What did surprise me was that after getting me to sign in and giving me a guest pass, the guard left me to find my own way to Danny’s office. Generally guests would only be allowed past reception with supervision. It could only have been on Danny’s instruction. None of the security staff would have risked their jobs doing something so reckless just because they knew me.
Was Danny trying to give me some sense of normalcy? But why?
I walked down the hallway of Sinclair Racing’s headquarters, thankful I was alone for a moment as the memories of the last time I walked through the corridor flashed through me. The last time I’d tread the path, it had led to one of the darkest moments of my life. Now, it seemed to offer a ray of hope, however miniscule that might be.
When I reached Danny’s office, I paused in front of the door. My heart was in my throat and my hands shook slightly. I tried to tell myself there was nothing that could happen that would be worse than what already had, but it didn’t help the nerves that had come back in force, racing laps around my body and dragging my sanity away in their wake.
I tried not to think of what came next and reminded myself that regardless of the outcome, I would be seeing Alyssa and Phoebe again in person in four weeks—for Christmas—at the longest.
Sooner if I could.
And after that, they’d be moving in and everything would be the way it was supposed to be.
Still, the questions looped. Questions that would be answered as soon as I opened the damned door, but it felt like too much effort. Was Danny going to offer me another chance like Eden thought? Would I take it if he did? Alyssa seemed cautiously optimistic when I’d told her.
Even after time to think on it—to stress over every implication that might come from going back—I still wanted to be back with Sinclair Racing. Despite his knee-jerk reaction to the magazine, Danny had always been understanding—especially considering he’d known the worst of my drug use and had been willing to overlook it because I’d gotten clean. He genuinely gave a damn about his staff, and that was worth something to me. If my hope wasn’t misplaced, then maybe he was big enough to swallow his pride, admit he’d made a mistake in sacking me, and offer me a role on the team. Any role. If he did, didn’t I owe it to myself and my family to accept?
If I had a job lined up before Phoebe and Alyssa moved to Sydney, it would only make our lives easier. I couldn’t get ahead of myself, though. Knowing my luck, there was probably just some paperwork he needed me to sign to formalise everything with my sacking.
Sucking down a deep breath, and pushing all hope from my mind lest it let me down, I knocked on his office door.
“Come in,” his voice called.
When I pushed through the door, I was greeted by Danny stationed behind his desk. He regarded me sternly as I entered before standing and moving around the small space to shake my hand.
“Thank you for coming today, Declan.”
“Of course.” My words coated my tongue so that I had to give a small cough to clear my throat.
“Sit,” he said, waving his hand toward the chair across the desk from him.
I didn’t wait to be asked again, taking the seat he’d indicated.
“I’m sure you’re wondering why I asked you to come by.”
Worried that if I tried to speak through my stress, my voice would come out high and scratchy, I nodded and gestured for him to continue.
His fingers formed a steeple in front of his nose. “Your phone call yesterday certainly gave me cause to stop and think.”
Drawing in a calming breath, I waited for him to continue.
“I meant what I said though, Declan. I can’t have you race for me anymore. Even if I had a spare car, there are simply too many factors that would make it a bad business decision.”
“The magazines?”
He parted his hands, giving a half shrug before clasping them back together in front of him again. “Among other things.”
“But?” I knew there was one. Otherwise I wouldn’t have been sitting across from him in his office just days before the team was due to race in Tasmania. The behind-the-scenes prep would have well and truly started. In fact, Danny was probably due in Tassie later that day or early the next. If it was just a friendly chat, it would have waited until after the season had broken in two weeks.
“Well, despite the difficult days you have endured recently, including some undoubtedly caused by losing your position here, you have shown fierce loyalty to Sinclair Racing. Loyalty like that is rare indeed, and I believe it should be rewarded.”
My heart started to stutter, but I tried to remain outwardly calm. I leaned back into the chair, attempting desperately to give off an air of indifference even though all I wanted to do was lean forward, slam my hands against the desk, and demand he tell me more.
“I believe we might be able to find you a position here. However, it’s unlikely to be the one you want.”
Fuck. He probably was planning to have me scrub the toilets or some shit, just like I’d joked. I forced my jaw closed, clenching my teeth. My cheeks and jawline probably showed the telltale signs, but if Danny noticed he didn’t say anything.
“After our phone call, I talked at length with Liam, and he’s agreed to take you on as an apprentice mechanic. If you’re interested, that is. I believe you have some talent in that area.”
Despite my offer to come back to any position, and Danny’s repeated confirmation that I wouldn’t drive for him again, part of me had obviously still clung desperately to the hope that he’d backflip on the issue. Even though it had been battered and wounded almost beyond recognition lately, my pride had me wanting to push out of my chair and leave, telling Danny to shove his offer up his fucking arse on the way. What a fucking long way to fall. From driver to apprentice grease monkey. I would be the laughing stock of the team.
It was so fucking tempting to tell him to piss off.
