by B. B. Hamel
“I’m good,” he said, taking a deep breath.
“Are you sure? That was . . . “
He looked at me. “It was what?”
“Difficult to watch.” I looked away, feeling stupid.
His laughter surprised me. I looked back at him sharply and he grinned. “The violence didn’t bother me,” he said. “I don’t give a fuck about killing some mafia scumbags.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
“I keep fucking up. I keep putting you in danger.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“They found us twice now. Seems I’m incapable of keeping you safe.”
“It isn’t your fault. I don’t know how they found us, but I know it wasn’t because of something you did.”
“We can’t go back,” he said. “We can’t stay anywhere right now. We’re going to have to sleep in the truck.”
I nodded. “Okay then. We’ll do that.”
He cracked the windows and killed the engine. “Here’s as good a place as any.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure. We’re in the middle of nowhere. Mafia won’t come back here. These roads aren’t even on maps, let alone GPS.”
“How do you know that?”
“I lived out here, remember? I used to travel these roads a lot. They’re old farm roads. We’re in the middle of some guy’s soy field, I bet.”
I looked around and nodded to myself. That made sense and would explain why we hadn’t seen another living person in a while.
Still, we were out in the open. I felt strange being so exposed.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked him.
“Like I said, the violence doesn’t bother me. I’m a hammer.”
“You’re a what?”
“A hammer. A blunt instrument of destruction.” He shook his head.
“I don’t think you’re a hammer, Gates.”
“I am, though. It’s not really a bad thing, though Maron wasn’t happy that I was resigning myself to it.”
I cocked my head. “Maron. That’s who we’re going to see tomorrow.”
“He’s my mentor. Well, my old mentor.”
“Old mentor? What happened?”
He looked out the window, frowning. “I might as well tell you, I guess.”
“Gates. No secrets between us.”
“He didn’t want me to go back to Syria. I did my two tours and I did them very, very well. I was out in the shit longer than any other SEAL in the modern era. Maron thought I deserved a rest.”
“You didn’t want one?”
“It’s not who I am. I don’t rest. I keep fighting.”
“So what happened?”
“He pulled some strings and made sure I got what I wanted, but not before laying into me. Maron wanted me to become his protégé. He wanted to teach me how to play the game, how to work the system, how to do the politics shit. Maron thought I could do more good behind a desk, working my way up through the ranks. If I could dictate military policy, as he liked to say, then I could save way more people than I could out in the field.”
“He wanted you to calm down.”
“I can’t calm down. He didn’t realize that at the time. Maybe he realizes it now.”
“He just wanted what he thought was best for you.”
“Yeah, maybe. Unfortunately for him, I’m the only one that chooses what’s best for me.”
“So you left things bad between you?”
“Not great, at least. I haven’t spoken to him since coming home. I never planned on speaking to him again if I could help it.”
“And yet we’re going there.”
He nodded. “That’s right.”
I stared at him, at a loss for words. Gates was willing to do something he promised himself he’d never do again, all for my sake. I didn’t know what to say. It was the nicest thing anyone had done for me, and I didn’t understand how I even began to deserve it.
“Get some sleep,” he said, crossing his arms. “I’ll keep watch.”
“Let me stay up. Did you even sleep last night?”
“I can go a few days without sleep. You rest.”
I sighed and pushed my seat back. He smiled at me. “It’s going to be okay,” he said.
“I know,” I answered. “I have you.”
“That’s right.”
I was afraid to go to sleep, but exhaustion was pulling me down. I figured I’d at least rest my eyes for a little while until I relieved Gates and took over watch duty. He needed to be sharper than I did, and he needed sleep to do that.
Violence, terror, and intrigue. I had no clue how the mafia had found us, but they did and now we were sleeping in some strange truck in some strange field. Hopefully, we’d get to see a man I didn’t know who apparently was angry with Gates for things that had happened in the past. Who knew what was going to happen with that? Maybe he’d throw us out and we’d be back to where we started.
Or maybe everything would be okay. Gates did have a way about him. He was competent, he was deadly. He was Gates.
I heard the soft wind through the grass and wrapped my arms around myself, willing away the darkness, listening to Gates’s soft breathing.
20
Gates
Piper fell asleep almost instantly, and that didn’t surprise me. She’d been through a lot and her body couldn’t exactly handle it. She was going to need sleep if she was going to keep her strength up, and I had a feeling that she was going to need as much strength as she could muster.
I was impressed that she didn’t fall to pieces after watching me kill those two men. Most civilians would lose their minds at that, but not Piper. She seemed more worried about how I felt about everything.
If only she understood. Those two men meant nothing to me. They weren’t the first men that I’d killed and likely wouldn’t be the last. I was a warrior, a fighter, a soldier, and that was my way. I lived it and always would live it. I protected the people that I cared about because I didn’t know how to do anything else.
I didn’t know how to run away.
That was something Maron didn’t understand. He wanted to work the system from the inside, save lives from that angle. He thought he could save the world if only he could get the right people to listen to him.
