by Ali Lewis
Just then I heard the word DANNY! belch out of the radio. Dad must have really shouted it because his voice was loud, even against the drumming of the hooves outside. He said, ‘Get out of there – you’re in the mob!’ I shouted to Liz to ignore him. Dad didn’t know Buzz was lost and I didn’t have time to explain it to him. I was too busy leaning out of the window shouting for Buzz.
The cattle were all around jostling against us, kicking clouds of dust into the ute. Liz begged me to slow down as she did her best to steer us through. That’s when she said she should do the driving so I could concentrate on finding Buzz. I slowed down so Liz could swing her legs into the driver’s side of the ute. She moved her right foot to the accelerator and put her boot lightly on mine, so I knew she was there, ready to take over. I lifted mine away and although the engine lurched a little, it was a pretty smooth change over – we didn’t stall, or anything.
The engine strained again. There wasn’t enough room for the Pommie to change gear with me stood there, so I pushed my hand onto the dashboard and pulled myself over to the other seat. She changed up a gear and smiled at me before attempting to close the broken window. I felt kind of dumb then because I didn’t know what we should do next. I didn’t even really know where we were. I shrugged my shoulders and carefully opened the window at the other side. I stood on the seat and leaned out to get a better view, over the top of the cattle. I still couldn’t tell where we were other than being in the middle of the mob, so I decided I’d be better off in the back of the ute, standing against the cab. I’d see more from up there. I told the Pommie to keep her eye on the road – she laughed and said, ‘What bloody road?’
The radio crackled again and Dad’s voice shouted, ‘Daniel! What the hell are you playing at?’ I knew I was in big trouble – no one called me Daniel unless something serious was wrong. I imagined Dad wringing his hands together and his eyes all narrow like they were whenever he was angry, so I didn’t reply. I reckoned it’d be best to find Buzz because whatever happened, I’d still be in trouble.
I squeezed out of the window backwards and lifted my left foot up to the sill and held onto the roof. Once I felt like I had my balance, I counted to three and pushed up, so I was standing on the windowsill – kind of crouching, but on the outside. It was real bumpy and I was so close to the cattle that I could feel the heat off them. If I slipped, I reckoned I’d either be trampled to death or run over by the ute. That’s when Jonny came into my head. I could see him clear as anything. He looked real serious. It was weird because sometimes, when I wanted to think about Jonny, I couldn’t remember what he looked like. But then at other times, when he just kind of arrived in my head without me thinking about it, I could see him so clearly – like he was sitting right beside me. I had to concentrate. I needed to get into the back of the ute, and it wasn’t easy.
I reached for the back of the cab and found a bar to hold onto. I pulled on that bar as hard as I could. At the same time I threw my right leg up towards the back of the ute. I pushed off the windowsill with my left foot too. Everything happened at once. As my right foot reached into the back, the left one dangled behind me and smashed against the metal ridge on the side of the ute, then it swung backwards and I kicked a cow. I imagined ending up like Reg’s road-train driver – the one who got crushed by the cattle in the trailer – that gave me the strength to pull my body into the back.
As the ute bounced through the desert, I lay face down in the back on the ridged metal, which felt hard against my ribs each time I breathed. I gasped for air and waited for the pain in my leg and chest to stop. As I listened to my heart thump, I noticed a tapping sound. I realised it was the Pommie knocking on the glass at the back of the cab. I got to my knees and looked through the dirty window. Her face was reflected in the rear-view mirror. She was asking if I was all right. I nodded and pulled myself up properly, so I was standing against the cab. I looked around at the mob and realised we were some way from the front. Behind us I could see the yards. Dad’s ute was a way back. I was glad I couldn’t hear the radio any more. Sometimes, I guess, when you’re in that much trouble, you can only keep going forward. I had to find Buzz.
It wasn’t easy, though. We were trapped between all the cattle – it was like being in a great big cattle sandwich – only we were the filling. The Pommie did her best to move through the mob. She used the horn a lot and she almost ran one steer down when he refused to move for us. But we needed to pull away from the cattle. We had to go round them to get nearer the front.
