“Of course it wouldn’t have happened.” I’m stunned by her response, and before I can respond she continues, “You never would have broken up and therefore there would have been no asshole rebound guy. But, Ben, you weren’t happy and since you’ve been home … well, you’ve been different. I kind of like you now. You’re not all stuffy and boring.”
I laugh a little at that last comment. I was completely boring the last few years. I blame the ties I wore every day. Of course I know I’m not responsible for Laurel’s current situation, but the reality of it all is that I ended things between us and she dated this guy. I wish I could call and talk to Piper.
Screw it. I pick up my phone while Ashton is lecturing me and send a text to Piper.
Me: Sorry it’s late. I need to talk to you. Are you up?
After ten minutes, Ashton has wrapped up her lecture on how Laurel’s life choices are not my responsibility and that she’ll spend the next few days with her to help keep her busy. There’s been no response from Piper. I realize how late it is and that she’s probably asleep.
Suddenly the weight of the day hits me like a ton of bricks. While I wait for Laurel to arrive, I make up the couch as my temporary bed. A quick check of the time confirms that tomorrow is going to be a long day.
Laurel looks slightly overwhelmed with the attention my mom and Ashton are giving her this morning. The entire time we were together I would have sworn neither of them liked her or wanted her in this house. Now, I think they’d prefer I leave and she stay. Which I’ll have to do at some point because they are planning a movie marathon. I heard something about avoiding all romances or movies with happy endings so I assume it’s going to be Ashton’s preferred collection of Dolly Parton movies. While they do have happy endings, they also are campy with a lot of singing.
I manage to steal Laurel away from them for a check-in. Grabbing our jackets, we make our way outside and each settle in one of my mom’s deck chairs. Happily enjoying the quiet, I realize this is something that Laurel and I have always done. We’ve always been able to just be in each other’s company and enjoy a comfortable silence. After a few minutes I can feel a shift in the mood.
“Thank you for inviting me here, Ben. Your mom and sister have been great. I could’ve sworn they hated me all these years.”
I turn my head to look at her and she mimics the movement. “Honestly?” I ask and she nods. “So did I.” We both laugh. “My family is kind, Laurel. Let my sister and mom hover and care for you.” She offers no response so I continue, “How are you doing otherwise?”
“I’m okay.” I notice that she absently tugs on the sleeves of her coat and rubs her forearms. I flinch as the thought of that asshole laying his hands on her. My own hands morph into fists in an instant. My desire to find this prick and pulverize him is high.
“I hate this for you. What do the police say?”
Turning her head to look off in the distance, her voice is flat and devoid of emotion. “Not much. I spoke to the prosecutor yesterday before I came to see you. It’s his first offense.” I scoff in response. “Okay, the first time someone has followed through with the allegations.” She laughs in a way that kills me.
“That’s what they call them. Allegations. Like he didn’t…” I hear a hiccup as she pushes down tears and emotion.
“He’ll likely plead it down and be ordered to some sort of anger management. No jail time.”
“That’s bullshit. Can’t you fight that?”
“I’m not in charge. I really just want this to be over. I think I’m going to find a new place to live. One less way for him to bother me.”
The pain in her voice is unlike anything I’ve ever heard from her. I reach over and grab her hand and offer a gentle squeeze. She never moves her gaze, but responds with a squeeze of her own. Another few minutes go by and she twists to her side and faces me, offering me a smile. I know what comes next.
“Tell me about the woman you’re seeing.”
My eyes go wide and she raises a brow at me. “It’s complicated.”
“Come on, complicated or not you need to tell me.”
“Uh, actually I don’t. How’d you know, anyway?”
“Ashton. She said something about not seeing you and how you were obviously hooking up with some girl you were ashamed of, otherwise why would you keep her away from the family.”
I shake my head in disbelief. Leave it to Ashton to use Laurel for her dirty work.
“I see. Is this some sort of bonding experiment between you and Ashton? She’s having you find out the details on my personal life since I won’t tell her?”
