by Summer, AJ
“Okay, someone better tell me what’s going on,” Lewis asks on a confused frown.
“Livvy started doing her own tattoos.” My smile mirrors hers.
“So?” His frown deepens.
“It’s a big deal,’ I say, wanting to knock him on the shoulder.
“It was, Mia, a month ago.” I falter a step back.
“Lewis!” Livvy scolds from next to me. He’s right. I missed so much of my friend’s lives while wallowing in my own misery.
“Oh shit, sorry Mia. I’m such an asshole.”
“Yes you are. Don’t mind him Mia. Me and you still get to celebrate. Drinks? Tonight? My treat.” My decline is on the tip of my tongue when Alec escorts his client to the front and Livvy moves in behind the register. “Yes?” she asks, looking at me again.
“Yes,” Alec says, daring me to disagree.
“Yes! We’ll have fun. You still know what that is, right? We’ll get shit-faced and puke all over each other,” Lewis adds his two cents.
“Yuck! That’s disgusting,” Livvy says, looking at Lewis. She hands the client his change before sending him on his way.
“Yes?” Lewis asks, snaking his arm over my shoulders and pulling me closer. He starts shaking me. “Say yes Mia! For the goodwill of intoxication please say YES!”
“Yes, Yes! Stop shaking me.” I pull away from him only to be yanked back into his chest with a quick peck placed on top of my head. “Good.” He lets me go and disappears out the door to start his day at work.
When I turn back to Livvy she’s focusing on a speck of dust on the desk. Alec has a frown on his face, still watching the door. One looks awkward, the other looks pissed.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, honestly concerned. Livvy lifts her eyes but looks as uncomfortable as spandex. “What?” I ask again.
“He kissed you?” My eye twitches at the hint of accusation in her tone.
“On my head. That doesn’t count as a kiss.”
Alec scoffs, obviously not ready to get involved in this discussion and goes back to the back room.
“Yes. Sorry. It was just weird seeing that. Get over here and let’s decide which of these clients you’re going to take over. Alec is beat!” she says, smiling.
I tuck some hair behind my ear and move in next to her behind the desk, where she proceeds to tick off names and write my name next to them. As she’s finishing up the last one, a client walks in and I immediately take him to my station. I’m careful to avoid looking at Jase’s chair, instead focusing on the deep purple of my own sheet.
“Coffee!” Livvy calls as I see my third customer out.
Now I’m beat. My ears are buzzing from the constant whirring of the tattoo gun. My eyes hurt from concentrating too hard, and my neck is utterly stiff from avoiding looking in the direction of Jase’s workstation.
“Sure,” I call back to Livvy at the front desk and peek up at the time. It’s already 5 o’clock. Alec bursts through the front doors with both arms filled with takeout bags. It looks like Lui-Ling from down the street. I didn’t even see him step out.
“Well don’t just stand there baby girl, give me a hand!” he huffs, heaving the slipping bags up in his arms. I rush over and take a paper bag from him.
“You planning on feeding an army?”
“Nah, but it looks like you can do with some meat on your bones.” He shoves me with his shoulder, and I stumble a little, but he does it again, urging me faster into the direction of the kitchen.
“I’m still making coffee, any takers?” Livvy asks, switching on the coffee machine.
“Me!” Please, definitely me. I need it to shake my head awake and to kick some energy into my tired muscles. Alec shakes his head a no and continues taking containers out, placing them in neat rows on the table. Livvy places the two cups down and pops the top of one of the containers. Seems like I’m the only one worried about all the food in front of us. Alec sits down and grabs a fork.
“Sit,” Livvy says before pulling a different container closer. She wrinkles her nose and pushes the container over to the three boxes already in front of Alec. Her fingers run over the other three before quickly swiping the middle one and pulling it to her. Alec watches all this with a straight face and a sparkle in his eye. Did he know she was going to do that? Sure looks like it. Just how much did I miss in my almost two month absence? The bell on top of the door jingles and my head turns to the front of the shop. I can’t see the door from here because of the wall so it’s a pointless move. I rise but Lewis’s voice stops me midway.
“Just in time.” He rubs his hands together and pulls a seat up next to me.
