by Adele Abbott
“Jill!” Jack shouted, as we continued to tumble. “Jill! Wake up!”
I opened my eyes to find that I was lying on the floor, next to the bed.
“What happened?”
“The bed’s bust.” He helped me up. “It must have been weakened when it fell to the floor after floating around.”
The back leg of the bed had broken off, causing it to tip to one side.
“I thought it was a dream.” I wiped the sleep from my eyes.
“A nightmare, more like. We’ll have to fork out for a new one.”
“Can’t you just nail it back together?”
“Nails won’t hold it, and besides, we were getting ready for a new bed.”
“How did we manage to wear this one out so quickly?”
“Do you really need to ask?” He grinned. “Can you meet me after work today?”
“I’ll have to. We can’t possibly manage without a bed.”
When I came out of the shower, Jack was on my phone.
“It’s Kathy. She wants to ask you something.”
“Tell her I’ve already gone to work.”
“I’m on speaker,” Kathy said.
I scowled at Jack, and mouthed, “Why didn’t you say?”
“I’ve just been telling Jack that the kids are going to stay with Pete’s parents this weekend. One of his clients gave him some vouchers for a weekend break at Rathome Manor Hotel.”
“Lucky you.”
“The offer is two rooms for the price of one. We thought you and Jack could come along, and we could split the remaining cost between us.”
“Thanks, but we’ve—”
“And before you say you have plans, Jack has just told me you’ve got nothing on.”
I mouthed to him again, “What were you thinking?”
“I know you’re whispering stuff to Jack,” Kathy said.
“Have you got surveillance cameras in our bedroom?”
“I don’t need them. I know you.”
“I’ve never even heard of it. Where is it?”
“North Yorkshire. So, what do you think?”
“Count us in!” Jack said before I had a chance to respond.
“Fantastic. And you haven’t heard the best bit yet.” Kathy hesitated—no doubt for effect. “It’s haunted.”
“I don’t think I fancy it,” I said.
“I told Pete that you’d be scared.”
“I’m not scared.”
“Sounds like it to me.”
“Alright, we’ll go, but if you’re expecting to see any ghosts, you’re going to be disappointed. It’s obviously just a con to attract gullible people like you.”
“We’ll see. Bye, Jack. Bye, Sis.”
“Why did you tell her we were free?” I said when Jack was off the phone.
“Because we are.” He handed me my phone. “It sounds like fun.”
“A haunted hotel? Do me a favour.”
“It would be cool to see a ghost.”
“I see them every day, and trust me, they’re no more interesting than people. Anyway, the place won’t really be haunted. They’re probably using silly props. Actually, that’s just given me an idea.”
“I don’t think I want to hear this.” He rolled his eyes.
“If I can prove the hotel isn’t really haunted, maybe we’ll get our money refunded because they’ve been advertising under false pretences.”
“If only you were joking.”
***
On Mr Ivers’ driveway, where his van usually stood, was a brand new car.
“What do you think of it, Jill?”
Drat. I hadn’t realised that Ivers was lurking around the side of his house.
“Very nice. Is it yours?”
“It is. Not as nice as the Diamond, but more practical, I suppose.”
The mention of the Diamond brought back bad memories. In a moment of insanity, I’d once agreed to go for a drive with Mr Ivers in his sports car: The Diamond. I’d never been so embarrassed as when a pushbike overtook us. It turned out that the car had the wrong engine in it. To make matters worse, Winky found a video of the sorry incident that someone had posted on YouTube. Needless to say, he has never let me forget about it since then.
“Where have you parked your van?” I said.
“I got rid of it.”
“Oh? How are you going to run the movie rental business? Not from the car, surely?”
“I’ve closed down that business.”
“Already? You only started it a couple of weeks ago. How come?”
“You were right. I should have realised that no one wants DVDs anymore. It’s all about streaming.”
“That must have been a difficult pill to swallow after all the start-up costs?”
“Not really. Live and learn, that’s what I say.”
“What are you going to do now?”
“I’ve already done it. Never let anyone say that Montgomery Ivers allows the grass to grow under his feet. My new business will be opening soon.”
“Really? That is quick.” Don’t ask him what it is, Jill. Whatever you do, don’t— “What kind of business is it?”
Would I never learn?
“That would be telling. All I can say is that I’m not about to make the same mistake twice. This time I’ve gone for something cutting-edge. Something which is guaranteed to be futureproof. I promise you’ll be the first to know as soon as I’m ready to launch.”
“Can’t wait.”
***
Lucas Morecake, the owner of the escape room, arrived at the office building at the same time as I did.
“Jill, can I introduce you to Wendy?” There was a young witch on his arm. “My partner in life and business.”
“Pleased to meet you, Wendy.”
“Likewise.” Her smile didn’t reach her eyes, which had a darkness about them.
“Do you have a date for the opening yet?”
“It’s actually this Friday. We’re having a press day tomorrow. Hopefully, that will generate plenty of free publicity.” He reached into his pocket. “Here’s a few fifty-percent off vouchers. Feel free to use them yourself or give them to friends or relatives.”
