by Amy Andrews
He’d noticed her rocking on her heels quite a lot throughout the long operation and moving from foot to foot. He was repairing a severe burns contracture of the face and neck. The ten-year-old boy had sustained his initial injury through a kerosene explosion several months before and inadequate treatment had led to the current grotesque disfigurement.
The contractures involved the eyelids, face, neck and chest, the resulting downward pull leading to the boy’s inability to shut his eyes or mouth. There was a fixed flexion deformity of the neck so that his chin was sitting against his chest, with the front of his neck not visible at all. Looking at the poor boy it was as if his skin had melted from his face and fused his head to his chest.
So it was a big repair job, involving skin grafting and complicated by difficulty gaining and maintaining anaesthesia. Four hours in, Katya’s back ached, her legs ached, she was starving and exceedingly light-headed.
‘I’m fine,’ she dismissed, knowing that they were on the downhill run and she could sit and eat something very soon.
They were stripping off their gowns fifteen minutes later, Ben chatting away excitedly about the op. He’d done a fantastic job and given a little boy back his face and neck. Katya could hear him vaguely, her rebelling stomach and a surge of nausea distracting her from his words.
Her ears started to ring and then she couldn’t hear him at all. She could see his mouth moving but the words were lost in the noise coming from inside her head. Her vision started to go next. Ben was shrinking before her eyes as a black fuzz slowly encroached on her field of sight. And then everything went black and she fell.
‘Katya? Katya!’ Ben caught her as she slumped against him. He gave her a shake and she flopped like a rag doll. He swore in Italian and swept her up into his arms. He strode down the corridor, past surprised staff, getting angrier with each footstep. He kicked the door to his office open and laid her down on the double sofa.
She murmured and he let out a pent-up breath, his heart hammering madly. ‘Katya?’ he said again.
Her eyes fluttered open and Ben was so relieved for a moment he wanted to kiss her instead of strangle her.
‘What happened?’ she asked, half sitting.
‘You fainted.’ He pulled a blood-pressure cuff out of a desk drawer, wrapped it around her arm and took a quick reading.
‘Eighty over thirty-five,’ he told her disgustedly.
Katya returned his told-you-so look with a baleful glare. ‘My blood sugar got a little low,’ she said, ripping the cuff off and sitting up. Her head swam for minute and she shut her eyes briefly, willing it to stop.
When she opened them Ben was looking at her with raised eyebrows. ‘What?’ she said crankily. ‘Pregnant women faint from time to time.’
Ben swore again in his native tongue. She’d scared the hell out of him. ‘I will not have you jeopardising this baby’s health because you want to be some kind of super-nurse.’
Ben’s blunt reminder that to him she was just a life-support system for their baby stung. But it was a good reminder to her foolish heart of her purpose here in Italy, which seemed to get more and more blurred the longer she stayed.
‘I am not giving up work,’ she said stubbornly.
‘Oh, yes, you are,’ he countered, rising from his crouched position to sit behind his desk.
‘You think if you sit behind that desk that it makes you more important? That I’ll suddenly realise you’re the Count and I’m the commoner and I’ll bow before you?’
Ben chuckled. Hardly! Katya was not like any other woman he’d ever known. Fawning and flattery just weren’t part of her persona. She had her own opinions and spoke her own mind. She’d certainly been a refreshing change in his life.
‘Would you?’
‘Not a chance.’
Ben chuckled again. It was good to see a glimpse of her prickliness. She had lost a lot of that edge to her personality over the weeks and it was reassuring to still see flashes of her old spark.
The Katya who had never given him an inch.
Too many women had hung on his every word once upon a time and he’d soaked it up. Even Bianca had been a major ego trip for him. Being with someone who afforded him no such adulation had made him see that about himself. In fact, Katya made him work for his compliments and he was surprised at how much more rewarding it was.
A knock on the door interrupted them. It opened to reveal Carmella. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said, looking from one to the other, ‘I’m interrupting something?’
‘Yes,’ Ben said.
‘No,’ Katya said, glaring at Ben.
