by Dori Lavelle
I’m still panting as I lift my head and decide to do the only thing that makes me feel better when I’m stuck in a rut. I push the door open and get out of the car to get my running shoes from the trunk. I’m a runner. I’ve been running all my life, and maybe I always will be. Maybe I’ll never reach my destination.
I push my feet into the sneakers and start to run. The few people on the street move out of my way as I slice through the morning air, running as fast as I can on my way to nowhere. I run past shop owners putting up signs in front of their shops, preparing for the morning crowd. Everything is a blur as I breeze by, my feet pounding the pavement over and over again, the sound vibrating through my entire body. I can’t run away from the past, but I can run to find relief. All I care about is feeling better—being free again, even for a moment.
Even as I run, I feel his presence, watching me from a distance.
I run until my lungs are on fire, and my legs beg me to stop. When I get to the point where I can no longer push myself, I push even harder. I keep going until my head starts to swim.
I halt in front of an out-of-business bakery and collapse against the dirty display window. My body refuses to move an inch more until it recovers. I slide down the glass to a sitting position and rest my head on my knees. I stay for a while until my breath returns to normal. Then I get back to my car.
Before I get back behind the wheel, I throw away the bag of vomit. I’m about to drive off when my phone rings.
It’s Lance.
“Hey, sweetheart.” I shut my eyes and hold my breath.
“Morning, babe, why didn’t you stay for breakfast?”
“I’m sorry.” It’s a struggle to keep my voice from shaking. “I had some things I need to do before meeting Grace and Brooke at the bridal store. I didn’t want to wake you.”
“What’s more important than having breakfast with your future husband and kid on a beautiful Saturday morning?”
A smile sneaks up on my face. It’s soon followed by tears springing to my eyes. “I don’t want to bother you with the details. But I’ll see you later. We could have lunch together. Unless you’re busy?”
“Nothing I can’t postpone to make time for you.”
“Great.” Guilt twists my gut. “I’ll see you then.”
As soon as I end the call, my phone rings again. This time it’s Kirk. I have no choice but to talk to him unless I want him to tell everyone the truth. Before I lose my nerve, I answer.
“What do you want from me?”
He chuckles. “Is that how you greet the love of your life?”
“You’re not the love of my life.” My body locks up with rage.
“I’m disappointed to hear that, cupcake. Seeing you again was the only thing that kept me sane behind bars.”
“Kirk, you mean nothing to me. Leave me alone.” The only thing I’m interested in is his disappearance from my life. I want him gone before he causes any damage to the people I love and me.
“I’m not going anywhere without you. You belong to me.”
“I belong to no one.” I wrap a hand around my throat, finding it hard to breathe. “I’ve started a new life, and you’re not a part of it.”
“You think changing your name will change who you really are? You will always be Alana Johnston to me—my little cupcake.”
My gaze darts around me. I’m suddenly afraid that somebody might be listening even though I’m alone. “I don’t know who that person is,” I whisper. “Go to hell.” I hang up before he has a chance to say anything more.
I squeeze my eyes shut. I’m holding on tight to the phone, listening to it ringing over and over again, but I refuse to let him back in.
A pinging sound alerts me that I have a text message. I read it through the mist in my eyes.
How much would you pay for me to go away? K.
I toss the phone onto the passenger’s seat and push the heel of my hand against my sweaty forehead. How dare he blackmail me? I’m tempted to call him back, to give him a piece of my mind, but that would only make matters worse. He holds all the cards.
As I run his words through my mind a few more times, it hits me that he has actually given me a way out. I only have two choices. Either he blows my cover, or I give him money to get the hell out of my life. If I decide not to pay him off, I might end up paying an even higher price.
I do a quick calculation in my head and pick up the phone. I type in the first figure that comes to mind.
Five thousand dollars.
He writes back immediately.
What I know is worth much more than that and you know it.
I only have $10,000 in my savings account, and I’m hesitant to give it all to him, but what’s the price of not doing so?
I take a breath and write back.
That’s all I have. Take it or leave it.
It takes him ten whole minutes to respond. I can barely breathe as I read what he has to say.
Don’t fuck with me, cupcake. $30,000 or you can say goodbye to your tidy little life.
A sudden coldness hits me at the core. Where the hell will I get $30,000? Even though I’m about to marry Lance, a billionaire, I never feel comfortable asking him for money.
I’m chewing my nails, wondering what to do, when an idea hits me. There’s only one way for me to get the money. I take a few deep breaths and respond.
I’ll pay it. Then I want you out of my life.
9
Jia
I wake up feeling sick about what I’m about to do, but I don’t have any other choice. Paying Kirk off is the only way to get him out of my life.
A knot forms in my stomach as I pull myself out of bed and pick up my phone, switching it back on.
I’ve been avoiding not only Kirk’s calls but also Lance’s. It has been a week since I saw Lance last, even though the only thing I can think about is being in his arms, cocooned by the blanket of his love. But being around him brings guilt so intense it steals my breath.
