by Linda Mooney
All he had to do now was figure out just how much of his dependence on Tora was because of her powers as a Sensitive…and how much was because of another power he was beginning to believe she had over him.
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Chapter 13
Burial
Croat kept to himself, remaining silent throughout most of the ceremony where his father’s past accomplishments were remembered. As people around him wept, he tried to find some sort of balance within himself.
Today he could handle Rolfgah’s death. When his grief finally came, he would manage it in private. The people closest to him knew that. Lupan males were not known to have a long lifespan, especially those whose duty was to provide protection, a duty that demanded the ultimate sacrifice. But other than Mengar, Gesset, and his grandmother, there was no one else Croat allowed within his immediate, more intimate circle of confidants. There was no one else he trusted to know the real himâ��how he felt, how he thought, how he reasoned.
All that had changed, now. But he still hadn’t been able to figure out whether it was a good change, or not.
Scowling, Croat raised his face to stare at the pale woman sitting among the villagers on the other side of the altar. By the reactions from the others, he could tell they were already aware of Tora’s abilities, and they were giving her a wide berth for safety’s sake.
Their nearness to her, when he wasn’t able to be next to her, irked him, and that feeling made him even madder. He was empty and in physical pain as well as emotional, and he knew blissful relief was mere feet away. Yet those closest to her couldn’t wait to get out of harm’s reach. He couldn’t move any closer because of circumstance, and they couldn’t escape for the same reason.
They’re trying not to get near her, when all I’m wanting is to hold her as tightly to me as I can. The irony was inescapable.
On top of it all, Croat was battling with himself over his dependence on the frail-looking woman. He had no doubt that his feelings for Tora were because of her Sensitive powers. Had she not touched him, he wouldn’t be here now, craving her like she was some illegal drug or potent drink.
No, face it. You’d be dead right now if she hadn’t touched you.
Still, he detested his weakness when he was around her. If he had been whole and strong, he would have taken her to bed by now, if nothing more than to quench his thirst for her. Damn it, but no one had ever warned him that a Sensitive’s touch could burn with such sexual fury!
Astonnin passed before him, on his way to the short dais to say a few words about the man who had married his sister. Croat’s eyes automatically sought out Gesset to watch his cousin’s expression. In so many ways, he and Gesset had led almost identical lives. Both of them had fathers who were dedicated to protecting all Lupan, and because of their dedication, had failed to forge that tight bond with their only sons.
“We are blessed that Rolfgah died a man,â�� Astonnin said. His comment raised a small murmur of agreement from the rest of the congregation gathered inside the Sanctuary. Although there were fewer than a hundred villagers, they managed to fill the building. Croat wouldn’t be surprised if every Lupan in the surrounding area had also come to pay his last respects. Rolfgah had been a well known and highly respected leader. Long ago Croat had realized he would have a very difficult time taking over his father’s position.
“Under his reign, Lupan have managed to multiply and expand past our furthest borders. Under Croat’s leadership, we will continue to flourish.”
Croat scratched his ribs where they itched, taking care not to disturb the wounds or dressing. Gods, what he wouldn’t give for something to drink. What he wouldn’t give to have some of Deelaht’s medicines to help alleviate the worst of his discomfort.
What he wouldn’t give to have Tora’s arms around him.
Irritated again with himself, he gave a soft growl, which earned him a stern glance from Deelaht. Suddenly, he felt like a youngling all over again, caught doing something he shouldn’t, and earning himself one of his grandmother’s scathing looks. That made his mood all the more sour.
Across the room, Tora was trying not to be too obvious about staring at him. Croat knew she was reading his moodiness as clearly as if he was standing up and shouting it for all to hear. Their connection was strong, even without her touching him.
Croat heard a movement behind him then a voice softly whispered in his ear, â��Don’t blame the girl for your attitude. She has nothing to do with it.”
“She has everything to do with it,â�� Croat muttered back to his cousin. He glanced at the man. â��Why have you all of sudden taken her side?”
“Why have you all of a sudden decided to be a horse’s ass?”
Croat was unaware that his lips had pulled back to reveal his elongated teeth. Gesset dismissed the show of irritation.
“Tora has done nothing but try and help you. You had us bring her here with you, expecting us to accept her. Yet you turn around and act like she’s become a pariah. What’s with you, Croat? What’s she done to make you like this?”
What’s she done to make you like this? Gods, if it were only that simple to explain.
“Her power,â�� Croat softly growled. â��She’s done something to me. Messed with my mind or something. I don’t know how, or how much, but I don’t like it. I don’t like this dependency.”
Gesset sighed loudly. â��We’ll finish this discussion later,â�� he promised as Astonnin finished his speech and turned to walk back to his seat.
It was Croat’s turn to take the dais, after which Rolfgah’s body would be escorted away for burial. Slowly, carefully, Croat got to his feet and managed the few steps on his own. He had taken some of Deelaht’s medicants right before the funeral, leaving him almost pain free. Still, he missed the warmth of Tora’s touch, and the sensation of peacefulness he always felt when she was with him. And for acknowledging that, he cursed himself.