I tapped on the window again to tell the Pommie to pull away, out of the mob. She didn’t get it, so I said go left. She mouthed back, ‘What?’ We did that a few more times until she eventually understood and gave me a quick thumbs up. Then the Pommie turned and it knocked me off balance. I fell and gashed my knee on the bottom of the ute. I stayed down for a moment, to catch my breath. I had tears in my eyes but the last thing I needed was to start blubbing like a baby.
I heard the Pommie change down a gear and accelerate. I was surprised – she’d never been much of a driver, so I reckoned she must have learned a thing or two while she’d been at the station. Anyway, we were racing along the side of the mob. I pulled myself up and started to look for Buzz. The dust and the pain from my knee meant I could hardly breathe. I needed my inhaler, but I didn’t dare let go of the ute to fish it out of my pocket. If I’d used it, I’d probably have ended up swallowing it, the way the Pommie was driving.
As we flew along, I strained to keep the dust out of my eyes, so I dipped my head down a little. That’s when my hat blew clean off. I turned and watched it disappear into the cloud of dust behind us. My hat! It was my good one – the one Greg bought me. The sun was in my eyes then, and it was hot on my neck and head, so that made everything worse.
I tried to look for Buzz and sometimes I thought I saw him, but everything was moving so fast, including us, that when I’d look again, it had all changed – all I’d see was cattle. I wanted to see his long neck lifting his head above the mob, so he could see me with his big, brown eyes. I began to think it was useless. I reckoned he’d probably already been trampled to death. That’s when the tears came again. I couldn’t stop them. It felt like there was a big mob of them, running down through the dirt on my face. I was too scared to let go of the ute to wipe them away – even with one hand. The snot was heavy and salty on my top lip. I stared ahead into the desert. I couldn’t look at the cattle any more. It was no use. I bent my knees and crouched down in the back. My backbone bounced like an old bike chain against the cab as I wrapped my arms around my knees and cried – hard.
When the banging started on the window again, I thought the Pommie was wondering what I was doing. I felt like telling her to mind her own business, but then she’d see I’d been crying. Instead I wiped my wet face on my sweaty arms – hoping no one would be able to tell I’d blubbed.
When I heard her shout, ‘Look, Danny! LOOK!’ I looked at her in the rear-view mirror and saw her hand pointing out of the window to the right.
‘It’s Buzz – THERE!’
I looked back to where she was pointing and moved to the right side of the ute, to try and see where she meant. There were Herefords and a couple of Brahman, but I couldn’t see a camel. I thought she’d mistaken a Brahman hump for Buzz’s. Then it felt like everything was in slow motion because he was there – right there in front of us. His long, thin legs were working like pistons to make sure he kept up with the mob. He took long strides and his neck was moving – stretching forward and backwards. Then he disappeared. I jumped up and stared as hard as I could. I wanted to see him again to be sure it was really him. A couple of seconds passed and I began to think he wasn’t real. But then he appeared and I was sure it was him, so I shouted as loud as I could ‘BUZZ! OVER HERE BUZZ! BUZZ – HERE!’ One minute I could see him, the next he was hidden behind a bigger heifer or steer. Each time he disappeared I got scared he’d fallen. I told the Pommie to go right. She turned suddenly, and I fe
ll down again. I didn’t have a chance to be annoyed – I needed to get up and find Buzz.
It took me a few seconds to get my balance, but then, once I was up, I couldn’t believe it – Buzz was just ten metres or so from me. I shouted for him as loud as I could and that’s when he saw me. Our eyes seemed to lock and he opened his mouth like he was shouting my name back at me. I kept calling him until eventually there was a gap between a cow and her tired little calf. That’s when Buzz made his move out of the mob towards me. He kicked so hard – he was better than any Melbourne Cup winner. I waved my arms and shouted again as we flew over a bump. I hung onto the side and tried not to fall down so I could make sure Buzz stayed with me. But it was OK, he was stronger than I thought. He stayed there, right by my side. He ran with me, just like we’d practised in our training. I didn’t want to take my eyes off him. Even though he looked OK, I was scared he’d fall or the cattle were so crazy they’d trample him.
