by Alexis Hall
“Ooh,” said Tinuviel. “Wasn’t Fable 3 supposed to know what the weather was like where you were, and set the weather in game to match?”
Andy smiled hopefully at Tinuviel. “I hear Fable 4 will come with a special headset and the weather in the game will be controlled by your brain.”
From then on ideas flew thick and fast around the table.
“In Fable 5, if you get married in the game, you get married in real life. To Peter Molyneux.”
“In Fable 6, the game will be able to sense if you’re not enjoying it and will ask you what’s wrong.”
“Fable 7 will cure cancer.”
“Fable 8 is Luke’s father.”
“Fable 9 killed Dumbledore.”
“Fable 10 will be Half-Life 3.”
“So,” asked Steff, when they’d finished laughing, eating, and insulting an innocent game designer, “what are we doing this afternoon?”
Drew was having fun, but part of him really wanted to get back to Heroes of Legend. It was kind of important to make a good impression on a new guild, and a little part of him was hoping Solace would still be online. But if he ditched his real-life friends for an MMO, they’d never let him hear the end of it.
“Well, I don’t know, Smidge. How about what we do every Saturday afternoon. Go back to ours and play board games.” Sanee grinned at them. “We’ve just got Space Alert.”
Tinuviel clapped her hands. “Brilliant, I played that with my parents at Christmas. We had one game where my dad went the wrong way really early on and spent the rest of the game walking into a wall, trying to launch missiles.”
Drew finished the rest of his pint. “Sorry, your dad did what? What game is this?”
“Space Alert.” She thought for a moment. “It’s like RoboRally on a timer in space with sound effects.”
“Oh, why didn’t you say? I’m in.”
One game of Space Alert led to another, and then another, and eventually—when they’d all got bored about being blown up by space amoeba—into pizza. Then they ended up watching Drive Angry, which Sanee had bought for £2.99 in the HMV closing-down sale.
“Well,” said Drew, when they finished, “that wasn’t the worst movie I’ve ever seen.”
Andy had claimed the beanbag in the corner. “It wasn’t even the worst Nicolas Cage movie I’ve ever seen.”
Which inspired a long and heated discussion about what the worst Nicolas Cage movie was, and how the badness of a Nicolas Cage movie could be rated because, as Sanee pointed out, sometimes Cage at his worst was Cage at his best.
With one thing and another, it was after midnight by the time Drew rocked back to his room. He should probably have gone to bed so he could get up at a reasonable time tomorrow and do some work on his project, but he wasn’t feeling that tired and he wanted to get in a couple of dungeons before the weekly badge limits rolled over. He logged into his bank alt and checked his auctions, about half of which had sold and about half of which had come back to him because some git was flooding the market with cut-price gems. If he was really lucky, one of the other gem crafters would buy them out and repost, but he couldn’t be arsed to do it himself. He hopped onto Ella.
[Guild][Orcarella]: Hi
[Guild][Morag]: wb
[Guild][Solace]: Evening
[Guild][Heurodis]: yo
[Guild][Morag]: how’s it going?
[Guild][Orcarella]: good, just been hanging out
[Guild][Heurodis]: we just knocked over bloodrose
[Guild][Orcarella]: anything good drop
[Guild][Heurodis]: maidens ring from BR
[Guild][Morag]: everybody lol *sigh*
[Guild][Heurodis]: woeful gauntlets from CoT
[Guild][Heurodis]: and the net from Vilicus
[Guild][Caius]: *does happy dance*
[Guild][Caius]: I’m a proud Retiarius from a long-line of orcish warriors and I’ve been fighting with a dildo in my off-hand since Rimefrost
[Guild][Orcarella]: myrmi used to be my main but I never went ret
[Guild][Orcarella]: anybody up for a dungeon
[Guild][Heurodis]: still maxed
[Guild][Heurodis]: ask me again in 2hrs17
[Guild][Morag]: I’d come but I’m knackered and my offspecs a bit crap
[Guild][Caius]: I should have gone to bed half an hour ago but I’ve been running around Vala’Threk waving my net in people’s faces
[Guild][Orcarella]: Sol?