“Thanks.”
“I’ve heard of you,” Wendy said. “Aren’t you supposed to be the most powerful witch that has ever lived?”
“Some people have said that, but I’m not sure it’s possible to judge these things.”
“I’m level six, you know,” she said.
“That’s nice for you.”
“One of the youngest ever.”
“Well done you.”
“Come on, Wendy.” Lucas started to make his way upstairs. “We’ve got a ton of things to do before the press day. See you around, Jill.”
“Yeah. Good luck for tomorrow.”
Hmm. Lucas seemed nice enough, but I’d already taken a dislike to his partner.
Mrs V was hard at work on the tapestry.
“Jill, I’ve just taken a call for you. I asked his name several times, but I’m still not sure I got it down correctly. I thought he said King Dollop, but it can’t have been that, can it?”
“No, but it’s okay. I know who it is.”
“What is his name?”
“His name? It’s—err—Bing.”
“Bing?”
“Yeah. Bing—err—Gallup.”
“Bing Gallup? It didn’t sound very much like Bing Gallup.”
“He does mumble a lot.”
“Anyway, he wondered if you might pop over to see him later today.”
“Okay, thanks. Are you feeling a little better now?”
“Yes, thank you, dear. It was just the shock of hearing about poor Patricia.”
As soon as I walked into my office, Winky snapped a photo of me on his phone.
“Hey! What are you doing?”
“Relax. I’m just updating my Instagram.”
“With a photo of me? I don’t want my photo all over the Net.”
He glanced at his phone. “You’ve got two likes already.”
“Really? That’s good, isn’t it? Getting two that quickly, I mean?”
“I thought you said you didn’t want your photo online?”
“I don’t suppose it can do any harm. Have I got any more likes yet?”
Before he could answer, my phone rang; it was Grandma.
“Morning, Grandma.”
“Whatever you have planned for this afternoon, cancel it.”
My first thought was the audacity of the woman, but then I remembered she had promised to help with my marketing, so I probably shouldn’t complain.
“As it happens, I don’t have too much on. What do you need me for?”
“I’ve decided to sell the anti-ageing cream through one of the TV shopping channels. I have an appointment there this afternoon—they’re going to put together our infomercial.”
“You’re not going to take part in the infomercial yourself, are you?” Nobody would buy it if they thought Grandma’s skin was an example of what they could expect from the cream.
“No, I’ve hired two models. They’ll be travelling down with us.”
“Us? Why do you need me there?”
“You’ll be my assistant, of course.”
“You mean your gopher, don’t you?”
“I thought you wanted to hone your marketing skills?”
“I do, but—”
“This will be your chance to learn from an expert at first hand. Meet me outside Ever at three-thirty.”
“But, Grandma, your anti-ageing cream is completely different from my business.”
“Marketing is marketing. Don’t be late.” She hung up.
I wasn’t thrilled at the prospect of being her dogsbody, but there was no denying the woman had some serious marketing chops.
“Have I got any more likes?” I asked Winky on my way out of the door.
“I thought you didn’t care?”
“I don’t. I’m just curious.”
“I’ll check.” He grabbed his phone. “No.”
“Still, two isn’t bad, is it?”
“Hmm.”
“What?”
“One of them is from someone called: IWillLikeAnyone.”
“What about the other one.”
“They’re called: FollowMeImDesperate.”
“I told you Instagram was stupid.”
***
As usual, I had to shrink myself for my visit to Palace Dollop, where Chambers was on hand to meet me in the grand entrance hall.
“The king is expecting you.”
“No words of advice vis-à-vis decorum this time before I go in?”
“No.” He smiled. “Sorry about last time. Just our little joke.”
“No problem.”
“Your highness, Jill Gooder to see you.”
“It’s Maxwell now.”
“Sorry?” Chambers looked confused.
“I recently got married. It’s Jill Maxwell now.”
“I beg your pardon.” He turned back to the king. “Jill Maxwell to see you, your highness.”
“Thank you, Chambers.” The king walked over and shook my hand. “Nice to see you again, Jill.”
“Goes it, Top Dollop?”
“On form, I see.” He laughed. “Tell me about this new husband of yours.”
“His name is Jack. He’s a policeman.”
“Is he a wizard?”
“No, he’s a human, actually.”
“Isn’t that a little awkward?”
“Not really. We’ve been together for over a year now.”
“And he’s never suspected anything? You know—the whole witch thing?”
“No, thank goodness. My PA made it sound like your call was urgent.”
“I actually called you on behalf of a good friend of mine. His name is Mr Bobb.”
“A pixie, I assume?”
“Actually, no, he’s a bigxie.”
“A what?”
“I’m not surprised you haven’t heard of them. They’re related to pixies, and very similar in appearance, but with one big difference.”
“What’s that?”
“They’re big. Hence the name: bigxie.”
“What’s his problem?”