“No, this is completely my doing. Come on, Ben. You look like you’re ready to burst at the seams. Plus, you’ve checked your phone at least a dozen times since I arrived. What’s going on?”
“I don’t know that I feel comfortable talking to you about this.”
“Hush up. We’re friends, aren’t we?” I agree. “I came to you when I needed help. That’s what friends do. Let me reciprocate. Please, Ben. I need something good to happen for one of us.” I can hear a quiver in her voice and know that she’s trying so damn hard to be strong in all of this.
“Okay. If I talk to you about this, you have to promise to lock it up tight. Nobody knows.” She smiles in response. “I’m not kidding, Laurel. Do not use this as a bonding tool with Ashton. Especially Ashton.”
“Okay, geez. Dramatic much? Hit me with your secrets.”
“I’ve kind of been seeing my sister’s best friend.”
“Whoa.” I nod in agreement.
“Have I met her before?”
“No, and actually I hadn’t seen her in years until the night I moved back. I guess anytime we visited she wasn’t around.”
That gets me thinking a little. Piper never was around when Laurel and I visited. For years I came home for visits, sure they were far and few between but I visited, and never once saw Piper.
“Very interesting. So, nobody knows? Ashton?” I shake my head. “Is there some sort of reason nobody knows?”
I lay it all out for her. How I made a spontaneous move one night at the bar, Ashton’s likely response, my trying to pursue something with Piper, her stance regarding Ashton, and her sudden headache yesterday. I stopped short of my feelings for her.
“You’re in love with her.” I don’t respond. “You haven’t told her, have you?” Again, no response. “I see. Well, I think therein lies your problem.” The only response I offer is a motion of my hand for her to continue. To which she responds with an eye roll. “I’d bet that this woman, can I at least know her name?”
I smile. “Piper.”
“Thank you. Piper, great name by the way, needs you to lay it all out for her. Tell her you love her, Ben. Make the grand gesture. You have to do this before it’s too late. She’s in limbo right now.” My expression must show the confusion I feel. “You are an amazing man, but so very stupid.”
“Hey!” I shout and she shushes me. I take it down to a whisper. “Hey, I’m not stupid.”
“Oh, sweetie,” she says, very patronizing, “but you are.” She all but tsks me like a child.
“Here’s the deal,” she begins as she sits up straighter, and with a little fire in her. “You love this Piper and I’d bet my last dollar she loves you too. But, you’re both so worried about doing things right you aren’t being true to yourselves and surely you aren’t giving Ashton enough credit. I don’t know your sister well, but I can tell you from a female perspective, the secret will be worse than the truth.”
Laurel stands up and begins to walk toward the slider when she stops and places a hand on my shoulder. “Follow your heart, Ben. Tell her how you feel and then tell your sister. If I’ve learned anything in these last few months, it’s that life is too short and true love is something to respect.”
I remain in my seat as Laurel returns to the house to begin her bonding time with my mom and sister. She’s right. I have sat back these past few weeks trying to
not scare Piper and all it has done is leave us in limbo. I love her and want to be with her. I see her living in my home, hosting our own Thanksgiving dinner, and as the mother to my children. I need to stop waiting for her to be ready and make the grand gesture.
After work I came home and was relieved to see my mother had actually left as she said she would. There was the slight chance she’s have some sort of maternal reaction and want to stay for a few days. I don’t think I could stomach another one of her pep talks on my love life.
As soon as I was in my apartment I made a beeline for my room and changed into the only outfit I plan to wear in the foreseeable future – pajama pants and a T-shirt. Fine, it’s Ben’s T-shirt. The perfect ensemble for a recluse. I may have made a lot of changes in my life over the last few years but the ability to return to my reclusive ways is always easy. Wearing Ben’s shirt is just an added level of my self-destructive ways.
I have all of my wallowing and post-breakup necessities ready in just a few minutes. Food delivery menus, my favorite pop and ice cream, salty chips, movies that make me cry, and a box of tissues are assembled and placed on the coffee table.
