“You’re my son, that’s who. If you need me to stay until this magazine stuff blows over—and it will blow over—that’s what I’ll do.”
Turning so that I could watch Alyssa and Phoebe, I smiled. “No. I think I’ll be fine. After all, I’ve got Lys.”
“If you’re certain?”
“I’m positive, Mum. Go, live your life for you for a while. We’ll all be here when you get back. Maybe you can spend some time with us in Sydney then?”
“I’d like that.”
We chatted for a little while longer, in a way we hadn’t ever done while I’d been at the peak of my career. Later, after I’d wished her a safe flight, I disconnected the call feeling lighter than I had since before flying in for the meeting with Danny.
After I’d finished the call, I sat on the floor with Phoebe and watched while she and Alyssa played with a doll Alyssa had obviously brought with her from Brisbane. Near the door was an overnight bag stuffed to a point just past full and looking ready to burst at the seams.
“So when are you going home?” I asked, even as the thought of them leaving caused a lump to grow in my throat.
“Wednesday.” She frowned as she said the word. “I just booked our flights home. I’m sorry, Dec, I can’t get any more time off work.”
The mention of the W word reminded me that I no longer had to work. No longer had a job. Was unemployed and most likely unemployable. After all, what team would want a driver that has scandal follow him everywhere? My knowledge of sponsorships and the way they worked might not have been perfect, but it was enough to understand that I was a liability.
“Dec,” Lys said. Her voice was soft as she drew me from my thoughts. “It’ll work itself out. Somehow.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“How about we put it out of our minds and see what’s for dinner?”
I laughed.
When Alyssa tilted her head in confusion, it made me laugh harder, which caused Phoebe to giggle.
“I told you before, Lys. I don’t do domestic. There’s fu—nothing here.”
“Well, I guess you get to show us your favourite restaurant.”
“There’s an awesome Chinese place just around the corner.”
“Great. Let’s go. And we can grab some bread and milk on the way back home.”
We headed out for dinner, giving me the chance to get things right for a change.
I SAT bolt upright as a scream pierced the night.
“Mummy!”
My heart raced at the sound of Phoebe’s terrified shriek.
The few days I’d stayed in Alyssa’s house in Brisbane, when Phoebe had slept through the night without any issue, hadn’t prepared me for the sleeplessness of an unsettled child. It was like an all-night bender, but without the booze buzz before we started.
It was worse than I’d expected it could be. Mostly because it’d been a hell of a night after such a shitty-arsed day. First the bathtub had needed to be completely cleaned and scrubbed before Phoebe could have her bath, which she apparently could not possibly go to sleep without—not even for one night. I’d done what I could to get rid of the glass, and used the sprayer to shift the bulk of the sticky liquid that coated the tub and tiles behind. After I’d finished, Alyssa had gone over my handiwork to make sure there was nothing left.
Then, when Phoebe was settled into the spare bed—the first time—I led Alyssa into my room. Once again, I was struck by regret that I’d brought my conquests there over the four years I’d been alone. My legs liquefied with each step and my hands grew clammy at the thought. I was such a fucking player. Any plan of a proper reunion with Alyssa flew from me. Each fresh glance around the room dragged another muddied memory through my mind.
The bed, most of the bedroom, was tainted with the history of things I now regretted. Tying a blonde to the frame there. Being pinned against the headboard there while redheaded twins fought over my cock. Holding on to the bedpost there while the chick with black curls and huge boobs rode me. A rotation of faces, bodies, and positions. My stomach churned as they assaulted my mind.
I buried my face in my hands. Any one of the nights would probably have been enough to fill most men’s spank banks for life, but it was never enough for me.
Each empty encounter only made me long for something more.
For Alyssa. I understood that now.
If only I hadn’t been such a stubborn arse and refused to take her phone calls, I could have avoided all the twisting aches that had taken up a permanent home in my gut each time I even glanced at my king-sized bed.
