by Debra Webb
Nathan swallowed hard and set his gaze on the child’s angelic face. “When’s your birthday, Jesse?” Nathan held his breath as he waited for the answer. This just couldn’t be.
“I already had my birthday. It was March,” he said happily, adjusting the large hat on his head once more.
Nathan quickly calculated the time between the day of his mother’s funeral and Jesse’s birth month four years ago. Nine months. The room whirled around him. His head pounded. His unsteady gaze locked on the little boy wearing his hat.
Jesse was his son. His son. How could Paige have kept this from him? There had to be some explanation…
Angry voices sounded again from down the hall, louder this time. Nathan jerked his gaze in that direction.
“They’re fighting. Mommy and Grandfather always fight,” Jesse said sadly.
Nathan felt an almost uncontrollable urge to hold him, but he didn’t dare for fear of scaring the child. His child. A child that looked exactly like him. Exactly. Nathan closed his eyes to slow the spinning. How could Paige have done this to him? Nathan had been wrong. Calvin had been wrong. Paige didn’t love him. She hated him. The proof stood right before his very eyes. Otherwise she would never have done something like this to him. Rage and pain boiled inside him, vying for possession of his senses. Nathan opened his eyes and looked at his son. His son.
~*~
“I’m leaving now.” Paige spun away from her father’s angry glare. She stormed out of his study, followed by Beatrice.
“Miss Paige,” Raymond said, then cleared his throat, “you have a visitor.”
“What?” she asked, slowing momentarily to glance at Raymond. “Who?” Frustrated and knowing that her father would follow at any moment, Paige didn’t wait for Raymond’s response, but continued down the hall.
“Nathan Blackrope,” Raymond called behind her.
Paige stopped dead in her tracks. Her shocked gaze moved from Raymond, to Nathan who stood by the front door and then dropped to Jesse who smiled happily up at Nathan.
“What are you doing here?” she breathed, her words barely audible in the ensuing silence.
The look she saw in Nathan’s eyes at that moment ripped her heat to shreds. “Getting to know Jesse,” he said icily.
“Mommy, Nathan said I could have his hat.” Jesse ran to her, displaying the black Stetson. “It’s really cool. Look.” He perched the hat atop his sweet head.
“That’s nice, sweetie.” Paige smiled at her son. She struggled to hold back the tears mounting in her eyes. “Beatrice”—Paige turned to the woman at her side wringing her hands—“please take Jesse out back for a few minutes.”
Beatrice grasped Jesse’s hand and urged him toward her. “Come along, Jesse, we’ll go into the garden and show your new hat to Ms. Julia. And maybe she’ll let us help plant petunias.”
“Bye, Nathan,” Jesse shouted as he was rushed away.
“So long, Jesse,” Nathan called after him. His gaze followed Jesse’s departure until he was completely out of sight.
Nathan finally faced Paige when Jesse moved out of earshot. She steeled herself for what she knew would come next. What she had done was unforgivable. She had to face his wrath now…and quite possibly his hatred.
He shook his head slowly. “How could you do this?”
“I’m sorry, Nathan,” Paige murmured, her heart cracking with each word.
“You’re sorry?” he roared. “You kept my son…” Nathan squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his fists at his sides. When he opened his eyes again Paige saw the one thing she had prayed she wouldn’t—hatred.
“I wish it hadn’t happened this way. I wanted to explain about Jesse…I’m so sorry.” She saw the shudder that swept over him…saw the way he worked to hold onto control. Dear God, what had she done?
“You kept my son from me for more than four years and all you can do is say you’re sorry?”
“Nathan, you married someone else before I even knew I was pregnant.” Panic overwhelmed her now. She couldn’t think straight. Everything was going wrong. “When I found out, I couldn’t tell you and risk breaking up your marriage. And then”—she dropped her gaze to the floor—“everything got out of control. My father—”
“I don’t give a damn about your father.” He raked a hand through his hair and shifted with agitation, his shock quickly turning to rage. “I can’t believe you did this. You’re worse than your father!” he added, his words like acid on her skin.
