“Lily, I appreciate—you should know that—”
Were those footsteps? If someone was coming, he needed to set her straight right now! “Lily, please understand why I can’t return your—”
“Oh, but you can!” she breathed. Her blue eyes widened and she stood on tiptoe. “We have all the time in the—”
“I hear someone—”
Her lips brushed his and Gabe’s heart leaped into his throat. He placed his hands at her waist, easing away from her wellintended…
“Oh, fine!” Solace’s protest rang in the paneled stairwell. “I was coming to congratulate Judge Getty, but I see we’re moving at the speed of angels here!”
“Solace, please don’t—” Gabe lowered himself a step, but Lily refused to let him go. “This isn’t what it seems!”
“Oh, yes it is.” She glared up at them with betrayed brown eyes. Her face was ruddy from more than a horse back ride home. Solace looked stricken, as if she’d lost her last friend. “I heard your little ‘sacred mission’ speech, Lily. You’re dealing Gabe a very low blow to—”
“Every word I said was true,” her sister refuted. “You’re just jealous because you were out galavanting around. Not here to welcome him—”
“I’m appalled,” Solace countered, clenching her fists at her sides. “You’ve used that angel story to get what you wanted before, Lily. But this takes the cake!”
Lily drew herself up, stiffening against Gabe. “How dare you insinuate that I’ve used my faith to—”
“And how dare you talk like I don’t have any!” When Solace shook her windblown hair back from her face, her tear tracks shone in the sunlight. “Just because I don’t gaze into space—speaking to beings I can’t see—doesn’t mean I’m not connected to God! I’m tired of you looking down your nose at me, Lily! It’s arrogant and rude, and Jesus isn’t one bit happy with you right now.”
“You have no idea how Jesus feels! How presumptuous, to—”
“Yeah, well, at least I’m stating my case without angelic assistance! And I don’t need anybody’s help telling me how I feel about Gabe, either!” Solace turned, and her boots thumped sharply against the stairs.
When Lily exhaled it sounded almost like a purr. “Some girls just can’t handle it when—”
“This isn’t right! Let me go!” Gabe pried her arms from his shoulders. “We’ll finish our discussion after dinner.”
He rushed down the stairs, wondering how he’d wedged himself between two sisters who’d never acted so much like hissing, scratching cats. Voices came from the kitchen—Mercy’s and her daughter’s—so he stopped outside the door. He didn’t want to eavesdrop, but he couldn’t let Solace stay angry with him. And he wouldn’t let her leave before he set some things straight.
“I’ve had it, Mama! This house is only big enough for one of us, so if Lily has laid claim to—”
“Your sister has a room, Solace. You both have my heart—and you’re tearing it in two! Now stop!” Mercy insisted in a strained voice. “And please tell me where you’re off to this time. You may be eighteen, but I’m your mother and I still worry about—”
“Well, worry no more! I refuse to listen to Lily’s claptrap about—”
“Careful there, young lady.” Michael Malloy came in through the kitchen door and removed his hat. “In this house, we respect each other’s beliefs—and we respect our parents’ wishes. You’re about to run off again, aren’t you? It reminds me of Joel when he was a little boy.”
“And it’s Joel’s idea that I audition for the Wild West show!” Solace piped up. “He was there today. I talked to him—invited him home. But of course he made excuses about how busy they keep him.”
Gabe nipped his lip. There it was again, that unerring knack for sidetracking a conversation when it wasn’t going her way. Curiosity and anguish—and maybe guilt—took hold of Michael and Mercy’s expressions.
“Did he look well? Is he holding down a good job?”
“What’s he talked you into now?” Mike asked quietly. His smile looked resigned.
Solace let out her breath. She couldn’t dodge the man who’d blocked her retreat in more ways than one. “After the show, when I remarked that Crack-Shot Cora wasn’t much good—that I could hit more targets from a moving horse than she had from solid ground—Joel suggested I take Rex and Lincoln and Lee to show Apache Pete what I can do.