Only, I had Alyssa and Phoebe to support now. Being an apprentice would give me a trade. Something to fall back on—or move on to, as it were. I stared impassively at Danny as the two sides waged war in my head.
“I still think you have a lot of potential as a driver, young man. It’s unfortunate a lack of sponsorships makes that impossible right now. I’m sure you understand that I have to think of what is in the best interest of the whole team, not any one individual within it. But I do feel that it would be pertinent at this juncture to remind you that you’re still young. You have a lot of life left to make up for certain mistakes. Right now, the most important ally you have is time.” His gaze was stern. Steady. It held me captive as I tried to decipher the message he was trying to portray, hidden within his words. Something he couldn’t say outright lest it bite him on the arse, but something he wanted me to know regardless. “If enough time passes, some controversies can be forgotten by the public. And by the sponsors. Especially if no new ones come to light.”
I nodded. My heart was in my throat as I pieced together his cryptic clues. Despite everything he’d said so far, there was hope. A huge fucking hope. If I interpreted him correctly, he was telling me that not only was there a position for me at Sinclair Racing as an apprentice, but that perhaps another position—maybe even my old position—would open up if I could avoid being in the spotlight for the wrong reasons for long enough.
There was a possibility I could be back on the track before too long. It might be small, but it was there. In the meantime, I could learn a fall-back trade and support my new family. My heart was in my throat as I considered it. It was as close to a win/win as I could ever expect to be offered under the circumstances.
I could have told him to shove it and waited for another driving role, but there was no guarantee another one would be offered to me. Especially if sponsors were using their money to keep me out after the scandals. Not all teams would be willing to make the gamble that Paige was willing to make, and I was certain she was only making it because of her connections to the media.
Eve
n if I were offered another driver role, there was no guarantee it would be in Sydney. Or with a team that valued each member as much as Sinclair Racing always had.
“So, Declan, what do you think of my offer? Obviously it will mean a reduction in your salary, but you could start back on Monday. That is, if you’d like.”
It wasn’t until he’d spoken again that I realised I’d been sitting, staring at him like a tosser as the possibilities ran through my mind.
Swallowing hard on the mixture of fear and shattered pride that had risen in my gullet, I glanced at the hand extended to me across the desk. The metaphoric olive branch that might one day see me back in the seat of a V8 without having to sacrifice Alyssa, move, or work for an insane cougar.
Meeting his gaze across the desk, I considered my options. The thing was, I truly didn’t blame him for the decision he’d made to kick me off the team. He’d felt hurt and betrayed. I could easily understand those emotions—it was how I’d felt after Josh’s attack years earlier. The decisions I’d made then, with a knee-jerk reaction, hadn’t been all that dissimilar to Danny’s. I’d cut Alyssa from my life because I’d assumed something that wasn’t entirely true. I hadn’t trusted her or myself enough to believe we’d be able to work it out.
Besides, all the evidence presented to Danny had pointed in the direction of the conclusion he’d reached. It was likely I would’ve thought the same thing if the article had been about anyone else.
The fact that he was even admitting he was at least partly wrong showed his integrity. It would be difficult to swallow my pride each day and deal with the shit that was sure to result from my choice, but to make up for it, I would be back at my dream team.
After everything we’d been through, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Alyssa would be by my side through it all. She wouldn’t look down on me for accepting the role. She’d just want me to be happy.
It wasn’t a difficult decision, but I wrestled over something internally for a few more seconds before stating, “I accept. On one condition.”
The hand wavered and dropped just a little.
“What’s that?” Danny asked sceptically, as if shocked by my unwillingness to accept the offer point-blank. No doubt my words to him over the phone were playing through his mind.
Was he wondering whether I’d lied to him?
“Can I start after the Christmas break?” I asked, offering my hand in response. “I have a few issues to deal with at home first and I’d like to finish what I started when you put me on that plane to London. I want to come back without the shit of the past hanging over my head. I’ll also need time off to visit my psychiatrist. I don’t want to turn my back on the progress we’re making.”
“I’m sure we can manage both of those, especially if it will help with some longer-term goals.” Danny smiled broadly at me as he grasped tightly to my hand with both of his own. “Welcome back to the team, son. It’s time to start fresh.”
As I shook his hand and we worked out the basic details, I felt like I was planning my trip home. I couldn’t wait to tell Alyssa the good news.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR: TRIPPING OUT
I WAS ON the phone to Alyssa before I’d even reached the car, bursting at the fucking seams to tell her the news.
“So?” she prompted. I climbed into my car but didn’t start it. I wanted to finish the call before I went anywhere. Not that I really had anywhere to go.
“So, I miss you already.”
“Funny, Dec. How’d it go?”
I couldn’t help teasing her a little. “I wasn’t trying to be funny. I miss you.”
“I miss you too.” The impatience crept into her voice even though I was sure she was trying to hide it. “Now, how’d it—” There was a bang in the background and Alyssa swore under her breath. “Damn, I’ve gotta go, Dec.”
She hung up before I could finish my sentence or say goodbye.
