“Deus!” I said under my breath.
“You’ve never killed anyone, have you cousin?” she asked.
“I have not,” I replied, watching her with interest as I contemplated the atrocities I’d like to visit upon Lord Gere. I wondered what M’Tek would inflict upon him if I were to tell her what he’d done to her daughter.
“You’re truly well-suited to Lia,” M’Tek observed. “She would never willingly kill either. I’ve always known that about her. She’s kind. I think I might have been like her if my life hadn’t forced me to become comfortable covered in my enemies’ blood and gore. Lore reads Lia’s gentleness as frailty, or weakness, a shortcoming that leaves her open to exploitation. That’s not how I see it. Lia is one of the strongest people I know.”
“Mata,” Lia called from the doorway. I turned to see Lia standing with one hand on her belly, and the other resting against the doorframe, her gaze focused on her mother. She’d come out to greet us and overheard our conversation.
“Lia, I didn’t know you were there,” M’Tek said, raising her eyes to her daughter’s.
“I know,” Lia said. “Come inside. It’s getting chilly.”
Lia led M’Tek into the drawing room. I left them talking and went to the kitchen to give instructions for our dinner, only to discover Lia had anticipated me. Preparations were well underway. I returned to the drawing room to find Lia pouring M’Tek a glass of torppa. I sat down on the sofa across from M’Tek, and Lia eased down close to me. She entwined her fingers with mine, and placed her other hand across her belly.
“I was just telling Lia that I’d like you to come to Lareem Palace next year for the season,” M’Tek said.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I replied.
“Then it’s agreed,” Lia said. “Thank you for the invitation, but we won’t be attending the season.”
“Lia, how are you to mend your relationship with Lore if you refuse?” M’Tek argued.
“You’ve made an assumption, Mata,” Lia replied coldly to M’Tek. “You assume I want that relationship mended,” Lia said sharply. “I forgive you, for failing to protect me, but I can’t forgive her for harrying and tormenting me, or for placing me in danger.”
My gaze shifted from Lia to M’Tek, as I noted the surprise on my cousin’s face. It never occurred to her that Lore had pushed their daughter too far. I realized then that Lia blamed Lore for what had happened to her, just as I did. M’Tek wanted to argue for Lore, I could tell, but Lia, anticipating her, smiled and stood, releasing my hand as she moved toward the doorway.
“Pet, I think I’ll go see to our dinner,” Lia said, her manner slightly stiff.
“I just spoke with Haden,” I replied. “They’re likely laying the table now.”
“Then I’ll check on their progress,” she said, forcing a smile before turning away from us.
I watched Lia leave, noticing her hand came to rest at the base of her spine for a moment. Her lower back was troubling her. She didn’t want to think about Lore, or what she had been through in her last year and a half at Lareem Palace.
“Cousin, you have to convince Lia to forgive Lore,” M’Tek whispered once Lia was gone. “She loves Lia, profoundly. She’s been behaving like an idiot, I’ll grant, but it doesn’t reflect how she feels. Lore keeps every letter Lia sends me, reading them repeatedly, as if they were coded messages. I don’t know if you’ve read Lia’s letters, but they’ve been pretty ambiguous, and a little frosty. It doesn’t matter to Lore, though. She hoards them in a locked box beside our bed, as if their value is incalculable. You should have seen the terror she went through before you sent word Lia was safe. She had the entire Noge army out searching for her. Truly, I thought she’d lose her mind before it was over.”
“Lia has reasons for the way she feels toward Lore. She was held prisoner in that palace,” I observed. “She was surrounded by guards, and yet not protected. I doubt she’ll ever feel safe there again. I can’t ask her to go back.”
“If she won’t return to Lareem, will you convince her to come to Saranedam for the solstice at least?” M’Tek asked.
“Are you suggesting Lia attend the solstice celebration without me? Or have you forgotten? I’m banished from Nogeland. Lore made her pronouncement quite clearly. I return to her realm on pain of death. I don’t doubt she would execute me, if given cause,” I said coldly. “Do you have the power to bring me out of exile, cousin?” I asked, softening. She shook her head sharply. “That’s what I thought. Besides, even if I wanted to return to Nogeland, and Lore welcomed me back with open arms, Lia still wouldn’t agree to it,” I added.