“So it’s not like I’m running off,” she continued in a more biddable voice. “Joel will be there. And now that you know my intentions, you can check up on me by coming to the show. It moves to Enterprise next, and I’ll let you know where we’ll be traveling after that.”
Gabe felt sorry for the two parents facing their formidable daughter. Solace wasn’t a troublemaker, but she had defied them in ornery little ways all her life. She stood in that sunny kitchen wearing her denim pants and a homespun shirt, with her wild waves hanging in disarray around a sun-kissed face that reminded him so much of Judd Monroe, he sensed it was her best weapon when dealing with her mother.
But at least she talks to them—handles their challenges by presenting her own. Letitia wouldn’t have lasted two minutes in this situation, and Henrietta would be sobbing.
From behind him came the quiet rustling of skirts. Lily stopped beside him—except she peered openly through the doorway. “If Solace wants to perform in the Wild West show, I say let her. She’ll be living out her dream, using her God-given talents,” the blonde remarked coolly. “She’ll be riding the road to perdition, but at least she’ll be straddling two fine horses, thundering out in a blaze of glory.”
Solace’s jaw dropped. She turned to see Gabe in the doorway—again with Lily leaning against him. “I can’t believe you—”
“That’s enough from you, Lily,” Michael muttered. “You’ll have to wait your turn.”
“No, she won’t. I’ve seen all I need to.” Solace’s face crumpled for a moment, but then she faced her parents again. “Look, I know you don’t like this much, but I’m going to audition for that show. If I don’t try it, I’ll always wonder what I might’ve missed. I’ve been practicing for this all my life. It looks like my best chance to be happy—to be myself.”
She stepped resolutely out the door, heading toward the barn. Gabe freed his hand from Lily’s and trotted after her. “Solace! We need to talk about—”
“Ever heard that old saying, about how actions speak louder than words?” she asked over her shoulder. “You’ve made your choice, so I’m making mine, Gabe. Joel’s right—I’m my own woman. Nobody can live my life for me.”
“But, here—I’ve got your money!” Gabe hurried past her so he could stop her in her tracks. His heart was pounding painfully, and it wasn’t from keeping step with this hardheaded young woman. “You might need this,” he said, reaching inside his jacket. “And promise me that if you need—if anything goes wrong—you’ll send for me.”
“You remembered to—thanks, Gabe.” Solace’s expression wavered. She lowered her gaze, but held tight to the money. “Busy as you were landing your seat on the bench today, you still found time to—”
“And what might that be for?”
Lily stood a few feet away, her arms crossed and a catlike expression on her face. The look didn’t become her. And because he had a perfectly legitimate answer to her question—an answer that would set Miss Malloy straight about her sister’s other talents—Gabe almost blurted out the truth. The truth might set them all free right now.
But Solace’s budding career as a writer was her secret. So Gabe gazed at her, the silent question in his eyes.
Solace had been derided one time too many. She mirrored Lily’s feline smile as she folded the stack of bills into her shirt pocket. “I guess this money’s none of your business, is it, sister?”
With her blue eyes wide and her cheeks ablaze, the blonde looked ready to go up in smoke. “Solace, if you’ve been—why would Gabe be giving you money, unless he was paying you for—for—”<
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“Not one word more, Lily. You’ve gone too far.” Gabe turned then, so Lily was on one side of him and Solace on the other. This was even uglier and more upsetting than the confrontations he’d had with Letitia over her tippling.
“Solace earned that money in a perfectly honorable way, and I can understand why she doesn’t wish to discuss it right now.” Gabe inhaled deeply, praying for the negotiating skills King Solomon had called upon when two women had claimed the same baby.
“Lily, I hate to be blunt, but I-I was trying to tell you, on the stairway—” He closed his eyes, feeling her panic. But he couldn’t stop now. “I’m sorry if you misinterpreted anything I said or did, but I-I can’t return your affections. It’s not your fault, but you…you look too much like Letitia. I could never love you for who you are.”