My wallowing list doesn’t vary much from what I remember my mom having after a breakup. Instead of a few delivery options, pizza was our only option and my mom opted for wine instead of pop. The rest is pretty on point. I guess I’m no different than other women my age, I’m becoming my mother.
Over the last few hours I’ve experienced at least three of the five stages of grief. I managed to get through the biggies before my pizza was delivered and I poured my second glass of wine - denial, bargaining, and acceptance. I was in denial that Ben was actually at the deli with Laurel. Surely I had fallen asleep and it was a nightmare. That was followed by the acceptance that he had been there and I waited too long. The bargaining came around the time I put his T-shirt on and asked the heavens to let me go back to this morning and tell him how I feel.
I’ve consumed half a pizza and a bottle of wine since the bargaining went without a response. I can feel myself moving right on to stage four – anger. I’m pissed. How dare he? How dare he stand there this morning, looking sexy as all get-out, and be kind and understanding with where I am in my feelings? He knows me well enough to know I needed to unload on someone. Since my go-to person, Ashton, is out of the question, my mother was the next obvious choice.
Obvious choice if my mother were the nurturing, loving, and supportive type of mother, that is. Regardless, her words did hit a little close to home. Ben deserves someone who is his equal. Not the girl who is perfectly happy teaching kindergarten in her home town. I’m a creature of habit and not an outside the box kind of girl. He should be with someone who scales mountains. Or at the very least, has a passport.
A passport. Who really needs a passport? Not this girl, that’s for sure. I don’t need to leave this country to find adventure. The Grand Canyon is adventure. I’ll go there. How about that, oh-so-perfect Bentley Sullivan? Suck on that.
I may need to reconsider this second bottle of wine I’m opening. Nope, I’m doing it. I’ll regret it and that’s fine because I’m doing something outside of my norm. Stupid Bentley Sullivan and his text message saying he’s coming over. No, sir. I don’t think so.
I knew telling him to respect me was going to be the only way to keep him away. Questioning Ben’s integrity is a surefire way to get him to back down. God I love that about him. Nope. No love. Love is for suckers. I’m not going to be a sucker.
As I’m looking at the glass of wine I poured and arguing with the rational side of my brain that is telling me to dump it out and go to bed, my phone chimes a text message. I did tell him he could text in moderation. I’m sure he’s just telling me goodnight. Or to lock the door. Or that he’s back with Laurel and how happy they’ll be. Probably that last one.
Jerk.
I set my wine down and grab my phone with the intent to tell him to go jump in a lake when I notice the text isn’t from him.
Tony: Hey Piper. Are you up?
Great, just what I need. Little angel Piper on the left shoulder says not to be rude and answer him. Little devil Piper on the right shoulder says to answer him for a little revenge.
Me: Yep, what’s up?
Tony: I was wondering if we could meet for coffee I wanted to talk to you about something.
Me: I don’t think that’s a good idea.
What could he possibly have to say? He’s actually found two women who want to share him? I know he doesn’t have a disease, I confirmed that at the doctor within a week after our breakup.
Tony: I thought we were friends.
Wine is in charge tonight.
Me: Fine. When and where?
Tony: Tomorrow morning, the diner at 8?
Me: Better make it 10. See you then.
I really am a glutton for punishment. Maybe this is a good thing. Maybe, just maybe, one of the town gossips will see us and tell Ben I’ve moved on. Well, not moved on since nobody knows about us because I’m a scared child, but gossip could be good for a change. Then stupid Ben can feel crappy for a minute.
Those are my final thoughts as I fall asleep on the couch with every intention of not dreaming of Bentley James Sullivan. I fail miserably even in sleep mode.
Being at Rosa’s with Tony is not my idea of an ideal morning. However, a big plate of Rosa’s huevos rancheros is the perfect way to spend a morning after drinking an entire bottle of wine. Tony was waiting for me outside in the parking lot when I arrived. I’m in no condition for small talk. The wine has turned to acid in my stomach, so we just walk in without more than a good morning between us.
