I roll my eyes at his demand. To which he pinches my backside and I offer a screech.
“Hey there, no pinching.”
He smiles and places a sweet kiss on my lips.
“I just don’t think it makes sense for us to spend all of our time together. We both have real lives, Ben. We can’t hole up here in my apartment and pretend otherwise.”
“I consider this my real life, Piper. I thought we were on the same page here.”
I am so not handling this well. I can feel the tension radiating off Ben. I remove myself from his lap and refill my mug before turning back to him.
“We are. I just need some space of my own. This is a lot for me to digest.”
“Okay, if you’re sure. Don’t start over-thinking this.”
Ben stands and walks over to me. I hold the cup in both hands like a security blanket.
“I’m going to finish my breakfast and then we’re going to do the dishes. I’ll go work on my house while you have your alone time. But, don’t get used to me not being around. I plan on being here often.”
Once his declaration is complete Ben resumes his spot at the table and continues eating his breakfast. I continue to stand at the counter watching him. Regardless of what he says, I need this time without him here. This isn’t reality. At some point this man is going to realize I am not worth the risk. He’ll accept that a passing attraction is not worth hurting his sister.
I am fully aware that in this scenario, it is me who will end up hurt. Any normal well-adjusted woman would put a stop to this insanity. I am not that woman. I am willing to take the hit if it means that for a short period of time I can feel the level of importance I have for the past two days.
Dishes with Ben include him trying to coerce me back into bed and my insistence that we actually get some adulting done. I know if he gets me back in that bed I’ll spend half the day repaying him for last night. Instead I’m going to spend the day cleaning, grocery shopping, and trying to understand my feelings.
I’m a confused girl. My feelings are not the problem. Or, perhaps, they are. I’m not sure. I’ve loved this man my entire life. Except I’ve learned that the version of Ben that I’ve loved isn’t the man he is now. Instead I had romanticized him over the years. I always knew Ben was a kind person. The kind of guy who always opened doors for women or helped the younger kids with their bikes. He always smiled and greeted everyone like they mattered. The only person he ever had a problem with was Tony. Knowing Tony, that was probably less Ben’s doing than Tony’s.
Over the last few months I’ve seen that in many ways Ben is exactly the same as he was. He’s chivalrous and kind, yet he’s so much more. He says all the right things at the right time and then there are the things he doesn’t actually say but expresses. Each gesture giving me a glimmer of hope this could all work out okay.
I am trying to trust that everything he says is true and his feelings are real. Still, the doubt is there. Little voices in my head, voices that sound a lot like my mom, telling me I’m a fool. Men like Bentley Sullivan don’t fall for girls like me. Eventually, he’ll get bored and realize I’m just a small-town girl who wants a simple life. His future has always been filled with possibilities and opportunities; I shouldn’t expect him to stick around.
Logic tells me I shouldn’t doubt his sincerity and, above all, Ben has integrity. He would never lead me on to just leave. Yet, the normal everyday version of me can’t seem to accept that as a reality. I acknowledge these last two nights with Ben have been more real and natural than any of the nights I spent with Tony or any boyfriend before him. That says volumes.
I hate that I can’t go to the one person in my life I share everything with. Normally I’d go to Ashton and talk to her about how I’m feeling, accept her no-nonsense advice, and let her tell me how everything will be. Since I can’t do that, I’ll just pretend she’s here listening to me ramble about Ben and imagine what she would say in response. I’ll skip past the initial “Why are you screwing my brother” reaction and settle on what I know she’d tell me instead. She would remind me that Bentley Sullivan is one of the good guys. He’s by far the most honest person in either of our lives and if he tells me it’s going to be okay, it’s going to be.
There is no reason to doubt him. There is no reason to believe he will be anything less than perfect. Which in itself is quite annoying. I mean, can’t the guy pick his nose or something, anything. The only thing that stands to reason is that I can be my own worst enemy and my own insecurities stand in my way.
