She doesn't know. She doesn't even know if she cares. She just knows she wants to be with him in every way she possibly can. She knows she wants to love him freely, without criticism, without worrying about what other people think. Chewing her lip, Elise closes her eyes. She knows that won't be possible. People will judge her.
No.
That's not true.
They'll judge him. They'll think he took advantage of her and used his position to coarse her into a sexual relationship. They won't believe that she, a legal consenting adult, can make her own decisions regarding her body. She can choose to be enlisted in Aralyyn's army but she can't have sex with an older guy.
The audacity of the hypocrisy that filled the galaxy's social structure is comical that Elise wants to laugh out loud. And then she doesn't because as much as it's funny, it's also tragic. As a woman, she isn't taken seriously and yet there are expectations that she needs to meet in order to fulfill her expected role as a woman. She needs to be both seductress and innocent. She needs to be both a virgin and the whore. She needs to be experienced but God forbid she's with a man who is experienced because then he's taking advantage of her, because God forbid she make her own choices about her own life regarding her own body.
There's a part of her that wants to scream from the mountain tops that she fucked Reed, that she was with him the way woman is supposed to be with a man and he turned her into both an animal and something so spiritual that it transcends the human body as it connects with a person - usually referred to as a soulmate - on level few have access to. There's also a part of her that wants to keep him for herself. Because he's her secret and she's his and involving anyone else would open it up to criticism that she doesn't want to hear, that Reed doesn't want to hear, and it would just infuriate her to think that people think they have some kind of right to dictate how she behaves, how she acts, and who she's allowed to be with. Her relationship with Reed is no one's business and she wants to protect that at all costs.
She closes her eyes, enjoying the feeling of being wrapped up in Reed's sheets, enjoying the sound of the rain. She wants Reed to come back. She wants to feel him again. In the same way she felt him last night. Her face turns a shade of red and she is shy all of a sudden. She rather enjoyed sex and she wants to do it again and again, as many times as Reed will take her.
At that moment, the door to his room opens and he walks in wearing nothing but a pair of jeans. He looks beautiful. His body glistens with light rain but his midnight blue eyes seem troubled. She detects a faint hint of smoke surrounding his body and she knows he's just come from smoking a cigarette. She doesn't mind, however. The scent just makes him more dangerous than he already appears.
"I have to leave early tomorrow to pick up our monthly stipend," he tells her, his voice rough and brusque like thunder. "You wanna come?"
"You'll take me?" she asks, her eyes wide with happiness. Usually, Reed makes her stay home while he handles royal business.
He nods his head. He doesn't say anything on the subject. She doesn't expect him to.
Her lips turn into a shy smile and she tilts her head. "Is it okay if we do it again?" she asks.
He looks like he's going to ask her what she means, but then a slow grin spreads across his face and he doesn't say anything at all.
Isaac
"Raya, I -" Nina begins but Raya cuts her off with a look.
Isaac can feel how fierce she is, the tension rolling from her body like waves hitting the shore. He's never been more transfixed by her than in that moment; he can't take his eyes off of her.
"Nina, I don't know what Isaac is to me but regardless of what you think he is, you can't just poison him,” Raya continues. “I brought him home to meet you because you're the most important thing in my life." She swallows, her colorful eyes glassy. Her voice gets quiet when she says, "What's going on? You owe me that much."
Nina looks like she's not going to say anything. But it's easily decipherable just how much Raya means to her because her eyes aren't the hard jewels they are when they fall on Isaac. They soften when they're looking at Raya, as though Raya really is her daughter no matter the biology.
"I swore I wouldn't tell you until you know who you are," she finally begins. Her eyes shift over to Isaac and automatically fill with suspicion.
"Don't worry about him," Raya says, and while she's keen on looking at Isaac, Raya doesn't. Her gaze is on her guardian and nothing else. "I trust him. You don't have to, but I'm asking you to trust me. Please."
