She pulled me down for a kiss on my forehead. “I know everything, Pop. I know you hired a new guy while spending an overnighter in jail. I also know your pen-pal, contract killer Trish Rocha, will probably be released shortly. What makes you think I wouldn’t want to be a part of everything don’t you get? I love you, Rick! You’ve already saved me a fortune with your advice, and been there always for me when I needed you. I want you to adopt me! It’s my choice, damn it!”
I hold on to her in silence. She’s the most enigmatic but plain as day plus in my life I could ever have asked for. I can’t explain the bond between us, because its basis is in insanity. “You’re over eighteen, kid. You don’t need anyone to adopt you, but I’m proud as hell to be your geezer friend and advisor. That won’t ever change.”
There’s a lot of chuckles and applause amongst the group within hearing of our conversation. Temple immediately breaks out of our hug-a-thon to point a finger at me.
“Why the hell did you let my surrogate mother, Karen, flit off to Vegas and get married, Pop? You could have stopped her.”
“That was months ago, and your surrogate ‘mommy’ is doing just fine. Stop acting like a little brat, and start getting loosened up for class. If you don’t behave, I’m going to rat you out to mommy, Karen.”
Temple giggled. Then she stepped away with her head down. “Okay, Pop, but this isn’t over.”
“Says you.” I went back to my stretches, which felt pretty damn good. Too much tension and drunk tank time in the recent past. We work out Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, but I normally do the stretches every day. “How’s the new movie coming along?”
“Formulaic bullshit, but that’s the only thing they know how to make anymore. If Hollywood’s not doing remakes of old movies, they’re promoting formula style crap. Hey… I’m getting another nice paycheck, Pop.”
I stopped my stretches and stood up. “You have talent, kid. You can carry a tune. You can definitely act, because I’ve seen your love scenes involving Alex Winton, your damn costar, whom you hate with a passion. Don’t get drawn into that game where they turn you into something you’re not.”
Temple’s lip quivered in an unmistakable attempt at not crying. “They’re hinting at Alex and I becoming an item, Pop.”
Oh boy. This is not going well for me. “I believe you may be underestimating your star power, kid. Alex couldn’t drive sales in a movie if his life depended on it. Once this gig with the Sally Waters character plays out, he’ll be lucky if he can get a commercial. It’s obvious you know more about what’s good for you than the studio does. Go with your instincts, kid.”
Temple looked away and then down – not a good sign. “I need you to be my agent.”
Oh shit, there goes my sanity. “You’re joking, right?”
Temple grabbed my right arm in a death grip. “I…I’ve been putting on a front for a while to get clear of my parents. I’m learning, Pop, but I’m scared. I know how quickly everything can disappear. I’ll pay you anything. I just need someone between them and me.”
I took a deep breath. Either I’m in for the full Monty, or I’m just some hanger on collecting money. I loved the little brat already, so stepping up was not an issue. “First off, you will not pay me for agent duties. Second, I’ll run it by our rat-shit shark, Cleaver. No matter what, I’m there for you, kid. You didn’t buzz me with this on a lark. When’s the meeting?”
Temple hugged me, no pretensions, and full power. “I love you, Pop! It… it’s Monday.”
I laughed and hugged her back. “You no good… rotten…”
If someone can both cry and laugh at the same time, that’s what Temple did. I imagine parents with their own kids have much the same confrontation. “When and where?”
Temple met my furrowed gaze. “I’ll be by to pick you up on Monday morning at 9am, okay?”
“I’ll be ready. I’ll hear their spiel. If I don’t think they’re being reasonable, we’ll walk away until I get my shark, Cleaver up to speed. I hate like hell calling him unless I have to. Wait until Lois gets here. After I explain this to her, she’ll insist on coming along. All she’ll have to do is stare at them in order to freeze their blood in fear. We can’t let the Gorgon stare too long at them though, because then they’ll turn to stone, and we don’t want that.”
Temple was already laughing at the first mention of Lois going along. The Gorgon part had her really losing it, along with some of our other gym-rats, who had been eavesdropping on the whole agent negotiation. It had been impossible to keep the secret identity stuff going in our workout group. Everyone had been cool about it so far due to human nature. They were all in on a big secret. Working out with a famous celebrity was like being on their own reality show.
