by A. Destiny
“Seriously, I’m not in the mood.” I grabbed the slimy half-chewed bone Muckle had left in the middle of the floor, depositing it in his toy basket. “Right after we got home from puppy class yesterday, Muckle got up on the counter and ate the pork chops that were supposed to be thawing for dinner, and Mom totally freaked out. What if the classes don’t work? Mom and Dad said if Muckle doesn’t start behaving better soon, he’s out of here.”
“You’ve only had one class so far,” Robert reminded me, fingering his wide lapels lovingly. “Even Mr. and Mrs. Uptight can’t be that impatient. Give it a chance.”
I sighed. “I guess you’re right. But seriously, what if the class doesn’t work?”
“What if, what if?” Robert mocked me. “What, are you turning into your sister, Ms. Type A?”
I rolled my eyes. I was so not like Britt, not even a little bit. Still, the insult snapped me out of my pity party. Just the way Robert had known it would.
“Fine,” I said, reaching for the disco dress. “I’ll try it on. But I’m definitely not leaving the house in this thing.”
The dress was so slippery I dropped it the first two times I tried to put it on. By the time I’d gotten it on and adjusted, Robert had picked out a pair of shoes to go with it—some goofy white platforms he’d bought for me at a yard sale over the summer. They weren’t easy to walk in, but I managed to toddle over to the full-length mirror on the back of my door.
“Wow,” I said, turning this way and that. “This thing actually looks pretty cool. Disco forever!”
I struck a pose, and Robert wolf-whistled. We were debating whether some sparkly purple eye shadow would be overkill (me: yes; Robert: overkill? What’s that?) when I heard my mother shouting my name. Uh-oh. That couldn’t be good.
She burst into my room a few seconds later. “Lauren!” she snapped. “I thought you promised to keep an eye on that dog. I just found him in the mud room closet, chewing up my Babolat!”
That was one of her tennis rackets. Mom had been a top player in college, and apparently had big plans to go pro before she slipped on an icy sidewalk and messed up her knee. After the surgery she was never the same, though she had taught lessons on the side to help support herself back in her single days. In fact, that was how she’d met my dad—his sister had been one of her regular students.
Muckle himself appeared at that moment, looking very pleased with himself as he slipped between Mom’s legs and trotted over to me with his tail wagging. The taste of catgut and graphite must have agreed with him.
“Sorry,” I said, snatching him up and hugging him to me. “He’s probably just bored. Totally my fault. I’ll take him for a nice, long walk right now, and he’ll be fine.”
I kicked off the platforms, slipped on a pair of flats, and hurried past Mom, who was muttering something about how her beloved racquet wasn’t fine. Robert followed me down the stairs. I paused only long enough to grab Muckle’s leash off the hook before continuing out the front door.
“So I can’t get you to leave the house, but you’ll do it for that stupid mutt?” Robert said.
That reminded me what I was wearing. “Oh, man.” I glanced down at myself. The dress looked even shinier in the sunlight. “If anyone recognizes me in this, I’ll never be able to show my face in the this town again.”
“Here. These will help.” Robert grabbed his dad’s sunglasses, which he’d tucked into his shirt while I was primping. He stuck them on my face and stepped back. “Perfect. Totally incognito.”
“Aren’t these men’s sunglasses?” I tilted my head, and the glasses slid halfway down my nose.
“Gender is merely a construct.” Robert eyed Muckle, who was sniffing at a nearby flowerbed. “I have an idea. Get in the car.”
“What? Didn’t you hear my mom? I need to tire out this puppy before he eats the rest of the house.” I tugged on Muckle’s leash to keep him from chewing on Dad’s prize rosebush.
“I know. And I have an idea for a way to do that.”
“The dog park?” I guessed. “I heard there’s one over in Springdale, but I’ve never been there.”
“No, this is way better. Just trust me, okay?”
I shrugged. Maybe it would be better to get Muckle farther away from Mom than a mere walk could take us. “Okay. Come on, Muck.”
A few minutes later Robert made the turn into the shopping center where PetzBiz was located. “Ta-da!” he said. “I’m dying to check out Mr. Hottie McIrish. Since we’re in disguise already, I figured we could sneak in and spy on him. You said he’s teaching classes here this afternoon, right?”