Nina looks like she wants to refuse but ultimately decides against it. "I used to be a Rebel," she says. "I was an agent rather than a pilot. I wasn't front line but I was undercover, gathering intel here, in Beryyn. There was rumor that the king and queen were going to send one of their daughters here and my job was to figure out where that was so I could intercept and take the girl into custody. A hostage that we could use as a bargaining chip. I was successful and I retrieved the coordinates of where the princess would be dropped off - one would be sent here, in the catacombs, the other in Teryyn, though I never found out specifics. I wasn’t concerned about her. That was Stan’s job.”
Isaac furrows his brow together. “Stan?” he asks. “As in, Stan Brewer? He’s, like, twenty. How would you know him?”
“Stan’s family has been in the Rebellion long before you were born, Stefano,” Nina comments. “I also keep up with what goes on around here. I have sources. I still have friends.”
“Friends who know about you going rogue?” Isaac asks doubtfully.
Nina clenches her jaw together. “If I hadn’t been there, she would be dead,” she says. “I thought I knew what my life was about. I thought I knew everything. But when you’re at a crossroad and you’re forced to make a choice…” She shakes her head. “It changes you.”
Raya furrows her brow, tilting her head to the side. “What are you talking about?” she asks.
She looks to Isaac for help, but the way his arms are crossed over his chest and the way his brow rests heavily over his eyes makes her think that he’s just as lost as she is. Which is nice, knowing she’s not the only one.
“I.” Nina goes to say more but stops herself. Then, she starts pacing up and down the small living room. It’s clear she’s struggling with what words she needs to get out and Raya does everything she can to be patient. As a child, it was always her biggest flaw but as she’s gotten older, she’s been better with it. Now, she needs it more than ever. “Raya, you aren’t who you think you are.”
Isaac straightens and his brown eyes go wide. His olive complexion pales and Raya throws her eyes to her guardian. It would seem Isaac understands now; Raya wants that same consideration as well.
“You can’t mean,” Isaac says, but stops. He hesitates, looking at Nina with wariness.
She nods once. “Yes,” she says. “It’s the truth.”
He looks even more floored than originally, and he can’t stop himself as he turns to regard Raya with wide eyes. He’s looking at her like he may have looked at her the first time, like she’s an entirely new person. His eyes go over every inch of skin, from her face to the slope in her throat, the curve of her shoulders, the curves of her body hidden by her mechanic’s outfit, all the way down to her booted feet. He makes no qualms about the fact that he’s blatant in his appraisal, even when his eyes come back to hers.
“It can’t be,” he murmurs to himself and shakes his head before looking back at Nina for confirmation.
“It is,” Nina replies. Raya has no idea how civil they’re being even though they had just been arguing minutes before. “She is.”
“All right,” Nina says, snapping though that isn’t her intention. Her eyes go back and forth between Isaac and Nina. “Enough. What is going on with the two of you? I’m tired of trying to figure it out. Tell me.”
Nina curves up her lips as she regards Raya with warm eyes. “I promised myself you could never find out, not until it was the right time,” she says. “Then
again, who knows anything about the right time?” She takes a step forward, and then another, up until she stands in front of Raya. She places gentle hands on her shoulders. “You, Raya, are not a desolate girl from Beryyn. You are Rachael Aralyyn, Princess and rightful heir to the Aralyyn throne.”
Raya swallows. For some reason, her eyes slide over to Isaac, like she’s looking for some kind of confirmation. Like he has any idea.
Somehow, he manages to smile at her, offering her encouragement. Perpetuating Nina’s theory that Raya is actually Rachael. That she’s royalty.
Before she can stop herself, her eyes roll to the back of her head and she faints with an ungraceful clump to the floor.
Reed
They wake early the next morning. Elise is sore because in the past twenty-four hours, they’ve had sex three times, all at her bidding. Not that Reed is complaining. He doesn’t remember the last person he’s been with sexually, but he supposes the old adage is true – it really is like riding a bike. And he hasn’t heard any complaints – not that she has anyone to compare him to.