Then the Gorgon arrived with her personal Igor, Shelly. “What the hell are all you hyenas laughing at? My ears are ringing, Cantelli. What blasphemy have you been acting out in my name for laughs?”
I gave her the short version while the rest of my hyena pack laughed even harder. Lo’s eyes narrowed. “Why that little pussy! I’d bet money that little needle dicked asshole is behind the whole thing. You’re right this time, Rick. I’m coming along on Monday. It’s enough she has to be around the little piss ant during filming. Did you talk to Karen about this, Temple?”
“I did. It was her suggestion to enlist you two. She’s right. I need help. They keep pressuring me, saying it’s the only way the movie will hit it big. Look… I don’t trust anybody, but I trust you two.”
“We’ll do it,” Lois said. “Now drop down and give me twenty-five for being such a little bubble-headed wuss. You need toughening, Strawberry Shortcake!”
I think Temple thought Lois was joking, but when she looked closely at Lois’s stare of the Gorgon, the battle was lost. Temple hit the deck and counted out twenty-five pushups along with the rest of our companions. By then Karen had arrived, observing the last of Temple’s punishment with a smile. She didn’t say anything though, because to do so would be breaking another one of Lois’s unknown commandments – namely, Karen was not allowed to comment on any action by her half-sister Lois, the Gorgon. Lois immediately turned on her anyway as Temple finished.
“Do you have anything to say, cupcake?”
“Nope.”
“Where’s Danny boy?”
“He’ll be in after he parks the car,” Karen replied, as our little group broke up get into position for class.
Danny Tilson is Karen’s new husband. According to Lo, he’s abrupt, rude, inconsiderate, and arrogant, but in his defense, that’s what she thinks of me too. I liked him. Late thirties, dark haired, pleasant face, in good shape, and around six feet tall, Danny owned a real estate and loan conglomerate. He was very good at it. Lois, the info junky, of course ripped his entire life apart secretly. The only thing she found was he had made a lot of money honestly. Karen’s career kept escalating with more and varied roles. The two of them were actively trying to have kids, which should have made the prospective Aunt Lo happy. It didn’t. Danny didn’t take crap from Lo, which she of course added to her list of negatives when mentioning her brother-in-law. Danny arrived a couple of minutes later, with his usual smiling demeanor. He gave Karen a little hug, and the rest of us a little wave.
“Hi, everyone.” Danny saw Temple still breathing heavy. “Did you start working out early, Temple?”
“Mean Lois made me do twenty-five pushups for being a wuss.”
Danny nodded, and stared straight into the Gorgon’s eye’s, shaking his head. “You need a hobby, Lo. How about quilting? It’ll take the edge off your rather brusque side.”
Now, that was funny. It’s no wonder Karen married him. He’s a keeper. I moved between Danny and Lo as if I were merely getting ready for the class. Temple saw that, and moved in between me and Danny. Lois shook her finger at her brother-in-law who was peeking around both of us with a big grin.
“I’ll take up quilting wise guy… for your shroud. Who’d you foreclose on today,
big shot, the little sisters of the poor, or some disabled old lady?”
Danny cracked up. He knew Lois hated it when her slings and arrows missed their mark on him. Lois grudgingly turned toward the front, elbowing me of course in retribution. “What the hell are you grinning at Cantelli, you used up old wanker?”
A Cantelli attack by Lois draws laughter from everyone around us, because by now, they actually feel uneasy if she’s not insulting me. Shelly on the other side of Lo is chuckling politely, but seemed out of sorts. Since I’d missed our office manager/secretary today due to being incarcerated, maybe something happened I didn’t know about, and Lo didn’t mention it to me.
“You okay, Shelly? We’re not getting audited or anything, are we?”
“It’s boyfriend trouble,” Lois whispered to me.
“It is not. Max and I are fine. Every couple has disagreements.” Shelly didn’t say anything else. She turned to face the front as Jadie began making her hello phase of the evening through the ranks. Because of the celebrity status of her class, we had very few no shows or turnovers. We had once been a small workout class of around thirty. Now, the very large workout area was filled to capacity. Jadie had been forced to put others on a wait list a couple months ago for any openings in the class.
