Leigh Ann Lunsford, where do I even start? I can’t remember which one of reached out first, but I am so glad it happened. Your ability to tell a story is incredible and I appreciate your recommendations. I especially loved our Saturday night research call on Pleasure Parties. That was fantastic.
My Beauty Beta’s, your opinions were priceless and I took every one of your recommendations to heart. Amber, Amy, Andrea, Evette, Kathy, Kristen, Nikki, Vi, Vanna- I still think I have the best team in the world. I hope I can continue to provide you with quality reading and get your input.
Anna Gorman Coy, to call you just an editor would be an injustice. Your knowledge of the English language is amazing. Thank you for teaching me the difference between masculine and feminine terms (fiancée vs. fiancé) and how to truly use traditional grammar rules. You also have the patience of a saint.
Evette Ashby, Beta, proofreader, and friend extraordinaire. I appreciate all the time you dedicated to helping me more that you will ever know. Your attention to detail is amazing and unmatched. I am lucky to have you on my side.
Sabrina, Paris is ours! THANK YOU for the journey without leaving the states. Your research and ideas developed my knowledge of the area from my home office. You helped me more than you can know.
Ted Scanon, I can’t even form words. Thank you for listening to me about the level of intimacy I needed in my couple and making it happen.
Melissa McGill, I am a hard person to please and you probably questioned me as a client/friend. Thank you for your amazing design skills.
To all of the blogs that gave me a chance, there are no words to tell you how appreciative I feel. Your messages and words of support moved me. I’ve never felt so accepted by a community than when you embraced me.
This book would not be possible without the unwavering support of my husband and family. Dan, thank you for reassuring and encouraging me to continue with this dream. Without your patience and understanding, I would not have been able to do this. I love you and AJ more than you’ll ever know.
Finally, to my readers, I wouldn’t be here without you.
THANK YOU!
Meet the Author
Ahren spent her formative years living in an active volcano. There her family made collectible lava art. She studied rock collecting at the Sorbonne in France. There she met the love of her life-her pet pig Sybil. She returned to the states and started writing. She is happily married to a guy who used to live under a bridge and she met while pole-dancing. They have one amazing daughter.
Now, meet the real me. I’m a wife, mother, and full-time Human Resource Specialist. Living on the Florida coast, my family spends a lot time at the beach which is my favorite place to get lost in books. I started writing my Surrender Series, in the spring of 2013 and have received incredible support from the Indie community.
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Sneak peek at NOT ENOUGH By Leigh Ann Lunsford
Prologue
June 3rd, 2013
Brielle
I. Am. Not. Scared. Why did Addison have to say that, “She understands if I am scared?” When am I ever scared? Truth is, this dream was not it for me anymore. Ever since I could remember, I wanted to be a cheerleader at the University of Tennessee ... and I made it. That was before; it was before my sister Addison and I took over care of our siblings, Cambree and Dustin. My grandparents raised us because our cray-cray parents care more about appearances and climbing the social ladder. They took us in to raise us because of the “incident” when I was twelve, which was almost eight years ago.
I continue throwing my clothes in my suitcase, because whether Addison likes it or not I am heading home. I may have stretched the truth a bit when I told Addison my ankle was still giving me problems, because it wasn’t at all. I love cheering, and I will continue at the gym we co-own at home in Crossville, TN. She thinks I am scared of cheering since the fall that broke my ankle, but what I am afraid of is missing out on my sibling’s lives. Screw her.
The shit fit she threw when she found out that I actually graduated last night without telling the family ... oh, my gosh! Had I told her, she would have lectured, tried a guilt trip, or whatever she could do to tell me I should defer graduation for another year and do my two years I promised her at UT. I feel guilty I took that away from her, but we are different, yet the same. There are three and a half years between us, but we are best friends. I will be twenty in four months, and she just turned twenty-three. Her dream was to go to the University of Florida (who am I to judge), and she did, and graduated with honors in Business Management and Marketing. She rocks it, too. She finished up the summer before last, and then made me promise that I would complete at least two years at Tennessee. I already had enough credits to transfer in as junior, but I took extra classes over the summer and this last year to be able to graduate early. Again, screw her.
