“When I opened your reply—”
“I wouldn’t have replied.” The words had left me before I could stop myself. They were enough to cause Alyssa to twitch away from my hold. In response, I shifted closer and moved my hand from her cheek into her hair to guide her gaze back to me. “I wouldn’t have, because if I’d let myself have a conversation with you, it would have ended with me back in Brisbane. Trust me, I wouldn’t have let myself reply.”
“You replied all right,” she said, tugging free of my hold again. Her sobs grew harder and it took everything in me to give her the space she so clearly wanted while her need for comfort was obvious. Only, it was equally clear she didn’t want to find her solace in my hold. “You replied telling me to go fuck myself. That you were no longer interested in hearing from me. And then you attached photos and video of you fucking three other women for good measure.”
Watching the pain in her movements made my heart ache for her. As much as I wanted to demand what her words had to do with why she’d walked off, I didn’t want to insist on anything that might hurt her further.
“Three cheerleaders.” The words were barely audible, but they struck my ears louder than thunder. My barbed, thoughtless statement had struck a nerve that was still raw and throbbing. Had clearly reminded her of one of the worst moments of her life. My knees quivered at the thought. No wonder she’d pulled away. It was probably a small miracle she was even allowing me to try to talk it out.
“Fuck, Lys, I—” I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against hers. She didn’t pull away from me and I was so fucking grateful it hurt. “I can never apologise enough.”
“The worst part was that I couldn’t even force myself to stop watching. Even after I saw the photos, with them and their pom-poms all over you, I couldn’t stop myself from pressing play. I was so pathetically desperate to hear your voice again, to see your face, that I couldn’t help it.”
I clung to her, hoping she’d keep me buoyed even as her words set me adrift on a sea of agony. She was the current dragging me away, and the life jacket holding me afloat. “I’m sorry, Lys. It meant nothing. They all meant nothing.”
“I know—” Her voice was thick with tears, and it seemed like an effort for her to squeeze out any words. “That’s what made it worse. I almost could have taken it if you’d moved on with someone else. If you’d found something meaningful. But to go from—” She choked back a sob. “From what we had, to a series of flings. To record them and share them. Seeing that video . . . it was the moment when I knew that the Declan I loved—the one who’d fathered the lives growing inside me—was gone. It shattered me, Dec.”
Tears were in my own eyes as I considered her words. I tried to reverse the situation in my mind. How would I have coped with the knowledge that she was happily screwing half the town? I wrapped my arms tighter around her waist and pulled her body against mine.
“I’m so fucking sorry.” My voice was hoarse as my throat held the words tighter than I’d wanted it to. “I can’t even explain why I did it. All I know is that I’m a better person when I’m with you.”
Even as the words left me, I could see the truth in them.
That was the real reason behind Alyssa’s lack of faith. Being alone would leave me stuck in my own head. She knew as well as I did that I kept my demons in control better with her at my side. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust me to win the battle, but that she didn’t want me to have to fight myself the whole time she was gone. And I’d accused her of lacking trust. Fucking arsehole.
“I’m going to miss you and Pheebs while you’re gone, so fucking much, but I’ll get through it because of the prize at the end. You’re my first place, Lys, and I’m going to fight my way to it.”
She rested her head on my chest. “I’m sorry I overreacted.”
“No, you didn’t. I’m sorry I made a crass joke without realising why it would hurt you. And I’m sorry for ever throwing away what we had and for making so much ammunition that would cause you pain.”
I held her in my arms for a few moments more, unwilling to let her go or give her any reason to doubt the sincerity in my words.
“Let’s head up to bed, shall we?” I said. “It’s been a long day.”
When she nodded, I swept her up into my arms.
“Put me down! I can walk.” Her tears evaporated as she protested.
“Nope. Because tonight is my last night with you for a while, and I’m not letting you go until I absolutely have to.”
She laughed. “You’ll drop me!”
“Just because I did the last time I carried you like this, doesn’t mean I will this time. After all, you’re not wearing a ridiculously long dress this time.”
“Dec, please?”
“And I’m stronger than I was then.”
I glanced down at her and caught her staring at my shoulders, no doubt checking the truth in my words. Her breaths grew heavier and when her gaze met mine again, it carried a heat that I couldn’t resist. Needing to touch her, to kiss her, and hold her close, I moved to claim her lips. As I did, I placed her back on the floor so I could run my fingers into her hair and hold her to me.
My lips moved against hers, our tongues danced a slow waltz—tasting and teasing during the back and forth. With the sensation of the kiss racing through my body, my cock leapt to attention—ready for a take two on the disastrous attempt that afternoon.
At the thought, flashes of the night with the cheerleaders flittered through the edges of my mind. I stepped away from Alyssa as my mind repeated the events that had led up to our kiss over and over. It wasn’t fair to her to taint our last night in Sydney by making love while I had any thoughts of other women in my head. Even if the thoughts were ugly, grey, and tinged with regret.
“What’s wrong?” Her breath was short and her chest heaved.
“I don’t know if I should . . . If we should . . .” My frustration at being unable to articulate my thoughts slipped from me on the end of my breath. “I don’t want to make love to you while I’m being haunted by thoughts of other girls.”
