by Marilyn Lee
“You fickle little... bitch! Not two hours past you were insisting I do you without a cond–”
“Do me?!”
“Yes, Sharde, do you! I did you... without a condom, at your insistence, and now you think I’m going to allow you to jerk me around? Hell, no! You want to play damned games? You go fuck whoever the hell you like and see if I care!”
She swallowed hard to dislodge a lump of misery threatening to choke her. “Jeff –”
“Fuck off, Sharde!”
He turned and stormed out of the kitchen. When he left, he slammed her apartment door so violently she jumped. The tears stinging her eyes fell unchecked down her cheeks.
Determined not to spend a sleepless crying in her pillow for him, she finished half the bottle of wine. Feeling groggy and miserable, she put her plate and Jefferson’s in the refrigerator and stumbled down the hall to her bedroom.
She undressed and fell face down across the bed. She hugged the pillow close, closed her eyes, whispered Jefferson’s name, and fell asleep.
* * * * *
Jefferson sat in his SUV outside of Sharde’s building, taking slow, deep breaths in an effort to calm the emotions raging in him. What was wrong with him that he kept attracting the wrong type of woman?
He looked up at the building. Sharde was the last woman he’d expected to take fidelity so lightly. How could she be so uninhibited... hell... wanton with him and then casually expect him to share her with another man?
It was unreasonable of her to expect him to be ready for anything serious so soon after Vanessa’s infidelity. Did she think he had no feelings? There was still an ache inside him left by the two women he had unwisely given possession of his heart. Why couldn’t she understand that it would take time before he felt ready to trust his heart to another woman? Didn’t she know that when he was ready, she’d be that woman?
Just because he wasn’t ready or able to entrust his heart to her immediately didn’t mean he would have been anything but faithful to her. He clenched his fists around the steering wheel, bile rising in his gut as he thought of Sharde sleeping with another man. He had thought of little except her since their weekend at the cabin. How could something that meant so much to him mean so little to her?
He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against the steering wheel. He was hurt and furious that she could so easily choose to abandon the physical relationship that he ached for with her.
He sat up, casting a final look up at her building. What would she say if he went back and accepted her offer? He gave an angry shake of his head. He was not going back. Damn if he’d allow another damned faithless woman to jerk his chain. She wanted other men. She could damn well have as many of them as she could handle, but he would not be one of them. And two could play her damn game.
He had not expected to feel this anguish and pain in his gut and heart again. Damn her. He started his SUV. He drove home, undressed, showered, and dressed in casual trousers and a pullover.
After dressing, he called Ben.
“I hope this is important.”
Ben’s voice was low and annoyed. Jefferson frowned. “Did I catch you at a bad time?”
“Yes. What is it?”
“I need to talk.”
Ben didn’t sound very best friend like. “Can’t you talk to Sharde?”
“No, I can’t! She’s the damned problem.”
There was a brief pause before Ben spoke again. “I see. So how long have you been sleeping with her?”
“I’m not sleeping with her!” he snapped, annoyed that Ben seemed to be implying Sharde was easy.
“Good! Then go talk to her because I am in the middle of a date with a very... interesting woman. She’s in the powder room.” He sighed. “If you really need me, I’ll risk blue balls and send her home.”
Just because he would be spending the night alone didn’t mean Ben should as well. “No. Sorry to interrupt. I’ll talk to you la–”
“You’re angry, but otherwise all right?”
He was angry and hurt. He wasn’t sure which emotion was stronger. “I’ll be fine. I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” he said and hung up.
Snatching his vehicle keys, he got back in his SUV and drove along the highway until he spotted a bar in an upscale neighborhood.
He pulled into the parking lot and strolled inside. He stood in the doorway, looking around. His glance settled on a pretty brunette and a slender blonde, both of whom seemed to be alone. Remembering Sharde’s taunt about how he only fell for faithless blondes, he made his way over to the brunette.
“Hi.”
She looked up and smiled. She had pretty brown eyes that were almost as deep as Sharde’s. “Hi.”
Hell, she even sounded a little like Sharde. Her hair was dark and almost as glossy as Sharde’s. “Can I buy you a drink?”
Her smile widened. “Yes. Yes you can.”
He looked down into eyes. Damn if he’d spend another long, lonely night hungering for Sharde. She wanted to play games, she could play alone.
He smiled at the brunette and slipped onto the stool beside her.
Chapter Seven
Sharde woke in the middle of the night with the certainty that after being hurt by two women in such a short time, it was unreasonable of her to expect too much from Jeff too soon.
He needed time to get over his hurts and then more time to realize that she would not hurt him. She had not helped her cause by suggesting she would sleep with him and another man at the same time. She hadn’t meant a word of that nonsense, but how could she ever convince him of that now?
Deciding that morning was too long to make right what she’d messed up, she sat up in bed and dialed his number. She glanced at her bedside clock. It was just after two a.m. If he hadn’t had too many beers, maybe he would come over and they’d spend the rest of the night making up.