I am going home, and she can’t stop me. She is not my mother (thank God), and the only parents we had died two years ago.
I throw the last of my luggage in my car, make sure I have my iPod on the playlist I want, and head home to the farm. Well, it is not a farm anymore, but still it is home.
Chapter 1
Brielle
I pull in the driveway with my music blaring. It happens to be on Blake Shelton at the moment. I cannot wait to see my sisters and brother and to switch this damn BMW out for my Tahoe. Addy insisted I bring the BMW to school because it is only a two-seater and, therefore, not everyone could grab a ride with me. She thinks I am easily distracted when I drive. There were a few fender benders, but she doesn’t actually realize I was playing bumper cars because people just piss me off when I drive. The loud throttle of the quads going around the property draws my attention. Some idiot is out there with my brother; I can tell it is one of Tyler’s (Addison’s boyfriend) friends because he is way too old to be one of Dustin’s friends.
I grab my suitcases and head inside, and I feel like I can breathe again. I have missed this. Cambree, who is thirteen, is lying on the couch on Facebook ... what else would she be doing? All three of us girls are media site whores ... can’t help it; there is some funny shit on Facebook. She looks surprised to see me, so I am guessing Addison didn’t tell her I AM HOME! She launches herself in my arms. I am so happy to see her. Only six years separate us, but she is Addison and my sister, no doubt. She is the perfect mix of both of us; she has Addison’s heart and my attitude. And, damn, she is fiercely loyal to our brother, Dustin. You do not mess with our brother, Trust me, Hell has no fury like the Parker sisters scorned.
Cambree yells (her normal volume), “OMG, Brielle, what are you doing home?”
I explain as best as I can, “I finished credits early and graduated last night and was ready to come home.”
She gives me her beautiful smile (complete with blue rubber bands on her braces), and says, “Hell to the yeah. You can help at the gym this summer because the coach Addison hired SUCKS BALLS ...” I am about to reprimand her for language, but Addison screams down the stairs about it before I can. “Holy Hell Cambree, stop with the mouth, you are thirteen years old!” I just wink at her.
Addison and Cambree are so close, whereas I am closer with Dustin. Don’t get me wrong, we are all thick as thieves and would do anything to protect each other, but when Cambree was born, Addison was almost eleven, and I was about to turn seven. We still lived with our parents at the time but were raised by our nanny and housekeeper, Amelia. So Addison became the mom Cambree didn’t have, and then when Dustin was born the next year, and Addison was busy; he became mine.
“I am going to go unpack and freshen up. Get your heathen brother in here, and tell him to get ready for his appointment; we are leaving in an hour,” I tell Cambree. My response is an eye roll, of course.<
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As I head up the stairs, I am starting to dread this confrontation with Addison. We don’t really fight; I mean we use foul language at each other (usually me) and argue, but within five minutes we are over it. I know she wants the best for me and wants me to follow my dreams. What she doesn’t understand is that almost eight years ago my dreams changed, or rather, were shattered, and the reason she doesn’t know this is that I have never told her. I told one person, my best friend, Cooper Reed, after I told my parents. They ignored it or didn’t believe it. It would have interfered with their plans for their future. Cooper then told my grandfather, and the rest is history. We all came and lived with them in Tennessee under the pretense that my parents traveled too much. The truth is that they are dirt bags, but I will not be the one to ruin my siblings’ relationships with them. That is the one argument Addison and I have over and over. She doesn’t understand why I hate them, and I can’t tell her. Might as well go ahead and get this welcome home chat over with.
“Hey, Addison,” I say as I walk into her room.
“Hey, Brielle,” she says as she turns away from me.