Livvy smiles before popping a piece of chicken into her mouth. Alec is on his second container and even though I know it’s rude I just can’t help myself. “What’s up with all the food, Alec?”
Livvy’s smile gets bigger before she puts her container down and looks at him, crossing her arms. Her expression is a teasing dare.
“Gym, I need to pick up weight,” he says with a noncommittal shrug.
“What?” I laugh. “First Aiden and Jenna and now you too? You don’t need to go to the gym. You’re pretty buff already.”
“That’s because I’m going to the gym.” I look at Livvy but she just shrugs before picking up her food again.
“Same answer every time,” she says. She looks kind of disappointed with his response.
“I don’t see the problem. Let the man eat if he wants to eat. Let him gym if that’s what he wants to. Speaking of eating, this one is fried rice and chicken. You have it,” he says, handing me a bowl and a pair of chopsticks. I eye the chopsticks before quickly swapping them out for a fork. He takes a bite of his food, which looks like a prawn something, looking genuinely happy. His midnight eyes sparkling in the light of the kitchen. My stomach growls and in shock I slap my hand over it, trying to control the sounds coming from it. Lewis chuckles and moves his fork up and down, motioning me to start eating. I dip my fork in and take a bite.
Chewing slowly I wonder if they think I have an eating problem. I don’t, I just don’t have an appetite. Losing your boyfriend will do that. And thinking about being dumped makes my hungry stomach turn and threaten to evacuate the one bite currently occupying it. Placing the bowl on the table I pick up my cup and blow the steam from my coffee. Lewis is looking at his food, trying to spear a prawn with his fork, a tiny frown between his eyebrows. He brings the fork up to his lips and places it into his mouth slowly. The corner of his mouth tips up, revealing a tiny dip in his cheek. Suddenly I realize I’ve still got my cup to my mouth, staring at him. Tipping it back gently I finally take a sip, my eyes wandering back to take a tiny peek of the dimple I almost saw. When was the last time I’d really seen him smile? Is he unhappy? He used to laugh and joke around all the time but being around me seems to have made him miserable. Or was it before that? I shake my head and put my cup down. Alec is finishing off his last bowl of food and Livvy is busy on her phone.
I get up, ready to collect the empty containers, when my wrist is snatched. “You’re not done. You barely touched your food. Here, taste this,” Lewis holds a forkful of rice out to me.
“I’m not eating that.” I try to laugh him off. His serious face doesn’t change.
“Just one bite, Mia. It’s really good.” He moves the fork a little more, pulling me closer by the hand, but ultimately I think it’s the look in his eyes that makes me move. I open my mouth slowly and let him slide it between my lips. The smile on his face could blind a thousand blindfolded men. And evidently it can also make your heart skip a beat. Just a glimpse of that carefree trouble maker and my heart is all giddy.
“Thank you,” he says, sitting back with a proud look on his face. I swallow the food before I wipe my hands on my jeans and grab the empty containers to distract my silly acting heart. Livvy gets the rest of the stuff and after dumping it all in the bin and putting the cups in the washer, we’re back in the front of the store. It’s quiet because our 5.30 a
ppointment didn’t show and the next one isn’t due for half an hour. Alec and Lewis are watching something on the TV in the corner and Livvy is on her phone, again.
I’m busy rearranging my already perfect station when a piece of paper slips out from one of my notebooks. It’s laying upside down on the floor. From the yellowish color I can tell it’s old sketch paper. Sketch paper from Jase’s book. I stare at the upside down sketch like its got fangs ready to take a bite out of my flesh. My hands shake so much that I clasp them together. Taking a deep breath I reach out with trembling fingers until I can ball it into my hand. I squeeze my hand tightly, feeling the paper wrinkle in my grip. My pulse starts racing and my chest squeezes with the dull ache of heartbreak. Just breathe Mia.
Relaxing my grip, I smooth the paper out on my thigh. It’s my “J” tattoo. The first picture Jase ever drew for me. I had it inked by the man himself not even a week after. Right over my ribs. The closest I could get to my heart. Smoothing the paper out some more, I don’t allow my mind to think when I pick up my pencil. My hand moves over the paper, sketching heavy chains around the J in front of me. I continue coloring the chains until the paper looks heavy with dark shadows. At the end of the chains I wrap them together with each half of my broken heart. Feeling bitter, I draw a broken key in the one half of the heart and the other piece of the key in a pool of blood.
