by K. C. Crowne
Grace glanced down at her own. “Sure. And I need to pee. Since it’s pretty nice out, do you want to have a drink on the porch while Mom and Dad get dinner ready?”
“Sounds great.”
My sister hurried off, leaving me alone. As I rose to head over to the dry bar in the living room, the spot where I’d seen Dad make countless after-work cocktails, I took a moment to recover from the mini-interrogation I’d just had. Drinks, in hand, I stepped out onto the porch.
The weather was pleasant – cool and crisp and thick with the freshness of spring. The sun was beginning its early set, a deep orange blanketing the westward Rockies. Kids played in the other yards of the subdivisions, the occasional car coming home from work pulling into one driveway or another.
Cindy. I should’ve known that a conversation about a subject like this would involve her in one way or another. God, I wished the mere mention of my ex wasn’t enough to take me back to the day my life had turned upside down. But it was.
Those sneakers – they’d been the first sign something was off. I’d stepped into my house—our house, the house I’d bought for us and our future kids—early one afternoon to see a pair of gaudy-as-hell white and gold high tops placed neatly by the stairs that led up to the second and third floors.
“Cin?” There’d been apprehension in my voice as it carried through the house. We’d only just moved in and hadn’t furnished the entire place, and the emptiness made my voice carry like I was speaking in a huge warehouse.
No answer. That wasn’t surprising – the house was so big that we lost track of each other at times.
My eyes went back to those ugly high tops as I ascended the stairs. I had no idea what the hell was going on, but I’d had a bad feeling. When I reached the third floor, the double doors to our master bedroom shut.
As I drew closer, I could hear laughter – a man’s and a woman’s. My heart thudded in my chest as I hurried over to the door and reached for the handle and –
“Oh, awesome,” Grace said, her voice snapping me out of my daydream. “The good stuff.”
I shook my head and glanced to the side, seeing her there with the drink in hand.
“Wait a tick,” I said. “How long have you been standing there?”
She smirked. “Long enough to see that million-mile stare you always get when you think about she-who-shall-not-be-named.”
“Come on,” I said, trying to play it cool. “You don’t need to give her the Voldemort treatment.”
“Are you kidding?” she asked, totally shocked at my words. “Ry, she cheated on you.”
I winced. “Alright, easy.”
“I know you’re Mr. Rational like dad sometimes, but you’ve got a right to be hurt and angry.”
“Angry doesn’t do anyone any good. No sense in stewing in negative emotions. I kept my cool while we split up and that’s how I got through it with the minimal amount of drama, remember?”
She raised the index finger of the hand holding her glass. “You might be singing a different tune if you had to go through a divorce.”
“That’s right. I got lucky catching her when I did, and now it’s behind me.”
Grace gave me a skeptical, narrow-eyed glance, as if she were scoping me out to see if I was hiding some deep-down anger. When she didn’t see it, she shook her head.
“A graffiti artist,” she said with a scoff. “I can’t believe she cheated on you with a freaking graffiti artist. Is that even a real job?”
I allowed myself a chuckle. It all still hurt a bit, but it was months in the past now – more than enough time for me to have a sense of humor about it.
“’Graffiti artist’ was what he told people his job was. The real source of his income was the trust fund his lawyer parents set up for him.”
Grace laughed. “You know what? Those two deserve each other. A spoiled brat and her doofus rich-kid boyfriend. You dodged a bullet, Ry.”
“Don’t I know it.”
She clasped her glass with both hands, a thoughtful expression on her face.
I could tell what was coming.
“You’re sure about this?” she asked. “This whole surrogacy thing?”
“Surer than I’ve ever been about anything. But let me guess, you’re not.”
“Listen. You’re my brother and I’m going to stick by your side no matter what. But it’s just…I don’t know. This is a really out-there plan. Not that I don’t think you’d be a kick-ass dad, but more that you’re a busy dude. You’re one of the top OB/GYNs in the state, and you want to add being a single dad on top of that?”
“I wouldn’t want to do it if I didn’t think I was ready. Come on, you have to know I’ve put some thought into this, done all my research.”
“Oh, I don’t have any doubt you’ve done your research. You’ve been doing one kind of research or another since we were kids. It’s more…I don’t know.”
“You don’t think it’s a good idea. And let me guess, you agree with a little of Mom and a little of Dad.”
“You guessed it. Part of me is wondering if this kid is going to miss having a mom, and another part is wondering if you’re going to get some woman in your life who decides at the last second that she wants to be a mom after all.”
“Like I said, that wouldn’t be legally possible. But I’ve measured all the risks and –”
“Thought and thought and thought. I know. Sorry to be such a wet blanket, but I just want to make sure you’re not acting out of hurt or something. Or, even worse, that you’re not giving up on finding love.”
“Not giving up. When have you known me to give up?”
“Good point. You’re as stubborn as Dad.”
I chuckled. “Right. And now, I’m stubborn about being a dad, having a kid of my own to love and raise right. And I’m ready.”
A small smile formed on her lips. “And I know better than to talk you out of something when you’ve got your mind set on it. I guess with your love life, it’ll be a nice filtering thing. A woman meets you and she knows you’re a doctor and you’re a dad and that’s who you are.”