‘Katya’s giving up work,’ he told Carmella.
‘No, Katya’s not,’ Katya denied hotly.
Carmella looked from one to the other, as if she was watching a tennis match. ‘Right...maybe I should come back later,’ she said, backing out the door.
‘No,’ Katya said. ‘Go ahead. Ignore me.’ She lay back on the lounge. In truth, she’d have liked to have risen from the couch and stalked out of the room with her head held high, but she still felt a little dizzy.
Ben and Carmella slipped into Italian and Katya let it swirl around her as she shut her eyes and waited to feel more grounded. She heard papers rustling and realised that she kept hearing a word she was familiar with. Mulgahti.
She sat up. ‘What are you talking about?’ she asked.
Ben and Carmella stopped what they were doing and turned to her. ‘There’s a baby girl in a remote village that has been brought to our attention, but her extraction is proving difficult due to internal politics.’
‘Mulgahti?’ Katya asked. ‘That’s the village?’
Ben frowned. ‘Yes. Do you know it?’
Katya nodded and rose. A wave of dizziness swept over her and she swayed momentarily. Ben stood and was at her side in an instant. ‘Katya!’ Exasperation laced his voice.
She leaned against him briefly. ‘I’m fine,’ she mumbled, pushing away from him and walking on shaky legs to the desk. Carmella offered Katya the chair she’d been sitting in and Katya felt too weak to refuse.
‘I was stationed not far from Mulgahti a few years ago,’ she said, locating it easily on the map that had been spread on the table. ‘MedSurg spent six months there, treating victims of the local civil war.’
Carmella glanced at Ben. ‘Do you have any contacts there still?’ she asked Katya.
Katya thought for a moment. It was a difficult area, controlled by local warlords, one of whom they’d patched up after he’d taken a bullet to the shoulder. ‘Maybe,’ she said. ‘Gill would be the best contact. I can make a few phone calls.’ She looked first at Carmella then at Ben.
Carmella looked at Ben then back at Katya. ‘Any help you can give would be welcome,’ Carmella said.
Ben saw the smile that Katya gave his field officer and the spark of interest in Katya’s eyes, and an idea started to form in his head. ‘Why don’t you two stay here in my office and see what progress you can make?’ he suggested. ‘Carmella can help you with any information you might need,’ he said to Katya.
Katya nodded, feeling a tremor of excitement course through her, knowing she might be able to help get a child in need of medical attention to the Lucia Clinic. ‘It’s the middle of the night in Australia — Gill’s not going to be happy.’
She grinned at Ben and he grinned back. ‘He’ll be fine when he realises why you’re ringing.’
‘Da.’ Katya nodded and picked up the phone.
‘I’m going to get you some food?’ he said, his voice brooking no argument and he certainly wouldn’t get any from her. ‘Anything in particular?’
Katya shook her head. ‘As long as it’s fast. I’m starving.’
Ben returned fifteen minutes later with a plate laden with bruschetta. Carmella was sitting in his seat, talking into her mobile in Italian and Katya was sitting where he’d left her, speaking in Russian. He plonked the plate on the table between them and they both automatically reached for a piece whi
le they continued their conversations.
He placed his hands on Katya’s shoulders and lowered his head to whisper in her ear. ‘I’m sorry its not Taddeo’s.’
Katya turned her head and smiled at him, still talking in rapid Russian. He stood and massaged her neck for a few moments, smiling as she relaxed back against him. He could see the rise of her burgeoning belly from this vantage point and he just wanted to let his hands slide down her front and link them together under her bump.
Katya dropped her head to one side and he concentrated on the exposed muscles of her neck. He realised suddenly that he could also see down her scrub top to her lace-covered, full, ripe breasts, and he wished Carmella was somewhere else.
A knock interrupted before that thought became fully fledged. ‘Here you are. Benedetto. We’re waiting for you,’ Gabriella reprimanded in Italian.
Ben looked at his watch. He’d lost track of the time completely. ‘Sorry. I’ll be right there.’
He dropped a kiss on Katya’s shoulder, where the scrub top gaped and exposed the creamy skin. ‘Later,’ he murmured.