As regret sank deep into me, I’d argued that we should find somewhere else to sleep—that she didn’t belong in the room filled with the ghosts of the past. Only, there weren’t many options. Either we had to squeeze into the double in the spare room with Phoebe or crash on the fold-out sofa in the other spare room. There wasn’t anywhere else. I’d relented to Alyssa’s need to sleep even though it made me feel like shit doing so.
Before Phoebe’s frightened cry had died away, Alyssa was already halfway out of bed.
I put my hand on her shoulder and stopped her. “Don’t. I’ll get her.”
“It’s my—”
Certain that her sentence was going to end with the word responsibility, I cut her off. After all, Phoebe was as much my responsibility as she was Alyssa’s.
“Lys, you’ve spent the better part of the day on the road.” Even as I said the words, I climbed out of bed.
“But—”
“And you’ve got up to her three times already,” I added as I walked to the door. The more we argued over who should go, the longer Phoebe’s sobs would continue. “Let me go.”
Right before I left the room, I turned to say to Alyssa that I’d have to get used to it anyway, but she was already lying back down and her eyes were closed. The rise and fall of her chest was too rhythmic for her to not be well on her way back to sleep.
Her exhaustion had to be almost complete, but I couldn’t blame her. I knew from experience how dreadful the almost twelve-hour drive was when it was vital to reach the end destination. She’d had a long couple of weeks. We all had.
So much had changed. There were things I’d learned that I’d never forget. People who’d become so important,
I’d discovered children I’d never thought I wanted. Experienced heartbreak I’d never anticipated. Phoebe had gained the father she’d always imagined. Alyssa had claimed her rightful place in my life and won my heart in return.
I couldn’t help feeling like she got the short end of the deal.
“Hey, princess,” I said to Phoebe as I walked into the spare room—the room that would be hers when they moved in permanently. “What’s up?”
I hoped I would be enough to quieten her fears on my own, but I was still a practical stranger really. The thought that I wouldn’t be enough for her terrified me, but it wasn’t enough to stop me from trying.
“D-Daddy?”
I sat on the edge of her bed and stifled a yawn. “Did you get scared again?”
She nodded, her loose brunette curls bouncing around her head. “I woked up and no one’s there.” She crossed her arms and pouted at me.
Through the darkness, I could see the accusation in her turquoise eyes. I reached out and cupped her face. “We’re here. Just up the hall, remember? Like I showed you before bed.”
“I don’t like this room.” Impossibly, her pout deepened. “It’s scary.”
“Why’s it scary?”
“It’s dark. And there’s monsters.”
“Where?”
She pointed to the window. “Out there.”
Following the line her finger made, I walked to window and made a show of peering out into the darkness. “There’s no monsters, just trees. Wanna come see?”
She shook her head and whimpered. “Scary.”
“It’s okay, no monsters will come near the window while I’m with you,” I promised. “You know how I know?”
“Because they wouldn’t dare mess with your daddy. Not in his castle.”
A glimmer of a smile crossed her lips but she still didn’t move.
I pretended to rub my chin in thought. “You know what? I think you’re right. I think this room is a little scary. But do you know what I think the problem is?”
“What?”
“The walls.” I ran my hand over the beige surface. It was the first time I’d really noticed that the house was just a building with my stuff in it. There was no personality. No life. Everything was architecturally designed and set up for maximum resale value. It was all without any of my influence and every wall was beige. Just like my life had been without Alyssa and Phoebe in it. “They’re not the right colour, are they?”
Phoebe shook her head.
“What colour would be the right one?”
“Umm, yellow?” When she said the word “yellow,” her mouth stuck on the Y to make it sound almost like an L. The sound made my heart skip a beat. She was too fucking cute.
I nodded. “Yellow could work.”
“Or purple?”
“Purple could work too. Maybe we can pick four colours and do one wall of each?”
She giggled. “Don’t be silly.”
“I’m not being silly.” I crossed back over and sat on the edge of the bed again. “This’ll be your room, so you get to choose whatever colour walls you want.”