“Pet, you understand, don’t you? Lore is hurting,” M’Tek said. “Her entire world shattered the night she found out about you and Lia. She was shocked, and she felt betrayed, and not only by you, the person she trusted above anyone else, her dearest friend. She stills struggles to find a way to excuse your actions. The focus of her anger has been Lia. As she sees it, Lia intentionally set out to take you from her.”
“Well, she certainly punished Lia for it,” I said, aware that my anger toward Lore was likely as much of an obstacle as Lia’s. “It’s not Lia’s responsibility to mend their relationship. And M’Tek, I’m not eager to facilitate. My life is easier now, without Lore in it.”
“You can’t possibly want Lia to lose her relationship with one of her mothers,” M’Tek said. “She’s about to have our first grandchild. Lore needs to be a part of that child’s life.”
“You should be convincing Lore of that, not me,” I said firmly. “If you truly want to foster this reconciliation, my advice is that you focus your efforts on persuading your queen to plead for Lia’s forgiveness. Lore did far more to earn Lia’s anger than you realize.”
“I’ve tried. Lore won’t hear reason right now. In the past I would have relied on you to talk her out of this madness,” M’Tek observed, cutting her eyes away from me. “But maybe you could persuade Lia to invite Lore for the birth.”
“At the moment, I’m a little more concerned with Lia’s wellbeing than Lore’s,” I replied curtly. “I honestly prefer not to host your queen.”
“Then you leave me no choice, cousin. You already extended an offer of hospitality to both of Lia’s mothers when you announced your joining,” M’Tek observed, her gaze focused on the door Lia had disappeared through, as if hoping her daughter wouldn’t overhear what she was doing. “There’s still an open invitation for Lore, and she will be accepting it. Might I suggest you invite me as well, unless you want to deal with Lore on your own.”
“Fine,” I snapped, glaring at M’Tek.
“I thank you for your gracious invitation. We will both be here for the birth, even if I have to rely on my army to coerce Lore into accepting your hospitality.”
“You’re interpreting the word invitation very loosely, cousin,” I snapped.
“You’re an important part of my family, Pet. I love you unconditionally, and beg that you forgive any disrespect I show by imposing my queen upon you,” M’Tek said with a fierce sort of finality. “Lore and Lia will reconcile. And you will help me bring it about, not only because you love my daughter, but because you love me, and deep down, beneath your outrage, and I’ll admit, well-earned resentment, you still love Lore.”
I had run out of arguments.
-CH 10-
The following months passed quickly with the help of Lore’s impending visit to dread. Meanwhile, Lia’s belly grew larger. I watched the berry bushes around Lauderdam Village, the ones I had planted the year I began construction on Lauderdam Manor, as they were picked clean by my workers in the fields. We brought in our first bumper harvest of berries, and began the distilling process in the months leading up to our child’s birth.
I was beginning to contemplate a blend of berries to give the Lauderdam berrywine more character, possibly some amalgam of porcelain berries, honeyberries and red elderberries. I wanted Lauderdam to produce the best berrywine in the twin
sovereignties, but a goal of that type would take years to achieve, just as it had taken years to establish my varietal torppa vintages.
In spite of my rather intense rage over what had happened to Lia, I was beginning to feel an attachment to that little life growing inside of her. While my first reaction to her pregnancy had clearly been a desire to rid us both of the painful reminder of rape, as the months passed, I stopped seeing our child in that way. There were the times that I stumbled upon Lia sitting alone in the drawing room, softly humming to herself, or smiling with her hand resting upon her belly. In those moments I began to realize that she didn’t see the child as something awful that had happened to her. I usually watched her for a while before making my presence known. In that way, my attitude gradually shifted. Lia already loved our child. Slowly, I was beginning to at least accept the inevitability of it.
