by Amy Brent
I suddenly felt very small.
I remembered the conversation clearly. I’d walked into the kitchen where she and Lila were drawing. Lila had drawn a floor plan for a dress boutique. Her sketch had been very primitive, and I’d had to ask her to explain it. But then Gemma, the dainty, awkward-teen version, had turned her picture around and amazed me.
“Isn’t Gemma talented, Daddy!” Lila had given her such praise, and Gemma’s face had lit up with love and pride.
“Yes, indeed. That’s a great design, kiddo. One day you should come and work for me. I’ll take you places.” She had smiled so big.
“I’d love that. Can I really?” That was her defining moment, and I hadn’t even realized how important it was.
“You can do anything you set your mind to.” The words had been cliché, but I’d been sincere. It was hard to believe she remembered.
“You were the first person to tell me I could do anything, so I wanted to become a designer ever since. You’re the reason I went to art school and the reason I wanted to get my foot in the door of your company, not that it matters.” She lifted her shoulder and reached for the keyboard of her computer.
“I still mean it, you know. You could have a place here.” Sooner than she expected since Ashley was on the verge of bailing. That would be poetic. Gemma is taking Ashely’s spot. It wasn’t a bad idea. “You’re talented, Gemma.”
She curled her lip. “Right, I think you told me that, the last time you had me bent over your desk. I’ll try to remember.”
She was bitter, and I could understand her feeling that way. But it wasn’t fair. If things were different, I’d be with her. But I had to put my daughter’s feelings first. “You know what I do remember, Gemma?”
She shook her head and shrugged. “Finding me in your room?”
“No, I remember a beautiful, young woman who made my daughter happy. Did you know she wanted me to adopt you? She told me all about your family situation, how you had to live with your grandmother after your parents passed away. She wanted better for you, as I do now. I don’t want to take that smile away from my daughter.”
“Yeah, I get it. It’s over. I should have known it wouldn’t last.” She gave me a dismissive look that let me know she was done and then she glanced down at her tablet and acted as though I wasn’t there.
It wasn’t easy for me, and that was all I needed her to understand, but how could I tell her. She was hurting, and she was not going to understand. It wasn’t easy to let her go. Especially knowing she was getting so close to my best friend.
“Have fun with your date.”
Chapter 20
Gemma
The past three weeks had been heart-wrenching, and the only thing to distract me from my misery was the gala which was finally a day away.
Lila and I had spent an entire Saturday combing through stores to find the perfect formals, and though I didn’t want him to, Whitt bought my dress. It had been hard to think up a good reason to tell Lila I didn’t want him to buy it without being suspicious, and the boss excuse didn't hold.
“He’s your boss,” she had said. “He’s giving you a bonus. No biggie.” It was Lila’s logical thinking, but inside I was screaming.
The dress hung on the back of my closet door, and I hadn’t stopped looking at it and wondering what would happen at the gala. Would Whitt want to talk to me? Or would he focus on Lila and their first daddy/daughter night in over a year?
Then there was Dax, just thinking about him and the possibility that he might try something with me had my stomach in knots. We’d only had a few lunch dates, and I’d managed to make an excuse for everything but the gala, which I’d only accepted because I’d wanted to make Whitt jealous after the whole Ashley ordeal.
My drive into work was brutal, and even though it was Friday, it may as well have been a Monday for the energy I had. My stomach had been queasy the day before, and now it was distended and tight, especially in my lower abdomen. To make matters worse, my nipples felt like someone had taken sandpaper to them and even my bra was torture, so I had decided to leave it at home.
I didn’t know what was wrong, but I was considering a good cleanse if it didn’t line out.
When I got to my office, the scent from the commercial air freshener stung my nose in a way it never had, and I dropped everything on my desk, covered my mouth, and ran to Whitt’s bathroom where he found me dry heaving upon his arrival.
“Are you okay, Gemma?” He pushed the door all the way open and leaned against it.
“Get out! I’m just a little queasy is all. My dinner last night, I guess.” I waved my hand, but he wasn’t budging. I didn’t want him to see me that way; sprawled on the floor hugging the toilet.
“Can I get you anything?” The last thing I wanted was his half-hearted attempt to baby me.
“No, I’m fine.” I stood up and stumbled as the room spun.
“Whoa, I got you.” Whitt’s arms were welcome around me, and the warmth of his embrace made me want to cry. “Come in here and sit down.”
“I’ll just go to my desk. I hope I’m not coming down with something. Katie down the hall had a terrible stomach flu.” He walked me to my desk and passed me the water bottle from beside my bag.
“The gala is tomorrow; perhaps you should go home and get some rest, so you’ll be able to make it. I’d hate to think that pretty dress would go to waste or that handsome date.” His tone was dulled with disdain.
“Are you jealous?” I met his eyes with a challenging stare.
“It wouldn’t matter if I was.”
“That’s not true. Things don’t have to be this way.” My brows rose as my expression softened.
He raked his hand through his hair and looked away. “Do you want to drive or should I arrange for a ride?” That was his way of ignoring the subject.
“I’ll manage.” I wrapped my arms around myself.
