“Fair enough,” Brando says too easily and Sadi takes a satisfied bite of her chocolate.
-That had already been decided, hadn’t it?- I ask, looking at my hands.
-Of course,- Brando says.
There is something different about him—something loose and almost relaxed. Sadi pauses halfway through her chocolate, wraps it and looks at me. “Your turn. What was that? What caused your blackout?”
I glance at her, and decide to redirect. -You want to do this with him here?- Her eyes narrow and I shrug. “I need to go to Chosi.”
She frowns. “Tin told you we found her. Why is this an issue?”
“You found her. But how long will it be before you are willing to go to her? She’s in danger, Sadi,” I say urgently.
“What we’re doing is important,” she says.
It hits me hard, that she doesn’t immediately agree to go rescue Chosi’le from whatever hell her owner is inflicting on her. I sit back, surprised by the ache of betrayal I feel. I shake my head, letting anger slip in, killing the hurt.
“What exactly are you doing here?” Brando asks. “The truth, this time.”
-Tell him,- I say harshly, and her eyes go wide. -He’s risking his life to protect you. He deserves the truth.-
-He’s following orders.- She yanks open the chocolate again.
“I’m a tool,” I say when she doesn’t speak, and Sadi goes still. “She wanted a face, someone the IPS and its planets would be forced to see. Something that proved my people are more than chattel.”
Brando is watching her; Tin feels like he’s a short step away from killing me. I smile. “The amusing part is that she could have gone to Eleyiar and found that. Instead she went to the auction houses and bought me to show the universe slavery is wrong. Ironic?”
Brando is staring at her, his expression a mix of revulsion and admiration. Sadi is shaking with anger as she whispers, “You swore to me. Swore on Chosi’le’s life that you would tell no one.”
“And you said you’d help me find her,” I throw back. “I’m done, Sadi. Find someone else to play your games, but my sister needs me. Not sometime when you’ve changed the galaxy. The slaves of Cenktari don’t want us. The IPS hates me. I’m needed, and we’re not changing anything. Do you really think a fake romance is going to change anything?”
Brando jerks, as if struck. He’s staring at her, and she closes her eyes, exhaustion sweeping her aura. “It’s fake?” he asks roughly.
When she opens her eyes, they are as empty as Fendra’de’s body. “It changes nothing, Brando. Nothing at all.”
She lifts the chocolate bar and pauses. With a muttered curse, she throws it on the table and stalks out.
Tin is still glaring at me and I finally look at him. -What?-
-She deserves better than that. She’s been nothing but good to you,- he snarls.
-Am I supposed to be grateful that she’s been a decent slave owner?- I demand. -I am. Believe me, I know it could have been worse. But the fact remains, Tin. I’m a slave. It’s hard to remember to be grateful for that.-
I don’t wait for a response. There’s nothing either of us can say that will diffuse this anger. So I stand and make my way through the Leen.
I go to the hold, where the engines drown out the noise of their thoughts. I feel itchy, nervous in my own skin, anxious to find my sister and, somehow, guilty for betraying Sadi like that.
With a muttered curse, I settle into Tranquil, hoping I can find some peace in the ancient forms.
I’m calm when I go to her.
She’s lying on her bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. When I come in, she turns her head away, and I sigh. Without waiting for an invitation, I slide into the bed with her, curve around her body and wrap an arm around her. Without thinking, I let my emotions unfurl and coat her, until she is calm and sleepy in my embrace.
“Tell me what happened between you and Brando,” I say.
She laughs, and twists to look at me. “You really want to know about him?”
“I want to know about you,” I correct. “I want to understand you. And I think that knowing what happened between you will help.”
She takes a breath, lets it out in a sigh against my shoulder. “I loved him,” she says simply. “After the kidnapping, when he brought me home, he was always with me. Daddy didn’t trust anyone else—and neither did Brando. He was suddenly important in Daddy’s staff. That didn’t matter to me. What mattered was, Brando saved my life—he came for me when no one else did. He risked everything to bring me home. And he was there for every play rehearsal, debate match, science experiment, and kitchen disaster. He was with me when I was giggling with my friends, or walking to class, or waking up screaming from nightmares. He always held me until I felt safe again.” A smile quirks her lips. “He didn’t realize that as soon as I was awake, as soon as I saw him, I felt safe. It was impossible for me to feel anything but safe with Brando.