Jadie, in black spandex with bare midriff down to her crack is a sight to behold. She just waved at the rest of us regulars. We would all be together for Casablanca Night. Besides, I saw her guy, Ken Arlington, already up on stage watching her. Although he looks like a thirty-something Adonis, over six feet tall, washboard abs, muscles rippling with every movement, good looks, and a great head of tousled brown hair, Ken has one of those male ownership mentalities. Nothing is right unless he owns it. Jadie can handle herself… except in a gun battle. In fact, she’d met Ken at a Tai-Kwon-Do demonstration. Ken makes a lot of money as one of those GQ type male models, and he is one impressive specimen. I think Jadie is chaffing a little under Ken’s possessive nature, but I have no dog in that hunt. I always smile, wave, and act glad to see him when we’re together like we will be tonight.
“Ken’s looking at you like you’re fish bait, Pop.”
“A little louder, kid,” I whispered. “I don’t think the people in the back heard you.”
Temple giggled, and Lois cackled – great… annoying stereophonic sound.
“Wussy is right. Ken’s giving you the evil eye, Rick. What’s that about? You haven’t been shaggin’ Jadie on the sly, have you?” Lois again cackles at her own attempt at humor.
“I have not been doing anything to anybody, and I plan on keeping it that way for the foreseeable future, Harpy.”
“It’s the perception of wrong doing that counts, Rick.”
“You’re mean, Lois, and don’t call me Wussy.” Temple had leaned around me to stick her tongue out at Lois. “Rick would never do Jadie. He’s strong in the Force.”
That cracked up Lois and me. It had nothing to do with Jadie, or Temple’s Star Wars reference. That brief moment of susceptibility at my house, before a gun battle erupted as we arrived, chilled out all thought in my head about the delectable Jadie. Lois knew it too. She had to be Lois, and spew whatever came into her head. Jadie made her way back up to the front. She started us into the forty-five minutes of hell my cohorts claim ruins their mood, their chakra, and even their dreams – yet here we all are, still torturing ourselves.
Midway through the torture session, Jadie is intermingling amongst her flock as she always does as her minions on the stage carried out the program. She of course stops by Temple, who can’t hide being bored to tears, huffing and puffing. Temple’s in shape. It’s just the monotony of the workout that wears on her. She always loves it when Lois and I are ragging each other. Tonight though, Temple’s arms are waggling during the pushup part. Jadie honed in on her in a heartbeat.
“Oh… my… God… you’ve been working out for months, and your arms are still wavering like rubber bands. Temple, what the hell?”
“Get away from me you… you… workout Nazi.”
Jadie laughed and even clapped her hands. She had obviously heard a few of Lo’s Temple digs. “Good one. Stay with it wuss.”
Temple growled with the rest of us yipping in various stages of laughter and breathlessness. Jadie knelt down for a moment near Temple, but addressing me. “I need to talk to you, Rick.”
Oh no, you don’t. “Not happening, kid. Your significant other has already stared at me with the eyes of death. Work it out. Not everything is perfect.” While I answered I kept my head down in the pushup position. I’m not sending any messages of compassion for a woman with a black belt and kick boxing experience. Do your thing, baby.
“Damn it, Rick! He thinks I’m balling you on the side!”
Temple collapsed, the little bugger thinking to give us an excuse to keep conversing. Jadie, seeing an opportunity for further conversation, patted Temple’s arm, while staying near her. “I don’t know what to do, Rick!”
This is too much. “Jadie… what the hell? We’re not connected, and we never were. You keep acting guilty for something that hasn’t happened. You’re messing with his head.”
By then the set was over and we were on our feet again. I hauled up the Temple to her feet, shaking her a little. “We don’t need cover you little brat.”
“Says you,” Temple retorted, watching Jadie stride back into position at the front. “This is so cool! It’s like being in a real life episode of ‘The Bold and the Beautiful’. You’re not being very bold, Rick. It’s not your fault Ken is the jealous type.”
“The kid’s right, Rick,” Lois piled on as we began our next to last set. “I’m tired of Arlington giving us all the evil eye on Casablanca Night. I didn’t realize it was because he suspected you of tampering with his merchandise.”
