by Lena Hart
She rocked her hips downward until he was lodged deep inside her. She leaned forward for a slow, soft kiss and he brought his hands to her waist to hold her against him as he deepened it.
She pulled up and rode him slowly, her dark, shoulder-length hair curtaining the sides of her beautiful face. He stared up at her and brushed the strands aside. With each rise and fall of her hips, they both gasped and shuddered from the intense pleasure.
But they never broke eye contact, and together they experienced the bliss of being one. Just as he wanted it.
When it became too much, when he knew their pleasure would soon overtake them, he rolled her beneath him and held still, savoring that moment. She brought her hand up to his cheek and he turned his head toward her warm palm and kissed her hand.
“I love you, Judith.”
He spoke the words in Spanish yet her expression softened with what looked like understanding and her eyes glistened. He slowly thrust into her again, lost in the dark pools of her misty gaze. They moved together, completely in sync, as they chased away all the hurt and pain between them…until there was nothing left but their hearts laid bare.
In the still of the night, with just their cries of pleasure, they found their release together. He held her close and didn’t let go even as he felt the wetness of her tears against his neck.
****
Judith kept her arms wrapped tightly around his neck, waiting for the onslaught of emotions to pass. She didn’t know how long they stayed like that, but she refused to let him go.
She never wanted him to pull away from her like that again.
It had felt like a core part of her had been severed when he’d pulled out of her. She realized now how important he was to her and how close she had come to driving him away.
When he eventually rolled to his side, she moved with him, keeping her face buried in the crook of his neck. He held her to him and they now lay on their sides, holding each other close, and she wanted them to stay like this forever. If only to remind herself that she still had him.
“Baby, why are you crying?” he asked quietly.
She hadn’t noticed the tears until now. And they shocked her. She hadn’t cried in a long time and now she couldn’t seem to make them stop.
Confused by the overwhelming feelings pouring through her, she shook her head. “I don’t know,” she murmured huskily. “I just…I don’t want to lose you.” She tightened her arms around him. “I don’t want you to leave me.”
He smoothed his palm down her back to curve under her butt and he pulled her close. “I won’t.” He pressed his lips to her shoulder. “That won’t happen.”
She eased her tight hold around him and pulled back to look at him. Even in the darkness of the room, she could see the warmth and concern in his eyes.
In that moment, she realized that if she didn’t let go of her fears, her insecurities, and learn to fully trust him, then she could very well lose him. He was a passionate man who was open about his feelings and he made it clear that he wanted the same thing from her. He wouldn’t accept anything less.
And he didn’t deserve any less.
She placed her hand on his cheek, lightly threading her fingers through the trim hairs on his jaw then kissed him.
He gave all of himself to her and in return, he demanded the same. If she wanted to be with him, to please him, she needed to learn to open herself completely to him—both in and out of bed. And she wanted him enough to give him that.
She just didn’t know if she had it in her to give.
Chapter Thirteen
“Judith? What are you doing out here?”
Judith turned to find a bed-rumpled Carlos walking toward her where she sat huddled on the couch. His dark boxers were the only thing that covered his beautiful body and she found it hard to look away.
“Nothing,” she said, as he fell into the seat beside her. “I just couldn’t sleep.” She didn’t even know what time it was. Though the light from the hall offered a soft glow in the dark room, it was still dark outside and she suspected dawn was still far from the horizon.
He unfolded her legs from beneath her and draped them over his lap. “Everything okay?” he asked, gently running his warm palm over her bare thighs.
His shirt had been the only piece of clothing she had managed to find in the dark and after slipping it on, she had come out to the living room to sort through her thoughts. After so many years of keeping all her secrets and horrors inside, she was desperate to tell him everything.
Remembering her life with Ken was like rehashing a nightmare, but she couldn’t find the right words, and she didn’t know where to start.
Carlos’ slow movement stilled on her leg. “Judith, what’s wrong? Is it about last night?”
She shook her head, her throat suddenly too tight to speak. She took his hand and laced her fingers through his, holding him tight. To stop the trembling.
“I need to tell you something,” she whispered.
He gently squeezed her hand, waiting patiently for her to continue. She’d never spoken to anyone about the girl she had once been or the man who had turned her into the woman she was now. Despite her fear, she wanted Carlos to know all of her—and the girl she had buried a long time ago.
“Tell me,” he prompted.
She took a shuddering breath and began. “There was this girl. Her name was Abigail Bellamy, but everyone, except her mother, called her Abby. Her mother loved her given name, and she would get so annoyed when people took it upon themselves to shorten it.” Judith smiled softly at the memory, remembering the frowns her adoptive mother would throw the violators. “But Abby never really minded, though,” Judith continued. “She was easy going like that. Her mother was always a bit overprotective, keeping Abby sheltered from a lot of things, except dance, but still Abby managed to make friends everywhere she went. She never really had a problem fitting in, not even when she went away to college and started dating the star athlete at her school.”