“That’s enough,” Elliott Weston commanded from somewhere behind Paige. “I will not allow you to stand in my house and speak to my daughter in that manner. The only reason I haven’t already called the police is because I don’t want to turn this ridiculous scene into a public spectacle.”
“Father, please. This is between me and Nathan,” Paige appealed as Elliott moved to her side. Her heart felt ready to burst from her chest and her head verged on exploding. The last thing she needed was a showdown between Nathan and her father.
“Don’t bother with him, Paige,” her father replied haughtily. “Why waste your time? The man obviously has no feelings for you. What did you expect from someone like him?” He turned his hateful glare on Nathan. “Can’t you see that she’s been through enough?”
Paige’s gaze collided with Nathan’s. She saw the danger in his eyes. Her father was pushing too hard, treading on perilously thin ice.
“Nathan, maybe we can talk somewhere else,” she offered anxiously. Somehow she had to get him away from her father.
“I have nothing else to say to you,” he said coldly.
“You see. He doesn’t care about you. The man has no right to even be here.” He turned his attention to Nathan. “Leave right now, Mr. Blackrope, before I call the police and have you escorted out of Memphis.”
“But—” Paige started.
“You’re right,” Nathan interrupted in a low, ominous voice. “I have no right to be here.”
“Then go,” Elliott suggested contemptuously.
Nathan stepped closer to him, his own contempt etched across his angry face. “There’s just one problem. That’s my son out there in your garden and if you think you can keep me from him, you’re dead wrong.”
“Nathan,” Paige gasped, her worst fears coming true.
Nathan moved his caustic gaze to her. “You won’t keep him from me, Paige. You’ve deprived me of too much already.”
“You’d better find yourself a good attorney, Mr. Blackrope.” Elliott held his ground under Nathan’s glower. “You’ll need one if you think you’re getting your hands on that child. Now, get out.”
Nathan looked from Elliott to her. “I can’t believe you did this, Paige.”
“We can work this out, Nathan,” she told him in a shaky voice. Everything was falling apart around her. “This is between you and me. My father has no say in it.”
Nathan only glared at her before turning to her father. “Make no mistake, I will be back for my son.”
Paige watched, in silent shock, as Nathan strode out the door, down the walk and then disappeared. Why hadn’t she told him days ago? Then none of this would have happened. She could have given him the news gently, explaining all the extenuating circumstances as she went along. Now the damage was done. Nathan hated her and she deserved it. She closed her eyes and willed away the fresh flood of tears gathering behind her lids.
“Paige, you have got to get that…that man out of your system,” her father urged. “He’ll only drag you down. It’s bad enough that he’s Jesse’s father.”
She turned on her father then. “I love Nathan Blackrope. Do you hear me?” Rage pushed away all other emotions.
“You can’t mean that. The man is a savage in every sense of the word. He doesn’t even deserve your pity.”
“Nathan is Jesse’s father and I won’t listen to you speak badly about him. You don’t rule my life anymore. If you can’t accept Jesse and Nathan, then we have nothing else to discuss.”
; “Paige, when I thought I might lose you forever, I couldn’t bear it. We can’t let our relationship continue this way.”
“No”—Paige shook her head—“we can’t. I love you, Father, I always will. But if you can’t accept my son and the man I love, then we have no relationship.” Paige turned on her heel and stalked away from Elliott Weston.
Enough had been said.
Chapter Eleven
Paige sat down on the shabby but comfortable sofa in her modest apartment and expelled a long, deep sigh. She had spent the entire week since the episode at her father’s house sorting out her thoughts. Calvin had called to let her know that his life was back to normal. Denise had things under control at the office. Paige had called Robert and Silas to discuss the situation and her tentative plan. Her uncle had been very encouraging and helpful, but he couldn’t make the decision for her. She’d had to do that all alone.