It’s a whole jumble of emotions. In fact, they’ve been sleeping in the same bed – his bed, to be exact – and he’s slept the whole night through. He isn’t worried about being vulnerable; he isn’t afraid of waking her with his nightmares. He still dreams of life before the King found him in the mines and brought him back to the kingdom, he’s even woken himself up with a shout. He doesn’t want to disturb her if he does, but last night…
Last night, he slept without any interruption. Her arms were wrapped tightly around him – she didn’t care if he wanted his own space or not, which is fine because he loves the way it feels, having her arms wrapped around him – and he felt content. His mind was void of any dreams and he woke feeling at peace, refreshed.
Which is strange, to say the least.
This whole thing is strange. But it feels right.
Elise dresses for the cold – it’s just before four thirty and she yawns every other moment. He finds the wrinkle in her nose incredibly adorable – another word in his vocabulary he never thought he’d use.
Before Elise.
Ever since their coupling, time has shifted into two segments: Before Elise and After Elise. Before Elise seems so far away. His mind is occupied with everything about her that it’s hard to remember a time before her.
However, the trip to meet his handler is a good reminder. She’s royalty. He is not. They shouldn’t be together. But that doesn’t stop him from holding her hand as they walk through the shrubbery to their meeting point. That doesn’t stop him from watching her change this morning with lust buried deep in his midnight blue eyes. That doesn’t stop him from thinking about all of the things he wants to do to her, and most of them aren’t the type of things he would even whisper around her.
But that’s before.
Now, he knows better. He knows how deep her desire for him is. He knows she’s insatiable. He knows she wants him just as badly as he wants her. She can’t stop touching him. He sees the way her sky blue eyes darken when they see him. He knows. He knows.
He should resist her. It’s not right. He knows this. But knowledge doesn’t inhibit him. In fact, it propels him. Is it wrong that wrongness of their relationship makes it all the more tempting? How, if they don’t have to meet his handler at exactly that time, he would push her against the tree and take her out here, in the forest, for anyone to see should they happen to stumble upon them?
He doesn’t care anymore. Not when he’s had her. Not when she’s given herself to him freely.
She’s his now, that’s all there is to it. His feelings haven’t changed all that much since finally coupling with her. He’s always loved her; now, he’s allowing himself the honor of doing so. He doesn’t have to hide it anymore. He doesn’t have to hate himself for these feelings. He refuses to feel shame about them. He just wants to love her and fuck her and make her smile.
“I like you, Reed Callus,” Elise says out of nowhere.
She tends to surprise him that way. She keeps him on his toes.
“’Like you, too,” he says in his mumbly tone he always gets when he’s slightly embarrassed and caught off-guard.
“Can you promise me something?” she asks, tugging on his hand in order to get his attention.
He throws his eyes over at her, and when he does, she smiles.
“Look,” she says, and he’s already prepared for a long, thought-out speech. It always occurs when she’s been silent for a time, thinking about something. “I don’t know what me and you are, and maybe it’s dangerous to even be talking about so early – I don’t want to jinx us or anything. But I just want you to know, I like you. And I want you in all sorts of ways. And I don’t intend on giving you up anytime soon. I just wanted to make sure we’re on the same page.”
His lip cracks up and he squeezes her hand. “We are,” he says. His eyes descend to the grass crunching beneath his feet.
“Good,” she says with a nod. “I don’t want to think about what I would have done if you wrote me off. Again. I would have been so mad at you.”
“Trust me,” Reed says with a smirk. “I know all too well.”
Raya
Raya wakes up moments later, only to find herself in Isaac’s arms. Almost as though he caught her after…
“Did I faint?” she asks, her cheeks pink with shame.
Isaac nods. “Quite dramatically,” he says, with a nod. “Fit for the future queen of Aralyyn, actually.”