“The worst part was that he didn’t know. He spent almost every waking minute at my side, watched me constantly, and never realized how I felt. I dated idiot school boys, and every time one of them touched me, I wanted Brando to pull him away, to carry me to safety. He never did.”
“He still doesn’t know?” I ask, softly.
“He knows. After one really horrible date, I was crying. Brando made me hot chocolate and listened to me whine for a while and finally asked why I was with them if I didn’t want to be. He was perceptive enough to notice that.” She smiles, her eyes distant, her psyche is a bittersweet mix. “I told him I couldn’t get the man I loved to notice me, so why not?”
-What did he say?- I ask, gently, just outside her mental walls.
She shrugs. -He said he noticed. That, if things were different, I would be everything he had never thought to wish for. But he had a duty, and that came before his feelings.-
“Is that when Tin took over your security?”
She shakes her head. “No. We made do, me in love with him, him ignoring how we both felt, until nine months ago. That’s when Tin came to work with me and Brando took over security for Daddy.”
“And now he’s back,” I say, my voice tight. “Why?”
“Because he doesn’t think I love him. He assumes since I have you, I’ll have forgotten. So it’s safe to protect me again, and he’s never really trusted anyone else to.”
The thought makes me slightly queasy and I don’t ask if it’s true. Or if she will always love him. I can taste the truth in her psyche, the longing she tries to ignore, and I hate him for a heartbeat.
The emotion stuns me.
She rolls, props herself up on an elbow to stare into my eyes. “It changes nothing, Juhan. Brando left because he needed the space. Because he wouldn’t put us before duty. That will never change for him.”
I smile at her, lean down and kiss her. I have kissed her so often, it shouldn’t surprise me anymore, but this time is different. Her lips are soft, warm, and for a strange moment, they remind me painfully of home. I close my eyes, and as her hands creep up, wrap around my shoulders, I know I could nudge her. A tiny nudge of her emotions and she would forget loving Brando, forget loving anyone but me, forget that she doesn’t love me. I could make her love me so much she would do anything for me.
Immediately, guilt makes me pull away, a tiny fraction of space. She blinks up at me, heavy lids and full, pouty lips. Without thinking, I kiss her again, deeper, nibbling at her lower lip until she gasps and my tongue sweeps into her mouth, tangling with hers, her hands in my hair. Her psyche is heavy, thick with lust. It wraps around me until it’s almost my own, until everything fades except her, and this, and her hands on me. Until I want nothing but her—us—naked and together.
And it terrifies me. She has to remember—we both have to remember—that there is no happy ending here. There is no ending that matters more than Chosi. So I gently detach myself from her mind and kiss her one last time, softly. Roll so that she’s tucked close to my body.
&
nbsp; “Juhan?” she murmurs.
-Shh, Sadi. Enough questions tonight. Tomorrow is a new day. But we have to go to Pente-
Chapter 25
Chosi’le
“YOU WILL TAKE AN aide,” Prator says, and I stare at the ground. Anger and despair roll through me in waves, making it hard to think. Hard to fight.
“If I do, you’ll just kill him,” I say dully.
The flare of familiar anger from Prator is at once terrifying and satisfying. Ja Argot growls under his breath, and Prator stiffens. “I told you she was too valuable to play mind games with. And what do you do? You kill the only slave she gives two thoughts about.”
Prator glares at his brother, but there are some lines even he won’t cross. He will not gainsay him with an audience. I close my eyes, exhausted.
“You’ll take an aide, Brielle,” Henri says, “or I will kill one of the draken. And assign you an aide.”
My stomach clenches, and I grit my teeth to keep myself in place. I want to claw his eyes out—but his threat is too real.
“I will take an aide of my own choosing, if I am permitted to fight in the next games,” I say, softly.