Once the decision was behind her, Silas had started the ball rolling in Trinity. Paige had made the final arrangements required of her in Memphis. Now all she had to do was take the next step necessary to put her decision into action.
Paige sighed as she watched her little boy’s fierce determination to build a fort with Legos. Hurt feelings and poor choices made without looking at the big picture or the future implications had robbed him of his father for four years. Now she would have to explain why she had made those wrong choices. She had to make this right.
It was past time.
If Silas had things in Trinity ready, Paige could surely meet with Nathan and have her part of the plan in motion by—she glanced at her watch—four this evening. That would give her plenty of time to break the news to Jesse. She didn’t know how much he would understand, but she had to try.
Paige reached for the telephone and entered Silas’s number. There was no time like the present to find out just what it would take to make amends with Nathan. Paige knew he loved her. He had told her over and over again just how much he loved her. Not to mention that he had shown her in no uncertain terms that he wanted her to stay. He was angry right now and rightly so, but he would calm down. No matter what she had to be for forgiveness, she intended to win Nathan back. For Jesse’s sake and for the sake of her own heart. But would he still want her now that he knew she couldn’t have any more children?
~*~
With a frustrated puff of breath, Nathan shoved the paperwork he’d been putting off across the big oak desk. He couldn’t concentrate. His thoughts kept drifting back to Memphis. To Paige. To his son. Jesse. The boy’s name echoed in the emptiness that filled his heart. Nathan pushed up and crossed to the window that overlooked his east pasture.
He had felt ready to tear the world apart when he realized what Paige had done to him, but his love for her eventually abated his anger. Nathan could just imagine how frightened Paige had been when she discovered that she was pregnant. He shook his head in deep regret that he hadn’t been able to be there for her. Facing her father all alone with that kind of news had to be the hardest thing she had ever done. If only he had gone after her. They could have shared their child together. Pride had cost him more than he had ever imagined. And then to go through cancer. God, how had she managed virtually alone?
What could he do now to convince her to love him? To give a life together another chance. She had already made a life for herself and their son in Memphis. Nathan had serious doubts that Trinity would hold more than fleeting interest for her now.
He swung away from the window. He closed his eyes. Damn. He hurt all over. He loved her so much. She had hurt him, there was no denying that, but he loved her anyway. Loved his son, though he had only been aware of his existence for a short time.
Every night memories of making love with Paige had tormented him. She hadn’t said the words, but he had felt the emotions. Paige loved him. He knew she did. But she didn’t want a life in Trinity. He had seen her in the courtroom…seen her with Calvin. She had a special knack for helping people.
He dropped his gaze to the mountain of paperwork on his desk. Work he no longer felt even remotely interested in doing. Paige felt needed in Memphis in a way that he couldn’t hope to make her feel in Trinity. He had nothing to offer her here, except his love and evidently that wasn’t enough.
Nathan had made an excellent reputation for himself in the world of quarter horses. He could more than provide for his son’s needs. He laughed at himself then, a harsh, hurting sound. What did his son need from him? Jesse had a wealthy, powerful grandfather who could give him everything.
He shook his head in defeat and stalked out of his office. Somehow—no matter the outcome of his relationship with Paige—Nathan intended to know his son. Somehow…
Hell, he had done all the thinking he could do for one day. His brain needed a rest. Nathan paused at the front door to snatch up his Stetson. His hand hovered above the hook on which it always hung and recollection slugged him right in the gut. The image of his beautiful little boy wearing that big, black hat invaded his mind. Nathan slowly lowered his hand and fought back the overwhelming need to cry for the loss of something he had never had.
A knock on the door jerked him back to the present. He composed himself and pulled the door open to find Paige standing before him. She held Jesse’s hand—and damn it—the kid was wearing that hat. A smile tugged at the corners of Nathan’s mouth. His gaze moved back up to connect with hers.
“Hi.”
“Hi,” he managed despite the tightness in his throat.
