by Jahquel J
“I’m sorry. You’re right.”
“Don’t apologize. You’re good, just stop seeing a nigga as your next meal ticket. See him as someone that you can love and grow old with and shit. Not someone who is going to feed and take care of you. You’re not a pet; you’re a woman capable of taking care of herself.”
“I know. I’m going to get better at that.”
“Hell yeah, you will,” he joked. “Let’s go grab some food from this taco spot down the block. That airplane food still got me hungry.”
“I was going to say that, but didn’t want to look greedy,” I giggled.
“Let me go use the bathroom and then I’ll be back.”
I stood by the door and waited for him to come out the bathroom. That’s when it hit me and it hit me hard. Holding on the wall, I tried to fight the dizziness that was going through my body.
“Yo, you goo—” That was the last thing I heard before I passed out.
UCLA Medical Center, Los Angeles California
The sound of beeping caused me to open my eyes. I squinted and realized my ass was lying in a hospital bed. Not again. No, this couldn’t happen to me again. Why was I here and why was I hooked up to this machine? Last I remember, I had gotten off the plane in California with Jean. I tried to remember what had happened but I couldn’t.
“Not again, I can’t go through this again.” I started to pull at the IV’s in my arm and that sounded the machines.
Jean jumped up from seat he was asleep in and came over and stopped me just as the nurses rushed into the room. “Ms. Costa, you’re awake. Don’t pull on these machines, you need all the fluids your body can handle.” The woman doctor came in and checked to see if I had pulled them out. She washed her hands, put gloves on and then situated them back into the veins they belonged to.
“Why am I here? Is my baby okay?”
“Yes, your baby is fine. Your friend here caught you just before you fell onto the floor.” She looked over at Jean. “Can you give us a minute to discuss some things with Ms. Costa?”
“Yeah. Sure.” He stood up and I held my hand up.
“No. He’s fine.”
“You sure? I don’t mind leaving so you can talk freely,” he offered and I nodded my head. Jean needed to know. He was helping me out and the least I could do is reveal my secret to him.
“Okay,” the doctor tossed her gloves and washed her hands before she closed the door. “The reason for your fainting spell is because you haven’t been taking your HIV medication. We were able to pull your files from the last hospital you stayed at. You’re on a bunch of medications and according to the tests we ran on you while you were out, you haven’t been taking your medicine.”
I listened to everything the doctor was talking about while staring into Jean’s face. He had a face of stone and didn’t appear to be upset or angry, but he didn’t look happy. “My medicine was at my boyfriend’s house and I was afraid to go pick them up.”
“Does he need to step out?” she looked at Jean with disgust on her face.
“He’s not my boyfriend.”
“Oh okay. Well, we’re prescribing you all of the medications you were taking and scheduling you a follow-up appointment with a physician. Your baby is doing fine, but you were dehydrated, so we want to keep you overnight to continue to give you some fluids,” she explained.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Give the nurse a ring if you need anything. She’ll be in soon to check your vitals,” she told me and I nodded my head. I watched as she sat the electronic chart on the foot of the hospital’s bed and then left the room.
The room was silent and I didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t like I tried to sleep with him or be with him. He was the one trying to be with me and I kept turning him down. Jean meant more to me and I didn’t want to do that to him. This was my life now and I had to deal with it. Jean had his entire life and I didn’t want to give him something he couldn’t get rid of.
“Is that why you continued to dub my shit?”
“Yes.”
“Good looking out.”
I laughed and shook my head because Jean would be the one to crack a joke. “You’re welcome, I think.”
“Nah, you could have been on some bitter shit and tried to fuck me. You looked out for me and I appreciate you for that.”
“We go way back. Way before the fucking, we’re damn near family.”
“Who gave it to you?”
“It happened and me telling you about it isn’t going to do anything for me. I just want to move on and take better care of myself.”
“Your nigga got it?”
“Probably.” What was the purpose of lying? We had sex unprotected on multiple occasions and now I was pregnant again.
Jean stood up, walked over to me and reached for my hand. “I got you.” Was all he said and I smiled at him. I’ve heard those three words over and over again, and it wasn’t until now that I truly believed them.
15
Yoshon
“The fuck? You cut off my supply to get me to sit down and talk with you? What happened to business being business and leaving the personal out of the shit?” Grand walked into the trap house with anger written all over his face.
Since Golden met up with him, I’ve been trying to get him to come talk to me but the nigga continued to play me like I was a little nigga. If you do that shit once, I’m not going to give you a second time to do the shit. The next thing was to cut off his supply until he sat his ass down and signed these papers I had in front of me. He had a re-up and I had my people tell his people to have him come pick it up from me. That’s not how I usually did business, but that’s how we were about to do it. Grand needed the money because he had other kids, his family and what other tricks he was fucking with at the time.
“Golden is my business, so I’ll say we’re handling business.”
“What the fuck is up with my product? I’m good for the month; I sent that bread I owed.”
“This isn’t about money. Sign those fucking papers and leave Golden the fuck alone. You got two options and that’s all I’m gonna give your ass.”
