by Diana Palmer
He didn’t move for a long time. Neither did she. She felt incapable of movement. What had happened surprised her. He’d said they wouldn’t make love again until they got married, so why had he done it? And why that way? So tenderly, so gently, as if he cared about her.
Experimentally, her hands moved on the damp muscles of his shoulders.
He lifted his head and searched her eyes slowly. He touched her face with gentle fingers. “In my life there was never such a tender loving before,” he said. “I didn’t know that men and women were capable of it.” He brushed away the tears. “I hurt you?” he asked.
“No.” She swallowed. “It was…so beautiful,” she faltered.
“Yes. For me, too.” He drew away from her with exquisite slowness, watching her. He sighed heavily, and frowned. After a minute he turned back to the bathroom. “We’d better get dressed.”
She got up, too, a little shaky and puzzled by his odd behavior. He’d meant to comfort her, she was certain of it. But the comfort had gotten out of hand. And the way he’d loved her…
As she dressed she wondered if she was doing the right thing, marrying a total stranger. Then he came out of the bathroom, wearing nothing except his slacks, his blond hair neatly combed, his face slowly curving into a smile. And she knew that she’d die to wear his ring, babies or no babies. She smiled back.
They were married in a small chapel, with people all around them who spoke little English. The minister beamed at them when it was over, inviting the new husband to kiss his bride.
Dutch bent and brushed his mouth softly against hers, smiling at his own folly. Well, it was done now. And it wouldn’t be so bad, he told himself as he studied her radiant young face. She could wait for him at home, and they’d see each other whenever he was there. It might even be good that way. No routine to bore him. She could go on with her life, and there would be no ties. He frowned for a minute as he thought of what had happened this morning, then he shook off the instant fear of consequences. Surely to God, he hadn’t made her pregnant. He’d just have to be careful from now on. No more lapses. The thought of a child terrified him. That would make a tie he couldn’t break.
Dani saw that frown, and worried about it. She wondered why he’d really married her, when he seemed the kind of man who was self-sufficient and didn’t need anyone else.
“You aren’t sorry?” she asked finally when they were walking back to the hotel.
He stopped, lifted his blond head and smiled, a little puzzled. “What?”
“Sorry that you married me,” she continued. She searched his eyes nervously. “You’ve been so quiet. I know I’m not much to look at, and we don’t know each other at all. I…we can always get a divorce,” she finished miserably.
“I’m quiet because I have a logistical problem to work out,” he said then. “Not because I’m regretting that we got married. When you know me better, you’ll learn that I never do things unless I want to. I can’t be pushed or coerced.” He reached out and curled her fingers into his. “I like being with you,” he said, meeting her eyes. “Like this, and in bed. We’re both old enough to want someone to be with.”
“Yes,” she confessed. Tears stung her eyes and she lowered her lids before he could read her thoughts. “I never thought it would happen to me,” she added. “I thought I’d be alone all my life.”
“So did I.” He smoothed his fingers across the back of her hand. She had pretty hands, he mused. “Do you play anything?” he asked unexpectedly.
She laughed. “The piano. Badly.”
“I like piano. I play a little, too.” He slid his fingers in between hers, feeling oddly possessive as he saw the bright little gold band that encircled her ring finger. “A wedding ring suits you. Feel better now about what we did last night?” he asked with a slow smile, as if he understood her uneasiness about intimacy without marriage.
“I’m old-fashioned.” She sighed miserably.
“You don’t have to apologize for it, not to me.” His eyes gleamed suddenly as he looked at her. Short brown hair, creamy, oval face, wide gray eyes. “I liked being the first.”
There was a deep, possessive note in his voice that surprised her. She smiled slowly. Her fingers squeezed his, and she looked into his eyes for so long that she flushed.
“This morning,” he said softly, holding her eyes, “was my first time. I didn’t realize that I was capable of tenderness. I let go with you in a way I never could before with a woman. I trusted you.”