“Addy, I don’t want to fight, this is what I want, I graduated, I cheered at my dream college, and now I am home, please understand this is what I need”
Need is not an exaggeration. I am safe here on my grandparent’s land with their old farmhouse right out my window. I can see the old barn my grandfather transformed into a dance studio for Addison and a gymnastics studio for Cambree and me. I don’t have nightmares here as much, and I can breathe. I have to make her understand this. We moved from the farmhouse last year because we just couldn’t stand being in that house every day without them. It seemed all of us were waiting for them to come around the corner. Amelia still lives there, but Addison built her dream house on her acreage, and we all live here for now. Since there are over two hundred acres, Addy and I decided we would all have our own ten acres to build on whenever we wanted. But right now, she is stuck with all of us, although she doesn’t seem to mind.
“Brielle, I know something has been wrong for the last year, maybe I was wrong to push you, but I want you to follow your dreams and your heart. I love you.”
“I know Addy, I know,” I sigh. Maybe, just maybe she will let this be for now. “I have to get ready to take Dustin to his appointment,” I tell her as I turn to leave. She smiles and hugs me “I love you, Brielle, and no matter what I am here.”
I return her smile and tell her, “Ditto.” I haven’t said “I love you” since my grandparents passed away within three days of each other. It isn’t that I don’t love them with all that I am, but saying it will make it hurt much worse when they realize I am not enough. I never am.
Chapter 2
Brielle
Dustin comes barreling into my room and grabs me in a bear hug, the kind of hug that I have missed.
“Hey D, I missed you so much,” I tell him as tears clog my eyes. He got so big in the last year. It isn’t like I didn’t come home monthly, but with classes and cheering it was hard. I made it to his medical appointments, though. This journey we started almost two years ago is coming to the end. He was diagnosed at four years old with a severe peanut allergy and asthma. It was the year we moved in with my grandparents. To some, an allergy is no big deal, but when my brother was in the hospital hooked up to life support at age four from one bite of a peanut butter sandwich, you better believe it was a big deal. Dustin’s allergy was so severe he would have contact reactions, meaning if somebody had come in contact with peanuts, and touched him, or had eaten it and kissed him, or transferred it on to something at the store; he would react. Not knowing when a fatal reaction would happen made me live in fear for almost six years. I researched and researched and finally found a therapy called Oral Immunotherapy or OIT, which has around an 85% success rate. It consists of giving the patient the allergen in small increments at each visit, then after two years, he will do a “peanut challenge,” which will consist of him eating twenty-four peanuts. If he has no reaction, then he will be “cured,” for lack of a better term. He will have to eat peanuts daily to keep his tolerance up, but this shit is serious. We have almost lost him twice, and I am like a psycho lion protecting her cub. While Cambree is following in both Addison and my footsteps by cheering and dancing, Dustin plays soccer. He dominates that field at age twelve.
Dustin questions me, “Cambree says you are home for good B, is it true?”
“It sure is super star,” I laugh. His grin tells me all I need to know; that this was the right choice, just not for me, but for all of us.
I look down at him and lose my breath for a minute. He is turning into a young man before my eyes. His dirty blond hair and aquamarine eyes with his tanned skin are going to make him a heart-breaker in the next few years. What the hell has Addison been feeding him? He is filling out. All of us siblings are similar, yet so different. We all have the high cheekbones of our mother (I think I just puked in my mouth a bit), whereas Addison and Dustin have olive complexions which give them a gorgeous tan color year round. Addison has dark chestnut hair that is straight as a board, thick, and hangs down to her shoulders. That hair, paired with her gray smoky eyes; she is a knockout. She is so tiny at 5’2” and about 90 pounds soaking wet, but with curves in all the right places. Dustin has dirty blond hair with aquamarine eyes, and he is on the tall side for his age. He used to be scrawny, but that is changing, and I am taken aback by that. Cambree is beautiful with brown hair, not light or dark, with natural red highlights in it. She is all legs making her very tall for her age, but her piercing green eyes with her features make boys fall in love, and me buy extra ammunition for our guns. She knows she is beautiful, but isn’t a bitch about it. I, on the other hand, have light blond hair. It is naturally curly, thick and hangs down past my middle back with crystal blue eyes. My complexion tans, not like Addy or D, but at least I am not pale. I am 5’7”, what I consider just average. Not fat, or too skinny, but I am lean from years of cheering. I don’t stand out like my siblings, which is one thing I am thankful for. The less attention I get the better.
