His arrogance pisssed me off. I prepared to counter his rudeness with a verbal attack of my own, but not wanting to get any deeper into trouble, I simply said, “Go on a diet, flatfoot!”
His lanky partner, Policeman #2, came through the door and walked over to Harley, asking, “Where’s the goods?”
Harley pulled a slip of paper from his coat pocket. “First door down the hall—and here’s the security code.”
Snapping his fingers, #1 sent two of his officers to inspect the laboratory. He signaled the others to holster their weapons, then told us, “You can put your hands down.”
“Can’t this wait till morning?”asked Ravi.
“Mr. Fink tipped us off that you were leaving the country tonight.”
Harley pointed to the mirror while leaning in to Ravi. “Great cell phone reception in there.”
The first cop returned from the lab. “It’s like a terrorist’s playground in there,” he said.
He handed two glass jars over to #2. He opened the first jar, sniffed its contents, and said, “Sodium Hydroxophene. A high-explosive compound.”
“It also removes fingernail polish,” Ravi added.
Sniffing in the second jar, #2 said, “Ammonium Perkacide. A detonation agent.”
“For disinfecting hair brushes.”
The second cop came out of the lab with a large cardboard box, “Sir, we also found this.” Tipping it over, a mountain of paper money spilled out onto the floor.
“Those are legitimate earnings,” said Ravi. “I can’t conduct my research without funding.”
“The court will be happy to hear all about it,” said #1. He handcuffed Ravi. “You’re under arrest for possession of banned substances, operating an illegal research laboratory, and—oh, yes—the attempted bombing of the Wild Things Survival Fund.”
“I’ve done nothing wrong! Tell them, Amy. For God’s sake! Tell them how my work will benefit people.”
What good would that have done? Harley Fink had engineered the perfect frame-up, and I was his unwitting accomplice.
#1 dragged his prisoner to the front door like he was an animal. Ravi looked back at me with sorrowful eyes, as if he had been betrayed by his best friend. In a way, I guess he had.
#2 called to his men, “Load this terrorist bum into the patrol car and read him his rights.” He turned to me. “And don’t you go too far, miss. You’ll be wanted for questioning.”
The front door slammed with a bang! leaving Harley and I alone in the empty shop.
“Alright, you!” I said. “You got what you wanted. I held up my end of the bargain. Where’s Alec?”
“Alec? Who’s Alec?”
My face reddened with rage. “You lying scum!”
“Lighten up, kid. Just what did you expect? I’m a scoundrel and a cheat. I told you so that night on the phone.”
“Why are you being such an a-hole? What’s got you so pissed off that you have to put Ravi behind bars?”
“If you must know, some of Ravi’s wealthy clients, including me, learned of his intent to publicize the Guilt Remover. Going public with that information would shine a light on us, too. All of our illegal activities would be exposed. Fortunes would be wiped out. We’d face certain jail time. I’m afraid we couldn’t permit that to happen.”
“You’re forgetting about me. Aren’t you afraid I’ll tell the police what I know?”
Harley laughed. “You try telling them. Tell them all about secret shampoos and magic mirrors. And if by some miracle someone believes you, we have ways of shutting people up. We’re ruthless, Amy. We take what we want.”
“And for that you’d deprive the world of the greatest achievement in medicine since penicillin?”
“In a nutshell, yes.”
I raised my hand to slap his face, but he grabbed hold of my wrist.
“For what it’s worth,” he said, “I agree with you. Ravi’s discovery would have been a great boon to mankind.” He opened the front door, and just before closing it behind him, said, “See? I’m really not such a heartless guy.”
I plopped down in the barber chair and thought back to what led me there in the first place. I began this adventure with one goal in mind: find my mystery caller. And despite everything else that happened, I had done just that. Mission Accomplished! Game over.
As for Alec and Ravi, well, where does it say that I have to solve everyone’s problems? For sure, I did the best I could, and should walk away proud of that.