Drat. Why had I told him that? I’d spent half an hour the night before online-stalking Adam’s teaching schedule, but that didn’t mean I had to tell anyone.
“We can’t,” I blurted out. “What if Adam sees me?”
“What if he does?” Robert countered. “You look hot in that dress. And this Adam guy sounds just plain hot.”
“I know, but—”
“But nothing,” he cut me off. “How often does a guy like this drop into your lap? You need to go for it, Lauren. Seriously. It could be the next best thing to actually dating Corc himself.” He smirked. “Besides, if I can pair you off with this guy, that leaves Corc all for me.”
“Yeah, dream on. You’re not exactly his type, if you know what I mean.” I glanced at the store, a flicker of nerves making me shiver. Maybe Robert was right. Maybe I needed to be brave, grab life by the throat, go for it.
Or maybe not. Either way, Robert wasn’t waiting for me to make up my mind. He was already getting out of the car.
I did the same. Part of me was terrified by this whole plan, but the rest of me was eager to catch another glimpse of Adam. He was so perfect, I was half-afraid I’d imagined him the day before. I figured it was possible. Muckle might have gotten a little too excited on our way into the store, yanking me into a tall display of canned cat food. One of the cans could have bounced off my head, rendering me unconscious and hallucinatory.
It could happen, right? So maybe it was better to go in there and confirm that Adam was real. I’d even have Robert as a witness this time.
There wasn’t much to do on a Sunday afternoon in our boring little suburb, which meant a lot of people were browsing the dog toys and hamster pellets. A few of them glanced curiously at our outfits, but mostly everyone ignored us. That was the fate of being a teenager in suburban America. You were mostly irrelevant, incidental, invisible.
“Wait. We need a plan,” I hissed, grabbing Robert’s polyester sleeve. “I don’t want Adam to see me dressed like this.”
“You should. That dress is very eye-catching.” He looked me up and down critically. “Although I don’t know why you ditched the platforms. And we should have done your hair.”
Muckle had been trailing along more or less obediently at the end of his leash. But just then he spotted a greyhound walking by. His ears pricked and he let out a series of piercing yips, dancing around, trying to pull me toward the other dog.
“Quit it, Muckle,” I said, distracted by the idea that Adam was so close. “We’re supposed to be undercover. No barking.”
Luckily, the greyhound completely ignored Muckle and soon disappeared around the corner with its owner. Muckle settled down and started sniffing at the nearest shelf display, which happened to be a stack of puppy piddle pads. I pushed my oversize sunglasses farther up my nose and gave a tug on his leash, then followed Robert toward the back of the store.
We stopped at the end of the aisle closest to the training ring. Peering around a display of toenail clippers, I felt my heart skip a beat.
“There he is,” I whispered in Robert’s ear.
“Nice!” he hissed back, leaning out a little farther for a better view.
Adam was teaching a class of four adults. The dogs looked like adults too. There were a couple of shepherdy-looking mutts, a golden retriever, and a big poodle with a close-cropped black coat. All of them were walking briskly in
a circle at their owners’ sides, stopping when they stopped and turning when they turned.
“Wow,” I whispered. “They’re pretty good. Guess Adam must know what he’s doing, huh?”
“Who cares? Just look at him,” Robert whispered back, his eyes gleaming with interest. “You have impeccable taste, Parker.”
“I know, right? He’s super dreamy.” I smiled as Adam called for his students to stop. All of them—dogs and humans alike—halted promptly and turned to face him.
Adam started talking to them, but his back was to us now, and I couldn’t hear what he was saying. But the dogs’ handlers were nodding and smiling.
I was smiling too. Adam was everything I’d thought he was and more. If anything, he looked even better today than he had yesterday. Probably because his gorgeousness had taken me by surprise then.
“He’s so your type, Lauren,” Robert murmured. “It’s hard to hear the accent from here, though. Let’s try to get closer.”
“No!” I blurted out. “We can’t—he’ll see us!”