Her face was bright red, but she didn’t look away. “I…trusted you.” She let her eyes fall to his hard mouth, remembering with a surge of desire how it felt on her body. “One of my friends got married two years ago. She said her husband shocked her speechless on her wedding night, and made fun of her….”
His fingers contracted. “I think it would kill something in you to have a man treat you so,” he remarked.
Her eyes came up, stunned at the way he understood.
He nodded. “Yes. It’s that way with me, too. I don’t like ridicule.”
Her expression said more than she wanted it to, and she knew that he could read the worshipful look in her eyes. But she didn’t care. He was her whole world.
His breath caught at that look. It bothered him, and he let go of her hand. “Don’t ever try to build a wall around me,” he said unexpectedly, staring at her. “I’ll stay with you only as long as the doors remain open.”
“I knew that the first time I saw you,” she said quietly. “No ties. No strings. I won’t try to possess you.”
He started walking again. He wondered what she was going to do when she knew the truth about him. He glanced up, searching her face quietly. She was so damned trusting. She probably thought he was in the army reserves or something. He almost laughed. Well, she’d just have to get used to it, he told himself, because he didn’t know how to change.
After they’d changed their status at the hotel desk and switched everything to his room they went downstairs for lunch. Dani picked at her food, wondering at the change in Eric. Something was on his mind, but she didn’t know him well enough to ask what it was. She glanced at him with a slow-dawning mischief in her eyes. Well, she couldn’t dig it out of him, but she could help him forget it.
“Hey,” she called.
He glanced up, cocking an eyebrow.
“I have this great idea for dessert,” she murmured, making her first attempt at being a siren.
Both eyebrows went up. “You do?”
She dropped her eyes to his throat. “I could smear whipped cream all over myself…”
“Honey tastes better.”
She blushed furiously, and he laughed. He leaned forward, moving his plate aside, and lifted her fingers to his mouth.
“Do you want me?” he asked bluntly, smiling at her averted face.
“Yes,” she confessed.
“Then say so. You don’t have to play games with me.” He got up, helped her up, and paid the check. They were back in the hotel room before he spoke again.
He backed her up against the door and pinned her there with just the threat of his body. “You can have me anytime,” he said quietly. “All you have to do is tell me. That’s what marriage should be. Not some kind of power game.”
Her eyes narrowed. “I don’t understand.”
He brushed the hair away from her face and curled it behind her ear. “Bargaining, with sex as the prize.”
“I’d never do that,” she said. She watched him, amazed that this handsome man was actually married to her. “You were worried about something. I wanted to…to give you peace.”
He seemed to freeze. His lips parted on a hard breath. “I constantly misread you, don’t I?” He touched her throat with the lightest touch of his fingers and lifted his eyes to hers. “Do you want me?”
“I’ll want you on my deathbed,” she said shakily.
He bent and kissed her softly, tenderly. “I’m more grateful than I can tell you, for such a sweet of
fer. But I don’t think you can take me again today, not without considerable discomfort.” He lifted his head. “Can you?”
She bit her lower lip. “Well…”
“Can you?”
She dropped her eyes to his chest. “Oh, shoot!” she mumbled. “No.”
He laughed softly and drew her into his arms, rocking her slowly. “That’s why I was so gentle this morning,” he murmured into her ear, lying a little. He didn’t want to admit that she’d been the victor in that tender battle.
“Oh.” That was vaguely disappointing, she mused. She slid her arms around him with a sigh, delighting in his strength, the corded power of his warm hard body. “It isn’t like this in books,” she concluded. She smiled as her eyes closed. “Women always can, and they never have discomfort, and—”
“Life is very different,” he said. He smoothed her hair. “We’ll wait a day or so, until you recuperate. Then,” he added, tilting her face up to his amused eyes, “I’ll teach you some more subtle forms of sensual torture.”