A grin lit her features.
“But you have to be able to sleep in here, or it can’t be your room, can it? We’ll have to pick a different one.”
Her teeth captured her lip. “There’s none closer to Mummy.”
“Nope. This one is the closest. We’re just down the hall, remember?”
She gave a small nod.
“So, are you happy with this room then?” I asked as I sat on her bed again.
“Can we leave the light on?”
“We can look at getting a night light for the hall if you like? Will that work?”
She gave me another little nod.
“Well, I guess that’s settled then. When you and Mummy move in, we’ll paint the room any colour you want.”
“Daddy?” She looked up at me from beneath her lashes. It was a look Alyssa had perfected years earlier. One that made me willing to agree to almost anything. With little gestures like that, the resemblance between mother and daughter was uncanny. Except for the colour of Phoebe’s eyes.
“Yeah?”
“Can I sleep with you? Just one night?”
There was no point even trying to resist. I had no idea how I would survive the two of them, but I also knew I couldn’t survive without them. “Sure, sweetheart. Just for tonight though.”
I picked her up and carried her back to my bedroom where Alyssa was fast asleep. The moment I placed Phoebe on the bed, she climbed next to Alyssa and snuggled against her shoulder. Even though I was tired as fuck, I had to take a moment just to watch and appreciate how much my life had changed. I’d experienced what my life would be like if I lost them; I never wanted to feel it again.
CHAPTER FOUR: RELEASE
WHAT FOLLOWED WAS a terrible night of sleep, made worse by the tiny foot shoved in my face for a while. Then kicked against the green-yellow bruises along my ribs. Then buried in my armpit. I’d never known anyone who fidgeted so damn much while they slept. Even after getting to sleep between Alyssa and me, Phoebe still woke at regular intervals.
I was torn from sleep by the sound of the phone in my study ringing. Although getting up was the last thing I wanted to do, I didn’t want the noise to wake up Alyssa or Phoebe. I raced downstairs to answer it.
Even before I said hello, I’d guessed who it might be. The international beeps only strengthened my suspicion. There were only a few people who would be calling me from overseas, and I didn’t think Morgan would be calling while he was in race-preparation mode. If at all.
As soon as the caller spoke, my assumption was confirmed: Paige Wood, the owner of Wood Racing, and Sinclair Racing’s rival. The call wasn’t exactly unexpected. Not after everything that happened and my conversation with Alyssa about the possible reasons for the in-depth and highly damning magazine coverage.
“I heard the unfortunate news,” Paige said, almost sounding sincere. My sacking from Sinclair Racing had yet to be announced publicly, but she’d found out anyway. Most likely she’d heard it from one of the boys in Bahrain. Gossip spread fast through the pits, after all.
Or maybe she’d made an assumption based on her prior knowledge of what the magazine article would contain. Danny’s expectation of loyalty wasn’t exactly a state secret. It wouldn’t have taken much to use it against me. A few tugged strings to get a photographer to snap a photo of me sitting at the Wood Racing table would do it. Added to the history I had with Paige—history I’d hoped hadn’t made its way to Danny’s ears but that Danny’s wife, Hazel, had witnessed herself at Bathurst—it would have been far too easy for her to set me up.
“Yeah, well, these things happen, don’t they?” I didn’t feel like chatting idly on the phone with her. More than anything, I wanted to demand whether she’d been involved in the destruction of my reputation, but I couldn’t accuse her of anything without proof.
“You do know that this setback need not be the end of your career, don’t you?”
What’s her game?
“I mean, I’m right in assuming you’re free of your contract now?” Even down the telephone line, I could hear her Cheshire cat grin. It confirmed for me that she wasn’t just lucky to be the one who’d been courting me prior to my unceremonious dumping.
“So what if I am?”
“Well, it leaves you free to discuss your options elsewhere, doesn’t it? Like I said, it doesn’t have to be the end. There are other teams willing to get behind you. Team owners who’d just love to have you.”