“Gemma. I don’t want things to be like they have been the past few weeks. I’d like us to be friends.” Friends, not lovers, not in a relationship.
A lump formed in my throat. “I wish I was your date.” He turned his head and looked away as I stood and stepped closer. “Will you save a dance for me?”
“Of course, Gemma.” I kissed his cheek as he let out a long breath and then I gathered my things and headed home.
I started feeling better the later it got, and I was glad that whatever it was had passed. Lila called to check on me at lunch, and I talked to her instead of eating because I still didn’t have an appetite.
“Daddy said I should check on you and that you left work sick. You’re not going to miss the gala, are you?
“No, I’m feeling much better. Still not good enough to chance eating, but maybe in a couple of hours. I thought it was the stomach flu going around the office, but I feel pretty normal now. It just hit me this morning, and then I walked into the office, and the smell pushed me over the edge.”
“If I knew you were seeing someone on a serious level, I’d swear you were pregnant.”
“Why would you think that? What do you know about pregnancy?” I wondered if Lila had another scare and held my breath as she explained.
“Remember Jodi Holloway? She said she couldn’t stand the smell of certain things when she was pregnant.” She paused a minute. “You’re not sleeping with Dax, are you?” Her tone was full of shock and awe, and I found it a bit hypocritical. My face flushed as I thought about being pregnant and I recalled missing a pill shortly before Whitt, and I had been together the first time. I hadn’t thought much of it because I’d gotten on track again, but suddenly panic shot through me like a thunderbolt, and I placed my hand on my tummy.
I had to respond, but my brain was so scrambled all I could do was lash out. “No! But if I were, he’s not much older than Daniel.” My tone was much harder than usual, and I felt bad for snapping at Lila.
Her tone changed to one more defensive. “I know, it’s just you said you didn’t like him in that wa
y, so I didn’t think he’d be the one to punch your v-card.”
“Right. Sorry. I don’t mean to be moody.” I had not told her anything about my sexual experiences for obvious reasons, and she should have known that if I had lost my virginity with Dax, that I would have told her all about it immediately.
“It’s okay. You’re tired. You probably had a twenty-four-hour virus or something. Have you been eating saltines and drinking plenty of water?”
“Yes, Nurse Lila.” I giggled trying to lighten the mood, but inside I was dying. This couldn’t be.
“I know. Old habits and all; and don’t let my dad hear you call me that. He’ll be pushing me to go back to nursing school.” She’d given up that dream and traded it for another one, but her dad had been so disappointed ever since that the subject was off-limits.
“Well, I better get back to bed and rest up, so I’m as fresh as rain tomorrow.” I was going to hang up and go immediately to the pharmacy and buy a test.
“Okay, feel better, and I’ll see you tomorrow. You can come over and get ready at my house, and Dax can meet you there if you want.” I hadn’t thought about it, but I’d see Whitt if I did. I hoped I wouldn’t have something to tell him.
“Sounds great.” I wasn’t sure it would work out with Dax hosting, but we’d see. My only focus as I said my goodbyes and hung up the phone was getting my ass to the pharmacy.
I threw on some sweat pants, with my tummy being so tight that my jeans were uncomfortable, and finished off the ensemble with a loose-fitting shirt and flip flops. I wasn’t about fashion, but I was in a mad rush to find out if none of my clothes would fit in a few months.
I thought about how stupid I’d been to let him take risks, but with his age, I figured he’d known what he was doing. I should have spoken up, but honestly, I’d wanted him to finish in me. Maybe subconsciously I had wanted this to happen? No, there was no way I’d even thought about a baby before.
I was too young to be a mother, and at Whitt’s age, I’m sure the last thing he’d ever wanted was another baby. Lila had been an only child, and perhaps there was a reason for that.
I went into the pharmacy across town hoping I wouldn’t run into anyone I knew and found the tests. I had no idea there would be so many types, and so I chose three different ones and took them up to the register.
The short woman behind the counter gave me a knowing grin and scanned each one and put them in a bag and as I paid the ticket, she leaned in close. “Have you been trying long?”
I didn’t know what she was talking about at first and then I realized. What could I say? That I’d been screwing my boss who happened to be my best friend’s dad, and now I was probably carrying his baby. Hell no, it hadn’t been planned. “Yeah, a few months now. Wish me luck.” I passed off my card with a fake smile plastered across my face, and she placed her hand on mine after she took the money.
“Babies are a blessing. I wish you the best.” She had a sweet smile, but she gave me the creeps. As I walked out, I passed a woman who was big and so far along in her pregnancy that she looked like she was about to explode, and she wasn’t smiling. Not even at the little girl who held her hand.
I got home and went into the bathroom and read the instructions and all three seemed to need the same ingredient. Urine.
I hadn’t drunk much with not feeling well and had only taken a few sips of water with my crackers earlier that morning, so having to pee wasn’t part of my immediate plans. Needing to, however, was.
I went to the kitchen and poured myself a huge glass of water and gulped it down. Then I took another one and sipped it while I waited for things to kick in. I sat on the couch in my living room and turned on the TV and found that every daytime show on at that hour had something to do with babies; either feeding them, changing them, or even giving birth to them. I caught the ass end of a C-section on one channel and turned off the TV. I lay back on the couch and closed my eyes not wanting to think about anything, especially how the baby would come out if it was inside me.