Carlos gently squeezed her hand again when she stopped and she focused her gaze on him. His dark eyes were piercing as he silently encouraged her to continue. She glanced down at their hands as her mind pulled her back into her past.
“Kenneth Tate was the cutest, most charming guy Abby had ever met, and they began dating.” She paused for a moment, emotion tightening her throat. “Abby had barely finished her first year in college when her mother passed away and she found herself alone…lonely…without her. But then Ken asked her to marry him and Abby agreed. Ken had also lost his parents when he was young and Abby felt as though he was the only one who understood what she was going through. With him, she didn’t feel so alone anymore.”
Judith shook her head. Ironic that the loneliest moments in her life had been during her engagement with Ken. And even after all these years, she couldn’t move past him.
“It’s okay, baby,” Carlos urged. “You can tell me.”
She took another deep breath and the words poured out of her. “The first year with Ken was great. He was sweet and courteous and by that time I thought I loved him. He had a trust fund and would help me pay for my classes. I moved in with him after we got engaged and…that was when we started to have sex. I hadn’t really felt ready for it, but I figured he was right. He was going to be my husband soon and it wasn’t like I was saving myself for marriage so I gave him my virginity.”
Judith fell silent for a moment, vaguely aware of the tension that invaded Carlos’ body. She wondered what was going through his mind but didn’t dare lift her gaze to find out.
“After that, it was like he changed overnight. He became…almost like another person. He was jealous of anyone I spoke with or spent too much time with. He lost his temper at everything I did, and everything I said was taken the wrong way. He could make me feel like I was cheating on him when I didn’t pick up his calls fast enough. It was…scary.”
Ken’s sudden dark side had kept her on edge for much of their relationship. His
dual personalities were extreme and erratic and there were times she seriously believed he was mentally unstable. Except no one else ever saw that other side of him.
“Did you leave him?”
Carlos’ harsh question jarred her from her thoughts. She glanced up at him and was taken aback by the fierce frown that marred his face. But she wasn’t frightened. If anything she was comforted by his outrage for her.
“No,” she said with a slight shake of her head. Absently, she stroked his arm, trying to ease some of his tension. “Not even when he started…hitting me. At the time, I didn’t know what to do. It was just easier to let myself believe in his apology, believe every excuse he gave and promise that he would never do it again. But I was so stupid,” she whispered. “I should have left him when I had the chance instead of letting him believe he could do whatever he wanted to me.”
Carlos cursed, his body radiating with fierce rage. She continued to stroke his arm, taking comfort in the small touch and the closeness of their bodies.
“After two years of trying to figure out what I could do to avoid setting him off, I realized that I couldn’t live like that anymore. I tried to leave a few times only to have him beg or bully me into coming back. I guess, in a way too, I felt like I owed him. For all that he was doing to help me stay in school. But my last semester, I finally left him for good. I changed my phone number, got a new apartment, and tried to focus on getting to graduation.”
But then the stalking began, and she told Carlos everything—about the phone calls, the love letters and emails, the random appearances until she had been forced to get a protection order against him. She shuddered, thinking of the one time she suspected he had come into her apartment when she hadn’t been home. And the other time he had tried to come in while she’d been asleep. Luckily, a neighbor had scared him off, but that had pushed her into getting the protection order.
“I thought that would help him realize how serious I was,” she continued. “Make him realize that we were over and he should finally move on and leave me alone.” She shook her head, thinking how foolish she had been to think things would be so easy. “But he didn’t. When he found out about the protective order, he was furious. He would call and leave me threats one day, then send flowers with an apology the next. That went on for weeks.”
“Did you call the police?” Carlos asked roughly.
She nodded. “But he was smart about not doing anything that I could connect back to him. It was like no matter what I did, he would win every time. So I waited until the semester ended before I decided to move again. I was finally finished with school and had gotten a job teaching dance. The night before my move, I went out to get something. I can’t remember what it was or why I needed to get it that night, but as I was heading back to my car, Ken was there.”
She took a deep breath, waiting for the memories, the lingering terror and the helplessness of that night to stop overwhelming her. “I was so scared when I saw him standing there, I literally couldn’t move. He could see how scared I was and yet he seemed surprised by it.” She let out a hollow laugh and shook her head. “He was actually shocked that I was scared of him. As if he hadn’t spent three years of my life terrorizing me. He said he just wanted to talk and I was too scared to do anything else, I let him drag me to his car. But there were so many things I could have done that night. That I should have done.”
She gripped his arm, remembering every moment of that horrific night. “But instead I told him the truth. That I didn’t love him like he claimed to love me. That I would never marry him.” Unexpected tears blurred her vision. “He didn’t like hearing that because the next I know, he’s choking me right there in the car. And he’s crying and kissing me, but still choking me and I couldn’t breathe and he wouldn’t let go.”
She didn’t realize she had her fingernails digging into Carlos’ arm, until he pulled her to him and settled her on his lap. He placed his hand under her shirt and over her abdomen, the pressure and his warmth doing more to chase her rising anxiety than anything else.
“Did he do this to you?”