The final month before Lia was to deliver, we received a letter from M’Tek informing us she was bringing both Ania and Lore to our home for the birth. Not wanting to upset Lia before it was absolutely necessary, I’d not told her of M’Tek’s plan to reconcile her with her other mother, and so Lia was taken by surprise. Clearly, Lia was not pleased by the news. Once Lia accepted that I was powerless to prevent the Noge Queen’s impending visit, she made an effort to seem unperturbed. The actual birthdate was at least three weeks sooner than what we claimed, and we worried about explaining an infant that appeared to be full-term, but arrived three weeks early. That was, if we were fortunate and Lia carried the child to term. An early baby would be inexplicable.
In the end, M’Tek, Lore, and Ania arrived two days before Lia went into labor. Lia was so uncomfortably rotund by that point she was mostly remaining in bed. On the day of their arrival, she never rose. That afternoon I only allowed M’Tek back into our bedchamber, to Lia’s discernable relief. How much of her desire for confinement was due to the arrival of our guests, she never revealed.
Sharing a late dinner on the evening of their arrival was a strain for me. I was agitated over Lia’s condition. She was three days past her due date. At that point, pretending I was delighted, or even unaffected, by having Lore in my home was beyond my well-honed capacities for diplomacy. As a result, I chose to remain mostly silent in order to avoid conflict. During dinner I spoke very little, beyond describing the more unusual Vilken faire on offer. That tenuous peace could not be maintained, however. Finally, Lore turned her intense blue eyes on me with ill-concealed hostility. M’Tek had delivered her promised stallion, in addition to three good mares, as a peace offering from Lore, but one look into Lore’s eyes convinced me, it was not her intention to make peace with me.
“What made you choose to live in this cursed land, Pet?” Lore asked in a dangerously nonchalant tone. She broke off a piece of bread and took a bite, chewing as she waited for my response. “You can’t possibly feel safe here.”
“Well, you did threaten to have me executed for treason the last time I saw you, Lore. I think a place you consider cursed is, under the circumstances, the safest I could have chosen,” I explained, offering a smile to my once dear friend.
“Sweet Pet, we both know I was only making a point with M’Tek when I threatened kill you. I never really wanted you dead, or you would be dead,” she said in a saccharin voice. “And happily, your palace looks nothing like the old one,” Lore added, forcing a stiff smile in response to mine. “If I focus, I can pretend I’m somewhere else, in a civilized region perhaps.”
“What praise!” I observed in a dry tone. “I think I’ll leave the three of you to finish dessert before the flattery overwhelms me,” I said, wanting to escape before I took Lore’s head off. I pushed back from the table, but Lore had no intention of allowing me to leave.
“Are you running away again?” Lore asked, in a deceptively calm voice. “You’re not trying to avoid me, are you?” she asked with a quick little laugh. “That’s a bad habit you have. You must realize by now that I won’t allow it. I will have your attention when I want it, Pet.”
“Lore, I find it impossible to avoid you in my own home,” I replied with a forced smile. “The social mores demand that I graciously attend to all of my guests, even those I didn’t actually invite,” I snapped.
“And you have been gracious, considering you clearly despise me,” Lore observed. I didn’t contradict her, but simply sat back in my chair, holding her gaze, and meeting her challenge. “You won’t even pretend I’m wrong?” she asked sweetly. “You’re brave, old friend. Not only do you despise me, then,” Lore observed, her gaze shifting to M’Tek for a moment before returning to me. “But you don’t fear me.”
“Lore, leave it. Please,” M’Tek said, finally stepping in, and attempting to curb her mate.
“Why should I leave it?” Lore asked through a quiet chuckle. “As you’ve pointed out so many times, M’Tek, your cousin is a significant member of our family. I think our relationship could benefit from a little honesty. Isn’t that why you dragged me to this cursed place, to repair relationships?”
“Well, I’m going for a walk,” M’Tek said sharply. “Would anyone like to join me?” she asked, raising an eyebrow at me in invitation. “Pet?”
“I’d love to join you,” I replied, smiling at my cousin as I pushed back from the table.