Although he continued to appear Lupan, he wore regular clothes. Like most of his people, he wore the free-flowing big shirts and tied pants on a daily basis to accommodate any form he took, or for the occasion when he needed to shift from one to the other.
Looking over the sea of faces watching him, Croat could see a Lupan visage here and there staring back at him. The overall emotion of the crowd was sadness. Expectation. Fear. Hope.
“Thank you for coming. You honor my father’s spirit with your presence.”
A thread of warmth curled in his stomach. Croat immediately knew it was coming from Tora. It slid through his veins like a potent elixir, giving him strength, clearing his head of the fog caused by his grandmother’s potions. Suddenly he was alert and conscious of everything around him. He was also very much aware of Tora’s soft smile, her reassurance, and support.
His body reacted with a vengeance.
Taking a mental grip on himself, Croat forced himself to try and ignore the pull her presence had on him. Fighting with how his body was reaching for her. The thick incense of her natural perfume wafted around him, tantalizing his animal instincts, provoking feelings in him he detested having.
He continued his eulogy, despite the distraction. But it cost him. At the end of his brief speech, he was totally drained. Hunched over, he limped back to his seat as the six designated bearers rose to cover Rolfgah’s body with the burial cloth. As they lifted the body to their shoulders, Gesset helped support Croat, and the procession filed out of the Sanctuary.
Tora followed at a discreet distance, but it wouldn’t have mattered. Croat knew where she was at all times. He had sensed her near last night when Deelaht had brought her to his home, but had dismissed it since her cabin was a short distance from his. As the hours passed, their connection clarified and strengthened, and that increasingly frightened him.
When was this invisible link between them going to dissolve? For that matter, would it ever dissolve? On one hand he knew he dreaded the time when he would no longer have her in his head. He had bee
n independent all his life, neither relying on nor needing anyone. His need now for her was both frightening and welcome.
Even more pressing, how long was he going to be tormented by this rising desire to have her, when there was no way he could ever claim her?
Croat was unaware of his growling until Gesset hissed, â��What is wrong with you?”
“Plenty. Do me a favor?”
“Anything. What?”
“After this is over, take me back home. Then send someone to tell Tora I have to talk to her.”
He felt his cousin’s stare. â��I hope you’re not planning to do something stupid, Croat.”
“I have to find out some answers, that’s all.”
“What kind of answers? About her Sensitive abilities?â�� The man glanced back to look at where Tora was following along with the rest of the crowd.
Croat didn’t reply. Gesset wouldn’t understand what he was feeling. No one would.
No one except Tora.
And to be perfectly honest with himself, Croat had no idea exactly what kind of questions he needed to ask her, other than the one that had been whirling around in his head for the past two days.
How long is this connection between us going to last?
He could only hope she had an answer for it. And that it was an answer he was willing to accept.
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Chapter 14
Emotion
Tora fingered the soft skirt flowing about her bare legs. It was pale green in color, and made of the same woven cloth as her long-sleeved, forest green blouse. Deelaht had brought her the new clothes, along with an embroidered vest made of tanned deer hide, plus a pair of deerskin slippers.
Putting on the clothing made her feel like a completely different woman. She had no doubt she probably looked altogether different, as well.
These past two days had been both a blessing and a curse. True, the Lupan people treated her with respect, although she knew a lot of it was also mixed with a fair amount of fear. Too many untruths had been told about what Sensitives were capable of doing. These people were reacting to her based on those stories, and she couldn’t fault them for that. She, too, had been raised to believe certain things about Lupan, which she was quickly discovering were mostly false.
After Rolfgah’s body had been laid in the ground, and the people began to disburse, a man had come up to her to say that Croat needed her to return to her cabin. The man, who called himself Breeat, offered to guide her back through the dense woods, but she declined. She liked the woods and the peacefulness it offered. A nice walk back to the village would give her time to gather her thoughts and make some decisions on what she needed to do next. Through their silent connection, Tora knew Croat was planning to come over to the cabin to discuss the exact same thing with her.
A shuffling at the door broke her introspection. Quickly, she got up from her chair and went over to answer. As she suspected, Croat stood on the small steps outside, alone and unaided.
“Come in,â�� she invited, holding out a hand to help. He waved away from her offer.
“Just…stand back and let me walk in on my own.”
The distance between their cabins was not far, yet Tora could tell he had managed the short distance by himself. As he grew stronger, he demanded more and more of himself, while at the same time allowing others fewer opportunities to help. Croat had placed a ring of solitude around himself, both physically and emotionally, that only a select few were allowed to penetrate.
As a Sensitive, she had penetrated that ring without his permission, and she could tell he was trying to exclude her from it. But at the same time, she knew he was unable to let her go.
Well…in that case, it would be up to her to offer a solution.
