by Alexis Hall
“Most Batman villains are nuts anyway.” Sanee tugged a blanket over the two of them. “And Batman’s not really all there either. I mean, he dresses as a bat, for God’s sake. That’s hardly normal behaviour. I think the reason the bad guys are so OTT is to distract you from what a total weirdo Bruce Wayne is.”
“You know,” said Kit softly, “I heard the original brief for Batman was to create a character who was more down-to-earth and relatable than Superman, and somehow the concept they came up with for this everyman hero was a genius billionaire whose parents were killed in a freak opera-attending accident.”
Drew was pleased when everyone laughed. It made him feel that Kit had a place among his friends and also secretly proud that he was dating this beautiful, funny, nerdy guy. “The thing that gets me about Batman is the little pointy ears on his helmet. They’re so adorable I don’t know how anyone can take him seriously.”
Tinuviel shut her eyes for a moment. “I suspect—” she put her fingers to her temples “—that if he did not have the little pointy ears he would look like a butt plug.”
“Argh.” Sanee yanked the blanket over his head. “You have ruined Batman forever.”
“No, Jim Carrey ruined Batman Forever.”
Sanee groaned. “Oh, I see what you did there.”
By unspoken consensus, people began to find themselves comfortable passing-out nooks. Drew and Kit aligned their sleeping bags and drifted off, holding hands.
It was afternoon by the time everyone was awake again, and they were finishing off the last of the snacks and wondering what to do with the rest of the day. Drew was used to this kind of space. They’d sit around for a while, just chilling, and chatting, and occasionally fiddling on their phones. Eventually someone would suggest playing a game, and eventually they’d play one. It was a nice, low-pressure way to spend Sunday.
At around two, just as they were debating whether it was worth trying to find a board game that would take eight players, or if they should split into groups, or maybe just go for food or something, Kit stood up and said he should be going.
Drew was a bit startled. He thought he’d been having a good time, and he didn’t want him to go. “You don’t have to. I’m sure we can find something for eight players, or we can do teams.”
“It’s not that.” Kit packed up his sleeping bag. “It’s just I think I want to go home now.”
Drew wasn’t sure if he was supposed to offer to go with him or not, and came down on the side of not in case he looked intense, creepy, and codependent. “Um. Okay, well, I’ll catch you later.”
Kit bent down, kissed him good-bye, and started picking his way between the sleeping bags and the empty snack bowls.
“Dude,” said Sanee, “why are you running out on us?”
Kit froze by the doorway. “Um, I’m going to catch up with some friends in HoL.”
“Wow, and I thought I was a nerd.”
Awkward.
Kit had gone kind of red. “Yeah, see you later.”
He hurried out.
Steff whacked Sanee in the arm. “Why are you being such a dick?”
“I wasn’t being a dick. I was inviting him to stay. I like the guy.”
“Squidge, it’s not a personal insult when someone wants to leave your house.”
Drew wasn’t sure where to look or what to feel. Obviously Kit had a right to go home when he wanted to, but he was still weirdly hurt. It wasn’t like Kit had anything else on, so it just felt uncomfortably like being rejected.
They sort of hung until about four, and then Sanee suggested they crack open Cards Against Humanity. Which, after two rounds of play, Tinuviel actively hated.
“I think my fundamental problem,” she explained, “is that it bills itself as a card game for horrible people but feels more like a card game for people who want to try very hard to prove how horrible they are.”
So they played Dixit instead.
And Drew tried not to miss Kit. And worried he was being needy, and worried that Kit didn’t like his friends, or that his friends felt insulted, or that Sanee was right and Kit had needed to run away for his MMO fix. Basically he just worried.
He got home late, and logged in to HoL to do his dailies.
[Guild][Ialdir]: Yo
[Guild][Morag]: Hey
[Guild][Heurodis]: cant talk must pewpew
[Guild][Solace]: Hi Drew :)
[Guild][Mordant]: Hi
[Guild][Orcarella]: Hi
[Solace] whispers: Sorry for bailing earlier
To [Solace]: it’s fine. are you okay?
