by Mina Carter
She studied the glass as if it was at fault for its lack of alcohol. Perhaps another one would do the trick? Lifting a hand, she waved erratically in the air for the waiter to bring her another. If that one didn’t grant her the unconsciousness she craved, then she’d finally give in and start taking the sleeping pills the port doc had given her during her annual medical last month. She’d do anything to avoid slipping into sleep, only to snap awake convinced her father was back and had taken Kelwin from her. Consciousness quashed the specter of her father but left her to face the crushing realization that Kelwin was already gone. She’d driven him away.
She needed oblivion. No, she needed the man she loved…but that was never going to happen. Not now. Not ever.
Her heart throbbed painfully as an image of Kelwin formed in her mind. She clenched her fist on the table, the knuckles white as she tried to breathe through the pain. Focus on the breaths, not the pain. Blank mind, think of nothing. Breathe…in, out…in, out.
She loved him. Even though she’d tried to convince herself otherwise, she’d loved him since before their wedding day over ten years ago. Looking up, she blew out a shaky breath and used the back of her hand to dash at the tears in her eyes.
He’d given her freedom and walked away. More than that, when she’d dragged herself back to the Lady she’d found a notification on her comm channel from his bank. He’d given her unlimited access to his account, but of the man himself there was no sign. He’d saved her without a hint of emotion on his face. He couldn’t even bring himself to look back, not even when she collapsed in the clerk’s arms, screaming his name.
She tipped the glass up again, waiting for the last azure drop of alcohol to roll down the inside and onto her waiting tongue.
She loved him, and she’d lost him. Drunken forgetfulness was the best she could hope for.
A glass clunked down on the table in front of her. Irritation surged through her as she looked up, mouth open to give the waiter a piece of her mind. She didn’t get further than the hand.
It was a male hand, with strong fingers that gripped around the rim of the glass. Long-boned and dark-skinned—with a smattering of hair across the back—it was a hand she recognized. Hands like that had haunted her dreams for months.
Her breath caught as she followed the hand into a wrist and the wrist up to a strong forearm, then beyond until she met Kelwin’s bright blue eyes.
“Do you want this? Or shall we get out of here, Mrs. Sayeed?”
Despite the joy that filled her heart at his mere presence and the near-overwhelming desire to leap to her feet and rush into his arms, Nerys did neither. Survival instincts kicked in as wariness threaded itself through every fiber of her being. Just because he’d come back didn’t mean squat. Didn’t mean he’d suddenly decided he loved her or wanted to claim her as his wife. For all she knew he could be back to kick her while she was down.
Lifting her chin, she leaned back in her chair and surveyed him with a cool gaze. Damn, he looked good. Sharply dressed, clean. He’d even shaved, just a hint of dark shadow on his cheeks. The need to reach out and touch assaulted her. Memory filled in the gaps. How that slight stubble felt against her skin, of his cologne as it wrapped around her even as he took her into his arms—
She quashed the memories and looked at him directly. “And why would I want to do that, Mr. Sayeed?”
His expression tightened, anger and something else—something closer to pain—flitted over his features. Surprise joined the wariness as he glanced down, looking like an unsure schoolboy. When he looked back up, the anger was gone, his expression open and honest.
“Because I’d like to talk to you. Try and sort this“—He motioned between them—“this between us, out. Please?”
“You’ve lost weight.”
Kelwin winced at the inane comment. Women could be sensitive about their weight, and a man already on thin ice was better off staying away from such a subject. Still, it was something to break the awful silence that had crowded into the lift with them as if it were a living, breathing person.
Standing opposite with her arms folded—defensive body language if ever he’d seen it—Nerys finally looked at him. It wasn’t a good look. It was the kind of look that said he was on a level with something nasty she wanted to scrape off her shoe.
“I’m flattered you noticed.” He didn’t miss the sarcasm in her tone as she looked away to study the control station of the lift as though its buttons were the most fascinating thing this side of the Novarian expanse.
“Of course I noticed. You’re my wife.”
Arching a fine blonde eyebrow, she leveled him with a look that could have frozen suns. She’d gone back to her natural blonde, the first thing he’d noticed when he’d seen her. It suited her, but he daren’t say so. The mood she was in—the stony silence as she’d followed him from the restaurant—she’d probably string him up by his balls.
“Oh, okay, so now you want to remember that. How good of you.”
If he’d thought having her ignore him for most of the ride up to his suite was bad, then facing the full force of her fury—even for a few seconds—was worse. The chime of the door announced their arrival and saved him. As soon as the doors opened, she swept past him into the luxury suite beyond.
He leaned against the metal wall and ran a hand through his hair. He could deal with her anger. He had no choice. He’d earned it when he’d walked away from her at the dock. But what reached down his throat and grabbed his heart in a death grip was the loss of hope in her eyes. It was the look of a woman who had given up, who expected nothing but hurt from others.
How could he blame her? Now that he knew the truth, her life story read like a counselor’s nightmare. Separated from her outspoken mother as a child, she’d been brought up in a gilded cage, but not as a little princess. By all reports, Cordon had been a downright bastard to his family, punishing them for the slightest infraction, real or imagined.