“I’d like to give you a proper introduction to someone very important,” she said with a harsh intake of breath, almost a sob. One solitary tear slid down her soft cheek.
Nathan yearned to touch her, to comfort her, but he had to hear her out first. This was too important to screw up. He nodded, fighting his own tears.
Paige bent and scooped Jesse into her arms. The hat tumbled to the floor amid Jesse’s loud protests. Nathan quickly retrieved the Stetson and handed it back to the boy. His gaze riveted to the animated child that looked so very much like him.
“Nathan, I’d like you to meet Jesse.” Her voice cracked. “And Jesse, this is Nathan.”
The child grinned widely. “Mommy says you’re my daddy.”
Nathan’s gaze shot to Paige who nodded an acknowledgment. He cleared his throat and smiled at Jesse. “That’s right.”
“Can I ride a horse?” Jesse asked, looking from Nathan to Paige and then back to Nathan.
“Sure, I’ll take you for a ride anytime you’d like,” Nathan offered.
“Be careful what you say, Nathan.” Paige inclined her blond head toward her son. “This kid never forgets anything. Promises like that come back to haunt you.”
Nathan smiled. He would promise the boy anything.
“Is it okay if we come in?”
“Sure, I’m sorry.” Nathan backed up and Paige stepped inside with Jesse still in her arms.
“I’m thirsty,” Jesse piped up.
“What would you like?” Nathan asked, eager to do whatever he could for his son.
“What you got?” Jesse fired back, cocking his little head.
Paige laughed at the startled expression Nathan knew had stolen across his face. “You’ll learn to narrow down the choices,” she warned.
“Why don’t we do into the kitchen and see what’s in the fridge?”
Jesse nodded enthusiastically. Paige shifted toward Nathan, offering him the boy. “Take him,” she added.
Nathan hesitated, suddenly afraid. But when he held out his arms, Jesse all but flew into them. The boy’s arms went up around Nathan’s neck, his little body rested against his chest. Nathan’s heart pounded at the feel of his child in his arms. He smiled gratefully at Paige.
“Where’s your kitchen?” Jesse prompted.
“This way,” Nathan told him as they headed in that direction.
“Is that a real gun?” Jesse asked when he spotted the one hanging above the mantel.
“Yeah, it’s re
al. It’s an antique. A musket,” Nathan told him. “maybe later I’ll let you look at it.”
“All right!” Jesse squealed.
~*~
Paige watched the two people she loved most in the world leave the room. She had spent the last four years secretly praying for this moment. It made her heart glad to see Jesse in Nathan’s arms. She had done the right thing in coming here, though she had been scared to death of what might await her. She felt sure Nathan would be bitter and resentful. That he would only be interested in seeing her across a courtroom in the inevitable battle for custody of Jesse. But whatever awaited her, she knew she had to come and face it. She wouldn’t make the same mistake twice. She had no intention of losing Nathan again if there was any chance he still wanted her. Fat chance, she thought ruefully. But she would never forgive herself if she didn’t at least try.
Paige walked to the kitchen door to check on Jesse. He sat at Nathan’s table with a cola, the big hat still hanging loosely on his little head. Nathan’s eyes never left him. The mixture of emotions Paige saw on his face as he watched his son sent a wonderful feeling surging through her.
Nathan caught her gaze and smiled.
“Jesse, if you’ll be okay for a minute, Nathan and I need to talk,” Paige told them.
“Can I ride a horse now?” His eyes shined with hope.
“We’ll have to do that a little later, okay?”
“Okay, Mommy.”
“There will be plenty of time for us to take a ride later. Promise.” Nathan stood and tapped the brim of Jesse’s hat. “I’ll be back in a minute, partner.”
Paige led the way back into the living room, tension coiling inside her. Now came the hard part. She sat down on the couch and Nathan dropped in a chair directly across from her.
“Before you say anything,” Nathan began, delaying the speech she had opened her mouth to start, “I just want to thank you for bringing Jesse here and for telling him that I’m his father.”