They were sitting on their terrace that evening, enjoying a candle-lit dinner, Ben listening as Katya excitedly relayed how she and Carmella had successfully managed to organise safe passage for the Mulgahti patient. The baby girl would be at the Lucia Clinic in two days.
‘Carmella is very busy. She’s been complaining for a while that she needs another staff member,’ he said, keeping his voice very matter-of-fact.
Katya stopped mid-chew. ‘Ben...’ she said, a slight warning in her voice.
‘Katya, it’s perfect.’
‘I don’t want to give up work,’ she said.
‘You won’t be. You’ll still be working. But you’ll get to sit instead of standing on your feet for hours. You’ll be able to eat regularly and take regular breaks.’
Katya looked at him, the candlelight throwing warm shadows on his dark features. He made the offer very attractive. Being on her feet all day was more tiring then she’d ever admit to him or even herself. Plus she’d be out of Ben’s company, too, which would be an easier transition for her when she had to leave in another couple of months.
It was time she started withdrawing a little. But...what if she missed being a surgical nurse?
Ben could see her wavering. ‘Look, just think about it for a few days, OK?’ He reached out placing his hand over hers.
She nodded slowly. ‘OK, I will.’
He grinned triumphantly and she shook her head at him and rolled her eyes and returned her concentration to the food on her plate. Now that she had told Ben all about her day, her thoughts returned to something that Carmella had said at one stage. It stewed away in her brain as she ate some of Taddeo’s gnocchi.
Ben noticed her getting quieter. ‘Penny for them,’ he said.
Katya glanced up toying with her food for a beat or two before eventually taking a bite. ‘It’s nothing,’ she said, after she’d chewed and swallowed.
‘Katya,’ he said gently, ‘you can tell me anything.’
Katya wasn’t so sure about that. But he seemed to believe it anyway. She took a deep breath. ‘I was just thinking about the girl who broke your heart. You never talk about her. Or Mario.’
Ben swallowed his mouthful of food, surprisingly without choking. This was not what he’d been expecting. ‘It was a long time ago,’ he dismissed abruptly.
Just as she’d thought. She felt a nagging sense of regret that Ben didn’t think he could talk to her about his feelings over his brother’s death and the mystery woman who had broken his heart. He knew all her secrets now, all about her dirt-poor background, her mother’s neglect and the incident with Sophia.
Surely he should be able to tell the woman he made love to every night some of his past too?
‘Mario’s death wasn’t.’
‘Katya.’
She held up her hand. ‘Carmella commented today that this was the happiest she’d seen you since Bianca. I didn’t even know that was her name. I guess I suddenly realised that I don’t know much about you. Your past, your secrets. It seems odd to be...’ Katya chose her words carefully. ‘Living with you and not know you.’
‘You know me.’
Katya shook her head, the candle flame dancing in the light breeze. ‘I know the man you were when we were with MedSurg is very different to the man you are here, in Italy. I mean...you are the man you are today because of the things that have happened in your past.’
And you can’t love me because of her.
‘I’d just like to be able to understand, that’s all.’
Ben could see her sincerity – he could feel it. She wasn’t asking out of some ghoulish curiosity, she genuinely wanted to understand what made him tick. He sighed.
‘It’s hard for me to talk about Bianca. Or Mario. I was angry for so long. And proud. And then they died. And I was ashamed that I had rejected any attempts at reconciliation. Mario had tried. Bianca had tried. Mamma had tried.’
Katya frowned. So Bianca had died, too? She was confused. Were his ex and his brother not two separate issues? ‘I’m sorry,’ Katya said. ‘Bianca is dead, too? Were their deaths linked?’
Ben gave a bitter laugh. ‘You could say that.’ He saw her puzzled look and stopped being cryptic. He was so used to everyone knowing, he’d forgotten that she didn’t.
‘Bianca and I were engaged to be married. I was totally besotted with her. I was twenty-four...young, foolish. I found her and my brother together, in the clinic gardens. They were kissing. He had his hands on her...she was half-naked. That’s when I left Italy. I ran away as far as I could go and Bianca and Mario got married.’
