by Kim Lawrence
‘Oh! Well, good, because I wouldn’t. So why did you come, then?’
‘Why?’ His brow furrowed and he repeated in the same oddly flat tone, ‘Why? You are carrying my child, you are alone, I had no idea how you were coping or if you were well, which,’ he added, his narrowed gaze sweeping her face, ‘you clearly are not. I may be the sort of irresponsible fool who has unprotected sex, but I am not the sort of irresponsible fool who ignores his responsibilities.’
The admonishment brought a rush of colour to Nell’s skin. She narrowed her eyes and thought, Suddenly he’s the victim—great! ‘Lucky me, I’m a liability. I feel better already.’
He looked at her in exasperation. ‘You know that is not what I mean.’
‘I know exactly what you mean and for the record I’m not your responsibility.’ I want to be your love, you stupid man. Appalled at how close she had come to voicing her thought, Nell lowered her eyes and bit her lip. She was going to have to take more care in future; thinking before she opened her mouth would be a good start.
He arched a brow and visibly struggled to contain his annoyance. ‘And I suppose the baby is not my responsibility either.’
Nell pursed her lips mutinously and said, ‘No.’ She ignored his hissing intake of exasperation and asked. ‘How did you know I was here anyway?’
‘I had the address of your sister’s house.’
‘I was in between addresses at the time I wrote the letter.’ It sounded less emotive than temporarily homeless. ‘And I have my own place now.’ Nell smiled the sort of casual, confident smile that a woman with her own place would have, and luckily he had not seen her own place.
Staying with her sister had been a real incentive to Nell to find another place—any place. The atmosphere had not been pleasant. Clare had been furious that Nell had vanished just when, as she put it, ‘all the work needed doing.’ She had been even less pleased when Nell had refused to explain where she had been.
Nell, exhausted by the constant probing had eventually lost it and in the ensuing shouting match had called her sister a control freak. This had not gone down well, especially as Clare’s husband Clive had inserted a dry, ‘You’re only just realising that, Nell?’ into the heated discussion.
The atmosphere was still a little strained.
‘You went to Clare’s.’ Her eyes flickered to his face. ‘There’s a party.’
‘I noticed.’ He had also noticed that Nell was absent from this family occasion.
Nell tried to imagine what impression Luiz had made walking into the party and her imagination failed her.
‘That’s how you knew I was here—they told you?’ Nell could not hide her skepticism. It hardly seemed likely that her family would give her whereabouts to a total stranger, but then Luiz was a stranger who could be awfully persuasive and people did not as a rule say no to him.
She certainly hadn’t.
Luiz watched her fluctuating colour and struggled to channel his driving need and lust—it was driving him to distraction—into a more practical and less frustrating direction. Should he call a doctor?
Before he could voice the suggestion she suddenly lost all colour. ‘Lie down.’
Ignoring his urgent direction, Nell groaned as an awful possibility occurred to her. ‘Please tell me you didn’t tell them I was pregnant?’ Nell knew she would have to break the news at some point, but she wanted it to be a time of her choosing.
‘It was not the first subject we discussed.’
Nell gave him a level look.
‘No, I did not tell them you are pregnant.’
Nell’s relief was short-lived.
‘But if you are expecting support from them when you do I would not hold your breath. From my observation they are crass, selfish, insensitive and utterly thoughtless.’ Luiz smiled with grim satisfaction as he recalled the looks on their faces when he had told them what he thought of a family who dumped their responsibilities on the shoulders of a young sister and as far as he could see were still doing so.
Their faces had been pictures, not immediately of guilt—that had come after he had dispensed with their faltering and predictable excuses.
Nell could not argue with the essential accuracy of his rather brutal analysis, but she didn’t feel he had a right to express it and she told him so.
‘That’s my family you’re talking about. Do you always bad-mouth people behind their backs?’
‘Oh, I bad-mouthed them to their faces.’ Pleased to see that some more of the colour had returned to her cheeks, he leaned across and, with a finger under her chin, closed her mouth with a click. ‘Where is the kitchen? Can I get you a glass of water?’
Nell looked at him uncertainly. ‘You are joking, right?’
‘I am capable of getting you a glass of water.’
‘You said that to my s-sister and my brother a-and—’
‘You are equally to blame, of course,’ he observed, cutting across her.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Why are you here babysitting while they are enjoying themselves?’
‘I offered,’ she lied.
He looked unconvinced. ‘Do you intend to play Cinderella all your life?’
‘I don’t!’ she exclaimed.
His lips curled into a scornful smile. ‘What are you doing waiting for a fairy godmother to appear? Or is it Prince Charming?’
‘Well, if I was I certainly backed the wrong horse with you!’ she shot back, still not sure whether he was being serious about what he had said to her family. ‘Did you really crash the party?’
‘I knocked and I was invited in by your niece.’
‘You saw Lucy?’ Her niece had come home from university for the weekend; some might think she had been the obvious candidate to babysit her little cousin.
Nobody had asked Lucy because Lucy would have said no. Maybe Luiz had a point? The private concession made Nell feel uncomfortable—had she become the family doormat?
No wonder he was looking at her with such irritation. He was probably comparing her with her confident, self-assured, beautiful niece whom nobody would dream of dumping on.
‘I saw her.’
‘And you liked her?’ Silly question—what was not to like? Lucy was tall, blonde, bright and beautiful. The line of thought came to an abrupt halt as Nell realised with a sick feeling of disgust that she was jealous of her own niece!
The question seemed irrelevant to Luiz.
‘I did not give it much thought.’
He thought about her now, and got the impression of tall and blonde, a younger version of her mother; the brother too was similar. The bland features of neither woman had made a lasting impression on him—he could walk past both in the street and not recognise either.