“I think it might be best if Bob explains himself. With your consent, I’ll have Chambers take you to see him now.”
“Does he live far from here?”
“No more than ten minutes by horse and carriage. What do you say?”
“Sure. Why not?”
“Excellent. And by way of thanks, you and your husband must join me for dinner one evening.”
“You’re forgetting that he’s a human.”
“Of course. Sorry. In that case, it will be just you and me.” He smirked.
Something told me that the king was quite the ladies’ man.
“Slow down, Chambers!” I was holding onto the side of the carriage for dear life.
“Don’t worry. I have awards for my horsemanship.”
That didn’t make me feel any better when the carriage went around the next bend on two wheels.
“Here we are.” He pulled up the horses in front of a huge building.
“I don’t suppose I need to be small any longer?” My legs felt like jelly as I climbed out of the carriage.
“No. The bigxies are human-sized.”
“Are you coming in with me?”
“No, I don’t want to leave the horses unattended. There’s been a spate of horse thefts recently.”
“I’ve forgotten who the king said I should ask for.”
“Mr Bobb.”
“Okay, thanks.” I reversed the ‘shrink’ spell, made my way to the house, and pulled the metal chain next to the door.
A bell clanged somewhere inside, and moments later, I heard footsteps approaching.
“Can I help you?” A man peeped around the door.
“I’m here to see—err—Mr Bobb.”
“Are you Jill?” He opened the door a little wider.
“Jill Maxwell, yes. King Dollop asked me to come over to see Mr Bobb.”
“That’s me.” He opened the door. “Do come in, and please, you must call me Bob.”
“Right. So, is Bob your first name or your last?”
“Both.”
“Bob Bobb?”
“That’s right. Let’s go through to my study. Can I get you something to eat or drink?”
“No, thanks. I’m good.”
“How exactly can I help?” I asked, once we were seated in the glorious oak-panelled study.
“You come highly recommended by the king. I hope you’ll be as successful in solving our little problem. Can I ask, do you know much about bigxies?”
“I’ll be honest. Until thirty minutes ago, I’d never heard of them.”
“Don’t worry. Very few people have. We’ve been somewhat overshadowed by our close relatives, the pixies. It’s quite ironic given that we’re several times larger than they are. Years ago, like many other creatures in Candlefield, the bigxies lived off the land, but then we discovered we had a particular talent that would change the whole course of our history. You’re no doubt already aware that vampires don’t have a reflection in a mirror?”
“Err—yeah?” I had no idea what he was talking about.
“That’s where the bigxies’ special talent comes into play. We provide vampires with a reflection.”
“Right?” I had not the slightest idea what he was talking about.
“I can see you’re puzzled. Don’t worry, that’s precisely the reaction we usually get. Maybe a demonstration would help?”
Chapter 4
Whenever I begin to think there can’t possibly be any more levels of crazy for me to witness, I’m proven wrong.
“This is my assistant, Jim James,” Bob Bobb introduced a young bigxie, who was carrying a full-length mirror.
“Pleased to meet you, Jim.”
“Likewise.”
“Set the mirror down over there, would you?” Bob pointed to the spot.
Only when Jim had put the mirror down did I realise it was missing one essential ingredient: glass. The ‘mirror’ comprised solely of the frame.
“Are you ready, Jill?” Bob said.
“I guess so. What do you want me to do?”
“Walk over to the mirror and study your reflection, please.”
I laughed at what I assumed was a joke, but then I realised Bob was being serious. “But there’s no glass in it?”
“Humour me, please.”
“Okay.” I stepped in front of the mirror, and as I did, Jim stepped behind it. And then something quite remarkable happened: Jim had transformed himself to become a mirror image of me. “Wow! That’s really impressive.”
“You haven’t seen anything yet,” Bob said. “Move around.”
“Sorry?”
“Face the mirror and move around.”
Feeling a touch self-conscious, I did as he said.
“Wow! That’s incredible.” My mirror-image (AKA Jim) was matching my movements exactly. “How does he do that?”
“It’s a skill that all bigxies are born with. Of course, it wasn’t a lot of use to us until one of my predecessors realised that there was a market for it.”
“Vampires!”
“Precisely. Since the beginning of time, vampires have had to manage without mirrors, which as you can imagine, has resulted in some calamitous dressing faux-pas. Now, by employing a bigxie, all of that can be avoided. And, no more cutting one’s chin when shaving blind.” He turned to the mirror. “Thanks, Jim, that will be all.”
Jim transformed back to himself, bid me goodbye, and then left us alone.
“Okay, I understand the nature of what you do now, but what exactly is it you want me to help with?”
“Someone is muscling in on our business.”
“I find that hard to believe. Who else could do what Jim just did?”
“No one. At least, not to the very high standards we set ourselves. You’re a witch—I assume you’re familiar with the ‘doppelganger’ spell?”
“Yes, of course.”
“Our competitor is employing witches and wizards, who are proficient at that particular spell, to work as mirror-images.”