She watched as he eased himself down on one of the benches at the table. He was panting from the exertion. Before he could ask, she fetched him a bowl of water from the covered bucket. Croat grudgingly thanked her then bent over to lap up most of the contents. When he was finished, she resumed her seat by the fire. Rather than wait for him, she took the initiative to start their conversation.
“What did he mean when he said it was a blessing your father died a man?”
There. Talk had been instigated. The awkwardness of them being alone together had been avoided. Unlike last night when they’d lain in bed together, holding each other, seeking solace and comfort, tonight seemed as if that time had never existed.
Croat blinked, confused. â��What?”
“That man who spoke over your father. He said he had died a man.â�� Tora gave a little shake of her head. â��What did he mean by that?”
“He meant it was a blessing my father died in human form.”
She gave him a wide-eyed look. â��As opposed to being in his Lupan form?”
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry. I still don’t understand.”
“Let me guess. You believe that once a Lupan dies, if he’s Lupan upon his death, he reverts back to his human form? Or something like that?”
“Yeah. That’s whatâ��”
“â��You’ve been told,â�� Croat intoned along with her in unison.
Tora felt his amusement, but knew it was because of her naive notions. â��Another untruth?”
“Yes. We can’t shift from one form to another unless we do so consciously. Or at least when we’re awake.â�� He scratched at the bandage covering his ribs, and Tora wondered if he was aware of what he was doing.
“So, in other words, if you die as a Lupan, you remain Lupan.”
He nodded. â��Yes. And in that form, we cannot be buried.”
“You can’t be buried? Why not?”
“If by some chance I died Lupan, my body would be sanctified then left out in the open where other wild animals would dispose of my flesh and organs, and scatter my bones. Within a short span of time, any trace or proof of my existence would disappear.”
“But if you died as a man, you would be buried the way Rolfgah was buried?”
“Yes.”
“Why couldn’t you be buried as a Lupan?”
“Because we can’t take the chance our remains might be found by normal humans,â�� he patiently explained. Tora got the impression he had said the same thing countless times before.
“So when that manâ��”
“My uncle. My father’s brother.”
“So when your uncle said it was a good thing Rolfgah had died a man, it was because it allowed you to give him a decent burial?”
A flash of anger burned quick and hot, and then was gone. Still, it surprised her.
“A Lupan burial is considered just as â��decentâ�� a burial as our human one,â�� Croat told her. â��The difference is that we do not fear discovery should one of our dead be exhumed. Listen…â�� He waved a hand at her to show he wanted to discuss another topic. â��I have something else more urgent we need to discuss.”
“You don’t have to worry about me being here much longer,â�� Tora softly announced. â��I’m leaving tomorrow to go back to my village.”
Her comment stunned him. Simultaneously, she felt his relief and anguish at her news. The relief she could understand; the anguish surprised her.
“Why?”
“I must go back and find out what’s happened to Basil. I can only pray he’s safe and well.”
“And then what will you do?”
“Move on to the next village. Anywhere where the baron and his men won’t find me.â�� Glancing around the room, Tora let out a deep sigh of regret, knowing Croat would hone in on it.
“Tora, are you unhappy here?”
She looked up at him. The question had been asked openly, and without any emotion tied to it.
“This place…your people have been good to me, considering how frightened they are of me.”
“I’ve given an order that you are not to be harmed,â�� he admitted.
; Tora nodded. â��I thought you might have. Thank you.”
There was a moment of silence, during which she felt trepidation coming from him. It was too bad Sensitives couldn’t read minds. She would have given anything to know what was going through his.
“You’re leaving tomorrow?â�� Croat repeated.
“Yes. I have to.”
“I’ll have a backpack of provisions made up for you but I can’t give you a map. You’ll be told the most direct way to get back to Neabush. If you keep a steady pace, you should reach it within a day.”
“Thank you.”
She watched as he got to his feet, and turned as if to leave. There was hesitation in his movements, in his posture, which told her there was more he wanted to say. Or that he had planned to say, but had been sidetracked by her announcement.
In the end, he made his decision, and turned around to face her to ask, â��When you leave, will our connection be broken?”
She knew he would ask that question sooner or later. â��No. Our connection is permanent. It doesn’t matter how long or how far apart we are, it will never be severed. Not until death.”
“Not until the day I die?â�� Croat clarified.
“Or the day I do,â�� Tora said.
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Chapter 15
Decision
“Our connection is permanent. It doesn’t matter how long or how far apart we are, it will never be severed. Not until death.”
“Not until the day I die?”
“Or the day I do.”
Croat walked unsteadily out of the tiny cabin where Tora was staying. His mind was in turmoil and there was no damn reason he could find for the feelings swirling through him.
She was leaving tomorrow. Sometime tomorrow. Hell, morning or afternoon? Would she seek him out first to say goodbye, or was tonight meant to be her farewell?
Damn! Why hadn’t he thought to ask her?
Common sense should have told him she had to get back to her village to find out what had happened to her brother. Basil was her only living kin. Of course, she would want to protect him. Although he had no siblings, Croat could only imagine how worried he would be if Mengar or Gesset went missing.