“What’s the options?”
This nigga had to be extra and ask what his options were. “You either sign or get murked.”
“The fuck kind of options are those?”
“The fucking ones I’m giving you.”
He acted like he had much to debate about. If he acted stupid, his ass would have been lit the fuck up in here. This nigga was walking around still married to my baby and the shit pissed me the fuck off. She needed to cut all ties with this nigga and he was lucky I was giving him the option to walk out this building breathing the lord’s good ass air. If he chose to be stupid, then his ass would be killed right here and cut the fuck up to be fed to cattle out in Connecticut. The choice was his. It wasn’t like none of his kids would miss his no-good ass or anything like that. That nigga was no good for those kids and they were better off without him.
“Ight, bet. She gotta let me see my son then.”
“Nigga, this look like I’m making negotiations with you? Hell nah, not the way you did that little boy last time he was under your roof.”
“He’s my fucking son!” he raised his voice and saw how I leaned up. I’d air this bitch out with a few bullets and go home to sleep good.
“I don’t give a fuck if he was your fucking mother. Gold don’t want you seeing him, then that’s what the fuck it is. I’m not going against her word.”
“I used to call her Gold. Once upon a time, the shit she used to release when I was fucking her so good, I called it gold,” he reminisced and tried to get a rise out of me.
“I’m glad you can reminisce about something I’m getting every night.” He gritted his teeth. I could tell that shit pissed him off. “Now, what we doing?”
“Where’s the fucking pen? And I want my shit when I leave here too.”
“Nigga, when I give you, your shit is when y
ou get it. Don’t fucking tell me what you want; I make the demands here.” I tossed the packet and pen over to him.
Golden had some outdated divorce document. My lawyer drew up some new ones and sent them over to me so I could get this shit handled and out the way. It was Grand that was holding the shit up. He acted like he was too busy to come when I fucking asked him to come. Fuck with a nigga’s money and they'll come running. That was exactly what I did, and his ass came running quicker than I expected. I watched as he signed the papers and then stood up to sit them on my desk.
“Where’s my shit?”
“I’ll have someone hit you up and tell you where to pick it up.”
“When the fuck is he supposed to hit me up?”
“Patience is key.”
“My nigga, you gotta go.” Grape came from the back and showed him out the door. The grill on Grand’s face was priceless. He was pissed as shit and the shit couldn’t be more funny to me. He wanted to play with me and make me do all this petty shit just to get his ass to sign some papers so his ass was going to wait until I decided to make that call and tell him where his shit was at.
“He mad as fuck. Was kicking over trash cans and shit,” Grape laughed and took a seat where he was once sitting.
“He gonna stay mad too. Nigga shouldn’t play all those games with me.”
“So Gold free?”
“Not until the lawyer files them. I got a judge that will expedite this shit so we not waiting months to get this shit done.”
“Word? I’m glad this nigga finally signed. It don’t make no sense that they still married.”
“For real. But, she didn’t have the money, and he refused to sign the papers she had his lawyer draw up. His lawyer’s loyalty is with the nigga paying him, so I’m not surprised that he didn’t sign when she first presented the papers to him.”
“He need to let her go and be happy. Gold ain't the same woman she was when we first met her. She’s smiling and Gyan wouldn’t know how to act without his Pit Pat in his life.”
“Word. They make me happy as shit. Now, that damn pig don’t make me as happy, but it makes them happy so I deal with it.”
“I still can’t believe you got her a pig.”
“She been talking about this shit for a while. Every time she and Gyan watch Animal Planet, they were talking about that shit.”
“Where the pig sleeping?”
“Right now, he’s in Gyan’s room. Golden tried to put him in the room with us and I shut that shit down.”
“You gonna have a fucking house filled with damn pets.”
“Word. She talking about getting a Macaw next.”
“A damn bird? Nah, Pit Pat really gonna have something to clean after then.”
“She enjoying the pig. All she does is spoil that little loud shit. He screams every time I try and touch him.”
“Y’all wild.”
“What’s new with you?”
“Shit. Just been with shorty.”
“Oh, Mo?”
He was shocked as fuck when I said Mo’s name. Grape forgot that if I wanted to find something out, I was going to find the shit out. “How the fuck you find out?”
“I have my ways. Why you keeping it from me?”
“Shit was too new and I wanted to make sure it lasted.”
“I feel you.”
“She makes me happy and I love her kids, man.”
“I’m happy for you, nigga.” I smiled and nodded at him. “You been by to see my sister?”
“Yeah. She been busy with the legal businesses and shit. I’m glad you gave her something to keep her busy. Yolani is used to always working and being on the go, so this is good for her.”
“I’ve been too busy to sit down and chill with her.”
“How shit going?”
“Tiring as fuck. I’m tired as fuck. Shit moving the way Baru wants so I guess I’m doing good.”
“You’re a natural born leader so I know shit will run smoothly. You got a whole team behind you ready to put in work.”
“Appreciate it, Grape.”
“Always. What’s good with the wedding?”