Then, when she was old enough, her father had begun to sell her to the highest bidder. Not physically, at least, not until Cordon had married her off to Kelwin himself. Before him, there had been three other engagements. Saps chosen with care from the outer systems, lured in by her beauty and innocence. All had lost a fortune when McQuaid had broken the agreements on mere technicalities and kept the bride payments before moving onto a new system and fresh victims, trusting the lack of communication between sectors so his little game wouldn’t be discovered. Kel doubted the asshole had even told Nerys—just taken the money and used her young age as an excuse to stop anything going too far before they could run.
Pushing away from the wall, he followed her into the suite. After speaking to all three former suitors and finally the McQuaids’ former nanny, he finally knew the truth. A truth he should have known from the beginning, either by listening to Nerys or his own instincts.
Nerys McQuaid had been as innocent as the men her father had deceived. And the instant she’d found out the truth, she’d walked away from it all to lead an honest life. Kel was an ass for suspecting otherwise.
He found her standing under one of the overhead canopies, but her eyes weren’t on the magnificent triple sunrise above. Instead, she looked at the modern art sculpture on a side table. A mass of wires and disjointed shapes, it made no sense at all to him. Perhaps he just wasn’t “modern” enough to appreciate it.
“I left you access to my credit line. Didn’t you get the notification?”
Why didn’t you use the money? Why go back to sailing when you could have lived a life of luxury?
She shrugged, still turned away from him. Every line of her slender body—encased in a simple top and cargo pants—screamed her desire to flee, to get away from him.
“I didn’t…don’t want your money. I never did.”
His breath left his lungs in a surprised rush. He’d been worried that the message hadn’t gotten through. That on top of everything, she thought he’d abandoned her completely without a way to supp
ort herself, that she’d had to take her rickety ship and go back to sailing. So much so he’d had an associate run a trace through the systems to confirm that the message had been opened by someone on the Lady. It had, but there had been no query with his bank and nothing had been taken out.
She’d known about the money and she hadn’t taken a cent.
“What do you want, Nerys?” His voice was little more than a whisper as he approached her. His heart ached for her pain. First her father, and then him. They’d both been absolute assholes. He had to make this right. Tell her that she wasn’t alone…that he loved her and always had.
“I want a divorce.”
Four little words—not the three he wanted to hear—but the four he knew he deserved and worse. His heart thumped painfully, a knot closing his throat. He loved her, but all she wanted from him was her freedom.
“I don’t want a settlement…” Her voice thickened as she lowered her head. Feeling a complete shit, he reached for her. She moved, sliding out of reach to turn and face him. Tears ran unchecked down her cheeks, and the utter misery in her eyes made him feel as if he’d been punched in the gut. “I won’t claim anything from you. I just want to get on with my life.”
“Alone?”
He couldn’t help it—the question slipped from his lips before he could stop it. The thought that she’d found someone else—of her in some other man’s bed—set his blood simmering. Gratefully, he took refuge in it. Anger was easier to deal with than misery and the fact that the woman he loved may now hate him.
Moving with the speed of his former profession—one he rarely displayed—he caught her as she turned to flee and pulled her up hard against him. Gasping in shock, she fought him but was no match for his superior strength. Easily, he quelled her struggles, holding her tight and trying not to think how right she felt against him.
“If there’s anyone else…I swear to the gods, he’s a dead man.”
She reared back to look him in the eye. Her own were filled with tears and his heart sank. There was someone else.
“How dare you stand there and say that to me?”
Her voice was low and so filled with suppressed anger that he was surprised she didn’t spontaneously combust.
“You disappear for months with no word, then you have the balls to show up and threaten any guy I’ve been involved with?
Kelwin thought about it for a moment. “Yes.”
She started to open her mouth, but he cut her off with a finger over her lips, talking quickly before she could interrupt him. “I love you, Nerys McQuaid, and I was an ass. I know that now. I shouldn’t have left, but…”
He sighed and released her, running a shaking hand through his hair. He didn’t try to conceal his weakness. He was fighting for something far more important than any tactical advantage, honor or even his life. He was fighting for the heart of the woman he loved.
He just had to hope it wasn’t a pointless battle.
“I needed to learn the truth for myself. And I was wrong. What I should have done was listen to you.”
She backed up, watching him warily. Then she reached around and pinched herself on the arm. “No, definitely awake. Okay, buddy, who are you and what did you do with my husband?”
My husband. He savored the words as they rolled off her tongue. Damn, having her call him that sounded good. Holding his hands out to his sides, he approached her as he would a skittish animal. She wasn’t running, nor screaming blue murder. That had to be a good sign.
“I love you, Nerys. I will until the day I die.” His voice was gentle, a vow as he reached her and took her hands in his. “If…”
His voice cracked, his heart breaking as he faced the impossible. He couldn’t hurt her, not again. If she had found someone else, finally found happiness, then he couldn’t do anything to destroy that. It would kill him, but he couldn’t do it to her.