Even with my eyes downcast, I feel the quick glance the brothers exchange. The rustle of movement as Argot sits, and then an explosive sigh from Prator. “She needs a rest. She’s fought in three consecutive games,” he says, as close to challenging Argot as I have ever seen.
“The crowds adore her. And the patrons enjoy seeing what their money pays for,” Argot answers, unruffled.
“Fine,” Prator snaps. “Against the garilia. Does that suit you, lady Spectacle?”
I shrug. “If it pleases the Ja.”
Prator snorts, and waves a hand. “Now your turn, Brielle. Name an aide.”
I have put this off for over a month, and still the thought of replacing Jemes makes my heart hurt. I look at the ground, reviewing the slaves I know of and then: “Petyr.”
Prator’s eyes narrow, and I smile, a cold and satisfied smile. We both know Petyr told him about my affair with Jemes. He will gain no advantage over me by killing an Eleyi I hate almost as much as I hate him. If I could name Catelyn, I would. He nods once, and I am dismissed.
The suns are setting, and I can hear the glads clamoring in the dining hall. I want to skip last meal, but the last time I did that, Prator had me beaten and force-fed for two days.
Defiance isn’t worth the punishment, so I trudge toward the dining hall.
The gladiators fall back as I enter, and I know it is because I am the darling of the crowds.
And because I am the slave who refuses Prator. He was quick to spread the word that Jemes died because I refused his bed, and it’s earned me some notoriety, and more derision. If I had enemies before my first fight, it is nothing compared to the hatred they feel for me now. Now that the blood of a fellow slave stains my hands, and the crowd favors me. One of the glads spits, the warm spittle landing in my long bangs.
“Brielle.”
I pause, my eyes closing. I can hear the screams again, the defeated look in his eyes before the last blow fell. His voice when I found him in the medhall later, hysterical with grief, begging me to understand.
“What, Kristoff?” I say without turning. I don’t trust myself to look at him and not break into tears.
And breaking, these days, is so terribly easy.
“How long will you punish me for something I couldn’t control?” he asks, his mind a mixture of sadness and anger. “I was under orders, with my own love to protect.”
“I know,” I say, same as I’ve said every time we’ve had this argument. And I do know. I just don’t want to understand. And I can’t forgive.
He curses as I shake my head. “I need more time, Kristoff. I loved him,” I whisper, and he drops my hand. It’s my cue, and I flee, almost throwing the package of food down as I race toward my haven: the draken.
I can feel his worry as I run, feel his frustration and concern. I can’t make myself care.
Why bother? Everything I care about is destroyed. I stop in my rooms, so empty now, and swallow two of the pain pills Jenalle prescribed so long ago. I’m running low, but I have enough to kill myself, if I decide being a coward is an option. And Jenalle will give me more if I’m injured in the arena.
A whisper of awareness, questioning, and I shove the thought of suicide away. I can’t die, because as much as I try not to care, there are still my draken.
In their cave, I curl up with Natsu and open my mind. As their memories and dreams flood me, I am able to forget my empty rooms, the place where Jemes should be and isn’t. I can forget the brother who has abandoned me for a pretty little bitch. I can forget everything but now. It’s the best drug I’ve found, outside the arena.
Miwya is quiet, watching me, and I know he wants to press, so I head off his questions. “Prator has agreed to our fighting in the Jebule Games.”
Miwya shakes his head, flexing the wing that was hurt in the last fight. -I can’t yet.-
-Natsu or Meinia can, then. It won’t be as spectacular, but it’s good to surprise the audience.-
Miwya rumbles, a small jet of flame filling the air in front of him with a whiff of burnt ozone and raw meat. -You need to rest.-
I look at him with eyes suddenly haunted, and he gentles, reaching for me. -Chosi’le…-
-He’s waiting for me to rest,- I say, my voice empty. -If I sleep, he’s waiting, and so is Juhan. I can’t rest.-
I feel the current of concern from Natsu and Sora and then, Miwya says quietly, -Fine, Chosi. You can rest here, and we will guard your dreams.-
Dangerous.