She laughed shyly. “Will you?”
He took a deep breath. “I’ve never known anyone like you,” he said, the words reluctant. He drew her up on her tiptoes and kissed her very softly. “Feel what’s happening already?”
“Yes,” she answered him.
“We’d better cool it, if you don’t mind. I hate cold showers.”
She laughed. “You’re terrific.” She sighed.
“So are you. Get on a bathing suit and let’s go swim.”
She started into the bathroom, met his mocking eyes, and stuck out her chin. “You’re my husband,” she said aloud, to remind both of them.
“Yes, I was wondering if you might remember that.” He chuckled.
She undressed and he watched, his eyes quiet and full of memories. When she started to pull on the bathing suit he moved in front of her and stayed her hands.
“Not yet,” he said quietly.
She looked up, hungry for him, and watched as he studied her body and saw for himself just how much she wanted him.
“How is it, for a woman?” he asked suddenly, and sounded genuinely curious. “How do you feel when you want me like this?”
“It’s frightening, a little,” she told him. “I get shaky and weak and I can’t quite control myself. I ache…”
“Does this…help the ache?” he asked as he bent to her breasts.
She moaned. It was impossible not to, when she felt the warm moistness of his lips eating her. She didn’t have a mind left after the first two seconds. She was hardly aware that he was lifting her onto the bed.
He made a meal of her body, tasting, touching, looking at it, broad daylight streaming in the windows, while she gloried in the luxury of being married and enjoyed his pleasure in her.
“I love looking at your body,” he said quietly, sitting beside her. His hands swept up and down, lingering on her soft curves. “I love touching it. Tasting it. I’ve never seen anything half so lovely.”
“My husband,” she whispered.
He looked up. “My wife.”
Her body ached, and she knew he must feel the same longing she did. Her eyes asked a question, but he slowly shook his head.
“I won’t do that to you,” he said curtly. “Not ever will I take my pleasure and not give a thought to yours.”
She ground her teeth together to stop the tears.
“And it isn’t pity,” he said, glaring at the look in her eyes. “I do nothing out of pity, least of all marry because of it. So you can stop looking at me that way. I want you and I’m getting irritable because I can’t have you. So suppose you put on the bathing suit and I’ll go have that damned cold shower and we’ll swim.”
He got up and she lay there, watching him as he discarded his clothing. Her lips parted as the last of the clothing came off, and she saw the urgency of his desire.
His body trembled as he looked at her, and she wanted to cry because of the torment she saw in his face.
“You said once…that there are…other ways,” she ventured to ask. “Are there?”
His face hardened; his eyes glittered wildly. “Yes.”
She held out her arms, her body throbbing, her blood running like a river in flood as she sensed that violence of his hunger. He hesitated only for a second before he came down beside her.
* * *
The days passed with miserable speed. They did everything together. They swam and talked, although always about general things rather than personal ones; they danced and sampled new delicacies at the dinner table. And at night he loved her. Sometimes in the early morning. Once on the bathroom floor because the strength of their desire hadn’t left them time to get to bed. Sometimes he remembered precautions, but mostly he didn’t, because his desire matched her own. She walked around in a sensual haze that blinded her to the future. But eventually, the day came when they had to look past Veracruz. It came suddenly, and too soon.
Chapter Six
The last day of their stay dawned unwelcomed, and Dani packed with a long face. She’d changed her plans so she could be with Dutch for his whole vacation, but at the end of the week he told her that he had a job waiting and couldn’t spare any more time. She stared at him across the room as he got his own clothing together, wondering how dangerous his line of work was. A soldier, he’d said. Did that mean he was in the reserves? Probably, she told herself. That was why he wouldn’t mind moving to Greenville.
She’d thought about that a lot, about picking up stakes and moving to Chicago. It wouldn’t matter, although she’d miss Harriett and her friends from the bookstore. She’d have followed him anywhere. When she realized how little time they’d had together, she could hardly believe that so much had happened so quickly. It seemed like a lifetime ago that the taciturn blond giant had dropped down beside her on the airplane. And now he was her husband. Her husband, about whom she knew so little.