[Solace] whispers: Yes, I’m good
To [Solace]: so why’d you leave?
[Solace] whispers: Like I said, I just wanted to be at home
[Solace] whispers: Also I hadn’t logged in to HoL in a while
[Solace] whispers: So I wanted to say hi to everyone
To [Solace]: You blew off my friends to play HoL
It was a long few seconds before any new messages popped up.
[Solace] whispers: Drew, I didn’t blow anyone off
[Solace] whispers: I left your friends who we’d been hanging out with for more than 24 hours
[Solace] whispers: To come and hang out with my friends
[Solace] whispers: Who I hadn’t seen for a while
Drew stared at the screen.
To [Solace]: did you not like my friends?
[Solace] whispers: I like your friends. I had a good time
[Solace] whispers: But I wanted to go and do something else
To [Solace]: I could have come with you
[Solace] whispers: You could have, but you seemed happy with your friends
To [Solace]: i dont want to choose between my friends and my boyfriend
[Solace] whispers: I’m not asking you to
To [Solace]: but you sort of did
[Solace] whispers: I didn’t mean to
[Solace] whispers: But you can’t make me choose between you and my friends either
To [Solace]: dude this is a video game
To [Solace]: i know HoL has been a big part of your life
To [Solace]: but these are just people you know on the internet
To [Solace]: half of them are twice your age
To [Solace]: half of them don’t live in this country
[Solace] whispers: Drew
[Solace] whispers: i really dont know what to say
[Guild][Ialdir]: Hey Drew, Solace said you two started playing Torment
[Solace] whispers: or why you’re saying this
[Solace] whispers: is this what you really think of me
Drew stared at his screen in horror. He was in the middle of something he was pretty sure was an argument with his boyfriend—an argument he wasn’t sure how he’d started, or what it was really about. Trying to have a conversation about classic video games in guild chat at the same time was slightly beyond him.
[Guild][Orcarella]: y
[Guild][Ialdir]: How are you finding it?
To [Solace]: i didn’t mean it like that
[Guild][Orcarella]: they don’t make them like that any more
[Guild][Ialdir]: Yeah, it’s tragic isn’t it?
[Solace] whispers: So how did you mean it?
[Guild][Orcarella]: it takes some getting used to
[Guild][Solace]: There’s obviously a lot of love in it
[Guild][Solace]: Like every zombie in the Mortuary has its own identity
[Guild][Ialdir]: Every time I play it I find something new
To [Solace]: i’m just worried about you
[Guild][Ialdir]: You’re really lucky you can discover it together
[Guild][Ialdir]: I tried to get Stefan into it back when we were first going out
[Solace] whispers: Because I only wanted to spend 24 straight hours hanging out with your friends? And not 36?
[Guild][Ialdir]: Disaster
To [Solace]: they’ll think you don’t like them
[Guild][Ialdir
]: I turned into this total jerky control freak
[Guild][Ialdir]: I was like no, you have to have wisdom 18
[Guild][Ialdir]: And we should solve this quest exactly like this
[Solace] whispers: So you think your friends will be insulted because an adult human eventually chose to leave their company
[Guild][Ialdir]: And we’ve got to go to ragpicker’s square as soon as possible
[Guild][Orcarella]: wait what’s so important about ragpicker’s square?
[Solace] whispers: And *I’m* the one you think you have to worry about?
[Guild][Heurodis]: SPOILERS MAN SPOILERS
[Guild][Orcarella]: Seriously, what’s in ragpicker’s square?
[Guild][Ialdir]: Oh my god, I am the worst person ever
[Guild][Solace]: Also I’m pretty sure we skimped on wisdom
To [Solace]: but you’ll spend whole weekends in HoL
[Guild][Solace]: You can’t even play a cleric
[Guild][Ialdir]: la la la I can’t hear you
[Guild][Heurodis]: dont worry everyone starts off as a noob
[Guild][Heurodis]: youll really understand the game on your third or fourth playthrough
[Guild][Morag]: Sometimes I think life is just too short for Bjorn.