I didn’t have such dreams or delusions. I believed that I could make the most difference down on the ground with my own two hands. It was what they trained me to do. I thought from mission to mission, moment to moment, and didn’t try to influence the big picture. I was a tool of my commanding officers.
Although I didn’t have commanding officers, not really, not anymore. I was on my way out of the SEALs, and I knew it. I could probably push for another tour if I really wanted, and they’d grant it, but I wouldn’t be put into anymore positions of serious leadership. I did a damn good job in Syria, but new men were moving up in the ranks, and I didn’t have a powerful benefactor anymore.
My career as a SEAL defined me as a person. It wasn’t just my job. It was my way of life. It was the way I viewed the entire world. Being a SEAL meant I was a certain kind of man and I couldn’t be anything else, even if I wasn’t on active duty anymore.
Killing those two mafia fuckwads only proved that I still had what it took to fight and win for my country. Not many men could kill two skilled fighters like that, but I was still capable of it. Sure, maybe they managed to injure me, but it was only a flesh wound. It was only temporary. I’d be back on my feet soon, ready to fight another day. Those bastards would never get up again. I made sure of that.
Piper could never understand how I felt about killing those two men. It made me feel fucking alive to prove to myself that I could still do that sort of thing, that I still had the skills and the strength. It made me crave that battlefield high.
When I was with Piper, I felt something I never really imagined I’d feel with someone. I couldn’t really explain what it meant for me, but it was entirely different from that war tha
t I craved. It was different, passionate and intense in its own right, but slower, deeper, and tougher. I wanted that, too. I wanted to be the man I’d always been while finding a way to become the man that Piper could make me be.
I didn’t know how to reconcile those two things. I knew I had two halves but their antagonisms were just coming into focus. On the one side, I was a soldier and a killer. On the other, I was a civilian living a normal life.
I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t know if I could have either one of them. I would always be a soldier, and I’d always be a civilian, or at least as long as Piper was around. Because she was the first person to make me feel like home was actually my home.
The sun began to stream up over the horizon, peeking with deep reds and purples first before bursting up. I was pulled out of my long meditative thought process and quickly scanned the area, making sure we were still alone.
Piper slept through the night, which was good. She began to stir next to me, bothered by the coming morning light. I let her sleep for a little bit longer, not wanting to disturb her if I didn’t need to.
The clock on the radio said that it was getting close to six by the time she finally opened her eyes. She yawned and sat up, looking around. “Shit,” she said.
“Good morning,” I answered, smiling at her.
“I fell asleep.”
“Yes, you did.”
“I’m so sorry. Did you get any rest?”
“Enough.”
She frowned at me. “That means you didn’t sleep at all, doesn’t it?”
“It means that I’m well rested and ready to meet the day with open arms.”
She sighed. I loved how easy it was to frustrate her. “Whatever you say.” She stretched and I watched the line of her body.
“First thing’s first. We need new clothes.”
She looked down at herself. “You’re probably right.”
“I have blood all over mine. I know the Wal-Mart near here opens early, so I need you to go in there and get some stuff. Breakfast too, if you can.”
She nodded. “Okay, sure. I can shop for you.”
“No pressure. We just need clothes.”
“Got it. I’ll make sure to get you a studded leather belt and short shorts.”
“You couldn’t handle seeing me in short shorts.” I started the engine of the truck and pulled back out onto the road. “You’d lose your mind from lust.”
“I think I could handle myself.”
“I doubt it. I have great legs.”
She laughed as we sped down the highway, back toward town.
My arm ached, but I was pretty sure the bleeding had stopped. I was going to need stitches as soon as the bandage came off, but I didn’t want to tell Piper that. She was worried enough already without me adding anymore stress to the situation. I was going to survive and that was all that mattered.
We got to the Wal-Mart maybe fifteen minutes later. It was just opening up, but there were already a bunch of other trucks in the parking lot.
“Okay,” I said to her as I found a spot. “Get in and get out. Don’t stop no matter what. If anything happens, you run out here as fast as you can. I’ll be ready.”
“Okay,” she said and opened the door. “Don’t worry. I got this. If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s shopping.”
“What a cliché,” I said, laughing.
She grinned then slammed the door and stalked toward the Wal-Mart. She was wearing dirty clothing and she hadn’t showered since the fight at the motel, but she looked absolutely gorgeous anyway. I hated sending her in there alone, but I couldn’t go with her. I’d draw too much attention considering the amount of blood on my clothing.
I leaned back and sighed. This was going to be one fucking stressful morning. Not only did I have to get through this Wal-Mart trip, but I also had to figure out how to make General Maron listen. I still hadn’t come up with a good plan for that yet. I just hoped that he’d be willing to see me and Piper, and once we were inside, I was sure I could convince him to help.
I leaned back and shut my eyes. I was exhausted, a deep, bone-shaking kind of exhaustion that I only ever felt out on the battlefield. I was at war in a lot of ways, though I didn’t have a squad to back me up. In this case, it was just me against my enemies.
