by K. C. Crowne
I had to wonder what she was thinking, however. There she was, a teacher doing her best to make ends meet, having brunch in the enormous and empty home of a doctor. It made me hope that she’d accept my offer. I was sure she could use the cash.
“So,” I said, pouring us both a couple of mimosas. “I keep thinking about how amazing it is that you’ve raised your little brother while doing everything you need to do for your own life and career. That’s got to be a challenge.”
She flicked up her eyebrows, as if “challenge” didn’t even begin to describe it. “It has its ups and downs. I mean, don’t get me wrong – it’s ninety-five percent amazing, especially since Adam’s such an awesome kid. But between that and work, it’s hard.”
“I’ve no doubt you kick ass at it,” I said, meaning it wholeheartedly.
Carly smiled slightly. “Nice of you to say. But I have my doubts at times, you know?”
“Part and parcel of doing anything important,” I said. “That’s what it’s like to have major responsibilities – you’re always keeping yourself in check, making sure you’re doing it right. And believe me, it’s a good thing.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I’ve met a few lousy doctors in my day, and the one thing they have in common is that they have this overinflated sense of confidence that isn’t tied down to reality. They blunder around, making messes because they don’t have the presence of mind to reflect. If you’re doing a great job and reflecting, that says a lot about you.”
She chuckled. “Thanks. And sorry – I didn’t plan on coming here to get a pep talk. It’s just that with, well, the reason we’re meeting, it’s gotten me thinking about how much more I can handle.”
Carly cut her eggs benedict in half with her fork, creamy hollandaise sauce spreading out over her plate. She carved off a piece and brought it to her mouth, her eyes lighting up.
“Holy shit, this is really good!”
“Yeah? Haven’t made it in a bit. Glad you like it.”
She shook her head, as if in disbelief. “You’re a doctor and a cook. Almost too good to be true.”
“The trick to being a good cook is to master a few recipes and let those be the only ones you make for other people.”
Carly laughed. I was really starting to love the sound.
“I seriously doubt you’re clueless when it comes to other meals. I mean, I’d like to meet the cook who can make eggs benedict like this but not know a damn thing about other meals.”
“Maybe that means I’ll have to make something else for you,” I said. “Let you judge firsthand.”
This got a smile. But that smile only lasted for a moment before turning into an expression of concern.
As fun as it was to pretend we were having just a regular old date, we both knew there was more to what was going on than that. We had major matters to discuss, and there was no sense in putting it off any further.
But right as I opened my mouth to speak, Carly beat me to it.
“Alright,” she said. “Might as well cut to the chase, right? We’re about to forever change the course of our lives, so no sense in small talk.” As she spoke, she pulled her big purse onto the table and reached inside, removing a manila folder full of papers, tiny pink and blue sticky notes hanging out of the sides.
“Someone did their homework.”
Another wry grin came in response. “What can I say? I’m a teacher through and through.” She opened the folder, revealing pages of notes, along with printouts from what looked to be information from the surrogacy clinic I’d chosen. I craned my neck to get a better glimpse and, sure enough, the logo was there.
“So,” she went on, her eyes on the top sheet. “I did my research, looked into the clinic and their history – place is Guiding Generations, right?”
“That’s the one. How’d you figure?”
She flicked those gorgeous eyes up to me, a small smile tugging on the corner of her extremely kissable lips.
“Because they’re the most expensive and the highest rated in the state. I figured an OB/GYN would have the inside track on which clinic was worth his time and money.”
“Good call.”
“Anyway,” she said, the serious expression returning to her face. “I did some research of my own on the place, and they’ve got plenty of testimonials from happy clients who are now happy parents.”
I was paying attention to what she was saying, but I couldn’t help but notice how damn sexy she looked all serious like that. In fact, it was impossible to ignore my body’s innate response to her.
“Something wrong?” she asked, flicking her eyes up to me again.
No sense in lying about it. “Sorry. Just that the way you’re reading that paper – you’ve got this sexy-teacher thing going on.”
Red tinged her cheeks. I could tell right away it wasn’t what she’d expected me to say. She glanced back down, her hand going to her throat for a moment as she went on.
“Their rates are up there, but I assume that’s something you’ll be taking care of.”
“Of course. Anything that has to do with money is my concern. That means whatever you need during the pregnancy – or anything that you want in order to make it all go more smoothly. Hell, if you want to take a vacation during the process or take time off work, I wouldn’t mind a bit.”
“I appreciate that. But what I really want to know is what kind of role you’ll have in my life during the pregnancy, and what you’ll be expecting of me after.”
There was a no-bullshit tone to her voice as she spoke, and I knew this meant it wasn’t a good time to make any more jokes about how hot she was. I sipped my mimosa and thought the question over.
“Well, for the first part, I’m expecting to be around for the important parts like check-ups with the doctor and all that. And I’d like to be there for you in whatever way I can.”
“So, you’re going to be in contact with me.”