[Guild][Solace]: Sorry, I’m not in the mood to pug
[Guild][Solace]: I’m fishing
[Guild][Caius]: nn
Caius has gone offline.
[Guild][Orcarella]: isn’t it easier to buy fish on the AH
[Guild][Heurodis]: lol
[Guild][Morag]: lol
[Guild][Orcarella]: what am i missing
[Guild][Morag]: Solace is basically the only person in this entire game who actually likes fishing
[Guild][Solace]: It’s peaceful
[Guild][Solace]: I’m sitting on a rock in Alarion, and the sea is a sort of rich purply blue and I’m trying to catch the moon
[Guild][Heurodis]: is that a new achi :P
[Guild][Solace]: The sun’ll come up in an hour or two and everything will be gold and red
[Guild][Orcarella]: you’re seriously going to sit there till 2 am to see the sunrise in a computer game
[Guild][Solace]: you were going to stay up till two in the morning doing fights you’re not interested in with people you don’t like
[Guild][Morag]: zing baby
[Guild][Solace]: if you haven’t seen the sun rise over Alarion you haven’t played this game
[Guild][Orcarella]: don’t think I’ve even been to Alarion. isn’t it like vanilla endgame?
[Guild][Heurodis]: it was a lvl 48-50 zone before entry level raiding Wyrmsbreath Lair
[Guild][Heurodis]: since RotU everyone just goes straight to Jormenheim
[Guild][Solace]: it’s a really beautiful zone
[Guild][Solace]: it’s like this fallen kingdom full of ruins and ghosts and drifting leaves
[Guild][Heurodis]: dude, that’s Raziel’s kingdom from like Legend 1.
[Guild][Solace]: you should come and see it
Drew stared at the screen for a moment, wondering what to do. It wasn’t the sort of invitation he’d ever received before, and if he had, he wouldn’t have taken it seriously. But they obviously did things differently in this guild, and he didn’t want to look like some kind of elitist jerk. Besides, it was probably a bit late to be running dungeons, and as they said, when in Rome, go fishing in Alarion.
[Guild][Orcarella]: omw
[Guild][Solace]: Really?!
[Guild][Orcarella]: y
Solace has invited you to join a group: y/n
Solace is now group leader
[Group][Solace]: Hi
Drew had a moment of panic. He really wasn’t sure what the etiquette was here. Normally, when he was in group it was for a reason and there was some kind of script, usually along the lines of mana up, protect the flag, buff me, you two take blacksmith, anyone know tacs. But he wasn’t sure what to say when the plan was sit on a rock and fish.
[Group][Orcarella]: Hi
Shit. That was not a good opening. Traditional, but not good.
[Group][Orcarella]: how are you?
[Group][Solace]: I’m feeling quite virtuous actually
[Group][Solace]: I went over all my lecture notes on the Lorentz transformation
[Group][Orcarella]: you’re at uni?
[Group][Solace]: Yes, physics
[Group][Orcarella]: Me too. not physics though lol
[Group][Solace]: What are you reading?
[Group][Orcarella]: Latest Scott Lynch. You?
[Group][Solace]: Um . . . I kind of meant what are you studying
Drew felt like a knob.
[Group][Orcarella]: oh right, game art design lol
[Group][Solace]: Cool
Drew still felt like
a knob. And he suddenly realised he had no idea how to get to Alarion. He called up the map, something he hadn’t done basically since he’d started raiding, and squinted at it, mousing over the different zones to try and figure where the hell this place actually was. To his embarrassment, it turned out to be due south of Orcarella’s home city, the orcish stronghold of Vala’Threk. His bindstone was set to the City of Stars, that being the closest major hub to Crown of Thorns, where he spent ninety percent of his game time, so he was going to have to travel the old-fashioned way.
He got on his dreadsteed and galloped through the shining streets of the City of Stars and up the spiral ramp that led to the skyship tower that would take him to the eastern continent. As usual, one was just leaving as he arrived, so he parked himself on the platform to wait, another thing he hadn’t done since he started raiding.
[Group][Solace]: I’ve been meaning to pick up Republic of Thieves
[Group][Orcarella]: i only read the other two last year
[Group][Solace]: Any good?