“Well… I’m staying out of it. I’ll be extra nice to him. Bone will be there with Carlene. I’m sure he’s already working on his routine for demonstrating my showing him how to be less violent in the bar when we got Pernel. That should waylay Ken for the night.”
“You wish.” We went through the reps for making our flabby underarms taut. “Ken’s eyeballin’ you like he wants to ask you to the prom.”
Chapter Three
Facts of Life
I noticed with inadvertent glances. “You don’t think he wants to beat up an old man do you, Lo?”
Lois cackled appreciatively as we ended the set. Temple nudged into me. “Don’t mess around with that guy, Pop. I’ve heard Jadie talk about him, and I’ve seen him with his shirt off. Maybe it would be best to sit at a different table tonight.”
Lois’s cackle immediately escalated into full blown laughter to the point she had to give up on our exercise routine. She pointed at Temple. “Good… good one, kid.”
I knew what Lo thought was so funny. I’ve had over four decades of unarmed combat training and practice behind me. Lo knows I work at it, so I don’t have to use it. She also knows I’ve killed men with my bare hands, and in combat situations. It’s not that Ken couldn’t take me in some martial arts match with rules. It’s just that if he forced me to fight him, I would go for the kill, because I’m too old and too uncaring of the consequences. I planned no way in hell for that scenario to develop. I didn’t share that with little Temple though.
“What’s Lo think is so funny, Rick?” Temple was a little bent out of shape about Lois laughing at pretty much everything she says.
“Don’t worry about it, Temple. We will avoid all confrontations with Ken. We’re going to have a good time tonight as always. Lois and I have dealt with and interacted with guys like Ken before. Mostly, if you ignore them, they drop out of the confrontational mode pretty quick.”
“Are you going to sing with Vince tonight?” Lois waited until we finished the last set before asking.
Temple’s face lit up. “Didn’t Rick tell you? We’re going to sing an old time song called ‘I’ll Be Seeing You’ with Rick singing too.”
“You’re going to sing?”
“Yeah, I’m going to sing. I can carry a tune. Besides, Vince thought it would be a great number to do while the whole crowd is there, with me sitting next to him, and the three ladies behind us.”
Lois nodded. “I like it. Let’s hit the showers and go make it happen. I think Frank will love it. That’s his favorite song of all time.”
No shit. “That’s because it was Frank who suggested it.”
“Really?” Lois smiled. I could tell that pleased her. “I-”
“Cantelli!”
“Oh boy.” I saw Ken steaming toward me with Jadie trying to halt the freight train with little success. “You didn’t happen to bring your Taser, did you, Lo?”
“Damn it!” That meant she didn’t, and she was pissed because she would have loved using it on Ken.
It looked as if Ken planned to walk right up into my face. I didn’t get past the sixty mark in age by letting people do that. I put up the stop sign. “That’s far enough, Ken. What can I do for you?”
The fact I didn’t only put up a hand to stop him, but also lapsed into a defensive posture meant to take Ken on, finally gave him pause with Jadie still yanking on his arm. “You’ve been fuckin’ Jadie behind my back! That’s a cheap shot even from you!”
Even from me? “If you had asked me, I could have told you face to face that I have never, ever made love to Jadie. I know she’s told you. Now I’m telling you. What you think is between Jadie and me is pure fiction in your head. What you’re accomplishing by this goofy accusation is going to end up driving Jadie away, and it won’t be into my arms.”
“Rick’s never been with Jadie… you idiot!” Lo has a lower threshold of reasonability for this type of blunder. “Back the hell away before you get hurt, you moron!”
Lois stunned him with that remark. It gave Jadie a moment to get a word in.
“Rick’s right! I thought this jealousy thing was cute. It’s not cute anymore. If you don’t walk away with me now, we’re through no matter what happens!”
I wanted to be a calming influence here, but Kenny was beginning to annoy me. I took a deep breath. “Go on home, Ken. Calm down and think it through. Don’t come to Casablanca Night. Take some time off and remember what you have to lose.”
Rick Cantelli, P.I. Deadly Liaisons (Rick Cantelli, P.I. Detectives Book 2) Page 3