“But that would be a waste, Pet,” Lore said sharply. “We need to hash this out so it will smooth over, right M’Tek?” Lore asked in that saccharine voice, seeking the support of her mate. “Of course M’Tek doesn’t understand how deeply our feelings run, does she Pet?”
I watched M’Tek as she struggled between her desire to flee Lore’s dangerous mood, and her sense of duty to me. The desire to flee apparently won out, as M’Tek stood from the table without looking at Lore again, and left the room. Lore, Ania, and I remained sitting in silence, but not for long. Soon Ania stood, without looking at her mother, only addressing me.
“Cousin, do you think I might look in on Lia?” Ania asked. “I have so much to tell her. It’s been months since I’ve had a chance to simply sit and talk with her.”
“It amazes me that you seek Pet’s permission to visit your own sister,” Lore snapped. “After all, our Pet never asked before offering her attentions to Lia,” Lore said, a smile of contempt playing at the corners of her mouth as she glared at me.
“Go ahead, Ania, but please be careful not to wake her if she’s sleeping,” I replied. “She’s been having a hard time resting for the past few nights.”
“Of course, Pet,” Ania said in a gentle voice, leaving Lore and me at the table.
Lore glared at me, and I lifted my glass of torppa to my lips. The varieties of flavors it evoked in me at that moment were all bitter and pungent. It was one of the weaknesses of torppa that anger made it taste foul. I swallowed hard and pushed my unfinished glass away. Lore made a point of not speaking for a while, forcing me to wait on her as she slowly finished her gooseberry cake.
“This dessert would be better paired with a Vilken honey brew, rather than torppa,” Lore observed as she took her last bite. I decided her anger had spoiled her torppa just as mine had. I couldn’t help but smile.
“If you’d requested honey brew, it would have been provided,” I said evenly.
“Yes, I know. We’ve already established that you’re a very gracious hostess,” Lore observed, offering a mocking smile.
“Lore why don’t you get it off your chest, whatever it is you have to say,” I suggested. “I’m only still sitting here because you so plainly demanded my attention.”
“All right. I only wanted to tell you that I hate you just as much as you hate me,” she said evenly. “What you’ve done is treason in my eyes. The only reason I didn’t arrive with my army to collect my daughter, after you stole her from my home, is that M’Tek has an army too. For some reason she feels a misguided sense of loyalty to you. Your actions very nearly brought me to wage war against my own mate.”
“Your daughter is happy, Lore,” I observed. “Doesn�
��t that mean anything to you?”
“The idea of the two of you being happy together makes me physically sick,” she spat back at me. “The thought of the two of you together is…” she stopped and shifted her gaze from me as if it were too difficult to look at me in that instant.
“Because of my age?” I asked, curious if she was that much a hypocrite.
“Of course not,” she snapped. “That’s nothing to do with it.”
“Then why?” I asked, genuinely wondering about what lay at the root of her anger.
“My reasons are my own, Pet,” she said calmly. After looking everywhere in the room but at me, she finally made eye contact again. “I still have difficulty believing you did this horrendous thing to me. I loved you, Pet. I trusted you, and you seduced my daughter.”
“That’s not how it happened, Lore. We simply fell in love,” I corrected.
“How is that even possible?” she asked.
“How could I not love Lia?” I replied. “She’s beautiful, funny, kind, and highly intelligent. Knowing her, understanding the way she thinks, it’s changed the way I see the world. When you made me Lemu, I thought I would spend eternity in perpetual disappointed with life and those around me. Lia rescued me from that fate. She’s everything to me. I’d do anything for her.”
“No. Now that’s clearly not true. You wouldn’t allow her to have the life she was meant to live,” Lore said. “She’s a princess, Pet, and you have her hidden away in the most cursed region of Baneland. Who does she have to socialize with here? Vilken peasants? Who are her friends here? The servants?”
“I did not steal Lia from you. I never had the chance. Your daughter ran to me, without my knowledge or assistance, without food, without water, without clothing, or even a map. She was willing to sacrifice her own life, rather than live the one you meant for her to live. She was half dead and covered in bruises and lacerations when she arrived,” I observed. “All because you kept her a prisoner in what had been her home. Because you tried to force…”
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