My chest stutters as I draw in a breath before returning his many calls. The last thing I need is for him to get worried and decide to stop by my apartment.
“Babe, what’s going on? Are you trying to avoid my calls or something? You didn’t call me back yesterday, and your phone was off all night again.”
“Of course not. I’m not avoiding your calls.” I close my eyes and prepare myself to dish out more lies to him. “The phone died while I was asleep. I went to bed early.”
“Can you make it to breakfast this morning? Rose won’t stop asking for you.”
I take my time before answering, cooking up a convincing lie in my mind. “I’m sorry. I’m actually having breakfast with Iris. She wants to talk decorations.” My first thought was to tell him I’m working today, but if he happens to talk to Grace, she’ll tell him I have the day off. It’s a good thing I’m the one who normally deals with Iris.
“I don’t get why we’re paying for a wedding planner. It looks like you’re still spending so much time on the wedding planning.”
“Honey, every decision Iris makes has to be approved by us. She can’t just do what she wants, you know. It’s not her wedding.”
“I guess that makes sense.” He pauses. “How about tomorrow? I doubt Iris would want to meet you on a Sunday.”
“No.” I shake my head. “Tomorrow is fine. I miss you and Rose.” After giving Kirk his money, I would hopefully be a lot more relaxed.
“We miss you, too. If you don’t make it to breakfast, we’ll just have to bring breakfast to you.”
I let out a dry chuckle. “It’s a deal. I love you, Lance. Please tell Rose I love her, too.”
After my call with Lance, I pull out my journal and pour my thoughts onto the page. Since I’m unable to share my deep, dark secrets with anyone, I always turn to my trusted journal. I started journaling when I became Jia Summers, seven years ago. I’ve never missed a day of journaling.
Today I need my trusted friend more than ever before. I pu
ll out a pen and start to share my fears.
I’m terrified today might go wrong. What if Kirk takes the money and refuses to go away? What if Lance finds out and leaves me? He’s the only man I’ve ever really loved. I can’t lose him. I want a family, a real family, and I want it with Lance. I hate that I have to lie to him in order to protect what we have. But I have no other choice. I’m not ready to give up a life with him.
I close my journal and call Kirk, bitterness filling my mouth.
“Good girl,” he growls from the other end. “I’m glad you called. Do you have my money?”
“I do. Where should I send it?”
“Send it?” His laughter grates my nerves. “What, you can’t even meet me in person? Do you really hate me that much?”
“I don’t want to see you, Kirk.” I suppress a shudder. The mere sound of his voice makes my skin crawl. “Tell me where to send the money, and I’ll do it.”
“Cupcake, don’t you miss me at all? I’ve so looked forward to seeing you again.”
“Please, let me send you the money; then we can move on with our lives.” Being blackmailed by him is hard enough. Meeting him in person would be torture. I don’t trust him.
“No way. I’d like to see you again before I go. Don’t you think you owe me that much?”
“I don’t owe you a damn thing.”
“Oh, but you do, sweetheart. I’m choosing not to expose you. I’m doing you a huge favor.” He coughs and clears his throat. “I could come over to your place if you like. I happen to know where you live. I paid you a visit once, but you weren’t home.”
“Don’t you dare!” My chest stutters with fear as I remember the beer in my fridge.
“Then meet up with me. I won’t take no for an answer.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose and don’t speak for a while. Kirk has never been one to make empty threats. Things are always done his way. “Fine. Where? Where do you want to meet?”
“I’ll text you the motel name and address. Be there at nine, or I’ll pay you a visit.” His laughter makes me want to throw up.
“Stay away, Kirk.”
“Happy to. Be here on time.”
My mind is racing as I make my way through the morning traffic. According to my navigator, I’ll be at the Room Motel half an hour before nine. Being early makes me feel in control even when I feel nothing but helpless. The closer I come to my destination, the harder it is to breathe. The street on which the motel is located is littered with garbage and framed by run-down buildings on both sides.
My heart clenches as people stare at my expensive car. They think I don’t belong here. What they don’t know is that my life started in a place quite like this. They have no idea that I used to share a room with my mother that had broken windows and a leaking roof. Until I met Kirk, who changed my life for better and for worse.
I slow down when I catch sight of the motel, sweeping its grounds for him. I spot him immediately, standing in the doorway of one of the rooms.
“Keep going,” I whisper to myself. “You can do this.” I’ll give him the money, and then I’ll never have to see him again. Sweat trickles down my spine as I exit the car and cross the parking lot toward him.
His hands are in the pockets of his jeans, his hair ruffled by the soft breeze, his grin sickening. Even before I reach him, I smell his musky cologne mixed with the scent of cheap cigars.
I hold on tighter to the large envelope filled with money I stole from the account Lance had set up for the wedding and honeymoon expenses. I’ll have to focus on getting Kirk out of my life. Then I’ll figure out how to keep Lance from finding out what I’d done.
“Looks like life’s been good to you, my cupcake. You’re even more beautiful than I remember.” Kirk surveys me from head to toe. “When I saw you at that hotel, I couldn’t believe my eyes.” He opens his arms for me to enter into his embrace. There are large patches of sweat on the off-white T-shirt he’s wearing over scuffed jeans.