Alyssa’s eyebrows lifted at my words. They were poorly chosen, but accurate.
“I mean, we were just talking about the ways I hurt you, and now . . . well, I can’t help thinking that I don’t deserve it.”
“Dec—”
I silenced her with a look. “I don’t deserve you.”
“You’re right,” she said.
My heart stopped. Was this it? The moment where she saw how strong my demons were and walked away?
She grabbed my hands and wrapped them around her neck. “The you that sent that email doesn’t. But we both know that’s not who you really are. The you in here,” she put her hand over my heart, “deserves every bit of me. And you need to start believing that. I was upset at your words, at the reminder of what happened, but that doesn’t mean I was upset with you.”
“So you were pissed at me, but not actually pissed at me?” My mind refused to wrap around her words. “You know that makes no sense, right?”
She chuckled. “I’m a woman. We don’t have to make sense.”
“I’m going to shut my mouth, because anything I say now will probably just get me in trouble.”
Her smile widened and her laughter hung in the air. “See, you’re learning already. Now c’mon.” She held out her hand to me.
“Where are we going?” I asked as I wrapped my fingers around hers.
“Well, you said you were being haunted by ghosts and the demons of your past, right?”
“And?”
She pulled me toward the staircase. “And I think I’ve lived in their shadow long enough already.”
“Okay?”
“So I’m going to perform an exorcism.” When she turned back to glance at me, her gaze smouldered. Her tongue slicked across her lips in a way that made my cock twitch.
Fuck me.
“Besides,” she continued. “I’m not going to leave you alone in Sydney in a
house filled only with memories of other women. I’m claiming my territory and giving you something to remember me by while I’m gone.”
Fuck, possessive Alyssa was fucking hot. Instead of letting her drag me up the stairs, I dashed ahead of her and pulled her along with me. Both of us were practically running by the time we hit the landing. We didn’t even make it to the bedroom door before we crashed together in a meld of lips and limbs.
We tumbled into my bedroom together. Her hands tugged at my shirt; my fingers caressed her hair. Kicking my leg out behind me, I snagged the door and swung it shut. A huge bang echoed through the house.
“Fuck.” The word left me between kisses and then I stopped and held my breath while I waited for the telltale scream that signalled the noise had woken Phoebe. When everything was still quiet after a couple of seconds, I renewed my attack on Alyssa.
Our clothes fell away as we kissed and performed our messy, uncoordinated dance to the bed. By the time we tumbled onto the mattress, all that was left were my boxers and Alyssa’s underwear.
The moment we hit the bed, Alyssa climbed on top of me and straddled my hips. Her lips peppered hot kisses over my jaw and down my throat. The swell of her breasts pillowed against my ribcage. The sensation of her hips rocking over mine removed all thoughts of everything but what I was feeling.
My hands traced small circles over her hipbones, playing with the cotton resting over them. When Alyssa kissed me again, I pushed the material down over her hips. She lifted off me just far enough to give me room to maneuverer her panties over her thighs. Climbing backward off the bed, she pushed the scrap of material the rest of the way off.
“The bra too,” I said, my voice hoarse with need.
With a smirk on her lips, she reached behind her and unclasped her bra. The weight of her breasts was released and I longed to hold them in my palms.
“Come here,” I murmured.
She climbed back over the bed, one leg on either side of my body. When she reached my hips, she stopped.
I shook my head. “Higher.”
She frowned in confusion, but moved further up my body, stopping around my stomach.
“Don’t you know one of the staples of an exorcism?” I asked as I hooked my hands around her arse and forced her to move higher up still.
“What?” Her thighs were level with my waist when a nervous chuckle escaped her. All the bravado and possessiveness from downstairs was gone, and yet she was still just as hot.
“The poor sucker who’s been possessed almost always ends up speaking in tongues.” I waggled my eyebrow at her as I licked my lips. The lean muscles of her arse clenched at my words, or maybe it was the sight and promise of my tongue.
Without wasting any more time with words, I used my hold on her hips to slide down the bed so that my face was under her pussy. My tongue pressed forward and I kissed her clit with the same desperation I’d kissed her lips. Her body jolted with the shock of the connection and her hips surged forward to add more pressure to the mix.
One of my hands curled around her thigh and gripped her arse to guide her hips closer to me. The other lifted to follow the contours of her body. My gaze followed my fingers as they trailed over her stomach and up to her breasts.
With her breath coming in short, sharp bursts, she leaned her hands against the headboard and held on tight. Her head dropped downward and a tiny, desperate moan left her as I grazed her clit with my teeth. When her gaze met mine, I shifted my attention from her clit to the rest of her pussy. Meeting her eyes, I pressed my tongue against her entrance. My lips curled into a semi-smile at the way her eyes rolled back when I pushed my tongue into her, slow and steady so I could relish the taste as I prolonged the sensation for her.
Seeing she was clearly enjoying the attention, I closed my eyes again and turned myself over to my other senses. The taste of Alyssa’s sweetness dancing on my tastebuds. The feel of her nipples tightening at my touch. The sound of the little moans escaping her with every thrust of my tongue or caress of her clit. Even though we’d joked about it being an exorcism, it was more like heaven.