Gabe thought his chest might cave in, but he could leave nothing unsaid. “Find someone else to share your life, Lily. I-I’m sorry I had to say it this way.”
He retreated to the house, feeling whipped and vulgar and crude. Behind him, Solace had the last word—but she didn’t sound any more triumphant than he did.
“Happy now, Princess?” she demanded. “You’ve driven away two of the people who loved you most. So now you can go to your room and rule!”
Chapter Eighteen
Closing her eyes, Solace clenched her teeth—and then jerked away from Joel’s scissors. “You’re sure this is the best way? Once you whack off my hair, there’s no putting it back, and—”
“If Crack-Shot Cora or Pete suspect you’re a girl, you don’t stand a chance. The show doesn’t have room for two female sharpshooters—”
“Not that Cora’s any good,” she muttered.
“—and even if Pete hired one, there’d be nothing but trouble from the start. Trust me on this.” Her brother leaned over her shoulder to nod convincingly.
As if to voice his agreement, Rex whimpered. He leaned against her leg, gazing into her face as Solace stroked his silky ear. Was he edgy about this set up, too? Should she walk away—tuck her tail between her legs and go home?
“If you want a chance at the big time, a male disguise is your ticket, Solace. I wondered if you were half boy when we were growing up anyway,” Joel continued with a chuckle. “You could out-ride and out-shoot me—and every man I knew—before you were ten years old. Shot Wesley Bristol’s horse out from under him when you were only seven! Sure wish I’d stuck around to see that happen!”
Solace sighed. She’d caught a lot of grief from Mama and Papa that night. And she’d endured her share of guilt and nightmares after bringing down the outlaw Bristol brother, even if a Pinkerton operative’s bullet had actually killed him.
“Guess I should understand about having too many hens in one nest,” she finally agreed. “It’s partly why I’m here. Once Lily gets on her high horse—”
“See there? Lily always did think she was better than the rest of us,” Joel pointed out with a flourish of his scissors. “If she’s got ideas about latching on to Gabe, it won’t be settled ’til only one of you’s left standing. Or left at home, anyway.”
Sighing ruefully, Solace sat straighter. It was one thing to wear old pants and shirts the hired hands left behind; it was another matter entirely to sacrifice her mane of thick, wavy hair. What if Pete didn’t take her on? How would she explain her boyish appearance to her parents—and to Gabe?
And what if life on the road wasn’t everything her maverick brother made it out to be?
But these doubts only stood between her and what her heart had always longed to do. And the longer she wavered, the more Joel would believe she didn’t have the guts to carry out his double-dog dare—much less to perform in front of hundreds of people.
“All right. Cut it off.”
With the lifting of the first hank of her hair and the brutal sniiiiip of those scissors, her fate was sealed. Like it or not, she sat in a cheap, dingy hotel room in a dubious part of town—at Joel’s insistence—turning herself into the Sol Juddson she’d become with the sale of her first story. She had acted half like a boy all her life, but this…this shearing ceremony brought everything into stark focus. She felt like a sacrificial lamb in more ways than she cared to think about…because if she was sacrificing her chances with Gabe, what would it matter if she became the sharp shooting champion of the world?
Snip. Snip.
She couldn’t look at the hair landing on the floor. Couldn’t imagine justifying her actions to Gabe or anyone else, because frankly, this felt like a deeper, dirtier deception than sneaking out to the cave with Papa’s pistols when she and Joel were kids. Then, she’d put the guns back in their case and slipped back up to her room. Now, she’d face this decision in the mirror every day. And this drastic haircut was only the first of many details to keep up with if she was to truly pass herself off as a young man.
A cockroach darted from under the rug and got tangled in a brown curl. Rex pounced on it, which sent long, loose strands of hair flying all over the dirty wood floor.