I ignore him and stand a safe distance away, well out of his reach.
I hold out the envelope. “Here’s your money. I want you gone.”
“You’re not even staying for five minutes to share a drink with me?”
“I’m not here for a visit. I want you out of my life.” Anger thunders through me as my gaze meets his.
“Hmm ...” He places a hand on his heart. “I have to say I’m rather hurt. Come on, cupcake. Come inside for a minute.” He opens the door wider. “If you’re not nice to me, I might just decide to call your billionaire fiancé. I’m sure he’d be interested to know where you are.”
I pull in a breath and enter a room with clothes strewn everywhere. The thick smell of cigar makes me want to throw up. It’s more than his threat that makes me walk in.
Lance is a well-known person. Photos of the two of us have appeared in the papers from time to time. The press will have a field day if someone sees me with Kirk.
“That’s my girl.” Kirk holds out his hand before closing the door. “My money.”
I hand it to him, but instead of the envelope, he grabs my wrist and yanks me toward him. Before I can stop him, his arm is around my waist, and his lips are pressed on mine.
Flames of anger shoot through me, and I push him away so hard, he stumbles back. Before he recovers, I slap his cheek so hard my hand stings. I try to get past him, but he slams the door shut and locks it, pushing the key into his pocket. “How I have missed that fire, pussycat.” He grabs the envelope and pulls out the money to count it.
“Don’t you ever touch me again.” It makes me sick that I can still feel his lips on mine. “Let me out of here.”
Satisfied that all the money is there, he pushes it back into the envelope and folds his arms in front of his chest. “What will you do if I don’t let you out of this room?”
“I’ll call the cops. I’m pretty sure you broke out of prison.” My heart is lodged in my throat now. I shouldn’t have come inside.
A slow grin spreads across his face. “No, you wouldn’t do that. You’re not that stupid.” He walks away from the door and throws himself onto an old, brown corduroy couch. “Actually, I change my mind.” He links his hands behind his head. “Thirty thousand dollars isn’t enough to make me disappear. You’re dating a billionaire, and you drive an expensive car. You’re leading a good life, and I need money to start over. I think another ten grand would help out a lot.”
“I don’t have ten thousand dollars.” My lips draw back in a snarl. “I gave you all the money I had.”
“Find a way to get it. Now, get out of here before I ask for more.” He tosses the key at me, but I don’t catch it in time—too shaken by what he said. I’m trembling as I pick it up from the floor.
Desperate to get as far away from him as possible, I insert the key into the lock and run out, my new life flashing before my eyes.
My mind is spinning as I drive away from the motel. As soon as I’m out on the street, I stop the car and allow myself to cry while questions scramble for space inside my mind. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have thought he’d go away that easily? How in the world would I get the rest of the money? What if he decides he wants more again?
After a good cry, I wipe away the tears and force myself to think straight. Crying won’t help my situation, either. I need to get the money. I have no choice. If he doesn’t leave after I pay him again, I’ll find another solution. I’d be damned if I let him steal my life from me.
I get out my phone and dial Lance’s number.
“How was your meeting with Iris?”
“It went great,” I pause. “But some unplanned expenses showed up. We’ll need more money than we thought.”
“Is that so? How much more?”
I’m quiet for a moment, rubbing my forehead. I hate lying to him. Maybe I should get the money another way. But this is the easiest way. Ten thousand dollars is nothing to Lance.
“Jia, are you still there?”
“T
en thousand dollars,” I say, my voice a squeak.
“Aha … okay. That’s fine. I promised you your dream wedding. I’ll ask Candace to wire the money to the wedding account tonight.”
“Thanks, sweetheart. By the way, I don’t have anything planned for the evening, so I’ll come over to cook dinner for you and Rose. Then I can show you how much I love you.”
“I like that idea. I’m on the verge of forgetting.”
10
Jia
The words blur into one on the screen of my laptop. I’ve been scrolling through the wedding menu Iris emailed me, but I’m struggling to get my mind to focus. She had asked me to discuss the meals with Lance so we can get started with the tasting as there’s not much time left until the wedding.
I’ve put it off time and time again because lately, I’ve been finding it hard to carry out any wedding-related conversation with Lance without being plagued by feelings of guilt.
Mostly, I’m scared he might discover the money missing from the wedding account and become suspicious.
Kirk’s reappearance in my life has completely messed with my emotions. Instead of being excited about my upcoming wedding, I’m filled with dread that it might not happen. Several times I’ve come close to telling Lance everything, to clear my mind, but I chickened out each time. I’m pretty sure he’ll leave me if he finds out what I’ve been keeping from him.
It’s been a week since I gave Kirk the ten thousand dollars. Although I’m relieved that he hasn’t contacted me since, I’m still not completely free. Every time I walk down the street, I still feel as though I’m being watched and every time I’m surrounded by people, I can’t help but search through the sea of faces for his.