Now I can tell my dad everything—only, I couldn’t. I knew just what he’d say: “What did you do, Amy, quit? You let that bully Fink walk all over you?”
No, this wasn’t game over! If only to live up to my father’s expectations, I had to forge ahead. I couldn’t let him down. More importantly, I couldn’t let myself down. Who was I kidding? I missed Ravi. I missed Alec. But what could I do? Harley Fink had the situation sewn up so tightly that no one could unravel it.
Then, a faint sound broke my concentration. A cell phone was ringing. I glanced around the shop, turning my head and listening. The counter seemed a likely place to find it. Nope, not there. I pulled opened some drawers as the phone kept ringing. Then, I discovered that it was on the counter—the counter inside the mirror!
Mr. “I take what I want” had been shampooed back to reality without his phone! If its call history hadn’t been deleted, it would reveal unshakable proof that he had called me, placing him smack dab in the middle of his own treachery. Ravi would be in the clear.
I suddenly felt invigorated. The party was just getting started.
There was only one hitch: the phone was on the other side of the mirror. I paced back and forth in front of it like a caged lion. It seemed so close that I foolishly reached for it, bumping my knuckles against the glass. What I needed was some expert help—a science wiz who understood chemistry, physics, and the laws of time and space.
Hubert!
Chapter 11
The Prom
Revolving search lights beamed into the night sky, like the ones you see at Hollywood premieres. The only thing was, this wasn’t Tinseltown. It wasn’t even California. It was Shankstonville, and the bright lights were welcoming guests to my high school’s Junior Prom.
Holding this elegant affair in the school gymnasium had the whole Junior Class up in arms. They would have preferred a posh ballroom in a swanky hotel, but their fundraising efforts hadn’t brought in enough cash to afford anything that nice. So, their limited resources went to buying Hawaiian leis and plastic tiki gods, all to enhance the prom’s theme, Paradise in the Tropics.
Chaperoning the event was Miss Tuttle, our school’s lone female P.E. teacher. She was extremely athletic, and was more muscular than the men in her department. Those unlucky students who were assigned to her class prepared for a rough semester. Through rigorous exercise and long-distance running, she was obsessed with slimming down the fast-food generation.
The prom was well underway by the time I arrived. A few latecomers were lined up at the front door. They looked so good in their evening formals: girls in satin gowns and boys in velvet tuxedoes. I was in sneakers and jeans, but then, I hadn’t come to join the party. Hubert was in the gym, and I needed to see him.
Miss Tuttle greeted the prom guests cordially, only refusing entry to those who had clearly been abusing the Bottle. Though nicely dressed, seeing the brawny teacher in formalwear was like seeing Arnold Schwarzenegger in drag.
As my turn came, Miss Tuttle took one look at my shabby attire, and said, “Does that outfit come with a corsage?”
“I’m not here for the prom,” I said. “I need to talk to someone inside. It’ll just take a minute.”
“Not dressed like that, you won’t!”
“But it’s important.”
“So is preserving the dignity of the Junior Prom. Those kids in there are building lifelong memories, and I’m not going to have you spoil it for them. Go home and put on a dress and I’ll let you in.”
“There isn’t time for that.”
I charged the doorway, but Miss Tuttle’s broad frame blocked my way.
“Honor the dress code or take a hike!” she demanded.
I grumbled while slowly walking away, keeping Miss Tuttle in view. I waited for her to welcome the next arrivals, then dashed around to the side of the building. Tugging on the exit door handles, they all seemed to be locked. I knocked quietly on each one but got no response. Pounding on them would have produced better results, but I didn’t want to draw attention to myself.
Finally, the latch on the last door clicked. I pulled it open, unaware that someone inside was leaning against it. Out tumbled Garrett Kaminsky, the most popular boy in school. Garrett was the dreamy type who could melt a girl’s heart just by winking at her. He was also captain of the football team and a notorious party animal.
His fall to the ground must not have hurt him much, because he was on his back laughing hysterically, yelling, “Touchdown!” And no wonder. His breath smelled like a liqueur store after an earthquake.