“No, he won’t. He’s totally distracted.” Robert took a step out into the open, straightening the lapels on his jacket. He wasn’t exactly inconspicuous in that leisure suit; one of the handlers in the ring was already glancing at him.
“Get back here!” I hissed as loudly as I dared. “Seriously, Robert. If you embarrass me right now, I swear I . . .”
My voice trailed off. I couldn’t think of a threat dire enough. Besides, Robert wasn’t listening. He was strolling closer to the ring, hands in his polyester pockets, pretending to be very interested in the freestanding display of collars and leashes near the entrance.
I held my breath as Adam glanced toward Robert. Robert smiled and nodded, then busied himself with the leashes. Adam returned his attention to his students, and I let out the breath. At least Robert hadn’t said anything to him. Yet.
All this time, Muckle had been busy scratching a particularly itchy spot on the side of his head. Growing bored with that, he stood up, shook himself from head to toe, and trotted past me toward the training ring.
“Muckle, no,” I whispered urgently, tugging on the leash.
Muckle completely ignored me. He’d just spotted the dogs in the ring. His ears went up, his tail wagged, and his entire body quivered.
I winced as he leaped forward, barking at the top of his lungs. Disaster! Darting after him, I grabbed my puppy and hustled back into the shelter of the aisle before Adam could turn around. He might not recognize me in my crazy disguise and sunglasses, but I was sure he’d recognize Muckle as soon as he laid eyes on him.
Robert dashed over to join us. “Danger! Danger, Will Robinson!” he said.
I had no idea who Will Robinson was, and I didn’t care. “We have to get out of here!” I exclaimed.
Hugging Muckle to my chest, I took off down the aisle. My polyester dress f lapped around my legs, which gave me the giggles.
“What’s so funny?” Robert panted, catching up with me.
“Everything!” I replied, still giggling like a loon.
That made Robert laugh too. “Hurry! If he caught a glimpse of you in that dress, he’ll be in hot pursuit,” he cried, putting on a goofy accent like someone from an old black-and-white film where they all talk funny.
“No way! We can lose him if we—oof!” I’d just rounded the corner of the aisle and crashed into someone looking at a display of dog toys. “Sorry!” I cried, backing off. Then I gasped as I realized who I’d just almost bowled over. “Jamal! Um, hi.”
Jamal stared at me for a second, looking confused. Ozzy, who had been sitting at his feet, jumped up and barked happily. Then Jamal’s expression cleared.
“Lauren?” he said. “Is that you?” He looked me up and down, and this time it wasn’t so much a checking-me-out kind of look as a what-the-heck-is-she-wearing kind of look. “Uh, nice dress.”
“Thanks.” My face flamed, and I glanced over at Robert, who had stopped next to me. “We’re just, you know, goofing around.”
Jamal looked at Robert too, and his face fell. “Oh,” he said. “Hi. I’m Jamal Hughes—Lauren and I are in the same puppy class.”
“Robert James Chase, at your service.” Robert swept into a dramatic bow. “And I’m so glad you appreciate Lauren’s frock. I’m her personal shopper, and I had to twist her arm to get her to wear it. She looks hot in it, no?”
Jamal blinked, looking confused again for a second. He glanced from Robert—and his outfit—over to me, and back again. His face cleared, and he smiled.
“Really great to meet you, Robert,” he said. “And yeah, Lauren looks awesome. Do you do all her shopping for her?”
“No, he doesn’t.” I rolled my eyes, trying not to blush at the compliment. “Robert just likes to try to bully me into making a fool of myself in public as often as possible.”
Robert grinned. “Guilty as charged. But don’t let her fool you, Jamal. She loves it just as much as I do. She’s a closet extrovert.”
“A closet extrovert? Isn’t that, like, a contradiction in terms or something?” Jamal asked.
“Maybe.” Robert shrugged. “Anyway, what do you think of today’s ensemble?” He pronounced the last word the French way, twirling around to give Jamal a better look at his leisure suit.
“You don’t have to answer that,” I told Jamal, glad that he didn’t seem too freaked out by any of this. Robert tended to frighten some jock types. “Like I said, we’re just goofing around. We call it the Disguise Game.”