Alyssa’s body quivered above me as I continued to lavish my attention on her pussy.
Needing to taste her, to feel her, and to hear her as she shattered around me, I added a finger into the mix. Then two. Her thighs clamped around me as she dropped her forehead onto the headboard. Her hips thrust against my mouth in erratic jerks as her soft moans grew louder and louder.
With my tongue, I traced the letters of the words I love you against her clit. I was up to the L when she came apart, but I finished the letters as she rode out her orgasm. Her first for the night. The first of many, if I had anything to say about it.
While she was still boneless with a loopy grin on her face, I shifted her so that she was resting over my hips again. To my surprise, and extreme satisfaction, she leaned forward and kissed me hard. The taste of her filled my senses as our tongues danced together.
“Lys,” I murmured as she shifted herself away from me. The movement left me bereft and wanting more.
“Relax, Dec,” she whispered back. “I’m just getting rid of these.” Her fingers trailed into the waist of my boxers and she dragged them down my legs.
The instant my cock sprung free, I was reaching for her, pulling her back against me.
“Please, Lys. I need you.” I guided her over me.
Taking the hint, she grabbed my dick in her hand and lined it up with her entrance.
“Fuck.” The word squeezed through my clenched teeth as the feeling of Alyssa’s body opening for me overtook every other sensation. It might have only been a few days since I’d last had the ability to fully experience her body, but even that was too long.
Lifting my hips, I bucked them against hers to bury myself as deep in her as I could. I wanted more. Everything. I wanted to take her in every possible way so that we could both have enough memories to carry us through until we were reunited. Maybe planning to keep her awake as long as I could was selfish, considering she’d be climbing on a plane with a three-year-old, but I couldn’t care less. Not when I needed her so desperately.
“You’re not getting any sleep tonight,” I warned as I claimed her lips again.
CHAPTER EIGHT: NOT ALONE
MORNING CAME AROUND far too quickly and with it came the realisation that I would soon be completely alone. My family would be gone. I’d have no job to go to. I’d have nowhere important to be. Nothing to do at all.
Melancholy settled over me.
When Phoebe woke, I tried to force a smile on my face, but worried that I failed. We had breakfast as a family, and I tried to keep Phoebe entertained. The last thing I wanted was for her last hours with me for a while to be miserable ones. As I played with her, trying to give her some memories so that she wouldn’t forget me, Alyssa repacked the overnight bag that had slowly been unpacked over the few days they’d been with me.
Barely an hour after we were awake, it was time to take them to the airport. I’d almost forgotten about the paparazzi until I was halfway up the drive and saw the cars from the night before were still stationed in front of my house.
My fingers gripped the steering wheel until my knuckles were white and my jaw clenched.
Alyssa’s hand came to rest on my thigh. “They’ll leave when they realise there is no story.”
“I know,” I said, more to pacify her than because I actually believed it.
The drive to the airport was quiet, stilted. Unlike when she’d dropped me off at Brisbane Airport for my flight down to Sydney, I didn’t just drop them at the gate. I found a parking space and walked them in. I didn’t want to leave them.
I didn’t want them to leave me.
We found a secluded little corner, hidden away from prying eyes. Thankfully, the paps hadn’t caught up with us before we found the quiet spot.
When the time came that I had to say goodbye, I picked Phoebe up and held her close against my chest. It was ridiculously impossible h
ow readily she’d twisted her little self through my life and imprinted herself on my heart. In such a short time, she owned me completely. I buried my face in her hair and told her I loved her.
“Remember your promise,” she said.
“I do.”
Alyssa gave me a questioning look and I realised in all the stress of the previous evening, I hadn’t mentioned to her what I’d promised to Phoebe. “That I’ll come up to see you as soon as I can. If you’ll have me, of course?”
“Don’t be silly, of course I want you to come up. Maybe we can tie it up with our move? Then we can all come back home together.”
The word “home” slipping so easily from her lips made my heart clench and a smile stretch across my lips. “I’d like that.”
I pulled her into my arms and kissed her in a way that probably wasn’t entirely appropriate. When we broke apart, I rested my forehead on hers for a few moments before closing my eyes and releasing a sigh.
When I couldn’t delay any longer, I cupped both Alyssa’s and Phoebe’s cheeks with my hand and said another goodbye, ready for Alyssa to lead Phoebe through security. We’d already agreed I’d go first in case any of the paps from home had caught up with us, but I couldn’t turn away from Phoebe and Alyssa until the last moment.
Once I’d left them behind me, my mood plummeted.
Why hadn’t I insisted on going with them? I had shit to sort out at home, but that didn’t seem like a good enough reason. Not anymore. Not without anyone at my side.
I’d barely gone a dozen steps away from the alcove when the vultures descended. I was thankful I was in Australia and only a race driver, not a rocker or movie star in the US. I couldn’t imagine having to deal with the constant presence of the photographers. The pack around me was only six people. If I’d had to deal with more, I would have probably gone batshit crazy. Trying to ignore their catcalls and cries for attention, I paced back in the direction of the car park.
Decipher (Declan Reede: The Untold Story #3) Page 8