“Congratulations, Garrett!” I said, stepping over him. “You got past Miss Tuttle. Not an easy task.”
I started to close the door, when he looked up at me through bloodshot eyes. “Don’t shut that!” he cried. “You lock me out and she’ll bust me for sure.”
I leaned over the inebriated boy. Brushing away the dirt from his white dinner jacket, I said, “I’d love to help you out. I really would. But we must preserve the dignity of the Junior Prom.”
I slipped inside and shut the door, locking it behind me.
Keeping to the shadows, I looked out over the tropical setting. The prom committee had created an enchanting, romantic atmosphere. Tiki torches burned bright with artificial flames. Bring your date a cupful of Hawaiian punch from a grass-covered wet bar. Feast on Polynesian fare at tables graced with lovely orchid centerpieces. And, what prom would be complete without a rotating mirror ball on the ceiling. The whole room sparkled from its tiny points of light, sweeping across walls and over smiling faces.
Everyone was having such a good time. A group teetering on a surfboard laughed, while posing for a souvenir selfie. Girls cheered their dates as they competed in a limbo contest. Couples embraced while slow-dancing to the mellow sound of strumming ukuleles.
The focal point of the prom was a mock luau staged in the center of the gym. Roasting real pigs inside public buildings was prohibited under local fire codes. Instead, a lavish buffet was provided by a caterer. The savory aroma of teriyaki and grilled mahi-mahi made my mouth water.
Peeking around a coconut tree, I spotted Hubert, sitting alone at a linen-draped table. He looked so sad—and I felt so ashamed. I should have come with him to the prom like he wanted me to.
I crept closer, then while no one was looking, snuck over and sat in a vacant chair next to him.
He was startled by my sudden appearance. “Amy! What are you—”
“Shh!” I whispered. “You have to come with me. I need your help.”
“What? Now?”
“Right now!”
On the table sat a crystal bowl filled with cocktail peanuts. The hectic day had left me little time to eat. “Mind if I have some?” I said, dipping my fingers into the snack food.
“What do you mean coming here like this? I can’t leave now.”
“Sure you can. It’s not like you’re with someone.”
Just then, I spotted Lydia Hobbs heading in our direction, strutting her stuff for everyone to see, like she always does.
“Oh, no!” I said. “You and Lydia?”
“Why the surprise? You were there when I asked her out.”
“Yeah, but I never imagined she’d go through with it.” Lydia was getting closer. “Listen to me, Hubert. You have to do this. I’ll explain later.”
“What do I tell my date?”
“Make up an excuse.” I grabbed a handful of peanuts and jumped behind a fern.
Lydia arrived a moment later, looking spectacular in her low-cut, high-slit gown. Like a perfect gentleman, Hubert stood up and pulled out her chair for her.
“How about a refill on that shrimp cocktail?” she said.
I threw a peanut at Hubert’s head. He slapped the back of his neck.
“What was that for?” asked Lydia.
“Nothing. I mean. . . okay, I’ll get you some more shrimp.”
I tossed another peanut, this time hitting Hubert’s ear.
“Stop that!” he blurted out.
Lydia looked at him funny. “Is there something wrong with you?”
“Just an itch. It’s one of those little nuisances that won’t go away.” He looked in my direction. “Like someone I know.”
Mistaking his remark as intended for her, Lydia said, “You know, Hubert, if you want to get rid of me, just say so.”
Hubert stood up and bowed. “Will you excuse me a moment?”
I followed Hubert to the buffet table where I pulled him aside. I can’t remember when I had seen him more pissed. “You’ve got exactly thirty seconds to explain yourself.”
I pointed to his table. “I can’t believe you came with her!”
“You turned me down.”
“I know I did, but she’s so out of your league.”
“Look, she may be a bimbo, but she is my date, and I’m not leaving without her.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “I’m going over and tell Lydia what you just said.”
Hubert grabbed my arm. “Wait! How long will this take?”