When Piper told me she wanted to spend the day apart, I was pissed. We’ve just had two amazing nights together and she has to see how great we are together. Instead, she opts to spend her day grocery shopping and cooking. I did manage to sneak a few items onto her shopping list, which I consider a positive sign that she plans on having me over enough to keep my preferred coffee creamer in her refrigerator.
I woke early enough to run to the store and prepare a breakfast for Piper. This also meant I had to cancel breakfast with Jameson. I didn’t bail on the run, but there was no doubt in my mind who I wanted to share breakfast with. By the time I had Piper drop me at my truck I was already running late.
I pull into the parking lot at the end of the running trails to see Jameson talking up a brunette with a large, and scary-looking, dog. As I lock up my truck I turn to see that he’s in the early stages of his usual pickup lines.
Currently Jameson is leaning on the nearest structure, in this case a trash can, while combing his hand through his short blond hair like it’s wet from the shower. From a male perspective, it’s less natural and more like he’s in distress. According to Jameson the ladies find it sexy and he’ll usually have a number before he has to move on to the next step in the pickup – showing his abs.
I can guarantee that at this point in the conversation he’s likely thrown out a plethora of compliments while downplaying his own attributes. If I’m reading her body language correctly, the brunette is buying everything he’s selling.
As I approach I notice she is holding his phone, presumably giving him her phone number. I clear my throat as he takes her hand in his and places a kiss to her knuckles. I cannot believe this shit works.
“Oh hey, buddy. I didn’t think you were going to make it. Thankfully Celeste here was keeping me company.”
Offering a smile to Celeste, I ignore Jameson’s dig.
“Sorry, I had a few stops to make. Are we doing this?”
“Don’t mind my friend, Celeste. He’s not always a jerk. Say hello, Ben.”
He’s right, I’m not a jerk and that did sound a little harsh.
“He’s right, I apologize. Hello, Celeste, it’s nice to meet you,” I say, offering my hand, which she takes.
“It was nice to meet you as well. Ben, is it?” The purr in her voice evident. “I’ll let you gentlemen get your run in. Call me soon, Jameson.”
Neither of us answer as she turns and walks toward the other end of the park. I start stretching, but Jameson seems more interested in the excessive wiggle she offers him.
“Hey, put your tongue away. You may catch a fly.”
“Screw you. Where have you been? I could have been here all day waiting for you.”
“Yeah it looks like you were suffering. Do you find women everywhere you go?”
“Nah, not everywhere. Old man Connors doesn’t have any ladies working at the gas station,” he replies as he turns toward our preferred running trail.
We take off at an easy pace, but as the trail widens we each pick it up a little. This is what I needed. When I’m running I can always let go of things that bother me and the tension begins to lessen with each strike of my foot to the dirt. Tension is not an accurate word. Frustration. I’m frustrated with keeping Piper a secret. I know it was my suggestion to be friends with some benefits for a few weeks and ease her into us being something more. I regret that. I don’t want to wait. This weekend has shown me what we can be and it’s pr
etty fucking great. I don’t think we are giving my sister enough credit. Honestly if I didn’t think it would scare Piper away completely I’d just tell Ash myself.
I make it to the end of the trail before Jameson and take a long drink of my water as he comes around the bend. Stopping with his hands clasped over his head, he takes a few long breaths before speaking.
“Are you training for the Olympics and I missed it?”
“What?” I strangle out between breaths.
“Dude, you were running like you were on a mission. You pissed at something?”
“What? No.”
“Uh-huh. Let’s go grab a beer and you can tell me all about it,” he says, turning and beginning our return to the parking lot. This time he sets the pace and it’s less intense than mine.
When we make it back to the parking lot I remind him that it is only ten in the morning and perhaps a little early for a beer. He in turn reminds me that it is in fact Sunday and it’s perfectly acceptable to drink with brunch.
“Brunch? Since when do you brunch?”