“Yeah, that’s what I’d had in mind. I’d love to know when he or she starts kicking, what the sex is – that sort of thing.”
Carly nodded, as if processing. Then she slipped a pen from her purse, opened a blank page in her folder, and began taking notes.
“And what about after?” she asked. “What then?”
Intensity braced her voice, and I could sense that she was very interested in my answer.
“As far as I know, and going by what the agency told me, once the baby’s out, that’s the end of your part. I take custody, you take payment, and we go our separate ways.”
She pursed her lips and glanced away, a heaviness to her expression.
“This is just how it’s done,” I said. “I know it’s a little strange that the mother wouldn’t have a role in the baby’s life, but that’s surrogacy. You sign over all rights, and that’s the end of it as far as you’re concerned.”
“Right.”
Only the single word came out of her mouth. She set down the pen and looked away. Outside, flurries of snow had begun to fall gently onto the vast expanse of my property.
Without thinking, I took her hands into mine, pulling her gaze back to me.
“I know this is all very strange, and likely not how you expected to become a mother. But I want you to know that there’s no pressure. Take your time and think about it. If you decide that this isn’t what you want, then you can say no and that’s that.”
She nodded. But as I held her hands, it was impossible to think about anything but how good her skin felt against mine.
Chapter 10
CARLY
I glanced down at his hands on mine, not sure what to do.
I knew what I wanted – for him to leave them there. I wanted to savor his warmth, the roughness of his skin against mine. He was a doctor, but his hands were big and strong, and as they stayed on mine all I could think about was what they’d feel like touching more and more of my body, what they’d feel like between my legs.
Right in the middle of those sorts of though
ts, I realized just how damn inappropriate they were. We were discussing a baby and all I could think about was sex?
Then again, sex was how babies were made…
I slipped my hands away from his and placed them back on my lap. As soon as I’d taken my hands away, I craved his touch once more.
Business. This is business, so you’d better start treating it like such.
My thoughts were enough to focus me, to get my head back in the game.
“I’m serious,” he said, total sincerity in his eyes and voice. “If you say no, that’s totally fine with me. You won’t even have to worry about bad feelings. This is a huge deal, and I’d completely get it if you didn’t want to take part.”
“You’d be totally fine with it?”
His eyes flashed, as if he’d realized something in that moment. “Well, I’d be disappointed. This agency’s been looking for a surrogate but none of them have called out to me in the way that you have. You’re brilliant and kind and beautiful – perfect for me.” His eyes flashed one more time, this time with a tinge of panic, like he’d said something he shouldn’t have. “Well, by that I mean, of course, that you’re what I’m looking for in a surrogate.”
In spite of the seriousness of the situation, it felt really good to hear him talk about me that way. So good, in fact, that between his words and his touch, I was way more turned on than was appropriate.
I cleared my throat, trying to get back into business mode.
“Alright, thanks.” I glanced at the papers. “I looked into the salaries that’re common for surrogates. Not that I didn’t trust you, but, well, you know.”
“I get it. But there’s something I decided about the salary you should know.”
“What’s that?” I asked. “The amount you’re offering is pretty well in line with what surrogates tend to be paid.”
“That’s just it – I don’t want to be just in line with the average. I want the best, and I’m willing to pay for the best. To that end…” He gestured to my pen, and I nodded for him to take it. “I want to adjust the amount a bit.” He scrawled down a number on my piece of paper and turned it back to me. “How’s that?”
I glanced down and read what he’d written.
Holy shit.
Ryan had changed the number alright. He’d made it nice and round and added a zero on the end.
“You’re kidding,” I said. “That’s a lot.”
He shrugged, and I could sense that the amount, high as it was, didn’t mean that much to him.
But it meant the world to me. The amount he’d offered before had been a lot, for sure. But this amount…it would be enough to pay fully for Adam’s college, put me in a new car, pay off my credit card debt, and set aside a huge chunk of change for savings. I could even start a down payment on a home.
It was so much money that I would’ve had to have been totally stupid to not take it. Part of me wanted to accept right then and there.
“Mind if I use the bathroom?” I asked.
“For sure. Head through the living room, there’s a hallway and it’s the first door on the right.”
“Thanks.” I threw back the rest of my mimosa and sprang from my seat, hurrying in the direction he’d indicated.
I left the kitchen as quickly as I could without looking like I was fleeing the scene. The living room was hardly a small, cozy den. It was a massive space, the balconies of the two floors above looking down on it. And I noticed something else, other than the size – the area was mostly empty. There was a couch and a TV and that was it.
I hurried to the bathroom, shut the door, and rushed over to the mirror, my hands on the edge of the counter as I stared at my reflection.
“Holy shit,” I said aloud.
I’d expected to come over and discuss the issue in a calm and informed manner. But I hadn’t expected him to throw a curveball like this. I was almost mad at the guy. Sure, I could sense that his motivation in offering more money wasn’t to be manipulative. But his offer had gone a long way in pushing me into accepting.