Ten minutes passed, and then fifteen. I fingered my gun, itching to get out of the car and get in there. Images of Piper in serious trouble kept coming to me, but I knew I had to resist the urge to do something stupid. She was probably just stuck in line or something, or maybe she was using the bathroom. The chances that the mafia was in there waiting for us were pretty damn slim. Piper could take care of herself.
I took a deep breath. I hated taking this risk, hated being out of control. Another five minutes passed, and I was practically climbing out of my seat when Piper appeared at the front door. She strolled over to me holding two bags, a smile on her face.
She hopped into the car. “You okay?” I asked her.
“I’m fine,” she said. “I had to guess your pants size.”
“Thanks. I’m sure it’s fine.”
She handed me a pair of jeans and a pack of plain black t-shirts. “Thirty-two waist, right?” she asked.
“Close enough.”
“I got a belt too, just in case.”
“This’ll be good. Thanks, Piper. You did great.”
“I also got us some breakfast.” She took a loaf of wheat bread from the other bag, a pack of lunchmeat, and some mustard. “Not exactly what I normally have for breakfast, but it’ll do.”
I quickly got changed. It felt incredible to be wearing fresh underwear, a clean t-shirt, and clean jeans. I tore apart my old shirt to make new bandages, though I didn’t want to risk changing it. The blood had started to soak through, but it wasn’t critical yet.
Piper got changed into a similar outfit and then made two sandwiches as I drove out toward the base. It should be open and I was betting that General Maron was in. He was a man that liked to get into the office early, since he thought that showed discipline to his staff.
As I approached the base, I slowed down and looked over at Piper.
“Let me do the talking,” I said.
“Okay,” she answered.
“We’re not expected. So I’m going to have to talk our way in there.”
“Why couldn’t we have called ahead?”
“Didn’t want to take that risk. I can explain this better in person.”
“Shit,” she said softly. “You’re afraid he’s going to turn us away?”
I frowned and then nodded. “Yeah. I am.”
“What will we do if he does?”
“He won’t. But if he does, we’ll figure it out.”
She sighed and looked out the window. I let it drop, not wanting to push too hard. I didn’t want to tell her that, but I also wasn’t going to straight up lie to her if she figured it out on her own. We ate our sandwiches as I drove.
I pulled up the long drive. Ahead, the guardhouse was open and the guard was standing halfway out, a rifle resting on his shoulder. I pulled the truck up and lowered the window.
“Business?” he asked.
“Here to see General Maron.”
The guard raised an eyebrow. “Name?”
“Gates King.”
The guard moved away and looked at a list, He returned shaking his head. “You’re not expected.”
“Listen soldier, I’m one of Maron’s own. I just came back from a tour in Syria, and I need to see Maron today. It’s important.”
“You should have an appointment. I can’t just let you in there.”
“I’m not asking you to. Go and call Maron. I know he gets in early and I know you have a phone.”
He shook his head. “Against protocol.”
“I know it is,” I said. “I trained at this base. Believe me, soldier. I wouldn’t ask this of you if I didn’t have to.”
The man looked at me for a few seconds, and I was
convinced he was going to send us away.
“You said your name was Gates King?” he asked.
“I did,” I said.
“You set the course record here, didn’t you?”
I blinked and then laughed. “That still stands?”
“Nobody in my class got even fucking close.”
“Well, how about that.”
“There are other stories about you. They say you were embedded with some local Kurds for two weeks and you trained them well enough to fight back an ISIS force of twice your size. That true?”
“Wasn’t twice our size,” I said.
He nodded. “Okay, sir. I wouldn’t do this for anyone else, but I’ll call General Maron.”
“Thank you, soldier. What’s your name?”
“Reginald,” he said.
“Thanks, Reginald.”
“Sir.” He turned and went to the phone.
“You’re famous,” Piper said beside me.
“Not exactly.”
“Set the course record? That sounds like a big deal.”
“It’s just some obstacle course they make us do before graduating.”
“Still, it’s impressive. A lot of strong guys probably come through here.”
“Probably,” I said.
“I have to admit, now I’m a little impressed.”
I smirked at her. “Don’t pretend like you weren’t already sitting there dripping wet and waiting for me to give you what you want again.”
She gaped at me and went to say something, but Reginald came back to the window.
“General Maron says to send you through,” he answered.
“Thanks,” I said.
“He chewed my ass out, though.”
“Sounds like him.”
Reginald shook his head. “I hope this is important.”
“It really is.”
“Go ahead, then.” He went back into the guardhouse and opened the gate.
I drove on through. We headed around to the right, past the open field where I used to get screamed at by drill instructors and over toward the offices.
Memories came flooding back. Those days in boot camp were some of the hardest fucking days of my life, but they were also some of the most rewarding. I had purpose back then, real purpose, and a group of guys around me with the same purpose. We were a tightknit bunch as all classes tended to be. We were forged through fire and came out harder and stronger on the other side.