“I’m not looking to race anywhere else, Paige.” My voice was cool as I ignored the innuendo in her tone. When I said her first name, I said it with such contempt it had to show my complete lack of respect for her.
“You know you’ll always have a position available under me. I can use a driver with your . . . skills.” The pathetic cougar was trying to lure me with techniques that might have worked six months ago, but had lost all of their power now that I was back with Alyssa.
I’d tried the softly-softly approach in telling her I wasn’t interested in racing for her, but I couldn’t do it any longer. There was only one way I could face the situation: head-on. Fuck the evidence, I’d call her out. There was no point just standing around and shooting the shit on the phone when there was no doubt left in me that even if she hadn’t coordinated it somehow, she’d known about the article. “Did you have something to do with this?”
“With what, darling?”
“With the article.”
She laughed, each of the shrill vibrations sounding less sincere than the last. “How would I have any influence over what goes to print at a gossip rag?”
The words and her tone made it sound like a lie. If I hadn’t already been convinced, it would have been proof enough for me. “You turned me into a fucking liability.”
Her throaty chuckle came down the line again and I wanted nothing more than to reach down the phone line and cram something into her mouth.
“I did no such thing, my dear. But you should know even the biggest liability can be turned into an asset, with the right amount of spin.”
Sick of her voice, of her laugh, of everything about her, I decided to end the charade of polite conversation. “Why don’t you go spin on it?”
“You’re turning me down?” She seemed genuinely confused, as though everything had been a done deal. In her mind, it probably was.
I had no doubts left that she’d had it planned for a while. The timing might have been pure luck on her part, because I was in Brisbane at just the right moment with just the right reason
to attend the fundraiser, but I was certain if it hadn’t been then and there, some other fabricated bullshit would have caused my downfall. “Yeah, I’m turning you down. I’m a Sinclair man through and through.”
“Sinclair is done with you, boy. They chewed you up and spat you out. No one else will want their leftovers.”
I chuckled at the way she’d turned. Her true colours were definitely on display. “You obviously do.”
“This position was an act of charity. A last-ditch effort to save your career before you pissed it down the toilet.”
“Well, you can shove your charity up your fucking arse, Paige. I don’t want it.”
She blustered and muttered a few words I’d never heard from someone who pretended to be so refined before hanging up the phone. Good riddance. I’d rather never drive again than go work for her.
I headed back to bed, ready to enjoy a lie-in with my girls, but Alyssa stopped me halfway up the stairs.
She put her hand on my chest and gave me a wary smile—no doubt still coming to terms with everything that had unfolded in the last two days. I sure as shit knew I still was.
“Who was that?” she asked.
“Paige Wood.”
The corners of her mouth twisted like she’d tasted something bad. “And?”
“And I’m pretty sure we’re right that she’s part of it. I just wish I knew how.” The why seemed pretty fucking obvious after her phone call.
Alyssa lifted her hand and brushed her fingers through my hair. “We’ll figure it out together. But first, let’s get started on a game plan. She’s asleep again for the moment,” she said, indicating my room where Phoebe had obviously settled again.
With Alyssa at my side, we headed back to my study to dig out my contract with Sinclair Racing. While she wasn’t looking, I slid the letters I’d written her into a drawer, embarrassed that I’d been such a pussy when I’d thought she was gone. Every word was the truth, but I didn’t need her to see my weakness.
After an hour of studying every clause and paragraph, she declared there was nothing I could do to fight the dismissal. The contract was lopsided, with the power almost completely in Danny’s court. I couldn’t cancel early without penalties, but Danny had ultimate veto over the agreement and could cancel it at his own discretion. I kicked myself for not having someone more skilled than my fuckhead father go over it to ensure it was fair. Then again, Danny might never have signed me if he hadn’t had an easy out. After all, I’d been young and stupid when he’d drafted me.
Decipher (Declan Reede: The Untold Story #3) Page 4