“Me? All I’ve done is mess up your life even more.”
She shook her head. “You showed me that those lukewarm sessions with Butch weren’t my fault. Give me the right man, and…” She smiled. “Fireworks.”
He gulped.
“So here’s what I was thinking while I was outside. You can send me home if I bother your conscience, but I’d like to stay. In your house…and…in your bed.”
His pulse raced. “But—”
“For now,” she added quickly. “I understand that if you’re Elizabeth’s father, you want to try to create a home with her and Jessica. I respect that.” She smiled sadly. “I don’t agree with it, but I respect it.”
He was stunned by her offer. “Matty, there’s no way I can expect you to continue what we started, knowing that I’m not free.”
She squeezed his hand. “We don’t know for sure that you’re not free. And if you’re worried about our friendship, and our neighborly relationship, that’s already screwed up. I’ll never react the same to you, and you’ll never react the same to me. Not after today.” She looked deep into his eyes and her voice grew husky. “Not after the way we’ve touched each other.”
Desire surged in him. She was right. He would want Matty Lang for the rest of his life. Even if Elizabeth turned out to be his, and Jessica agreed to marry him, he’d always long to hold Matty in his arms. But he couldn’t string her along like this, even if she encouraged him to. He loved her too much.
Loved her. Life with Barbara had made him suspicious of that word, but now it seemed like the only one that fit. He loved Matty. And because he loved her, he had to protect her from the heartbreak that could come if she stayed. He had to insist that she leave.
“I can see the battle going on in those gray eyes of yours,” Matty said. “And if I know you, nobility is winning.”
“Matty, it’s not fair for you to—”
“Don’t decide yet.” She gave his hand a squeeze and released it. “Think about it. And while you’re thinking, remember this. I don’t ever expect to have a better time in bed than I just had with you. I decided I’d be a fool to turn down the chance to repeat that experience.”
He opened his mouth, but nothing came out.
“And if you had as much fun as I think you did, you’d be a fool to turn it down, too.” She pushed back her chair and stood. “I’m going to check on Elizabeth. Why don’t you make us something to eat?” Then she left the room.
MATTY HAD never seen a more tortured man than Sebastian during the next few hours. Or a busier man. He turned lunch into a production and spent most of the meal on his feet adding garnishes to her plate. When it looked as if he might finally sit down with her, Elizabeth woke up, and he rushed out of the kitchen.
Putting together the changing table and giving Elizabeth a bath took the rest of the afternoon. Sebastian set the changing table up in the kitchen, and Matty didn’t say a word about its placement, although she knew eventually the table should be in the same room with the crib.
She decided to wait until Sebastian was ready to assemble the crib before she suggested where to put it. She’d skimmed the baby book’s chapter on sleeping arrangements and had decided that Elizabeth needed more privacy…which would give the adults more privacy, and that had obvious advantages. If Sebastian agreed with her, then she’d know what he’d decided to do.
Matty offered to feed the baby so Sebastian could work on the crib. Both Sadie and Fleafarm settled at Matty’s feet once she sat down with Elizabeth. Sometime during the day, they’d decided Elizabeth was their responsibility, too, and wherever the baby went, they went. Matty had noticed the same instincts in her sister’s dogs, so she wasn’t surprised.
As Sebastian picked up the box containing the crib and started toward his bedroom, Matty called to him, as if something had just occurred to her.
“Maybe you should set that up in the guest room, instead,” she said casually.
He stopped dead and lowered one end of the box to the floor. Then he turned to her, his gaze speculating. He obviously wasn’t fooled by her casual tone. This was a loaded topic, and he knew it. “You mean your room?”
If he agreed to her proposition, it wouldn’t be her room any longer. And they didn’t want to worry about waking up the baby if they made love. But she wasn’t ready to be quite so blunt.
She ignored his reference to her room. “At first I thought she needed to be in the same room with you,” she said. “But I read a section in the baby book Jessica sent, and it advises parents to give the baby her own room, if possible. She sleeps better, and the adults…sleep better.”