“Ben, brunch is a perfectly respectable meal.”
“Uh, yeah it is, but I wouldn’t think of you as someone that brunches.”
“Screw you. Fine, let’s go eat but not brunch because that would obviously be unmanly. That better, Bentley?”
“You’re a dick. Let’s go,” I reply as I shove him a little and he laughs in return.
We decide on a sports bar that serves breakfast on football Sundays. Once we’re seated in a booth we immediately proceed with ordering two large beers and a couple of omelets.
“Are you going to tell me what has you wound up to the point that you are running like a Kenyan in the Olympics?”
“I’m not wound up. It’s nothing. So are you going to call that girl from the park? What happened to the other one, Sasha was it?”
“No deflecting. Come on, man, I know when something is up with you. You’ve been MIA for weeks, blowing us off at every turn. Landon’s poor little feelers were hurt when you didn’t come to poker night. I’ve had to listen to him whine for two weeks about that shit. You need to man up and tell me what is going on.”
“I haven’t been MIA; I’m working on my house, you know that.”
“Yeah, the house nobody gets to see. I’m a fucking contractor, Ben. We could have all been working on your house and had it almost livable by now. There’s more going on. Is it Laurel? Are you getting back together?”
“What? No. Why would you even ask that? I’m not getting back together with Laurel.” The defensiveness in my voice is obvious.
Our food arrives and I’m given a reprieve in this conversation while we both devour half of our meals without a word exchanged. I guess that run took more out of me than I thought considering I already had breakfast with Piper.
“If it isn’t your house and it isn’t Laurel, it must be Piper.”
I choke on the bite I just swallowed and take a drink of my beer to wash it down. As I set my mug down I notice the smug expression on his face.
“Thought so. You’ve been seeing Piper, haven’t you?”
“No. I have not been seeing Piper. You just took me by surprise. Why would you even say that?” While I pause and try to limit the defensiveness in my voice, he only stares at me, waiting for me to continue. “We talked at the lake like you suggested and she blew me off. I’ve just been dealing with my house and work has been busy. That’s all.”
“Nope. Not buying it. You are totally seeing Piper Lawrence and Ashton is going to kill you. Not Piper. She loves Piper. We all love Piper. You, my friend, are a dead man.”
They all love Piper. “What do you mean you all love Piper?”
Putting his hands up in defense he laughs. “Not like that, man. Piper is a cool chick and we like her. You know, like we do Ashton. Well, they all like Ashton, she’s on my nerves half the time and makes me want to stab my ears when she talks. Regardless, Piper’s good people and she’s one of us.”
I absorb his comments and don’t offer a response. We finish our breakfast while watching one of the games playing on the TV. Although the topic of Piper and me is off the table it is still in the forefront of my mind. After we pay and are headed back outside, Jameson stops with me at my truck.
“Look. I think whatever you aren’t telling me about you and Piper is a good thing. You guys actually make sense. That’s why I sent you with her the other night. I knew she wasn’t drinking much; she never really does but she was playing like it for Ash’s sake. All night long she was cranky and mumbling under her breath about the costume and how she dressed up for nobody. Then you walked in. Dude, she was finally herself. I could see that from ten feet away, you have to see it.”
I don’t respond. Which is a response on its own and he continues.
“I told you at the lake that you needed to make your move. You tried and she blew you off. I know you and I’ve gotten to know Piper. If my instincts are right, and they usually are, you are both under some sort of impression that you are protecting Ashton. You both have this impression that if you were to get together somehow Ashton would be upset or hurt. I don’t think you give your sister enough credit. She’s a royal pain in the ass and can be a total bitch but…”
“Watch it,” I warn.
“Sorry.” I offer a nod in acceptance that my sister is both a pain and often a little on the bitchy side. “Anyway, she can be those things, but at the end of the day Ashton cares about both of you. She plays tough and the whole ‘hos before bros’ thing is her mantra, but you’ll never know how she really feels if you never ask. Plus, if she finds out you’re doing the dirty and lying about it, she’ll probably kill you both.”