“The what?”
“The Disguise Game.” Robert stopped twirling and told him all about it, with me joining in on some of the details. Jamal seemed amused by the whole thing.
While we were chatting, the two puppies were getting reacquainted as well. Ozzy was mostly sniffing Muckle’s rear, while Muckle wiggled happily and tried to circle around to get a few sniffs in too.
“So I guess you’re probably wondering why Ozzy and I are hanging around here when there’s no puppy K today, huh?” Jamal said, glancing down at the dogs.
Actually, the question hadn’t even occurred to me. But I nodded.
“It’s the Oz man.” Jamal grimaced. “He’s not really catching on to the whole housebreaking thing. Seems to think the carpeting in the upstairs hallway is the perfect place to do his business. My mom and stepdad are running out of patience.”
“No way!” I felt a weird rush of relief. “So Muck and I aren’t the only ones with that problem, huh? If he pees on Mom’s favorite rug one more time, she’s probably going to have a stroke.”
“You’re definitely not the only ones.” Jamal sighed. “It’s a good thing Rachel told me about the puppy class. Because this is pretty much the last chance for Ozzy.”
“Muckle too,” I admitted. “My parents were already losing patience, but last Tuesday was the final straw. . . .”
Chapter Six
Five days earlier
Lauren! Is that you? Get in here!”
I swung the front door shut and glanced at Robert. “Uh-oh. Mom doesn’t sound happy.”
Somewhere in the house, I could hear Muckle barking. And barking. And then barking some more.
“Should we make a break for it?” Robert suggested.
I slung my school bag onto the mahogany bench in the front hall. “I’d better go see what Muckle did this time.”
It was becoming a familiar scene. Muckle would do something naughty. Mom and/or Dad would yell at me. I would promise to keep a closer eye on him. Rinse, repeat.
As we headed toward the kitchen, Mom hurried out to meet us, her Chanel heels click-clacking on the hardwood hallway floor.
“That dog of yours.” She jabbed a manicured finger at me. “It’s driving me crazy!”
“What happened?” I was still distracted by Muckle’s continued barking. He always barked a lot, but this was nonstop.
“The Van Tuyls are having their house painted.” Mom paused to wince as Muckle let out a particularly pi
ercing howl.
I nodded. I’d noticed the painters hard at work on the neighbors’ house on my way in. “So?” I prompted.
“So what do you think?” She folded her arms and glared at me. “That ridiculous dog has been barking out the window at the painters all day.”
“Oh.” That did sound annoying. “Did you try distracting him with one of his bones or something?”
“No, I did not.” Mom was sounding more annoyed by the second. “I’m not your dog’s babysitter, Lauren. When we agreed you could get a puppy, you swore it would be no trouble at all. But it’s not turning out that way.”
I wondered why she hadn’t just gone out to lunch or something to get away from the barking, if it bothered her that much. But I didn’t quite dare ask. Not when she was in that kind of mood.
“In any case, this has really set me back,” Mom went on grimly. “I was supposed to spend the day making phone calls for my charity banquet. But obviously I couldn’t call people with that racket going on in the background. I didn’t get a thing done all day, and now I’m way behind.”
“Sorry,” I said meekly.
“Me too.” Mom was still glaring. “You need to deal with this, Lauren—make sure it never happens again. Otherwise, the dog will have to go.”
“What?” I squawked. “No! What do you mean?”
“I mean I can’t live like this.” Mom rubbed her temples. “We’re already making sacrifices so you can have a dog as it is.”
With great effort, I avoided rolling my eyes. I knew what she was talking about—Britt. Now that Muckle was living in our house, that meant Britt couldn’t live there anymore. Whenever she came home from college for vacations and such, she would have to stay in the guest suite over the garage and minimize her time in the main house.
“I know,” I said. “But Muckle’s part of the family now! I can’t give up on him. Especially after waiting my whole life to get him!”
“Your father’s not thrilled with the situation either, you know,” Mom went on as if she hadn’t even heard what I’d just said. “The puppy chewed up his favorite slippers last week, and before that it dug up all the bulbs he’d just planted.”