“Interesting that you’d take the time to check out that section.”
“Well, you’ve been very busy, so I figured you wouldn’t have a chance.”
“Ah, Matty.” He sighed, obviously torn between his desire and his conscience. “The book really said she needs privacy?”
“It really said that.”
He hesitated. “Maybe I could put her in my office.”
“You could, but it’s farther from your room. You might have to go to her in the middle of the night.”
He glanced down the hall, then over at the grandfather clock in the corner of the living room. “I guess it’s too late to call Jim. He’s probably headed home for dinner by now.”
She didn’t follow the abrupt change of subject. “You mean to fix the phone, so you can track Jessica if she calls?”
“Yeah, for that, and an intercom for the baby. And a security system.”
“A security system? You have two dogs who have attached themselves to this baby.”
“Yeah, but I’ve been thinking.”
No joke. It’s a wonder smoke isn’t coming out your ears. “And?”
“The dogs are fine for normal security, but if someone’s after Jessica, they might find out about Elizabeth and try to get to Jessica through her baby. If they’re sophisticated enough, a couple of dogs won’t stop them.”
A chill zipped down Matty’s spine and she glanced at the soft, vulnerable baby in her arms. “I hadn’t thought of that.”
Elizabeth gazed up at her and patted her tiny hands against the sides of the bottle as she drank. She was completely helpless, with no choice but to trust Matty and Sebastian to keep her safe.
That responsibility settled over Matty’s shoulders, and she gave up her dream of creating a private love nest with Sebastian. “Maybe you’d better put the crib in your room after all,” she said. She could order priorities, too, and the baby’s safety came ahead of everything else.
“Yeah, I think I will for now. At least until I can get Jim out here to do some wiring.”
“Then we should probably put the changing table in there, too. And the box with her clothes and diapers in it.”
“I’ll do that after I set up the crib.” He lifted the box and carried it down the hall.
Before long Matty heard the clunking and clacking noises of furniture being assembled. “Looks like you and Sebastian will be roomies again, Elizabeth,” she told the baby. “The question remains as to whether I’ll be invited in, too.”
Elizabeth patted the bottle and stared up at Matty.
“You know, when you look like that, as if you’re thinking deep thoughts, you remind me a lot of the guy in there building your crib. I guess you could be his, after all.” Matty nestled the baby more securely in her arms and tilted the bottle to a sharper angle. “He got you a real girlie crib, Elizabeth. I tried to talk him into the basic model, pine finish, simple yet tasteful, gender-neutral. But he went for the froufrou pink-and-white one.”
Elizabeth blinked and stopped sucking on the bottle.
“See? I knew you’d be horrified by that sugar-and-spice junk. You’d rather have the pine finish, right?”
Pushing the nipple out of her mouth, Elizabeth signaled she’d had enough.
Feeling almost like an old hand, Matty put down the bottle and lifted Elizabeth to her shoulder, where she’d already spread a disht
owel. Then she started patting and rubbing the little girl’s back.
“I can tell you’re not gonna be a froufrou kind of girl,” she said. “No dolls and tea parties for you. Boring. Hideouts and secret codes, that’s what’s happening. I’ll tell you a story from my naughty childhood if you promise not to blab.” She turned her head to kiss the incredibly soft little cheek.
Elizabeth gurgled in response.
“Sounds like a promise to me. Well, my aunt Georgia insisted on giving me a doll, even when I told her I didn’t want one. And let me tell you, this was one ugly doll. Well, one night my folks took us to see a melodrama, and the next day my brother talked me into tying that doll to the railroad tracks about two blocks from our house.
“Somebody found her before the train went by, and my brother and I got in big trouble. But I never got another doll, either, which was fine with me.”
The baby erupted in a loud burp.
“Well done,” Matty said. “Don’t you ever worry about being dainty, Elizabeth. Dainty is highly overrated in my opinion. I just hope that fancy-dancy crib doesn’t mess with your head. You have to forgive Sebastian. He only had a brother and he has some stereotypical ideas about girls. I’ll work on him.” If I get the chance.