She placed her hand over his and stared into dark eyes that were filled with part fury and part anguish. But the hand he rested over her was light and gentle.
She shook her head and the tears fell on the side of her face. “I must have passed out because the next thing I know, we were on the highway and he was driving really fast. I tried to get him to slow down, begging him to let me out, but he kept shouting that everyone he loved had left him and I wasn’t going to leave him too. That he wasn’t going to just let me leave.”
Carlos closed his eyes and she couldn’t be sure which of them was trembling.
“The more I begged and screamed for him to stop, the faster he drove,” she continued. “The last thing he said to me before he drove the car over the rail was that if he couldn’t have me—”
“Jesus,” Carlos burst out.
She wrapped her arms around him, taking some of his strength and letting him borrow some of hers. A sense of calm seemed to settle over her now that she had finally told him and managed to get through the worst of it.
“I don’t remember much of what happened after. I spent four months in the hospital and then two years in physical therapy. My right arm and leg had been crushed. My collarbone and pelvis had been broken. My right eye retina had been torn, and even after surgery, I needed glasses to see from that eye. The seat belt gave me the big scars. Some of the glass and the surgery to my pelvis gave me the smaller ones.”
He was rigid against her as she ran through her list of injuries. She wasn’t telling him this to gain his sympathy or pity, and certainly not to upset him. She needed him to know so that he understood what a broken mess she really was. So that he knew what he could and could not get from her.
“You deserve more than I can give you, Carlos,” she said quietly, her voice trembling. “I can’t give you children. I can’t give you a family.”
He remained silent. Still.
Tears flowed down her cheeks then. She wanted him more than anything, but it wasn’t fair for her to expect him to want her after what she had just told him.
But then he leaned down and kissed her. It was sweet and gentle and undemanding. He pulled away and rubbed a thumb over her tear stained cheek. “If you think that’s going to change how I feel about you, you don’t understand how much I care about you and how much I want you.” He paused then asked, “Was he the reason why you did what you did at Royal Courts?”
She nodded and told him everything—about the Agency, the compromise to her new identity, the promise to keep Ken in prison though he had already been paroled. When she was done, she stared down at her hands, the realization of her weakness only added to her despair.
“I’m sorry I lied to you. About everything. I always told myself that Abigail Bellamy died in that car that night.” Her voice cracked. “But she didn’t. She’s still very much a part of me.” She shook her head, her brows pulling together slightly. “I’m still that same stupid girl who is still afraid of the man who tried to kill me five years ago.” She closed her eyes and released a shaky breath. “I know it makes me weak, but he still scares me to death.”
He pulled her closer to him. “Being scared doesn’t make you weak, Judith. It makes you human. There are different kinds of strong and I think you have a lot of inner strength. You literally went through hell and yet you still manage to smile. I don’t know a lot of people who could have gone through everything you did and do that.”
She stared at him for a long while, her throat tightening from a wave of emotion. “Why couldn’t I have met you nine years ago?”
His expression remained solemn as he continued to rub her back. “You have nothing to be afraid of, muñeca,” he said. “I promise, I won’t let that bastard come near you again. No one will ever hurt you again.”
Drained, she rested her head on his shoulders. Though his words comforted her, she knew nothing was ever promise
d. Not even tomorrow.
****
Carlos felt Judith’s eyes on him as he flipped through photo after photo of the mangled car that she’d been trapped it. She’d handed him the folder that she’d received with the flash drive and looking through the materials now, he could understand her panic. These people had done their research.
Now it was his turn.
He tried to control his reaction as he stared down at a photo with her lying in the hospital bed, bloodied and bruised, and connected to so many machines. The images were permanently burned into his mind and his stomach twisted with anger and disgust.
But he only had the pictures. After surviving all that she had, Carlos couldn’t imagine what memories Judith kept stored inside her head.
“I don’t know how they found out about me, but when I saw those, I panicked.” She sighed. “I never wanted to cause any trouble.”
Carlos glanced over at her on the couch, purposely keeping her gaze from drifting down to the file. It was late morning now and she was still dressed in his shirt. It had been a rough night for them both and their emotions had been strung high. But when she’d finally managed to fall asleep, he’d simply held her, wanting to both shield her from any more hurt and kill the bastard who’d caused her such pain. A monster like that didn’t deserve to live.
“Were you able to find out who sent this to me?” she asked, tucking her hair behind her ear.
Carlos shook his head. “Not yet. But we’re working on it.”
She tightened her hands on her lap, but nodded. He was expecting Tristan to return the message he’d left early that morning. Tristan wouldn’t like it, but Carlos needed one more favor and he planned to take full advantage of his cousin’s resources.
“Do you remember anything that she said that struck you as strange, anything that made you think she could have been an employee?”
Her brows pulled together as she thought about it, then she slowly shook her head. “No, not really. Her accent sounded familiar, but I can’t remember where I heard it before. And I did think it was weird that she seemed to be a pretty nice person despite the fact that she was blackmailing me.”