“Exactly. The kid won’t be some hypothetical down the road. He or she will be right there, and we’ll be a package deal.”
She nodded, as if I were selling her more and more on the idea.
“I hope you’re not thinking me poking at your plan like this means I don’t think you’ll be a kick-ass dad.”
“I know. And I’m damn sure you’ll be a kick-ass aunt.”
“I’ll drink to that. I’d better be first on the list when you’re thinking of babysitters.”
We tapped rims and took sips. Moments later, Dad stuck his head out and let us know dinner was on.
The meal was amazing, of course. We chatted more about the surrogacy plan over steak and baked potatoes and sauteed vegetables. By the time mom brought out her blackberry cobbler, I’d managed to answer whatever questions they’d had.
Once back in my car, however, I found my mind lingering on what Grace had said about giving up on love. Truth be told, I hadn’t thought about that angle. Part of me wondered if having a kid through surrogacy was my way of sidestepping my love life, of skipping around something that I hadn’t had much luck with these last few years.
Cindy had been the first woman I’d made room for in my life. Up until then I’d simply been too damn busy to even think about dating. But with her, I’d decided enough was enough – I had given a relationship a fair shot.
And it’d blown up in my face.
I put that out of my head as I drove through the outskirts of Denver back toward my house. About halfway there my phone lit up with a call from Hayden Frost. Hayden and I went way back, the two of us growing up in New Zealand together and then reconnecting at Harvard Med and moving to Denver soon after. After putting in some time at public hospitals, we’d both made our way over to Pitt Medical.
“What’s up, heart doc?” Clouds gathered up ahead. Though the day had started out pleasant enough
, it was starting to look like snow was in the forecast for the evening.
“Not much, baby doc. How was the evening with the folks?”
“Well, I broke the news. So, it went about as well as could be expected.”
“Shit. You told them about the rent-a-womb plan?”
“Not the phrasing I went with, but yeah.”
“And how’d they take it?”
“Not thrilled, to say the least. But I’m sure I can win them over in time.”
“No doubt about it. Anyway, the reason I called was because I wanted to ask if you had a date for Valentine’s this Friday.”
I was confused. “Wait, what? Valentine’s?” My life had been such a blur of work and researching the surrogacy plan that I could hardly remember what month it was.
“Bud, it’s in three days. And I guess that answers my question about whether you have a date or not.”
“No date. And no plans.”
“Perfect. Then you’ve got one now – me.”
I laughed. “You’re not serious, are you?”
“Serious as a heart attack. And in my line of work, I know just how serious those can get.”
“You know,” I said through a grin. “That joke gets funnier and funnier every time you tell it.”
“Hey, when you find winners, you stick with them. Anyway, come on. We’re both painfully single and could use an excuse to get out of our respective houses.”
“Dinner on Valentine’s Day. You know, that’s a good way for people to get the wrong impression about our relationship.”
He laughed. “You should be so lucky for people to think you landed a catch like me.”
That got another chuckle out of me. “Aren’t restaurants packed as hell? Unless you wanted to grab a Big Mac or something.”
“Nope, even better. There’s this new BBQ joint in Five Points called Washburn’s – supposed to be the best BBQ in the city. I got reservations for the two of us. Turns out not many Valentine’s dates are all that hot on eating with their hands in front of people they’re trying get into bed.”
“Makes sense. Alright, let’s do it. A hot BBQ date with the studly Dr. Frost.”
“Man, when you put it that way I kind of wish I could take myself out. Anyway, what do you have going on tonight?”
“Checking on the horses, a glass of whiskey, and early bed. Got to be in for first shift at the clinic tomorrow.”
“Ouch. Well, I’ll let you get to it. See you on Friday – and you’d better show up hungry.”
“I will.”
The call ended right at the time I pulled onto the road that led to my property. A short drive later and I was pulling in front of my place, a three-story ranch-style home I’d commissioned myself. I’d built the house with the intention of filling it with family, and while those plans hadn’t come through, I loved it all the same.
The house was tucked into a nook right near the base of the mountains, the forty-acre plot of land shrouded with aspen trees. There was a small pond nearby, and plenty of space for horseback riding. I parked my BMW X7 and killed the engine, hopping out of the car and making my way to the front doors.
While I loved the house, that didn’t mean the place couldn’t feel lonely as hell at times. So much space, and all for just me. It almost seemed criminal. But with any luck, I’d have the makings of a family before too long.
But at that moment, I didn’t want to be in the house. The place was still mostly unfurnished – I hadn’t had the time or the inclination to deck out any room other than the living room, the master bedroom, and the den.
I wanted some fresh air. Without even taking off my coat, I left the house and made my way to the barn. Snow had begun to fall, the last traces of the unseasonable warmth replaced by a chilly wind. Once at the barn, I threw the door open and stepped inside, the scent in the air rustic and earthy.
“Bruce, Wayne – how are we doing tonight, boys?”