“Golden don’t want to plan the shit and Baru on my ass.”
“She could be planning the wedding of her dreams and she’s not… what’s good with that?”
Golden told me a million times she didn’t want to have a wedding. She said she didn’t have the energy to plan a wedding where she wouldn’t have any family attending. I understood where she came from, but I still wanted to give her a wedding of her dreams. When she explained why she didn’t want a wedding, I understood that I was trying to give her something that she didn’t want. In the end, I thought about me and how I wanted to have a wedding and see my wife walk down the aisle to me. Golden had valid reasons why she didn’t want to have a wedding, but she was only thinking of herself and not me. It would mean the world to Pit Pat to see me get married. While she was focused on her personal reasons, she wasn’t being considerate of what we wanted.
“She’s not into the wedding shit. I had her go to Hazel’s bridal shower and she told me how her mom turned the shit into her own bridal shower, and she said she didn’t want to have a wedding. Being married to me was more than enough for her.”
“Word to my mama, you lucked up when you found her ass. I ain’t seen you this happy since Ashleigh,” he admitted.
It was true. I hadn’t been this happy since me and Ashleigh. With how worried Ashleigh was about leaving me alone before she passed away, I knew she had something to do with sending Golden to me. Laying down every night and knowing my whole family was straight was what helped put me to sleep at night. I had my wife to the right of me and my kids down the hall in their own bedrooms. Then, I had my grandmother down the hall in her suite. Yolani was doing better and she was still going through treatment. She would be fighting this her entire life and I was going to be right there with her to fight this shit right alongside her.
After finishing up in the trap, I had Larry drop me off back home. Soon as I walked through the door, I could smell food being cooked coming through the crib. Following the scent to the kitchen, I found Golden cooking with Yaya sitting on the counter in her bouncer and Gyan doing his homework. Bacon was in his little crate shit they put him in when they couldn’t play with him.
“What’s good?”
“Mr. Yoshon!” Gyan jumped up and was the first to hug me.
“Get your little butt back onto the chair and finish that work,” Golden said through gritted teeth. Gyan put his head down and walked back to his chair.
“What happened?”
“He was talking in school and now he has some assignments that need to be completed. No one told him to be chatting in school.”
“I’m sorry, Mommy,” Gyan apologized.
“I know you are. Just because you say you’re sorry doesn’t mean that you can get out of doing work.”
“Okay,” he sighed and got back to work.
“You alright, babe? Where Pit?”
“Yolani actually picked her up and took her to lunch. She called a little while ago and told me she’s staying over there tonight.”
“Word?”
“Yep. I told you that they would make up when it was time. Pit Pat was so happy, she told me to cook dinner tonight. She took out some ox tails, so I’m making those with mac and cheese, rice and cabbage.”
“Damn, I’m spoiled as fuck.”
“You are. Only because you deserve to be though.” She kissed me on the lips. “How was your day?”
“Stressful, but in a few days, you’ll be a single woman.” I held up the packet that Grand had signed a few hours before.
“Seriously? How did you manage to get his ass to sign?”
“Mess with a nigga’s money and they’ll be willing to do anything to make sure they can feed their family. He shouldn’t be a issue any longer, and if he is, then I’ll handle him.”
“Hmm, what should I do as a single woman?
”
“Don’t make me choke your ass... long as you my woman, you ain't single.” I grabbed her and kissed her on the neck. “You gonna make it clap for me tonight?”
“Boy, you not getting none. I’m on my period and don’t want to think about sex.”
“I run the red light.” I licked my lips and she turned her face up.
“Ew, Yoshon Santana. You are disgusting,” she laughed and went back to cooking dinner. I was lowkey wishing she didn’t have her period because I wanted to get her ass knocked up. We needed another baby around here.
“Yaya, how’s daddy’s mama girl?” I spoke baby talk to her. The only people that heard me talking like that to her was the people under this roof. If this shit got out, niggas would be clowning the shit out of me.
She made some gargling noise and then stuck her chubby hands back into her mouth. Golden fed the shit out of her. My baby girl was fat as fuck and fussy as hell when she didn’t get her bottle as quick as she wanted it.
"What’s good with the wedding planning, Golden?”
“Oh, I’m Golden today?”
“Babe, I’m sorry.”
“No, keep that same energy,” she teased me. “I’m Golden today, you claimed it already.”
“Stop playing with me.”
“I don’t want a wedding and I told you that already. You keep acting like I’m playing and I’m not. A wedding will just remind me just how much I don’t have family.”
“You have family. What the hell you call me, Pit Pat and Yolani?”
“Y’all family, but I’m talking about blood. Me and Gyan don’t have any real family besides some cousins who couldn’t lend us their couch when we didn’t have a place to live.”
“I want you to have the wedding of your dreams, babe.”
“You mean Golden.”
“Chill. I’m being serious.”
“And not having the wedding the dreams is the wedding of my dreams. Long as I’m with you and saying our vows with everyone who matters, I don’t need a big wedding.”
“So you not going to allow me to witness you in a wedding dress?”