[Solace] whispers: Yes, Drew. Funnily enough, I find it easier to spend a long time doing something I like and have chosen to do
[Solace] whispers: with people I’ve known a long time
[Solace] whispers: than something somebody else chose to do
[Solace] whispers: with a group of people I’ve only just met
[Guild][Heurodis]: Sadly, Morag, nothing can change the nature of a man
[Guild][Ialdir]: Wow, you really missed the point of that game, didn’t you?
To [Solace]: you can’t build your whole life around a video game
[Guild][Morag]: I thought the point of that game was Annah
[Guild][Morag]: Maybe because I played it at an impressionable age
[Guild][Morag]: But I blame Torment for my lifelong thing for feisty redheads
Solace has gone offline.
Whoa. That had gone super badly wrong. And Drew wasn’t sure what to do or even why it had happened. He had a cold, creeping sense it might have been his fault, but then he usually did when he fought with people he cared about.
He sat there for a little while, feeling increasingly terrible. And then sent Kit a quick text: We okay? After a moment, he got back: Just need some space.
Drew stared at his phone. What did that even mean? Was it a polite way of dumping him? Did it mean they were on a break? Was everything basically fine, and Drew was overreacting? He really wanted to reply and ask for clarification, but he was pretty certain that the one thing it didn’t mean was, Please text me back immediately.
Between the all-nighter, the argument, and the Batmen, Drew’s brain was basically soup. The part of him that was upset and panicky wanted to Do Something Right Now, but the part of him that was operating on eighty minutes’ sleep made deciding what the Something should be, or indeed standing upright, borderline impossible.
He reeled away from HoL and fell facedown onto his bed. He was conscious just long enough to notice how spacious and empty it felt.
Kit had pulled out of the Monday raid, which meant Morag had to go healz at the last minute, leaving Drew with the dubious pleasure of MT-ing opposite Bjorn’s alarmingly well-geared tanking alt. They started a fresh run, still buoyed up by last week’s victory over Bloodrose, but progress was a little shaky because they were prioritising alts and people who hadn’t done the content yet. They downed Arachnia after a couple of wipes and called it before Vilicus.
It was still fun—surprisingly fun considering how often Drew had done this by now—but Kit’s absence made a difference, and not just to Drew. Morale seemed to flag a bit more quickly, Bjorn’s irritability seemed less entertaining, and both Morag and Ialdir were less focused than usual.
Once the raid broke up, Drew bamfed back to the City of Stars. He was just checking his supplies for Wednesday when a message popped up.
Morag has invited you to join a group: y/n
Morag is now group leader.
[Group][Orcarella]: hi?
[Group][Ialdir]: Hey :)
[Group][Morag]: Sorry to grab you
[Group][Morag]: We were just wondering if you knew what was up with Kit
Oh crap. Drew had no idea how to handle this or even how he felt about it. On the one hand, he sort of thought what was going on between him and Kit wasn’t these people’s business. On the other, he couldn’t quite shake the sense that he’d been caught out doing something he shouldn’t, as if he’d ninjaed all the shards out the guild bank. There was also a nonzero chance he was about to get /gkicked for pissing off the main healer.
[Group][Morag]: Drew?
[Group][Orcarella]: sorry but this is pretty weird
[Group][Ialdir]: Yeah, I can see that
[Group][Ialdir]: And we know it’s none of our business
[Group][Ialdir]: We’re just worried about him
[Group][Morag]: He hasn’t been online since last night
[Group][Morag]: He said he was fine when I texted but he’s basically never missed a raid
[Group][Orcarella]: :(
[Group][Orcarella]: we kind of had a fight
[Group][Orcarella]: he said he needed some space
[Group][Morag]: Whoa. Must’ve been some fight
[Group][Orcarella]: i don’t know. I’m still confused
[Group][Ialdir]: I’m guessing you don’t want relationship advice from the old dude
[Group][Ialdir]: But Kit’s pretty into you and he’s scared of messing it up so he’s probably a bit wary
[Group][Ialdir]: Might be reacting to things quite strongly
[Group][Ialdir]: I think you guys will be okay
[Group][Morag]: Also, he just tends to take things to heart
[Group][Ialdir]: That’s a bit unfair, Tiff
[Group][Ialdir]: We’re not all as tactless as you and Bjorn
[Group][Morag]: Omg, you’re comparing me to *Bjorn*
[Group][Orcarella]: okay
[Group][Orcarella]: thanks guys
[Group][Morag]: Just give it a couple of days and say sorry
[Group][Morag]: Even if you’re not sure what you’re saying sorry for
[Group][Ialdir]: Is this why I’m married and you’re single?