Just as she was about to hang up, the phone was picked up on the sixth ring. “Hello?”
Sharde stiffened before realizing she’d dialed the wrong number. “I’m so sorry. Wrong number,” she said and hung up. She dialed again, making sure she dialed correctly this time.
“Hello?”
A woman’s voice again and this time she knew she’d dialed the correct number. “I’m sorry. I was looking for Jefferson.”
“He’s asleep. Do you want me to wake him?”
She had problems speaking past the lump in her throat. “No. I’m sorry I disturbed you.”
“Look, you’re not his wife are you? Because he told me he was divorced.”
“I’m...no I’m not his wife.” She hung up the phone, then took it off the hook. She lay staring up at the ceiling for what seemed hours, tears streaming down her cheeks before she got up, went into the kitchen, and finished the bottle of wine.
* * * * *
“Are you feeling better?”
Sprawled on his bed on his face, Jefferson froze. He knew he was home. And he knew the female voice did not belong to Sharde. Oh, shit. What the hell had he done? He lifted his head and rolled onto his back.
A tall, pretty brunette he had never seen leaned over him, a smile dancing in her dark green eyes. “Earth to Jefferson. You in there?”
He ran his hands over his body and was relieved to find himself fully dressed. He sat up. “Who are you?”
She laughed and shook her head. “The next time I allow a man to pick me up in a bar, I’ll make sure he can deliver.”
“What?”
Her eyes narrowed. “You are all show and no go. You couldn’t get it up last night. I don’t blame you for pretending you can’t remember what happened. Or should I say, didn’t happen?”
He frowned. “Are you saying that I... didn’t...”
“I’m saying you couldn’t get it up. Next time you pick up a woman, don’t drink so much.”
His face burned. “I’ve never been unable to perform.”
“No? Well take it from me your libido was a no-show last night.”
“So you and I didn’t sleep together?”
“All we did was sleep in the same bed. As I said, you couldn’t get it up. I didn’t even get a decent kiss from you. I suppose you do know how to kiss properly when you’re not too drunk to get it up.”
He closed his eyes. Thank God he hadn’t slept with her, but what the hell had possessed him to bring her home? That argument with Sharde had really put him in a bad emotional state. For all her talk of their each taking other lovers, he feared Sharde would find his taking another woman home unforgivable.
“Look, I’ve wasted enough time with you. You want to get up and give me a ride home or at the very least cab fare?”
He got up and reached in his back pocket for his wallet. He gave her several twenty-dollar bills. “Look I’m sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have brought you here.”
“I shouldn’t have come with you.” She touched his cheek. “But you are one handsome devil. A pity you’re impotent!”
“I am not impotent!”
“You were last night.” She laughed, grabbed a long dark coat from the chair by the bed and headed for the bedroom door. There she turned back to look at him. “And next time you’re cheating on your wife, be more discreet.”
“I’m not married.”
“That’s what you told me last night, but someone called here twice after two in the morning. She sounded very upset when I answered. If she wasn’t your wife, she must have been your girlfriend.”
He closed his eyes briefly. Oh, God! Please let it have been Vanessa and not Sharde. “What was her name?”
She shrugged. “She didn’t say and I didn’t ask, but she sounded like a hot to trot sista. Like to play jungle fever, huh?”
He gave her a cold, silent stare.
She shrugged and left him alone in his bedroom.
He lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling for several moments. Why the hell hadn’t he kept his ass home the night before? Had he done that he and Sharde could have talked after they’d both had time to cool off. But he couldn’t undo the night before. And lying there wasn’t going to change anything. He’d have to admit he’d taken another woman home, ride out her angry outburst, and do whatever was necessary to make things right with her.
Of course it was possible, albeit not very probable, that Sharde had not called. He rolled over and off the bed. He walked over to his phone and looked down at the phone number of the last person who had called. Sharde’s number was listed twice, less than a minute apart.
He was screwed.
* * * * *
Sharde woke late the next morning. Her head ached and she felt dizzy and nauseous. Holding her head, she stumbled to the kitchen to down a twenty-ounce bottle of ginger ale. She followed with a cold shower and coffee. By the time she dressed, she felt almost human again.
She boiled two eggs, ate them, grabbed her keys, and left her condo. She didn’t allow her thoughts to dwell on Jefferson, their confrontation of the night before, or the fact that he had gone out and found someone to spend the night with. He had made his choice and she needed to make hers.
As she pulled into the shelter parking lot, she decided that she would give a month’s notice on Monday. It was time to face reality and move on. Jefferson was never going to feel anything but lust for her. And even that hadn’t kept him from going to another woman the same night he’d had sex with her.
Dianne looked up in surprise when she walked into the shelter. “I didn’t expect to see you today, Sharde. Thanks so much for the check.”
“It was my pleasure.”
Dianne studied her face. “Is everything all right?”
She shook her head. Everything was wrong. “No, but I don’t want to talk about it. I just need to be kept really busy. I don’t want to have time to think. Can I stay?”
“Of course you can. We always need at least three more pairs of hands around here. Grab an apron and help me serve lunch.”