She didn’t know which way Sebastian would go, whether he’d decide to seize the day—and night—or send her home to soothe his over-developed conscience. But at least she hadn’t run out like some fraidy cat, which had been her first impulse. Getting outside into the crisp Colorado air had cleared up her fuzzy thinking and let her see that going home lacked courage.
Maybe Sebastian would break her heart, but maybe he wouldn’t. And in the meantime, the two of them could make memories that would last a lifetime. Sure, it was risky, but Matty had yet to find a sure thing in this world. She’d pay her money and take her chances. If Sebastian would cooperate.
ALL THROUGH the afternoon Sebastian kept thinking they’d get to a place where he’d be able to say that yes, he could handle it from here. He could take care of Elizabeth, and Matty could go home. He believed that was the best course of action, but he was afraid to have her walk out until he was sure he could make it through the night.
And now the day was gone, and while he thought he might be able to go solo now, he wasn’t keen on sending Matty out into a snowstorm after dark. While he put Elizabeth to bed with both dogs stationed under the crib, Matty made them a light supper and set it on the coffee table in front of the fire. Very cozy.
Desire stirred in him just looking at the intimate arrangement. He pictured how Matty would look with firelight on her naked body, and his blood ran hot. But he didn’t think it was in Matty’s best interests to cozy up to him at this point in his life, no matter what she’d said earlier in the day.
They ate in silence while he struggled with how to broach the subject. Finally he set his empty plate on the coffee table in front of the sofa and rested his arms on his knees, staring into the flames. “The snow never did let up.”
“No, never did.” She set her plate beside his and curled up against the plump cushions, her sock-covered feet tucked under her, her boots on the floor next to the sofa. She looked so soft and welcoming, so ready.
He remembered how ready she could be. His groin tightened. He forced his mind away from the erotic images that had simmered in his subconscious all day, and took a deep breath. “Matty, I don’t think it would work, what you suggested right before lunch.”
“Because you don’t really want me?”
He shot her a glance. “You know better than that.”
“Not really.”
“I’m thinking of you, Matty. It’s a dead end. The more I look at Elizabeth, the more I’m convinced she’s mine. I think it’d be best if we cut it off clean between us now.”
Matty sighed. “Well, if you’re not interested, then you’re not interested. Simple as that.” She reached for her boots and started pulling them on. “I think you’re in decent shape for taking care of Elizabeth, so I’ll be toddling on home.”
“That’s just it. I don’t want you driving home in this. The road will be a nightmare.”
She pulled on her second boot. “I can make it home. My truck has four-wheel drive, and I’ve driven in worse weather than—”
“I don’t care. I don’t want you to do it.”
She glanced over at him. “Too bad, cowboy. I’m not staying in that guest room another night. Sadie and I are going home. I’ll just go get her.” She stood and started out of the living room.
“Dammit, Matty, don’t be bullheaded.” He followed her down the hall. “We can make it through one more night, and I can follow you home tomorrow, to make sure you don’t end up in a ditch.”
She kept walking. “Forget that. I’ll call you when I get home. If you don’t hear from me for an hour, you can call for a tow truck and ask them to look for me. It’s not a long stretch. I’m sure they’d find me.” She pushed open the bedroom door that he’d partially closed and walked through the darkened room to the crib, where Sadie and Fleafarm were on guard underneath it.
Sebastian pictured Matty’s truck in a snowbank with her inside, and his chest tightened with the beginnings of panic. “No,” he whispered fiercely, grabbing her arm. “You’re smarter than that, Matty. These storms—”
She turned to him, her eyes glittering from the light coming through the door. Her voice was a low hiss. “If you think for one minute that I’m going to stay across the hall like a good girl because you don’t have the cojones to make love to me, then you’re not so smart either.”
“You think I don’t want to make love to you?” he said sharply.