[Group][Orcarella]: i’ll try
[Group][Orcarella]: nn guys
Drew logged out of HoL, wondering how much time counted as “space.” Morag had told him to give it a couple of days. Did that mean from now? Or could he could backdate it to Sunday?
Then he saw the alert light was flashing on his phone and his heart jumped like an enthusiastic kobold. He snatched it up and was in quick sucession disappointed, then guilty at being disappointed, then annoyed at himself both for being disappointed and guilty at it. The message was from Sanee and read: Yo – MK Tournament Round II. Our place after labs. Who’s up in the air now, beyotch? A second text had come in shortly afterwards: You will be after I juggle combo you.
Actually that did sound pretty fun. And like it would take his mind off Operation Give Kit His Space.
He sent back, Dude, last time we played you couldn’t even find the block button.
The next morning, he woke up to Blocking is for pussies. And spent the rest of the day wrestling with water and Not Texting Kit.
“No elf?” was the the first inevitable question when Drew arrived at Sanee and Steff’s.
Drew thought about telling them the whole story, but he didn’t want another lecture about game addiction and the evils of leaving parties. “Not tonight.”
Sanee scowled. “You realise this means I’m going to have to redo the roster.”
“What roster? I thought we were just playing Mortal Kombat.”
“You think,” demanded Sanee, with an outrage that bordered on the genuine, “
that I’d invite you to a tournament and not provide a tournament?”
Steff staggered in with a pinboard. It was covered in index cards, sorted into tiered match-ups. “It’ll be fine, Squidge. We can remove Kit’s name.”
Sanee did not look entirely mollified. “It’s the principle, and besides, it throws off the whole structure.”
“No,” said Drew, “what’ll throw off the whole structure is me pwning all of your asses.”
And, thankfully, that distracted Sanee long enough for them to actually start playing the game.
Drew had spent quite a large part of the morning rote-memorising combos, special moves, and fatalities, which meant he put in a creditable performance. He came out third in the rankings, having bested both Sanee and Steff, narrowly losing to Andy, and having his arse comphrensively handed to him by Tinuviel. Who turned out to be terrifyingly good at fighting games.
After her first couple of matches, they realised that the only way anyone else would stand a chance would be if they gave her some kind of penalty, which started out as banning her from playing Mileena, escalated quickly to requiring her to play a randomly selected character, and culminated in her having to play a charcter of her opponent’s choice. Tinuviel accepted all of this with good grace, and still won virtually all of her games.
“I don’t admit this often,” said Sanee, awarding Tinuviel the grand prize of a red-iced and thus ostensibly blood-themed cupcake that Steff had apparently made specially, “but I am genuinely impressed and slightly afraid.”
Tinuviel accepted her award gravely, peeled off the paper, and devoured it in two large bites. “Thank you, Sanee. I attribute my success to my supportive family, the voice talents of Karen Strassman, my repressed violent urges, and the fact that none of you would recognise a cancel or a breaker if you fell over it.”
Everyone applauded.
Drew still missed Kit, but the evening had turned out to be exactly what he needed. On the way back to his room, he estimated that “a couple of days” could, if you squinted and tilted your head right, just about be said to have passed. So he took a deep breath and started composing a text. It took way longer than the word count really justified.
In the end, he had: Sorry if I was a dick. I miss you. Can we talk?