“You could’ve picked a nicer place to do this,” she remarked in a tight voice. “I’ve got the money to pay for it. And Mama would be having a tantrum—”
“But Mama’s not here, is she?” her brother challenged. He took a big handful of hair above her left ear and snipped it gleefully. “And you’re what? Eighteen now? Most girls your age are hitched, with two or three brats hanging on to them…looking worn out before their time. Wondering what happened to their romantic notions.”
He stepped to her other side then and clipped quickly. “You, on the other hand, are sidestepping the matrimonial trap because you’ve always had a more exciting vision. A passion for riding and shooting.”
Joel wasn’t lying. But was he the example of what it meant to grab life by the horns and live it his way? She remembered the nights when she’d lain awake wondering if her brother were still alive, whether his family mattered to him at all.
At least he was here with her now. She would’ve approached her audition all wrong, had Joel not given her such important pointers. Maybe it was more than fate. Maybe it was God’s way of looking after her as she tried on a new set of wings—even though her parents objected to it.
Solace recalled the fear in their faces as they’d hugged her good-bye. But she’d have run off anyway, had they forbidden her to try this, and that knowledge was reflected in their eyes, too. She’d never found an easy way to be herself….
“What’s your name going to be again?” Joel cut into her thoughts. “I need some practice saying it, so I don’t call you your real name by mistake. Especially not in front of Cora or Pete.”
“Sol,” she breathed, wondering how it felt to be a Sol. “Sol Juddson.”
“And where’d you come up with that?”
“Doesn’t matter, does it?” she snapped. He was certainly smart enough to figure that out.
“Well, Sol, you’re in luck, buddy,” Joel teased, “because I found you a decent shirt and pants, and a fabric band to tie real tight around your, uh, chest. Now answer me back in your best manly man voice.”
Solace swallowed and concentrated on a male sound. “That’s right kindly of ya, Malloy. Comes a time I can ever do ya a favor, you let me know, hear?”
Her older brother stepped in front of her. He raised her chin to assess his barbering. “You sound like a sickly cow, Sol. First rule of the road is never be too nice.”
His grip tightened, and he looked downright dangerous…hardened beyond redemption. “You trust too much, Juddson,” he grunted. “This is a rough bunch we’re running with—mostly folks who can’t find other jobs, and Injuns who’ll work for the liquor and the chow every night after the show.”
“So why’re you here?” she challenged in a lower, rougher voice. “Seems to me you coulda done better for yourself if—”
“Don’t go judging me or you’re on your own.” Joel stooped so his eyes were level with hers…eyes as hard and dark as indigo marbles. “And
don’t forget—you never saw me before, understand? If Pete suspects we’re related, he’ll find another roustabout with a snap of his fingers.”
Joel didn’t have to say another word about the future of their relationship if her mistakes cost him his job. The long, thin fingers that snapped in front of her eyes drove his point home with a force that made her flinch.
“That’s a girlie way to react,” he muttered. “Come on, Sol—toughen it up. Act like a man, dammit!”
It was another double-dog dare in thin disguise, and when she impulsively spat in his face, Rex took over. The dog lunged for Joel’s leg, as though he intended to remove it at the knee.
Joel swore, teetering sideways with the force of the dog’s attack. “Hey! Call off your mutt before—”
“You asked for that!” she muttered in Sol’s low, gravelly voice. “Leave me be, Malloy, or Rex’ll be havin’ fresh meat for dinner. Got it?” With a snap of her fingers and a short, harsh whistle, she signaled Rex to sit down.
The Border collie obeyed her, but when he crouched nearby, Rex’s intense eyes never left the man she was glaring at.
Footsteps thundered in the hallway and somebody pounded on the door. “What’s goin’ on in there? We don’t allow no animals in this establishment.”
“Then why’d ya rent a room to Malloy?” Solace hollered gruffly. “And if that’s the case, ya better see to these cockroaches, too! Why, I could ride one them suckers!”
The man muttered something and went on his way, while Joel gathered his hat from the chest of drawers. He was watching her dog very closely—and Rex was returning the favor.
“You’re getting the hang of this, so I’ll be getting on back now—”
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