The Pommie drove us out of the mob. She cleared a path for Buzz to follow. If I’d still had my hat, I’d have thrown it into the air – I was so happy. That’s when I needed to touch Buzz, kind of like with the photo of Jonny – to make him real. As I reached out, Buzz’s face came closer with each of his strides. Then I felt his breath on my hand as he snorted. I reached up and touched the fur on the top of his bony head and closed my eyes. He was back. Buzz was back!
I banged on the window to tell the Pommie to slow down a bit. I reckoned we should give Buzz a break – he’d been running for a while. She smiled so hard back at me, it made my cheeks burn. When I looked behind to check on Buzz, I noticed a mob of cattle following him. I thought I might be wrong – but I was right, some of those dumb cattle had got confused and were following Buzz. I told the Pommie to slow down a bit more, to see if we could get Buzz and the mob to go all the way back to the yards. She nodded. As I turned round and looked at Buzz and the mob he had with him I started to laugh harder than I’d laughed in ages. I couldn’t stop. I tapped on the window to get Liz’s attention and shouted, ‘We did it! WE DID IT!’ Like the three of us were the greatest muster team the Territory had ever seen.
We went past Dad’s ute. He’d stopped and was watching us take that mob in. He looked serious, but I couldn’t tell how annoyed he was. I put my hand up, but I dunno if he saw. Then I turned to watch Buzz leading the mob. I knew he could do it. His legs never gave up.
Elliot and Spike were putting the finishing touches to the broken part of the fence when we cruised past. Elliot looked up at us. I didn’t know what to do – I had sort of stolen his ute. For some reason, I waved at him. He didn’t wave back, though – I couldn’t blame him. I looked at Buzz and it made me feel better. I shouted for him to keep going. The Pommie drove to the yard gates, which was where Jack was waiting for us. When we stopped I jumped out to help him shut the gates as Buzz ran through with the mob. There were more cattle than I’d thought – they kicked up quite a dust cloud. As soon as they were all in the yard, Jack and I pushed the gates shut. That’s when he stopped me. For a minute I was afraid I was in trouble with him – as well as Dad and Elliot. But he nodded and his smile was brighter than the sunset behind him. He said, ‘A decent mob. That camel’s pretty handy, eh?’ I don’t think Jack had ever really spoken to me before, not like that – man to man. I didn’t get a chance to say anything back because Dad grabbed me by my arm and dragged me away.
His hand was hurting me, so I shouted for him to get off, but that just made it worse. His eyes were wide and he had a wild look about him when he threw me down on the ground. I wriggled backwards through the dirt, trying to get away from him, but he was too quick. He grabbed me again and made me stand up. I started to shake – I dunno why. It wasn’t like I was trying to do it – my body just shook all on its own. When Dad lifted his hand and slapped me hard in the face, the shaking stopped. I dunno if he knocked me down or if I was so shocked that I fell down. One thing’s for sure – when I looked up I was scared of him. But then I saw his face twist, like Mum’s had at Jonny’s funeral. He seemed to choke when he said, ‘You stupid boy – d’you want to end up like your brother?’ Dad’s legs seemed to give up and he was on his knees in the dirt next to me. His whole body shook and he gasped for breath. He grabbed me and kind of held me against him. I didn’t know what to do, so I kept real still.
After a few minutes Dad let go. He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand and he pinched the top of his nose. He sighed real hard and whispered, ‘Don’t ever do that again.’ I was still afraid of him so I didn’t say anything. ‘You hear me?’ he asked, his voice louder than before. He lifted his head to look at me. His eyes were red like Emily’s were when she’d been crying. I felt my chest heave and I nodded once before a tear rolled from both my eyes, down my cheeks.
Dad grabbed me then and gave me a big hug. He said everything was OK and then put his hand on my shoulder. He said, ‘You did a great job out there. I dunno if you’ve done a better job of training that camel or the Pommie.’ That made us both smile. He picked his hat off the ground, stood up and knocked the dirt off his trousers. Then he gave me his hand and pulled me up off the ground and said, ‘Come on, let’s go home.’
Thirty
The radio in the kitchen fizzed and Mum’s voice came through, it felt like the rains had come. She said they’d be back at Timber Creek before we knew it.