She shoots him a look and opens her mouth, prepared to rip him a new one for even mentioning her royal blood before she even has a chance to wrap her head around it, but there’s pounding on the door. Without warning – and needing some excuse to distract herself – she pops out of the comfort of Isaac’s arms in order to open the door.
“What are you doing here?” Isaac asks, coming up behind Raya.
Raya furrows her brow. “Are you,” she begins, but stops herself, shaking her head in disbelief. She can’t believe she’s going to ask this question. It’s so crazy, it’s almost comical. “Are you following us?” She has to physically restrain herself from adding, Are you insane?
“I just” – she begins, but her eyes catch sight of someone – probably Nina – in the background. “Who is” –
Isaac stands directly in front of Lola’s line of vision so she can’t see anyone. “What are you doing here?” he repeats, his voice annoyed, frustrated, perhaps a little angry.
Which surprises Raya because she doesn’t think it’s possible for Isaac to be angry.
“Isaac, I” –
“No,” he says, interrupting her. “No, Lola. I don’t know if this has anything to do with you and me or whatever, but this needs to stop. We slept together a handful of times, that’s it. You’re making more of this than you should be. Stop making things worse.”
Raya clenches her jaw together. Even with Isaac in front of her, she notices the flash of hurt meshed with utter disappointment written in her irises. Raya actually feels sorry for her. A little. She knows what it’s like to like a boy who doesn’t like her in return, but Raya never chased after him knowing she was unwanted. She draws the line somewhere. Coming to Raya’s place is overstepping that line, and that’s an understatement.
“Isaac, please,” she says. “Just let me explain. I know it seems crazy, but I think maybe, if you just gave us a chance, I really think” –
“Please tell me you did not come all this way to interrupt my family dinner to try to win Isaac back,” Raya deadpans before she can stop herself.
Lola gives Raya a look but there isn’t as much bite in it as she expects. “You’re supposed to fight for what you love,” she says, her voice certain as her eyes leave Raya so they can find Isaac. “And Isaac, I love you.”
“Lola, I don’t think right now is the best time for us to discuss this,” he says, and Raya can tell that he’s uncomfortable. He reaches up to cup the back of his neck with his hand and shif
ts his weight. “We can talk later. I’m in the middle of something.”
“See, Raya?” Nina’s voice comes from the dining room and though Raya can’t see her, she can imagine the pushed up brow, the dry look on Nina’s face. “He claims to have feelings for you and yet women are clamoring for his attention, coming out from his past. Is that really something you want to deal with for the rest of your life?”
“Feelings?” Lola asks, outraged. “For her?”
Isaac opens his mouth, ready to respond. He looks determined, stubborn even. He knows what he’s going to say and Raya holds her breath, waiting for him to say it. To say whatever it is he’s going to say.
Before he can, however, Lola tilts her head and narrows her eyes at Nina. “Nina ?” she asks. “As in Agent Nina Herbert? We thought you were dead. Your body was never found. We couldn’t get to you at all. After the crash where you were supposed to intercept…” Her voice trails off and her head spins to Raya. “You. You’re the long-lost princess. It’s the only thing that makes sense. Why else would Herbert disappear? She’s gone rogue.” Her eyes go to Isaac. “Are you going to call it in, or should I? Isaac, this changes everything!” She reaches for the tablet on her waist, her lips curled into a smile. Her eyes are bright. Raya would say they’re beautiful. She hasn’t seen Lola genuinely happy; it’s clear to see why she has male followers, even if her personality is lacking. “Isaac, we’re going straight to the top, do you understand? We’ll be promoted and revered as heroes.” She pulls out her tablet but before she can do anything, Isaac slaps it out of her hand. It clatters to the floor with a thunk. Before anyone can do anything about it, Isaac stomps on it, cracking it under his foot.
Lola lets out a shriek. “Isaac!” she exclaims. “What have you done? What are you doing?”
Isaac turns to face Raya. He looks confused. A little perplexed. “I don’t know,” he says, and Raya can tell he’s being honest.
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