“What would you say if I asked to come work here for a while?”
Dianne paused in ladling up chicken soup to look at her. “You mean more than once every first Friday of the month? That would be great. How often do you want to come? Twice a month? How about the first and third Fridays of the month? Or did you want to change to another night?”
She put a roll on the tray of the man to whom Dianne had just given soup. “Actually I was thinking more like five times a week.”
Dianne glanced at her and went back to ladling soup. “What’s wrong, Sharde?”
“Nothing.”
“Sharde?”
She shrugged. “Nothing I can’t handle.”
“And that would be?”
“I’m resigning from Calder Tech on Monday.”
“Why?”
She shrugged again. “Personal reasons.”
“Have you talked this over with Jefferson?”
“He’s the last person I can discuss this with.”
Dianne gave her arm a brief squeeze. “If you need to talk...”
“I’m fine. Really. Don’t worry. I have everything worked out in my mind. This is something I should have done a few years ago.”
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Yes. I’ve decided to take a few weeks off before I look for another job. In the meantime, I want to do something useful and not just sit around feeling sorry for myself.”
“It’s Jefferson, isn’t it?”
“What do you mean?” She had never discussed her feelings for Jefferson with Dianne.
“I know you have feelings for him. I saw it every time the two of you came here to volunteer. What’s happened between you two?”
She shook her head. “I appreciate your kindness, but I can’t talk about it. Can Icome here five times a week in about a month’s time?”
“Of course you can, Sharde, but wouldn’t it be better to try and work things out with him?”
“No. There’s nothing to work out.”
Dianne sighed. “If you change your mind and need or want to talk, I’ll be available any time of the day or night.”
“Thanks.”
Two hours later, Sharde sat over a late lunch with Darbi at a food court in a mall fifteen minutes from All Faiths.
“You don’t think resigning is too drastic, Sharde?”
She shook her head. “I can’t work with him anymore.”
“This is a bad time to leave.”
“I know. I’ll stay until the decisions on hiring new employees have been made and other administrative matters handled.”
“And after that?”
“You’ll be back from your trip and can handle things. You’re as capable of doing my job as I am. That was one of the many reasons I hired you.”
She nodded. “I think so too, but I like the travel my job entails and yours doesn’t permit. Besides, I think you’d be foolish to give up such a prestigious position, Sharde. Why not take a leave, transfer to the uptown branch, and stay with the company?”
She shook her head. “Even if I transferred, I’d still have to have a certain level of interaction with him. And that I don’t want. I need to get away from him and everything he stands for.”
“I know this is difficult for you, but Sharde, don’t you think you’re overreacting just a little? You know I understand about infidelity, but let’s just take a moment and step back from the situation. All he said was he wasn’t ready for a serious commitment. Given his recent history, surely you can understand his reluctance.”
“I do understand, but at the same time I feel as if I’ve wasted all the time I’m going to waste with him. It’s time to move on.”
“Sharde, look. We’re friends and so I’m going to give it to you straight.”
She frowned. “This sounds like something I’m not going to like.”
“Friends are straight with each other.”
“Okay. Give it to me straight then.”
“Given your remarks about another lover, I think you’re overreacting.”<
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Her cheeks burned. “I didn’t mean it and I know he knew that. He just wanted an excuse for hopping into bed with yet another blonde bimbo!”
“How do you know she was blonde and a bimbo?”
“I know because that’s the only kind of women he admires!”
“Look, I can see your pain, but you know he admires you.”
“It’s not his admiration I want or need. I want more than he’s prepared to give me so it’s time to move on.”
“Without giving him a chance to explain?”
“What’s to explain? He took another woman to bed the same night he and I...” She blinked rapidly to keep her tears at bay. “The same night, Darbi. There’s no explanation he can offer that will make that forgivable for me.”
Darbi sighed. “OK. If you need to talk more, I’ll be willing to listen.”
She shook her head. “Thanks, but it’s time to keep it real and move on.” She glanced at her watch. “I’d better get back to All Faiths. I told Dianne I’d cover so she could go home early.”
She spent the rest of the day and evening at the shelter. After the last meal had been served, she realized the dishwasher was broken. So she washed the dinner dishes by hand. It was nearly ten o’clock when she arrived home.
When she checked her messages, she found two from Jefferson. She erased both of his messages shortly after his hello, took a shower, got a book, and climbed into bed. The phone rang, startling her. She reached over and took it off the hook without putting it to her ear. She didn’t want to talk to anyone.
* * * * *
“So? You want to talk or do you just want to sit in a silent funk? And if it’s the latter, why the hell did you call me over here?”
Jefferson took a deep breath before he exploded from his favorite easy chair to his feet. He paced the length of his rec room, trying in vain to control his emotions.
He turned to stare at Ben, who sprawled in a matching padded leather recliner a few feet from the one he’d just vacated. Dressed in dark sweats, with his gaze trained on the large plasma TV along on wall, Ben appeared disinterested. Jefferson knew him well enough to know better.