Knowing Alex was so close to the station made us fidgety and nervous when we waited for them to arrive. Dad was the worst. He couldn’t sit still. He kept getting up and down, looking at the clock, opening and shutting the fridge without taking anything out. When we finally heard the cars pull into the station, for a moment we all went quiet, so we could listen again, to make sure we hadn’t imagined it. Once we were certain, Emily and me ran out of the kitchen towards the back door, like it was a race. I wondered what Mum and Sissy thought seeing us running towards them. It must have looked like something in the house was about to explode.
The doors on the car opened like Brahman ears twitching a fly away. Sissy looked tired and happy, and Mum looked exhausted, but clean as well. She had on a different shirt – one I’d never seen before – and she’d had her hair cut. Dad arrived at the car last of all. He hugged Mum and kissed her cheek. They walked towards Sissy. Dad and her kind of looked at each other for a bit before he asked her if she was OK. Sissy nodded. She looked as awkward as I felt.
Aunty Ve was struggling to get out of her car, as usual. Mum was hugging Emily and she came over and put her hand on my neck. It felt warm, but nice, not sweaty. She said, ‘How are you, Danny boy?’ I said I was OK. I could hear Buzz braying in the distance and felt bad that he was stuck with the poddies, so he couldn’t join in.
Even though it was nice to see Mum and it felt good her being home – and Sissy too, I suppose – we were all really waiting to see Alex. Dad had opened the back door and I heard him say, ‘So here he is then?’ Mum and Sissy both smiled and then shushed him. ‘You’ll wake him,’ Mum said. Dad asked how you undid the little seat thing Alex was in – it looked like it was all tangled up in the seat belt. Sissy leaned in and easily undid the straps so Dad could lift the car seat out. He held it all wrong, but seemed too scared of dropping it to change where his hands were. I could see a bit of white poking out of the seat, but that was all.
Mum said, ‘Come here, will you, Derek?’ And took the seat off him. She lowered it down almost onto the dirty ground so we could all bend over and have a look.
I didn’t know what Alex’s skin would be like – whether he’d be more black or white, but it wasn’t either. It looked real pink. He was much smaller than I’d expected and he looked like someone had accidentally sat on him. His hands were all squashed into his chest and his eyes looked like they’d never open. He had this thin layer of fluff on his head too. It made me wonder if there was something wrong with him because I couldn’t see how anything that weird looking would ever grow up to be a normal person.
When we all went towards the h
ouse, Alex’s hands suddenly moved, like someone had flicked a switch to turn them on. One hand opened wide, but it was sudden and mechanical, like he was a robot. Then his mouth twitched and he wiggled a foot inside the miniature overalls he was wearing. Sissy wanted to take him inside then, she reckoned it was time for a feed. Bobbie said she’d make everyone a cuppa and Dad said me and Emily should go outside and help him unload Mum and Aunty Ve’s cars.
We finished bringing everything into the house, so I went to get Buzz. I reckoned he’d been left out for long enough. I let him go in the garden, so he could hear what was happening inside the house. Sissy came out of her room with Alex and sat with Mum on the sofa. She held Alex on her knee, but he was all floppy and useless, like he couldn’t even move his arms in the direction he wanted them to go in. She rubbed his back until he puked.
‘D’you wanna hold him, Danny?’ Sissy said after she’d cleaned him up. I didn’t know if I did or I didn’t. Emily said she did though, so Mum made her sit next to Sissy on the sofa. Mum carefully laid him on Emily, so his head was propped up against her belly. Once he was there, it was like no one knew what to do next. After a minute or two, with Emily just staring at her belly, I sat next to her and said I wanted to hold him. Mum told me to bend my arm a bit, so I did and she laid him sideways on my knees, with his head balanced on the inside of my arm. He felt warm, which I hadn’t expected, and for someone so small, he seemed very alive. I was scared to move in case I hurt him, so I stayed very still.
Dad came back in from putting things away in the cool room and stood behind the sofa. When Sissy realised he was there, she scooped Alex up from my knees and walked round to where Dad was. She asked him if he wanted to hold his grandson. Dad didn’t say anything, he just nodded. She laid him in Dad’s big arms and he stroked Alex’s little hand with his giant thumb.