My two horses, named after the alter ego of a certain caped crusader, snorted in greeting. I grabbed a pair of apples from the bag hanging near the door and made my way over to the boys. Bruce and Wayne were a pair of gorgeous Colorado Ranger horses I’d purchased a few months back – Bruce jet black and Wayne a striking burnt orange.
I held out an apple for Bruce, the horse not wasting a second taking the thing out of my hand and greedily chomping it. Wayne was next. As the horses ate, I found myself thinking once more about Grace’s words. And then there was Rachel, my other sister who was in the middle of raising two kids of her own. She lived in California, sure, but there was no doubt in my mind she’d help with advice.
I felt ready to do this. I wanted to be a dad more than anything.
Though I was determined, I couldn’t shake the idea that there was still someone out there waiting for me.
But I couldn’t afford to wait any longer to find her – if she even existed.
Chapter 2
CARLY
“Yo, Adam! Get your scrawny ass out of bed!”
I grinned as I stared in my bedroom mirror, my hands busy putting my auburn hair up in a quick ponytail.
Adam, my ten-years-younger brother, poked his head into the bedroom. He was trim and handsome, his hair a neat crew cut. His face, however, wasn’t long like mine anymore. Over the course of the last few years, I’d watched him turn from a gangly, awkward adolescent into a tall, well-proportioned young man. Seeing him standing there looking like a damn grown-up was crazy. Hard to believe it’d already been six years since we’d lost Mom and Dad and I became his legal guardian.
“Come on,” he said with a smirk. “You should know by now that I’m the one getting you out of bed half the time.” His dark green eyes, our late father’s eyes, flashed with a maturity that I was still getting used to seeing in my little brother.
And he wasn’t wrong. Far from being the mischievous brat I’d been back in high school the kid was responsible. The only reason he wasn’t already out the door was because it was a Tuesday, one of his usual days off from the gym.
“Just keeping you on your toes,” I said, turning my attention back to the mirror. My expression fell as soon as I remembered what was going on with the day ahead.
I saw Adam cock his head to the side out of the corner of my eye, and right away I knew I was busted. Thing about Adam was that he wasn’t just athletic, having put his powerful frame and six-foot-four-inch height to work on the basketball court, he was smart as a whip.
The kid had big things ahead of him. But at that moment, I was thinking about how he was so insightful that I couldn’t get a damn thing past him.
“What’s wrong? You’re looking stressed.”
He stepped out from behind the door, ducking his head slightly to not conk his dome against the frame. He had a Yeti mug in each hand – one for me, and one for him.
“Ah, nice,” I said as he placed my mug on the dresser. “I knew there was a reason I kept you around.” I winked as I forced a chipper expression back on my face. “And it’s nothing.”
“It’s not nothing,” he said. “You know one of the ways you can tell someone’s lying?” He didn’t give me a chance to answer. “It’s their eyes. You can fake a smile, but it’s way harder to fake being happy in the eyes.”
“You ever hear the expression ‘a woman has her secrets’?”
“Yeah, but you’re not a woman – you’re my sister.”
“Gee thanks,” I said with a slight chuckle.
“So, what’s wrong?” he asked again.
“Nothing big. Just that it’s evaluation day today, which means the principal is going to be sitting in on my class.”
“What’s wrong with that?” he asked. “It just means you can show her what you can do. I love when the coaches watch me play – gives me a chance to impress the hell out of them.”
“Some of us operate a little less gracefully under pressure. Principal Reynolds can be kind of a ball-buster.”
“You’ll be fine,” he said. “But,
uh, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”
“What’s up?”
He gave me a worried look before leaving the room, returning moments later with his basketball shoes in his hands. And the kicks weren’t looking so hot.
My gut sank as I put together what he was going to say.
“I need some new basketball shoes.”
No way to get around it. “Dude, I don’t know if we have that in the budget right now. I’m still hurting like hell after spending three hundred on Daisy’s surgery.”
As if on command, Daisy, my two-year-old yellow lab, bounded into the room. She let out a bark as she sat down at my side, indicating that it was time for a walk.
“Didn’t we just buy you some new shoes at the beginning of the year?”
“I can’t play on these things. The arch support is totally shot and they’re starting to hurt my feet. Besides, two pairs of shoes a year is nothing. LeBron puts on a new pair every single game.”
“Well, when you’re worth as much as LeBron you can buy as many new pairs of shoes as you want.” I sighed, closing my eyes and doing the mental calculations. “Those are what, a hundred for a new pair?”
“Ninety-four, ninety-nine. And that is a lot, but there’s a sale at the Nike store right now for twenty percent off.”
I sighed again, absent-mindedly petting Daisy’s head as I prepared for the damage to my bank account.
“How about this – take Daisy out for a walk so I can think about it a little more.”
“Done. Come ‘ere, D.”
Daisy happily hurried over to Adam and they were off. Once I heard the door open and close, I tried to work out the budget for the upcoming pay period. The middle of the month was when I got hit with all the large bills like car insurance and the mortgage.
But there was room in the budget for Adam’s shoes. After that, I could hold on until the next paycheck in four days. Things would get tight again, but at least I’d have a little breathing room.
The front door opened and closed again, Daisy running into the bedroom followed by Adam.