As always, it’s sensory overload in Rosa’s. The smells are delicious as usual, but this morning they are like a sledgehammer and the noise seems abnormally louder than usual. The saving grace is an open booth. I make a beeline for the booth and slither in, laying my head down on my hands in a napping position.
“Rough night, Piper?” Tony asks as he takes the seat across from me.
“Yes. Obviously, or I wouldn’t even be here. I had a momentarily lapse of control when the wine answered you.”
Before he can reply to my snarky remark his mom is at our table, pulling me from my seat.
“Oh! Piper!” She’s shouting so loud.
“Mom, maybe don’t yell. I think Piper had a little too much wine last night.”
Shooting him a look that tells him to shut up, I return Rosa’s hug. “I’m fine. Just moving a little slow this morning. Nothing some of your wonderful food and coffee won’t cure.”
“Of course, m’ija. Let me get your food going. What are you feeling like?”
Tony and I place our order with Rosa and she scurries away, motioning for a server to bring us coffee. Once I’ve taken a few sips of the liquid gold I finally feel a little more normal.
“So, what did you want to talk about?”
“Gee, Piper. I thought we could at least catch up. How have you been?”
I don’t reply, only shrug and take another sip of my coffee. What is there to say? Do I tell him that I was blissfully happy for the first time in forever until about noon yesterday? How about telling him I fell in love with my best friend’s brother and now I’ll have to spend the rest of my life pretending I didn’t? I think I’ll pass on all accounts.
“Are you still seeing Sullivan?”
That jars me from my bonding time with my coffee. My eyes go wide as I look at Tony, trying to process how to answer. Technically we were never “seeing” each other, just friends. I’m also the Queen of Denial in case there was any doubt.
“Umm, we’re just friends.”
“It didn’t seem that way to me. What does Ashton have to say about it?”
I hesitate, and now it’s his eyes that widen.
“Oh shit. She doesn’t know.” Letting out a whistle, he leans back as our food arrives.
“Just drop it, okay. There’s nothing going on. At least, not anymore.” The last part
of my statement a mumble under my breath.
“I heard that. Is that why you spent your night at the bottom of a wine bottle? It’s not like you to overindulge.”
“That’s a little dramatic. And sadly, the truth. Maybe that’s the problem. I’m so straight-laced and predictable. Boring.”
“Is that what he said? Did he tell you that? I’ll beat his ass for being such a dick to you, Piper. Just say the word.”
That statement triggers something in me and I break out in a string of laughter that sounds manic. It’s absolutely ridiculous that both Tony and Ben are quick to blame the other for treating me poorly.
“I’ll do it, too. I may not have been the best boyfriend but I would never say those things to you.”
“Oh no, instead you’d go behind my back and try to find someone else. Give me a break. You are in no position to try and be my friend. I am too tired and hungover for this. What did you want to talk about?”
“You’re right. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”
I really can’t deal with this, but I’m here and this coffee is spectacular. I motion for him to continue.
“I was a shitty boyfriend and I’m sorry. I can’t apologize enough. I loved you, Piper, I swear that was true. I think you were right though; we weren’t in love.”
For the next few minutes, I simply eat my breakfast and drink my coffee. Every few bites I look up at Tony and he’s just staring at me. I enjoy this more than I should. I’m not a cruel person, but when it comes to Tony I am enjoying watching him uncomfortable.
I could use this opportunity to unleash all of the reasons Tony sucked as a boyfriend. The truth of the matter is, I knew who Tony was when I started dating him. Somewhere in my life I decided I wasn’t worth more than what someone like Tony offered. That part I own. Overall, I enjoyed being the girl a good-looking and sought-after guy chose. We had fun together and for a majority of our relationship he wasn’t a bad guy. In the end we were just going through the motions with no future.
The server refills our coffee, and after I add the perfect amount of creamer I take a drink before I finally respond to Tony’s apology.
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