“That’s what I think. You got some relief from your long dry spell today, and that was all you needed from me.”
With a low growl of frustration he pulled her into his arms. “You don’t know anything, Matty Lang.”
She lifted her chin in challenge. “Oh, yeah? Then prove it.”
13
SEBASTIAN SHOVED HER to the bed so hard she bounced, but her booted feet stayed on the floor. Before she could react, he was on her, pressing her to the bed with his upper body while he wrenched open the fastening on her jeans.
Heat and excitement surged through her. She’d reined in her desire all day, but with his first frenzied touch it broke free. He brought her to a fever pitch faster than she’d ever dreamed possible.
He put his mouth close to hers, but not to kiss her. “You are the most bullheaded female I’ve ever met,” he said, breathing hard. “So I’m going to prove how much I want you, Matty. Right here. Right now. And if you wake up that baby while I’m doing it, you’re going to walk the floor with her afterward, not me.”
Her heart was pounding and her ears were ringing. She was so aroused that her voice shook. “Sebastian, don’t you think we should—”
“Shut up. I’m running this show.” Using both hands, he pulled her jeans and panties down in one efficient sweep. Then he slid to his knees on the floor at the end of the bed, grasped her hips, and pulled her toward him. Without any further preliminaries he lowered his head and began to plunder her most secret place.
Ravished. It was the only way she could think about what was happening to her. And then she couldn’t think at all as he turned her into a flame burning hot and fast. She pushed her fist against her mouth.
He was relentless, driving her higher and higher with a thoroughness that made her gasp and see stars. His fingers dug into her bottom, holding her steady while she quaked in his grip and arched shamelessly toward the ecstasy he promised. No man had ever shown her passion like this. Her head thrashed from side to side and her skin flushed as if she lay under the noonday sun.
Teasing wasn’t part of the deal. He pushed her straight toward the edge of the cliff, and when she fell, she bit down hard on her knuckle to keep from yelling.
As she lay limp and quivering, she felt the stir of air when he stood, heard the scrape of wood on wood as he opened the bedsid
e table drawer, the chink of his belt buckle as his jeans hit the floor. Then he was back, pulling off her boots, jeans and panties with more tenderness than urgency.
Lifting her like a rag doll, he eased her up higher on the bed. As he moved between her thighs, a shadowy lover, he leaned down and kissed her.
She’d thought her passion had been spent on that rocket ride he’d just provided, but the taste of love was on his mouth, and heat licked through her again, lighting fires all along the way. Her body began to throb to a new rhythm as his tongue probed deep. His erection brushed the outer folds of her pulsing femininity.
He lifted his mouth a fraction from hers. “I want to make love to you, Matty, in every way you could imagine, but especially like this.” He pushed home.
She moaned softly at the pleasure of that perfect connection.
“I wouldn’t have slept at all, knowing you were in that guest room.” His warm breath caressed her mouth. “You drive me crazy.” He moved slowly, easing back and rocking forward, sending shock waves along her system with every lazy undulation.
“So…you…want me to stay?” she said breathlessly.
“Tonight.” He nibbled at her lower lip as he kept up the sensuous rhythm. “But I want you to leave tomorrow.”
“No.” Pain knifed through her at the thought. He was still hell-bent on protecting her.
“Yes.”
“No.” She couldn’t give this up. This magic. This unbelievable joy. “If…it comes to nothing…I can take it.”
His voice roughened. “You know, I think you could. You’re tough.” He shifted the angle slightly and increased the pressure. His breathing grew ragged. “But…I…can’t.” Then his mouth came down hard on hers as he stepped up the pace, bringing her with him as he catapulted them both over the edge.
A CLEAN BREAK with Matty was impossible, Sebastian realized as he struggled through the following three weeks. They’d been neighbors for ten years and were used to relying on each other. Matty called him when she was concerned about one of her geldings. He called to see if he could borrow her clothes-dryer when his went on the fritz and Elizabeth had run out of clothes.
The Colorado Kid Page 14