It is so dangerous to love these wild creatures. They’ve wormed their way into my heart, a place I thought would always belong to Juhan. Blinking back tears, I nod and curl into the warmth of Natsu, and let my eyes close, trying to forget how to dream, to forget how everything I care about turns to dust.
I can feel Meinia watching me and I shiver. Of all the draken, he is the only one who dislikes me. His bronze eyes gleam in the firelight, and finally he snorts, laying his head down and I drift into sleep.
-Meinia, dive,- I snap.
The draken bugles, furious. The holostim cuts off as the wilding pack—savage dogs from Teren—tears into him. I throw the device down, choking back a scream of frustration. The other draken watch warily as I stalk toward Meinia. He hisses at me, blocking me from his mind. For a moment, the illusion of smoke and shadow intensifies and I mutter a curse, throwing out my will and breaking his illusion.
-Everyone back to the cave,- I say, my voice soft and directed at everyone but Meinia. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve their obedience, but they all turn, climbing to the cleft in the mountain. Natsu sends one last worried look at us before she ducks in.
Meinia lounges in the sun, his eyes closed. It makes me even angrier and for the first time, I consider using the laser harness—really using it. The thought sobers me and I toss it down with the holostim, pulling my whip out with a soft hiss. Meinia stiffens, but otherwise does not react, his eyes stubbornly closed.
Muttering a prayer he doesn’t turn on me, I snap the whip, and he jumps as the tip stings across his nose. “Meinia, attend!” I snarl, and the draken hisses back. The lash is harder this time, and he roars at me, rearing up on his hind legs.
For a heartbeat, I am tempted to back down, to let him kill me. How easy would it be?
Then rage washes over me, and I scream back, startling us both. He drops down, his psyche a mass of fury.
-You aren’t worth our trust,- he spits.
I would flinch, except it’s true, and denying it will do nothing but make him angrier. -I know,- I say instead.
-How many times do you consider death a day, Brielle? How many times do you think to abandon us?- he demands.
Every hour. Every minute would be closer to the truth and I let my head drop under the weight of his disgust. -Too often,- I answer.
The admission cools
his anger and he drops on all fours on the sands. I can feel his hostility, but it’s calmer. -We deserve someone who won’t abandon us because the Ja broke her spirit,- he says, exhausted. -Your brother would expect more of you.-
It’s a low blow and I look up, glaring. -I haven’t abandoned you, have I? I’ve held on even when it’s easier to give up.-
His eyes go distant, as if he is listening to something I can’t hear. -For now.-
I glance behind me, to where he is gazing, and my stomach lurches when I see Petyr standing near the edge of the practice field, watching us with undisguised interest. I feel Meinia’s confusion, and turn back to him as he swivels his head, one bronze eye staring at me. -Why is he here?-
-I had to take an aide,- I say, suppressing a sigh. -Better one that can’t be used against me.-
For a long moment, I feel his emotions wavering between anger and surprise and admiration. Then they smooth, settle into a blank slate, and he dips his head. -Am I free to go?-
I nod, turning my back to him as I reach for the discarded holostim and harness. I hear Petyr gasp, feel his sharp spike of fear as Meinia throws himself into the air, his wings stirring dust that stings my eyes. I straighten, and walk to my new aide.
“Prator said I was to report to you,” he says, dislike evident in his tone.
“I’ve taken you as my new aide,” I tell him blankly, and his fear spikes again. “You’ll need to learn to control that, or they’ll eat you alive.” He pales, and I quickly amend, “Figuratively speaking. Draken don’t actually eat people. I don’t think.”
He’s quiet for a few moments, and I shove my gear at him, reaching up to knock dirt from my hair. “Why me?” he asks after a moment.
I smile, coldly. “Because I don’t give a fuck if Prator kills you.” His eyes narrow, and I turn away, satisfied. Better he knows where he stands than to wonder. “Come on. We have to feed them before we go to last meal, and you need to clean their caves.”
Gentle Chains (The Eleyi Saga Book 1) Page 21