“Not long. I’ll have you back before they crown the Prom Queen.”
Hubert made up a flimsy excuse to tell Lydia. Not being terribly creative, he said his mom had called to say that his pet hamster was having convulsions. He needed to get home immediately, but promised a speedy return to the prom. Not surprisingly, Lydia bought his story.
“Where are we going?” said Hubert, behind the wheel of his SUV.
“To the 2-Bit Solution barbershop,” I said.
“Okay, let’s have it. What’s so important that you have to abduct me?”
So far, Hubert knew about the barbershop, its secret laboratory, the Guilt Remover, Ravi, Harley, and Alec. Believing all that required him to take a huge leap of faith. I wasn’t sure how much more wackiness he was willing to take.
“Get out your spoonful of sugar,” I said, “you’re gonna find this hard to swallow.”
“Try me!”
I told him that Ravi’s mirror can kidnap you.
“Sound crazy?”
“Coming from you, it makes perfect sense.”
I explained that suicidal thoughts send you there.
“Believe me?”
“What’s not to believe.”
I told him that the Back Splash was the only way out of it.
“Still with me?”
“Absolutely. But how do you know it works?”
“I’ve done it. I shampooed someone back to reality, but I made one little mistake: I backsplashed Satan into the world.”
“Why am I not surprised? Who is this demon?”
“Harley Fink.”
Hubert flashed me a huge grin. “That’s great! Now the cops can pick him up and they’ll stop harassing you.”
“They already had their chance for that. Instead, they arrested Ravi and let Harley walk free.”
“I sense that something is amiss.”
“You might say that. But there’s still a chance to set things right. When I shampooed Harley back, he left his phone behind in the mirror. It’s the phone he used to call me on.”
“So, what’s your plan?”
“Get the phone. The data on it will clear Ravi of all wrongdoing and put Harley Fink behind bars where he belongs.”
“But you said it’s in the mirror. How are we supposed to get it back? It’ll take a genius to figure that out.”
I plopped my hand down on Hubert’s shoulder. “Welcome to my world, Mr. Wizard.”
Chapter 12
> Breaking and Entering
Hubert doused his headlights and cut the engine as we rolled up to the barbershop. I had only been gone for an hour, and expected to find the shop the way I left it, but the police had other ideas. Yellow crime tape now stretched around the entire building. Plywood sheets covered the doors and windows. A bright red and orange warning sign was pasted on the front door:
DANGER!
BIOHAZARD
Entering these premises will lead to arrest and prosecution.
The authorities must have thought the sign was enough to secure the building, because there wasn’t a cop in sight.
“Well, it’s been nice hangin’ with ya,” said Hubert. “I’m going back to the prom.”
“Can’t you see what they’re doing?” I said. “There’s nothing hazardous in there. They’re just trying to keep looters and looky-loos away.”
“Okay, smarty. Let’s assume it is safe, how do you plan to get inside?”
The empty building next door was the former home of Beacon Records. The music superstore was once a popular hangout for people of all musical tastes. Like most vinyl record sellers, it suffered a slow death in the age of the digital download.
The store was gone, but the building still had some usefulness left in it. Around the back we discovered a rooftop access ladder. We also found that the police had failed to batten down Ravi’s 2nd floor window.
“Here’s what we’re going to do,” I said. “We climb the ladder to Beacon’s roof, cross over to Ravi’s building, then climb down the fire escape to the 2nd floor. All we have to do then is jimmie open the window and we’re in.”
“That’s breaking and entering,” said Hubert. “People get arrested for that.”
“Not if they don’t get caught.”
“I say it’s too dangerous.”
“I say it’s worth the risk.”
“Is there any point in arguing with you?”
“Not really.”
Hubert grabbed the sides of the metal ladder and gave it a firm shake. “Looks sturdy enough.” He then removed his tuxedo jacket and hung it on a nail. “Gonna need my rental deposit money for posting bail.”
The Age of Amy: Mad Dogs and Makeovers Page 9