[Group][Orcarella]: not as good as the first one, better than the second
[Group][Solace]: I thought the first one was a bit all hail my awesome main character
[Group][Orcarella]: yeah but he was actually awesome
[Group][Solace]: That’s the problem. He was clearly supposed to be
[Group][Orcarella]: I like Jean best anyway
[Group][Solace]: Me too. He’d be a great friend to have.
[Group][Solace]: I’d rather hang out with him.
[Group][Orcarella]: wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
[Group][Solace]: wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww to you too
[Group][Orcarella]: lol no
[Group][Orcarella]: nearly missed my airship
Drew cantered back and forth impatiently over the deck of the ship as it glided towards the transition that would trigger the loading screen. And then went and stuffed his horse into the prow like Kate Winslet in Titanic.
It was a deep black night for the Heroes of Legend, the skybox lavishly dusted with stars.
Then the familiar loading screen popped up: it showed a scantily clad human with a staff, a dwarf with a huge hammer and even huger beard, a kobold with tiny goggles, and a severe-looking orc warrior. Drew felt a strange rush of nostalgia for his first experiences of the game when he’d looked at those figures and thought, Wow, I want to play one of those, instead of Wow, I wish this zone would hurry up and load, and yes I know a Tempest employee will never ask for my password.
He got off the skyship at Vala’Threk and paused on the dock to give actual serious consideration to which flying mount he’d show up on.
Part of him was embarrassed to even be thinking about it.
Still, in the end, he settled on El’ir Reborn, the black and purple phoenix that you got for doing the top-tier raiding achievements at the end of Rise of the Underworld. A random level five orcish elementalist cheered him as his mount unfurled its shadowy wings.
He soared into the air and flew south for Alarion.
He passed over a range of black, pointy mountains and the landscape changed abruptly from bare tundra to red-brown forests as he crossed over into the new zone.
You have discovered Invader’s Pass.
He pulled up the area map to look for Solace, who was a little purple dot a short way out to sea. Wheeling his mount round, he headed diagonally across the zone. Beneath him, the ghosts of ancient armies battled in the ruins of a once great city, while a fifty-third level kobold scampered in circles, picking flowers for potion crafting.
He found Solace sitting alone on a piece of broken temple jutting up from the sea. He landed his phoenix, which engulfed the whole thing, including Solace, in a whirl of shadows and feathers.
[Group][Solace]: Is that El’ir Reborn or are you just pleased to see me?
[Group][Orcarella]: lol
He dismounted and stood precariously on the edge of the ruin. Solace was wearing an off-the-shoulder white dress that Drew was pretty sure came from the Valentine’s event, and a battered brown hat. She was fishing with a huge, jewel-plated fishing rod.
Drew /pointed in its general direction.
[Group][Orcarella]: nice rod
[Group][Solace]: It’s what you do with it that counts
[Group][Orcarella]: lol
Drew /sat next to Solace, and, for some reason, found himself spinning the camera round so he could see what they looked like.
Which turned out to be kind of ridiculous.
Solace was curled demurely on the floor with her knees together, and Ella was hulked next to her in full Tier 14 raiding kit. The skull helmet was especially atmospheric. He opened his inventory and cleared his headslot. It didn’t really help matters. She was now sitting there with tusks and a gigantic mohawk. He was beginning to feel like the gawky one in a chick flick.
And he’d run out of rod jokes.
And he needed something to say.
And this was like the worst date ever, except it wasn’t really, it was just two strangers on computers, looking at an elf and an orc sitting on a rock.
[Group][Orcarella]: so here I am
Shit, was that crap.