“If you’ve found someone else…or if you just want me to go because of what I’ve done, I can understand that. I love you too much to hurt you anymore.” He kept his tone soft, as gentle as he could make it as he swept a thumb back and forward over the back of her knuckles.
She looked up at him, her expression guarded. She’d once been so open, her emotions easy to read, but now she was closed. The blank look in her eyes would have done any poker player proud. The knife in his heart twisted again. Something else he’d ruined. Then he caught it—a flicker in her eyes as the mask slipped a little. The tiniest crack in her defenses, but it was enough.
“Is there anyone else, Nerys?”
He prepared himself for every answer he could think of. What he didn’t expect was for her to swing back and punch him. Hard. He winced, rubbing his arm and looked at her in surprise.
“No, you damn jackass! There’s only ever been you.” She glared at him, all fury and challenge. “I love you, Kelwin Sayeed.”
Her blood pounded painfully through her veins as Nerys put her heart on the line. Wariness filtering through every line of her body, she waited for a response from the man in front of her.
Idiot, her instincts screamed. She had to agree with them. Now that he had confirmation of her feelings for him, he could use them against her. And if her life to this point had taught her anything, it was that the people she loved could cause her the most damage and heartache.
He could destroy her. He almost had when he’d left her at the dockside. If he were to laugh now, tell her that it was all a joke and walk away, she wouldn’t survive it. The effect would be too devastating. Shoving her fear down and locking it in the back of her mind, she looked him in the eyes and waited.
He dropped his head back and closed his eyes, breathing out a sigh of something…she hoped it was relief. Relief was good, irritation was not. When he lifted his head to look at her again, his eyes were filled with warmth. Tugging on her hands, he pulled her into the circle of his arms.
“Baby, I’ll make sure you never regret saying that.”
Her panic eased as he lowered his head to claim her lips. It wasn’t a joke. He’d really meant what he said.
His lips caressed hers with a tenderness that brought tears to her eyes. A wordless murmur of pleasure in the back of her throat she moved closer, desperate for more of his touch after the drought of the last six months. She needed him more than the air in her lungs.
His arms tightened around her as he deepened the kiss, sweeping his tongue over the seam of her lips in a silent request. She didn’t pause, opening for him and welcoming his kiss with all the passion and love that welled up from the center of her being.
He groaned in surprise and pleasure, sliding his tongue against hers in an erotic and tender dance. Her hand drove into the short hair at the back of his neck. The silken strands felt like heaven against her fingers as she nipped at his lower lip.
He pulled away, his breathing ragged as he looked down at her with a pained expression.
“Baby, just give me a minute. Please,” he begged, resting his forehead against hers. His body shook with tension, every muscle wound so tight she was sure he must be in pain.
“Kel? Are you okay?” she began, only to have him cut her off with a hard kiss.
“I’m sorry, I can’t do slow. You touch me and my body burns…it aches,” he whispered, a hairs-breadth from her lips. “I want to tumble you to the floor, rip your clothes off and take you right now.” He closed his eyes again and drew in a shaky breath. “But I have to be slow and tender. I want this to be special.”
She stood, stunned for a second at the passion and pain in his voice. Heat hit her body like a solar charge, licking over her skin and settling in her blood. That he was in such agony over making her feel special eased something deep in her soul.
She reached up to press a kiss against his lips. “It will be special. Just be yourself. I don’t want anyone else. Just you.”
A shudder when through his big body, and before she could argue, she found herself scooped up in his arms. The darkness in his eyes pulled
the heat to her core, her pussy clenching as he strode toward the bedroom and, within it, the massive circular bed.
“Pull the blinds…” Her voice was a whisper as she kissed along his neck. “I’m fed up of the freaking sun. Pull the blinds and make love to me, Kelwin.”
“Computer, close blinds.”
He walked up the steps around the bed easily and laid her gently on the cool surface. Without missing a beat, he followed her down, his lips on hers again. She welcomed him, wrapping her arms tight around his muscular body as if she never intended to let him go. She didn’t.
Their clothes melted away, removed by loving hands. Soft moans and gasps filled the shadowed bedroom. As each bit of skin was revealed, it was kissed or caressed until she didn’t know which way was up. Her entire body hummed with arousal as she writhed on the silken sheets. On fire for the one thing she knew only he could give her.
“Please, Kel…”
Nudging her thighs apart, he settled over her. As the broad head of his erection nudged against the slick entrance to her body, she looked up into his eyes. Love and desire warmed the arctic-blue, emotions so honest she felt the last of her fears melt away.
As he pushed into her, she reached up and cupped his cheek.
“I love you, Kelwin.”
“Baby, I’m sorry. For everything.” Hours later, Kelwin buried his face against the curve of her neck, holding her to him tightly. “Forgive me.”
She smiled the smile of a woman who had regained hope and stroked the back of his neck. Sighing in contentment, she closed her eyes. The future and endless possibilities spread out in front of them. And she planned to explore everything life had to offer with Kelwin at her side.
“Only if you do that thing with your tongue again.”
He chuckled and started to kiss down the side of her neck.