Dustin and I head out to his appointment. I can’t wait to get in my Tahoe and blare my music with him just like we used to do all the time. Our taste in music is different, but he knows I win, just because I always do.
I grab my keys and baseball cap on the way out, throw my hair under it, and we hop out to the truck. Dustin asks if we can go by the sports store on the way home and I don’t know why he even bothers to ask; it is a tradition that kid has more soccer balls than I have sense.
The appointment went great, and we have one more month and we will be done. Not that it won’t be terrifying and heart stopping to go in for this challenge, but compared to where we were two years ago, it is a major hurdle. I pull into Academy Sports; we hop out to go get our shopping on.
We emerge forty minutes later with three shopping bags, and God knows what is in them, but whatever, you only live once. We don’t have to worry about money; my parents are well-off. My father was a high-end attorney in Florida where we lived until we moved with my grandparents, and now he is on the political scene in the Senate. I just can’t bring myself to give a rat’s ass. My mother was an OB-GYN before she left the practice. She had Dustin and decided to go off with my father so they could live their lives. We get an allowance from them, but we don’t touch it. Addison puts hers in a money market account; Dustin’s and Cambree’s goes into their account for college; and I split mine between the two of them. My grandparents had more money than they could spend. My grandfather was in the Navy, a pilot, and when he retired he worked for the city as an aerial photographer and then opened his own business. He was a very smart businessman and investor. They bought a little over two hundred acres in Tennessee and retired there. Addison and I inherited all that, with a trust for Dustin and Cambree. On top of that, my grandparents opened a bar, restaurant, and bakery in town. We also have the gym to run for dance and cheer.
A
ddy markets our businesses, mainly the bakery and restaurant, and we hold functions at the bar, except during the summer. Summer is all about spending time with our friends and partying at the bar. It is our home away from home. Every year we have a big “start of summer” party at the bar. I am not legal to drink, and although I am not a big drinker, I will sip a cocktail or chug a beer. I guess those are the perks of being the owner and living in a small town where everyone knows your family.
I jump in the car, and D follows with a shit-eating grin. I cringe wondering what he is going to ask me. I look at him and say, “Hit me with it, D.” He looks shocked that I can read him so well.
He explains, “Since it is the opening of the summer season and you and Addison will be at the bar tonight, Cambree and I want to have some friends over. Amelia will be there.” I don’t think it is an issue. They are twelve and thirteen, and our housekeeper and nanny Amelia is solid.
I say, “Sure, want to go to store with me and pick up snacks?”
He gives me his sweet smile, while pulling out his phone and says, “Is it okay if you go after you drop me off, so I can get this moneymaker ready?” as he points to his face. What the hell is happening here? I have to get to the bottom of this with Cambree. I just glare at him and head home, but not before turning on my favorite song of the moment. “Boys Round Here” by Blake Shelton, at full blast. I am the one who has a shit-eating grin now when I see Dustin cringe.
We pull out of the parking lot and head home and pass the parts shop where I see Tyler and some guy standing in front of the shop. I wave to Tyler as Blake is still blaring, and I am singing. Dustin is shrinking in the seat; paybacks are a bitch, aren’t they? I turn to see the guy Tyler is talking to; I swear my heart skips a beat. This guy is delicious, and I have never seen him, but I don’t ever want to stop looking. Who in the holy hell is that? I have to play this right. If I ask Addy she will be all giddy and happy thinking I am interested in a guy. I cannot let that happen. He is just eye candy. I don’t do relationships at all.
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