I’m left alone at my truck as he walks away. He’s right. Not just about Ashton being a royal pain but also about the lying. Suddenly this plan of mine seems like a really bad idea.
I get the distinct impression that Piper is ignoring me. It’s not so much the fact that she has limited our interactions during the workday to the break room or that she told me she had too much to do the last three nights and couldn’t hang that tells me that. It was the text she sent that simply said, “Yes I’m ignoring you.” I’m going crazy.
Tonight is the fourth night since we were together last and I’ve had enough. Armed with a bottle of wine, a pizza, and a bouquet of flowers, I arrive at her place with a lot of determination and a little trepidation. Once I’m standing in front of her door I realize my hands are too full to knock so I use my boot.
Like on Ashton’s birthday, the moment she opens the door she takes my breath away. Dressed in a tank with a pair of leggings and her hair piled high on her head, she’s holding a frozen dinner in one hand and a shocked expression on her face. I smile my best smile as her eyes widen.
“Not to sound all Fatal Attraction like, but I won’t be ignored, Piper.”
“Ben,” she sighs as I step around her and walk in her apartment.
I hear the door close behind me as I make my way to the small kitchen and open the bottle of wine. Just as I’m pouring the second glass I hear something land with a light thud in the trashcan and smile to myself knowing it’s the frozen dinner. Turning toward her with the glass, I brace myself for her wrath. I’m instead greeted with a warm smile and an extended hand. Holding the glass close to my chest, I return her smile.
“Nuh-uh. What did I tell you about proper hellos?”
Instead of replying she walks up to me with a smile that has morphed into more of sly grin than anything. Just as I lean forward to accept her hello kiss, she grabs the wine glass from my hand.
“I believe you offered me an education on proper good mornings, not hellos. Thanks for the wine,” she tosses my way as she walks into the living room. I guess she’s got me there. Admitting defeat, I toss two slices of pizza on a plate and follow her to the living room. As I sit down I notice she has a bunch of papers strewn across the table.
“What are these papers?”
“My mot
her,” is her simple response as she takes a drink of her wine and grabs a slice of pizza from the plate I’m holding. I hand her the plate as I lean over to get a better look at the papers.
“What’s Tessa up to these days? These are mortgage papers.”
“Well, she’s in love. Again. She called me and said that she needed me to gather the papers for her house because when she gets back she’s going to put it on the market. She says she’s moving with whatever his name is to wherever it is he is from.”
I can feel the frustration and sadness in her voice and take the plate from her before I pull her to me. I hold her for a few minutes before she finally relaxes into the embrace. Placing a kiss to the top of her head seems to be all she needs because soon we’re sitting there wrapped in each other’s arms and the tension leaves her body.
“Is this why you’ve been ignoring me? Dealing with this stuff for your mom?”
“Kind of. Not really. I don’t know. I’m a mess, Ben. Do yourself a favor and run for the hills.”
“Thanks for the warning but no. Tell me what’s going on, Piper.”
Pulling from me, against my will, she sits up a little, resting her head on the back of the couch. I mirror her as I wait for her to speak.
“I was busy trying to find all of this in my mom’s version of a filing system so I was truthful when I said I couldn’t see you. But, I was also kind of intentionally putting space between us.”
I begin playing with her fingers as she talks, mindlessly rubbing circles on the top of her hand before linking our fingers.
“Why were you giving us space?”
“I just think it’s for the best. We agreed to be friends and I don’t even see Ashton every day. I just thought it would be better that way.”
“I disagree. We agreed to some benefits too and it’s really hard to benefit from you if I’m not around you.”
Rolling her eyes at me, she looks down. “It’s just too much and I’m overwhelmed. I need you to respect when I need space if this friendship thing is going to work.”
Whiskey & Honey Page 17