Could it really be that bad? I mean, millions of women since people were, well, people, had gotten pregnant and carried their children for nine months. Would it really be so hard for me to do the same?
I’d get sick, sure. And there’d be plenty of fatigue. I’d have to get new clothes, but I was sure Ryan would help me with that. There’d be questions, too. Luckily, teachers tended to be the more open-minded sort of people, which meant they wouldn’t take any issue to the very unconventional sort of pregnancy I was having.
But there was still the idea of what it would be like to grow a little human, a little person inside of me only to give it away when the whole process was done. Imagining that was enough to give me pause, to get my mind back on track so that I didn’t just rush out there and scream “I’ll do it!”
I kept thinking about Adam, about how being able to go to college without worrying about money would be exactly what he needed to get his adult life started on the right track. When we’d lost Mom and Dad and it dawned on me that I was the adult, I had nightmares about the deaths of our parents causing the start of a long, slow slide into poverty.
But it didn’t have to be that way. If I were to do this with Ryan, Adam would have everything he needed. He could graduate debt-free and become the success I knew he was destined to be. That was what being a parent was all about, right? Making sacrifices, putting other people’s needs above your own.
And on top of it, I’d be bringing a new life into the world. Sure, it wouldn’t be mine to raise, but the more I got to know Ryan, the more confident I was that he’d be an awesome dad.
Sure, this was a big decision for me. But it was also a big decision for Ryan. He deserved having an answer before too long, and it would be majorly rude to keep him waiting in the wings while I flitted from one decision to another.
When I was ready, I washed my hands and left the bathroom. This time I took more notice of his living room. It occurred to me how sad it was that he’d bought this huge place intending to raise a family in here, only for it to sit empty aside from a doctor who likely barely spent any time here at all. It was a big, luxurious home.
But it was lonely, too.
I put all that out of my mind as I returned to the kitchen. Ryan was casually eating his brunch while leafing through my print outs.
“Sorry to go through this, but I just wanted to make sure your information was right.”
“No, it’s fine. Good to have you double check – it’s all amateur investigation stuff.”
He flashed me a charming smile before popping a potato chunk into his mouth and returning his attention to the documents.
I slid into the seat and refilled my mimosa. One was enough for me, but I wanted a little something to sip on while I mulled everything over.
“How does it look?” I asked.
“Perfect. Not sure there’s anything I can tell you about the process that you haven’t figured out already.”
He sat up, an expectant look on his handsome face. “Now, you can take some more time. But if it’s not too much to ask, I’d like to know if, well, you’re leaning one way or another. I’ve already said it, but I want to make sure you know it without a doubt – you’re free to say no and let that be that.”
Ryan had a right to know what he’d asked. And I needed to start coming down one way or another.
I took one more sip, followed by a deep breath, and then I spoke. Ryan kept his eyes on mine, his brows arched in silent excitement.
“I’m leaning toward yes.”
“Seriously?” he asked, nearly coming out of his seat with excitement. But then he composed himself. “What I mean to say is, that’s very nice to hear. Do you mind if I ask how certain you are? Like on a percent scale.”
I gave the matter some thought. “OK, on a percent scale I’d have to say I’m…let’s call it eighty-five percent.”
His eyes flashed with total, unadulterated excitement. He rose fro
m his seat and placed his hands on my shoulders. Just like before, it felt so damn good to have his hands on me.
He nodded slowly, his eyes staying on mine. And for some reason, I felt compelled to stand up along with him. He was trying to keep his excitement in check, but it was so contagious that I couldn’t help but get caught up in it with him.
“Alright. OK. This is perfect. But I have to ask – how can I bring that number up even higher?”
“I want some time to process this, for one.”
“You’ve got it.”
“Not too long, just some time to let it settle. And I also want to go with you to this agency so I can ask them some questions of my own.”
He nodded enthusiastically. “We can do that tomorrow, if you like.”
I took in one more deep breath, feeling more confident about it all.
“Alright. That might bump it up to ninety percent.”
“You know what number I want you to be at, I’m sure.”
“Right. But I need a little more time.”
Ryan’s hands stayed on my shoulders, his eyes on my own and a huge, beaming smile on his face.
“This is fucking awesome!” he shouted. Before I knew what was going on, he placed his hands on my hips and lifted me into the air. I let out a cry of surprise as he spun me around, my own hands clamping down on his broad, round shoulders.
He set me down and when he did, he kept on staring into my eyes. His hands remained on my hips, and mine stayed on his shoulders. Through the soft fabric of his shirt, I could feel the round, solidness of his muscles, my heart beating faster as I became more turned on.
I was in a bad spot. Just like I’d been back at the restaurant, I was totally under his spell, barely able to think about anything other than how much I wanted him. My mouth opened slowly, my lips parting as I wordlessly invited him in for the kiss I’d been wanting since I’d first laid eyes on him.
And this time, he accepted the invitation.
I closed my eyes and felt him move closer, and with each millisecond that passed, all I could think was the same thought over and over – bad idea, bad idea, bad idea.