I thought maybe a nap would do the trick and I could wake up and take the tests with no problem. But I couldn’t sleep. Instead, I kept thinking about Whitt and how disappointed he’d be. Would he think I’d done it on purpose? That I was somehow trying to trap him? I crossed my arms over my stomach and rolled over onto my side.
I couldn’t even imagine what a child of ours might be like, and the idea seemed so unimaginable that I was sure if I was pregnant then I’d be in denial for the entire nine-month stretch.
I sat up and went back to the kitchen to pour another glass when the urge hit me, so I raced down to the bathroom and to my relief, filled the cup.
I did what I needed to the tests and left them alone while I paced the room and got up the courage to look at them. This was the moment of truth.
I stepped forward and read the indicators, all of which were reading positive. There was no doubt. I was going to have Whitt’s baby.
I sank to the floor and wept and stayed there for a good hour just thinking about how to tell him, if I should tell him, and what Lila would think.
Our secret would be exposed in a matter of time unless I came up with a story and lied to Whitt. I couldn’t do that though; I couldn’t let him think I’d been with another or push him out of a chance with his child if he wanted it. What if he wanted me to get rid of it to protect Lila?
I picked myself up off the floor and washed my face. Then, I looked in the mirror and placed my hand on my lower abdomen. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, and in my mind, a perfect image of my child illustrated, and he had Whitt’s handsome face and my bright blue eyes. But then what if it was a girl? I imagined her too, clearly and without a doubt, which was strange because an hour earlier I couldn’t even fathom the thought of a baby.
It showed me how the power of knowledge could change things and I decided there was no way I could keep this from Whitt. I’d have to tell him at the gala.
Chapter 21
Whitt
Gemma showed up at our house around four, and she and Lila had spent hours upstairs getting dressed up for the gala. I was just about to button my shirt when my daughter stormed into my bedroom.
“Daddy, can you get this zipper up?” Lila was panicked as she ran in, her hair perfectly arranged in an up-do that wrapped her head like a crown and flawless makeup.
Gemma was behind her carrying their shoes. “I couldn’t get it. I don’t understand, you had the dress fitted, and it was just perfect a week ago.”
“I’m a cow!” Lila frowned. I spun her around and tugged up the delicate zipper which finally went up.
Lila exhaled. “That’ll do. At least I can breathe.” I could tell that she was really bothered. She had never been heavy a day in her life, though she had always carried a bit more weight than Gemma, but her natural curves were beautiful, and if she had gained anything, she hit it well.
“You look beautiful, darling.” I kissed Lila’s cheek and turned to Gemma. “You both do.” She looked away about the time Dax rang the front doorbell. Gemma went down to greet him as the housekeeper let him in and I went after them wanting to see his reaction and if he was worthy.
“Daddy?” Lila came running after me, and I stopped and turned to see what she wanted. She hesitated.
“What is it, sweetheart?” I wondered if she and Daniel were having problems, but she shook her head and smiled.
“Nothing, Daddy. I just hope we can spend some time talking later.” I gave her a kiss on the cheek and took her arm, and we went down to join our best friends.
“You look absolutely beautiful, Gemma,” said Dax, as he crossed the room and took her hand. “Wow, I’ll win the hottest date award for sure.”
I had to agree. Gemma was absolutely glowing. Her hair had been swept up into a chignon, and her face was so flush that the natural stain of her cheeks shone brighter and the pale dusting of freckles was visible. Her eyes were wide and alert, and she had a nervous smile for Dax. I wante
d to rush in and push him aside and take her hand, and in my mind, I could hear her saying she wished she were my date.
“I’ll just be a moment.” I stepped back into my room and finished buttoning my shirt and fixed my tie, then I grabbed my coat and pulled it on, straightening the cuffs. I was stalling. I didn’t want to go back down and see her with him. I didn’t want to go to the gala and pretend that I was okay with it all. She was mine, and I couldn’t help but want her.
“Daddy?” Lila’s voice called from the stairs.
“I’ll be right down.” I took a deep breath and decided it was time to man up, and I stuck out my chest and turned and went downstairs. Lila was waiting, and she took my hand and locked her arm around mine.
“Hey, Dax, look; I’ve got the most-handsome date,” she said proudly.
“I don’t think Gemma did too bad for herself.” The two chuckled as we approached the limo, and Dax stepped aside to the let the ladies climb in first. I was next, and I deliberately positioned myself across from Gemma so I could take in the view.
We made small talk all the way there, and I could tell that something wasn’t right with Gemma. Lila was extra quiet as well, but I had a feeling it was for a different reason.
I hoped she’d be settling in at home soon and perhaps finding a career, but that was wishful thinking. I had to accept that she was growing up and not my little girl anymore. Seeing her with Gemma showed me how much they’d both changed over the years. The two used to cover their mouths and whisper and give each other sideward glances and roll their eyes when I’d talk, but now they were poised with grace and maturity.