‘Oh, Ben, how awful.’
Katya heard the emotion in his voice. She could only imagine how devastating such a betrayal must have been. Now she understood the estrangement Ben had talked about. Now she could see why he was sworn off love. He was obviously in no hurry to risk his heart again after it had been battered so soundly.
She, better than anyone, understood how things like that could affect you forever. And she knew that any hope she was harbouring that Ben might grow to love her would never come to fruition.
‘The irony is Mario and I were so close until then. Oh, we were rivals. In everything. We were always trying to best each other with the biggest and the best, the latest and the greatest. But it was good-natured. He was my older brother, there was only twelve months between us, I hero-worshipped him and our rivalry pushed me to be the best I could be. But he took our one-upmanship too far when he took Bianca.’
‘Did you...never speak to each other again?’
Ben shook his head. ‘He tried to extend an olive branch. They both did.’
‘Bianca was in the car crash with your brother?’
‘Yes.’ Ben nodded, his voice bleak. ‘I may not have respected him, may have wanted nothing to do with him, but I didn’t wish him dead. Either of them.’
Katya could see the truth of his words written all over his face. He was looking at her earnestly, his eyes begging her to understand. And she did. As much as she disliked and didn’t respect her mother, Katya knew she would be devastated when the inevitable happened.
No matter what, Olgah was the woman who had given her life.
‘It’s funny how a decade of hostility and self-righteousness can suddenly seem so churlish,’ he said quietly, mesmerised by the flame.
Guilt. Another emotion Katya knew intimately. ‘It sounds to me like they didn’t do it to hurt you, Ben. Maybe they just fell in love? It happens sometimes. They say forgiveness is good for the soul.’
Deep down Ben knew he needed to be able to forgive them. But the image of Mario and Bianca in the garden was etched into his memory. And after years of carrying it around, absolution was a big thing to ask. ‘Like you’ve forgiven yourself?’ he said, fixing her with a hard stare. ‘Forgiven your mother?’
His accusation hit her in the solar plexus and Katya blinked at the sudden
turn in the conversation. It struck even harder because she knew he was right.
Ben saw her eyes widen and immediately castigated himself. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘That was uncalled-for.’ He rubbed his hands through his hair. ‘This topic drives me crazy.’
‘Because it’s unresolved?’
‘Because Mario and Bianca are everywhere I go here. At the clinic, at Mamma’s, in the streets of Positano, in the piazza at Ravello. I bought this villa so I could get away from memories of them. This is my sanctuary from the past. Coming back to Italy to fulfil my family duty has been made so much harder because of all the memories. And everything I do here has Mario’s stamp on it. All of it makes me crazy.’
Katya nodded. It must be hard for such a proud man to have to continually face ghosts from an incident that had driven a wedge through his family for a decade. ‘Maybe it’s time to make some new memories?’ she suggested.
Ben glanced at her and realised that, thanks to her, he already had a whole host of new memories. Very, very pleasant ones at that. And with the advent of the baby - his son - even more to come.
He nodded. ‘Hence the clinic,’ he said. ‘Coming back from MedSurg and the poverty-stricken countries I’ve worked in, the opulence and the luxury here seemed so disproportionate. And I kept hearing your voice, nagging in my head, about hedonistic pampered rich people.’
Katya smiled. ‘Nice to know you thought about me.’
‘Oh, I thought about you.’ He chuckled as Katya blushed. ‘Getting the Lucia Trust up and running and finding someone else to take over the management of the rest of the clinic has given me something to focus on that’s truly mine. I’ve been able to blend the old direction with a new one and put my own stamp on it. Made it something other than a vanity clinic for the rich and famous. Made it mine. And I’m proud of that.’
‘As you should be,’ Katya murmured.
Her quiet confirmation meant more than any effusive display. He could tell from her earlier excitement and her involvement with their clients that the clinic had come to mean a lot to her as well. That she was also proud of the work they were doing with the foundation. He was surprised to find that it mattered to him. What she thought of him.