I blew out a breath, wondering what could have been so vital that she’d had to cut our conversation so damned short. With my mind turning over the various possibilities, I dropped my phone on the centre console. Dropping my head back against the headrest, I closed my eyes.
A second later, the passenger door popped open.
“What the fuck?” My eyes were open and my hand was on my phone in a heartbeat.
Morgan had stuck his head into the car and laughed at my reaction. “Hey, shithead.”
“What do you want, Morg?” I asked, unable to force any emotion into my voice.
“Geez, curb your enthusiasm next time, would you?” He slid into the seat beside me.
“Sorry, I just . . .” I trailed off before I could admit to him just how big a pussy I now was by saying I missed my girls. Or that I was desperate for Alyssa to call me back already. It was less than a minute since she’d hung up, but that felt too long. After rubbing my face with my free hand, I blew out a frustrated breath. “What can I do you for?”
“So, you had a meeting with Danny today?”
“Well, that would explain why I’m in front of the fucking building now, wouldn’t it?”
“I hear you’re coming back.” The excitement in his voice as the words slipped from him was almost contagious. In different circumstances, it would have been. Knowing Morgan, though, he was probably building me up for some practical joke.
If I were coming back as a driver, I might have been unable to resist responding in kind, but because the situation wasn’t that ideal, I just blew out another breath. “Apparently good news travels fast.”
“Fuck, what bug crawled up your arse and died today? Do you know how big this is? Sinclair doesn’t give second chances. Not once you’re out.”
“If you’re just stopping by to congratulate me, save it. I’m not interested in hearing it right now.” I wanted someone else’s congratulations.
“God, you’re an arsehole.”
I shrugged. In some ways, he was right. On a personal level, it was something to celebrate—at the very least it would mean that we could have food on the table—but professionally, it was anything but. “What can I say, Morg, being in the pits is a long way from being out on track.”
“Still, I think it’s worth a celebration. What are you doing tonight? Or are you so pussy-whipped by that wildcat of yours that you can’t go for a few drinks?”
His statement actually drew a half-smile from me. “She’d kill you if she heard you calling her that.”
He chuckled. “I don’t doubt that. But c’mon, what d’ya say? Let’s hit the town. It’s been too long and I’m off to Tassie tomorrow.”
“I won’t be good company.”
“Well, yeah, I know that, but when have you ever been?” he teased.
His words, an attempt at the banter we’d always had, managed to draw a slight chuckle and something of a smile from me. “Fuck off, McGuire.”
“Seriously though, I feel like I haven’t spoken to you in months.”
I didn’t feel like reminding him that was because he’d spent the entire lead-up to Bathurst walking around making threats that included bringing rusty tools near my tool. Instead, I just said, “I don’t think it’s a great idea to be heading out when that bullshit article is still so fresh.”
“Okay. I’ll be at yours at seven then.”
“Wait, what? Why?”
“’Cause you need a boys’ night so that your cock doesn’t fully retract. From what I’ve seen, it’s at least halfway there.”
“My cock is perfectly fine. Thank you for your concern though. It’s been noted and reported to management.”
“Please? Eden’s informed me she needs me out of the apartment tonight. She’s got some girly shit to do or something.”
Knowing I wouldn’t be able to resist them tag teaming me if I continued to refuse, I relented. It was easier than waiting for Eden to be involved. “Fine. If you’re that in love with me that you can’t resist coming to see me, at least bring dinner. I’m not that easy that I’ll put out without a m
eal.”
He punched my shoulder. “Sure thing. I’ll see you then.”
Once he was out of the car, I started it up and left. I was halfway home when Alyssa called back.
“Sorry about that,” she said. “Phoebe got into the cupboards and was dismantling the house to help me start packing.”
Picturing it, I laughed. “It’s okay.”
“So?” she prompted.
“It wasn’t what we expected. He confirmed that I definitely won’t be coming back as a driver.”
“Oh.” The disappointment in her voice was too fucking cute. Even though me having a driving career had once seemed impossible to her, she was actually upset that I hadn’t got my position back.
“But he did offer me a different position.”
“Oh?”
“An apprenticeship.” I blew out a breath, hoping she wouldn’t think less of me because I was going from prime position in the team to bottom of the fucking ladder. “As a grease monkey.”
“Really? And what did you say?”
“I told him I’d take it. What other choice do I have?”
“You could hang out for another team.”
“But that might never happen.”
She hummed in agreement. “Are you happy?”
“Baby, it’s a job. With everything else going on, I don’t think I can be picky. Besides, Danny seemed to suggest that if I keep my nose clean, I might even get back on the track one day.”
“That’s great news. So when do you start?” Alyssa asked.
“After Christmas break. It all works out perfectly. There’s only one thing missing in my life now.”
“What’s that?”
“My family.”
“You’re cute, Dec, but there’s only a month or so to go. In fact, I had a meeting today with the real estate agent about breaking my lease. They’ve got someone who’s able to move in a few days before Christmas.”
Decipher (Declan Reede: The Untold Story #3) Page 22