He seemed to feel her puzzled frown, and turned. Then he smiled at her. “Ready?” he asked as he picked up his duffel bag.
“Ready,” she agreed. She drew her two bags up to where his were sitting by the door.
He glared at the smaller one and sighed. “You and your books.” He chuckled softly down at her. “Well, at least now you know what they’re all about, don’t you?” he added.
She cleared her throat, reddening as she recalled the long, sweet nights. “Oh, yes, indeed I do, Mr. van Meer,” she agreed fervently.
“No regrets, Dani?” he asked softly.
She shook her head. “Not if this were the last day of my life,” she said. “And you?”
“I’m only sorry we met so late in life,” he replied, searching her face. “I’m glad we found each other.” He checked his watch. It was an expensive one, with dials and numbers that meant nothing to Dani. “We’d better rush or we’ll miss our flight.”
Dutch had made the reservation for the two of them and they had adjoining seats. She sat beside him with her heart in her throat, smiling at him with hopeless hero worship. He was so handsome. And hers. Harriett really wasn’t going to believe this.
He glanced down at her, still amazed that he had a wife. J.D. and Gabby would be shocked, he thought. And Apollo and First Shirt, Semson and Drago and Laremos would never let him hear the end of it. Dutch, married. It was incredible, even to him. But it felt nice.
It was Gabby’s influence, probably, he admitted to himself. He’d heard so much about her from J.D. even before he’d met her that some of his old prejudices against women had slackened. Not much, but a little. Gabby had trekked through a commando-infested jungle for J.D. and even risked her own life to save him from a bullet. He glanced again at his companion with narrowed dark eyes. Would she do that for him? Did she really possess the fiery spirit he sensed beneath her timid manners? And how was she going to react when she learned the truth about him? That hadn’t bothered him for the past few days, but it bothered him now. A lot. His gaze went to the bag of romance novels tucked under her p
retty feet. Fluff, he thought contemptuously, and a smile touched his firm mouth as he thought how nearly like fiction some of his exploits might seem to the woman beside him.
Dani saw him starting at her books and shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “Well, we can’t all conquer the Amazon,” she muttered.
His eyebrows shot up. “What?” He laughed.
“You were giving my books contemptuous glares,” she said. “And if you’re thinking it’s all mushy nonsense, you might be surprised.” She fished down and held up a book with a cover that featured a man armed with an automatic weapon. There was a jungle setting behind him and woman beside him.
Dutch blinked. Automatically, his hand reached for the book and he scowled as he flipped through it and glanced over the blurb on the back of the book jacket. The novel was about two photojournalists, trapped together in a Central American country during a revolution.
“Not what you expected?” she asked.
He lifted his eyes and studied her. “No.”
She took the book from his hand and stuffed it back in her sack. “Most of us are armchair adventurers at heart, you know.” She sighed. “Women as well as men. You’d be amazed at how many of my customers fantasize about being caught up in a revolution somewhere.”
His face hardened. He gave her a look that sent shivers through her.
“Dani, have you ever watched anyone die?” he asked bluntly.
She faltered, shocked by the icy challenge in his deep voice.
“No, of course not,” she said.
“Then don’t be too eager to stick your nose in some other country’s military coups. It isn’t pretty.” He touched his pocket, reaching for a cigarette, then glanced up and noticed that the no-smoking sign was still lit as the plane climbed to gain more altitude. Then he also remembered that he’d chosen a seat in the no-smoking section to be near Dani, who didn’t smoke. He said something rough under his breath.
“Have you?” she asked unexpectedly. “Stuck your nose in somebody’s military coups?” she added when he lifted an eyebrow.
“That would hardly concern you,” he said, softening the words with a smile.