“Wow, that’s really good Mew. Morbid as priest balls, but still good,” Lewis says, close to my ear. I jump, my hand flying up to my heart, cushioning the fright it just got.
“Well you weren’t supposed to see it,” I snap, moving the picture back under the note books. Lewis takes a step back, holding up his hand in surrender.
“You just looked so peaceful, I had no idea you were drawing something so vicious.”
The only thing vicious about that picture is the first person who drew it - he ripped my heart straight out of my chest without even blinking.
I don’t know why I thought I was ready to get back to normal life. Maybe it’s just because I really thought it was time, that and the threat of my mom showing up. But now, standing in front of Joe’s I wiggle my toes in my old Converse, groaning softly. I haven’t been home to change, and my black shirt has gotten a splash of color on it from when I cleared out my old ink this afternoon. At least my camo pants look clean. I feel really out of place. Livvy looks gorgeous as ever, not the least bit ruffled, considering we just left work twenty minutes ago. Lewis looks his normal self in his dark jeans and t-shirt, duly protected by his overalls while he works, and Alec pulled on a spare shirt that he apparently keeps at work. Smart man, wish I had that initiative. Not that I was planning on going out tonight. In fact, I have a standing arrangement with my ceiling, it agrees to keep quiet while I cry myself to sleep every night. I wrote something on terror once, but the last couple of weeks have given me a totally new outlook on the word.
True Terror?
2am with nothing but a screaming head and a breaking heart for company.
It is a terrifying madness.
I am trying though. My new found anger is helping. Lewis grabs my hand and leads me through the black door and into the dimly lit bar. People are hanging around the dark polished counter, talking loudly, some are in the booths along the wall and a couple of guys are playing pool. Livvy spots a few open seats in the middle of the bar and directs us to them. I settle in a seat in between Livvy and Lewis and look around some more while they order our drinks.
A new song blasts over the speakers and a group of girls scream excitedly. Truthfully their cheeriness hurts my teeth, but I remind myself that I’m trying not to sulk and suck it up like a big girl. So when Lewis slides my beer over, I clink it to his and when Livvy leans hers closer to mine, we do the same. Bottoms up. I take a big gulp and squeeze my eyes closed when the fizz bubbles up in my throat. Damn that’s good. Before I know it I’m on my second beer and Lewis is challenging some guy on the pool table. Not paying attention I get dragged into their game for a double match.
“Lewis!” I hiss, but he just ignores me.
Looking around for Livvy, I spot her and Alec on the dance floor. Not that what Alec is doing could be called dancing. He’s just standing there, while Livvy sways her hips from side to side in front of him. I can tell he’s trying to look bored, but I know my boss better than that. Even from here I can see the tiny grin on his lips and the look in his eyes. A soft tap on my shoulder makes me turn around and brings me face to face with Mr. Traitor himself. I’ve never played pool in my life. I’m going to make a total fool of myself. And it’s not just because I can see the two guys on the other side of the table checking me out.
“Lewis, I’ve never played pool,” I admit softly, hoping my voice doesn’t carry to the other side of the table. He smiles at me, all perfect teeth and sexy dimple before putting the pool cue in my hands.
“I’ll teach you. You can break.” He moves me to the top of the table. Top? Bottom? I’m not even sure. And what am I suppose to break? After removing the triangle around the balls and hooking it on the side of the table he moves in behind me. “It’s easy. Hold your cue like this.” He pushes lightly on my shoulder and I bend forward, placing my cue on the table. He leans over me, our bodies almost touching. “Line up your white ball on this line.” His warm breathe tickles my ear and little goose bumps jump up on my arms. Stretching to place the white ball on the line, he presses me into the table, and parts that should not be anywhere near me, rub up against my ass. My spine jumps up straight and I knock him back unexpectedly. “Ouch! Shit Mia. You almost took my jaw off, babe. Relax.” He moans, rubbing the sore spot on the side of his face where my shoulder hit him.