[Group][Orcarella]: it was a bit of a trip
[Group][Solace]: I kind of miss the travelling
[Group][Solace]: It made the world feel worldy
[Group][Orcarella]: but it used to take like 7m from the city of ash to the stone forest
[Group][Solace]: Yeah but you felt like you’d gone somewhere
[Group][Orcarella]: when I started playing I could normally only play for an hour or so a night with homework and clubs and shit
[Group][Orcarella]: so those 7 minutes came out of my playing time
[Group][Solace]: I didn’t think of it like that
[Group][Solace]: I didn’t really do any clubs so I had plenty of time
[Group][Solace]: And, tbh, sometimes I read a book on the longer flights
[Group][Orcarella]: you know if you’re looking for ways to entertain yourself when playing a game
[Group][Orcarella]: I think the game’s gone wrong
[Group][Solace]: Hee hee
[Group][Solace]: I used to have this really crap computer, so I got used to reading on loading screens
[Group][Solace]: I spent so much time waiting for The Witcher to load, I managed to read the whole book it was based on
[Group][Orcarella]: lol
Solace reeled in her line and cast again, right where the moon reflected on the sea.
[Group][Orcarella]: let me know if you catch it
[Group][Solace]: Hee hee
[Group][Orcarella]: So what else are you into apart from HoL
[Group][Solace]: I’m pretty boring really
[Group][Solace]: I read, I study, I run, I sometimes play other games
[Group][Solace]: Mainly I play HoL. All my friends are here.
[Group][Orcarella]: what about your mates at uni
[Group][Solace]: I’m friendly with my coursemates
[Group][Solace]: I just don’t really like to do the things they like to do
[Group][Solace]: It was the same at school
[Group][Orcarella]: dont you get lonely
[Group][Solace]: I used to before I met Morag and Ialdir
Drew wasn’t sure what to say. He’d always known lots of people and had plenty going on, so it was hard to imagine having no real-life friends. He wished he wasn’t trapped behind his keyboard, because he felt this rush of protectiveness towards this shy little elf in her pretty dress and silly hat. He typed various things and they all sounded wrong or stupid or patronising, so in the end he fell back on the old standard.
[Group][Orcarella]: :(
It didn’t really say what he wanted it to. But at least it wouldn’t say anything he didn’t.
[Group][Solace]: No :(
[Group][Solace]: It wasn’t a big deal, and I’m a lot happier now
[Group][Solace]: Nobody was nasty or anything, just nobody rea
lly got me
[Group][Solace]: I sometimes think I’m maybe hard to get
[Group][Orcarella]: you don’t seem hard to get to me
[Group][Orcarella]: omg that came out wrong
[Group][Solace]: hee hee
[Group][Solace]: How about you?
[Group][Orcarella]: I’m pretty boring
[Group][Orcarella]: I’m on a UF team
[Group][Solace]: A what team?
[Group][Orcarella]: Ultimate Frisbee
[Group][Solace]: How’s that different to regular Frisbee
[Group][Orcarella]: its a bit like American football and a bit like netball but
[Group][Orcarella]: with a Frisbee
[Group][Solace]: lol
[Group][Orcarella]: mainly I’m just kind of a nerd. I read fantasy novels and play games
[Group][Orcarella]: i used to play the guitar
[Group][Orcarella]: it was supposed to be my cool thing
[Group][Solace]: What happened?
[Group][Orcarella]: I just kind of stopped
[Group][Orcarella]: I guess I’ve given up trying to have a cool thing
[Group][Solace]: I’ve never had a cool thing
[Group][Solace]: I’ve always done things I liked
[Group][Orcarella]: Thats pretty cool
[Group][Solace]: Oh I see what you did there
[Group][Solace]: Thank you
Shit. He’d run out of steam, but he didn’t want to stop talking. He had to remind himself he’d only met Solace twelve hours ago, but there was a strange intimacy to sitting here together, and just chatting like this. Most of his friendships were structured around doing things and going places, and that was fine, but he couldn’t remember the last time anyone had just been interested in who he was and where he was coming from.
[Group][Orcarella]: You were right. Its nice here.
[Group][Solace]: :D
[Group][Solace]: I know this is silly but it feels like my place
[Group][Orcarella]: Yeah, its just you, me, a bunch of mobs, and a kobold herbalist
[Group][Solace]: Don’t spoil it :P
[Group][Solace]: Oh look, the sun
Drew brought his camera back into alignment, and turned east. A sheen of light gathered at the far horizon, gilding the edges of the ocean, setting fire to the sky, and rushing over the ruins of Raziel’s kingdom in shades of crimson, purple, and gold.
[Group][Orcarella]: nice
[Group][Solace]: Yes