the shop. I smiled contently as the door to the shop opened and a beautiful woman walked out onto the sidewalk. My mouth fell open, and I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was Emma, standing right there in front of me.
She stepped out onto the sidewalk and looked up at the sky, closing her eyes and smiling as the light cascaded down her body. She was wearing a light blue sundress and carrying a coffee in her hand. Her cheeks sparkled brightly in the light, and I couldn’t believe my eyes. As I looked over her, my eyes fell on a small bump sticking out from her stomach. She was pregnant, and it looked like she was about three months along, which would have put her conception around the time she’d met me. I didn’t want to jump to any conclusions, but that was most likely my baby in her belly.