“Cage it, Lewis!” I snap, glaring between his face and his crotch. There will be no rubbing here, intentionally or not. Lewis laughs at me, stepping closer again. Not caring if I get the shot right or not, I decide to just shoot it. Not willing to risk another rub session. He might not have meant it, but to me that’s just weird. Lewis is one of my best friends. If it wasn’t for him, I’d never survive the break up with Jase. If you can even call it a break up. It’s more like abandonment if you ask me.
Not surprisingly, none of the balls sink, they scatter around the table, leaving Lewis with a satisfied smile and the two guys looking at the table intently. I take another sip of my beer, again scanning the small dance floor in attempt to keep busy. I see Alec and Livvy over at the bar and let out a loud whistle to get their attention. Livvy seems to recognize it and turns around to look for me. Holding up my beer and two fingers I signal for another round for me and Lewis. She smiles and holds up two beers to show she’s already gotten them. Behind her, Alec is walking with a tray full of shots. And I mean full of shots. The poor guy is walking so slow, you’d think he’s practicing the moon walk.
“Oh shit,” I say to Lewis when Alec puts the tray down on the small table to the side of me. There are easily three shots for each of us. Lewis’s interest is piqued immediately. The little trouble maker inside of him is back. He slings a casual arm around my shoulder before telling the two guys we’ll be right back. For a moment my feet seem to stick to the sticky bar floor. I’m not good with shots. My body handles anything stronger than beer very badly. I’ve had a hangover every single time I’ve drank anything other than my normal trusted Barley and Hops.
“Come on, Mew,” Lewis urges, pulling me forward. His face is lit up by mischief. It makes him look unbelievably cute. Wait, no that’s not right. Sexy? Looking up into those midnight eyes, burning with so much sex appeal I decide that yes, he definitely looks sexy right now. Weird thought territory again.
Shaking my head with a smile for my stupid thoughts, I finally step forward and into the crook of his arm that’s still around me.
“We should toast,” Livvy says. I grumble and she laughs at me, giving me a slight bump with her hip. Some of the purple liquid in her shot glass spills over the rim and onto her hand. “What should we toast to?” she asks, licking the alcohol from
her skin. Alec clears his throat before looking away from her mouth, to me and Lewis. Probably waiting for one of us to suggest something. I’ve got absolutely nothing I want to toast to. Up until a few hours ago, my life sucked. It’s not much better right now, but at least I’m not screaming at my ceiling. The last time I went through this was when Kyle died. I felt like I was drowning, trudging through thick black sludge, just waiting for it to swallow me up. Now, every time I close my eyes it feels like my demons are fighting for a way out; tearing me up inside, breaking the skin, but never letting me bleed enough to end it. Wouldn’t it just be easier to give up? To just end it? How I wish it would just end. Kyle was there to get me through dad’s heart attack. Jase helped me through Kyle’s freak accident. I still don’t understand how they never found him, but I made peace with it. I let my brother go, but I’ll never forget him.
I know Lewis has been trying to help me with losing Jase, but this time it’s different. Jase isn’t dead, he left! After everything we’ve been through. After all his promises he still left. The familiar, but very new, feeling of anger towards Jase fills my veins with a pulse of warm blood. A gentle shake on my shoulder snaps my attention to my three friends all staring at me with different confused expressions. On the table are three empty shot glasses with mine still full. Fuelled by my newly found anger, and not ready to look at my friends yet, I grab the glass in front of me and slam it back. I wince only slightly when the syrupy sweet stuff hits my tongue before I swallow the burn. Deciding not to give the other shots on the tray too much thought I grab two more of the same color and throw them back as well. Gulping a big breath of air after I swallow it all down. The air swooshes down my throat and it feels like my chest explodes from the fiery liquid now residing in my belly. Wow, I can’t believe I just did that!
Apparently neither can my friends because Livvy is whooping like a mad woman. She lifts her two shots up before pouring both of them into her mouth. She swallows and squeezes her eyes shut for a second before letting out another big whoop! Alec doesn’t look too amused and he doesn’t finish his other shots. In fact he looks disappointed which just pisses me off. I didn’t do anything wrong. Or hold up, maybe he doesn’t want us to get drunk because we have to work in the morning? Why get the shots in the first place? My body starts swaying to the music playing through the speakers. I’m not sure what Alec’s problem is. I’m not sure I care that much either at this moment. The alcohol must be weaving its magic.