‘You,’ he said directing his gaze to Nell, ‘do not look like your family.’
It was not the first time the dissimilarity had been noted; normally she accepted philosophically the recognition that she had got the short end of the genetic stick. That wasn’t the situation now.
‘I’d like to say I got the brains and they got the good looks, but actually they’re quite smart.’ It was a joke that had worked before; it did not now.
Luiz shook his head, exasperation and annoyance flickering in his eyes.
‘Who put it into your head that you are not attractive?’
Nell regarded him with a baffled frown. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘I know you don’t—that’s what makes it so incredible.’ Before Nell had an inkling of his intention he cupped her chin in one hand, his long fingers curling around her cheek as he turned her face first in one direction and then the other.
Nell almost tipped over into open panic as she endured his searching scrutiny. The brush of his fingers on the downy skin of her cheek made her tremble and intensified the string-dragging sensation low in her pelvis.
‘You are and, with those bones, always will be a beautiful woman.’
‘I’
m not—’
‘Shut up!’ To ensure his growled command was obeyed he bent his head and fitted his mouth to her lips.
Nell opened her mouth and felt his tongue move against hers. She moaned into his mouth as desire, hot and thick, exploded in her veins. Her arms around his neck, she kissed him back with all the need and passion that had been locked inside her over the last weeks.
When they broke apart Luiz stayed close, his forehead resting on hers, their noses almost grazing, his breath warm on her cheek. She wanted the moment of intimacy to last for ever.
‘I do not wish to hear any more about your beautiful family. They bore me.’
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
NELL couldn’t help but smile to hear her family called boring. ‘I do feel beautiful now.’ She felt wild, abandoned and totally irresistible, but then that was what Luiz’s kiss could do.
The admission drew a husky laugh from Luiz as he straightened up.
Nell’s smile evaporated as he began to shrug off his jacket. She could see that some men might construe a kiss as an invitation, especially that kiss, but this was not something she could allow to happen.
‘What do you think you’re doing?’ Nell asked, feeling things shift inside her as she stared. The fabric of his pale-coloured shirt was fine, suggesting at the defined ridges of his flat belly.
Luiz smoothed down the fabric of the jacket he had draped over the back of a chair and looked unperturbed by the aggressive hostility in her manner. ‘My clothes are wet.’
‘Oh!’
Nell was aware she ought to be feeling relief that she had misread his intentions, but disturbingly that emotion was not uppermost.
It was insane, but part of her had actually wanted to stop thinking, wanted to stop being level-headed; part of her had wanted to be carried away by the blind driving passion of the moment. Part of her had wanted him to take his clothes off.
Part of her still did.
At the tone of her voice Luiz turned his head; the furrow of puzzlement vanished and he laughed.
Nell was too embarrassed that he could read her thoughts so well to notice the strained, forced quality in his laugh.
‘Relax, I won’t take anything else off. Unless you ask me to.’
Nell’s startled gaze flew to his, connected with the bold, suggestive heat in his smouldering stare. Her heart thudding, she looked away. ‘In your dreams.’
The calculated insolence of his smile guttered at her words.
His jaw clenched as his lashes came down over his glittering gaze.
‘I prefer reality to dreams.’
Luiz had become used to waking from the dreams that tormented him nightly, desire and arousal pumping through his veins, choking with the grinding, aching frustration that stayed with him all through the day, left him edgy, shorttempered and not enthused by the idea of going to sleep.
‘The weather is terrible today.’
‘Good choice—as classic safe subjects go the weather is always right up there. Though while we’re on the subject I’m not sure you’d be any drier in your flat than outside.’
Luiz had been appalled to see the condition of the one-bedroom apartment on the top floor of the building that faced a busy main road. Anything less suitable for a baby would have been difficult to find.
‘The landlord has promised to fix the roof before…’ Nell heard herself say defensively. She stopped and looked at him. ‘You have seen my flat?’ she added sharply.
‘Well, obviously I went there first.’
Her mind raced with hysterical conspiracy theories. ‘How did you know where I was living?’
‘I picked up a phone and asked someone to find out,’ he explained, his calm manner making her feel slightly foolish.
‘Delegation,’ he observed with a humourless smile, ‘is a marvellous thing. It did not require the services of the FBI. You can, of course, not stay there.’
Nell who had only ever intended the flat as a stopgap, narrowed her eyes and lifted her chin in response to the highhanded edict.
‘I’d say that is none of your business. If I want to live in a tent at the bottom of the garden, I will.’ Though clearly not with her brother’s blessing, his prize-winning hydrangeas were the love of his life.
She saw no need to share this information with Luiz, who obviously if given an inch would take half a continent! Her life had already spiralled so far out of her control that she zealously guarded the few areas she could still influence.
Luiz looked at her through dark narrowed eyes and she thought for a moment he was going to argue the point so it was something of an anticlimax when he shrugged and said calmly, ‘As you wish. The question of where you will live will obviously be academic shortly.’
‘How do you figure that?’ she called after him as he vanished in the direction of the kitchen.
He returned a moment later carrying a glass of water. Nell, her chin propped on her knees, watched him, her stomach flipping helplessly in response to the animal grace and sheer elegance of his simplest movement.
‘Well, why will it be academic?’ she asked, taking the glass from him while taking immense care not to allow her fingers to brush his. Her efforts drew a small wry smile from him, which she pretended not to see.
‘Well, once we are married you will hardly be living in a garret.’
Only Luiz’s spookily swift reflexes prevented the water spilling all over Nell and her brother’s new sofa. Nell murmured, ‘Thank you,’ as she watched him place it safely on a coffee table. ‘It’s just I thought for a minute you said married.’
Luiz, who loosed his tie and lowered his long-limbed frame onto the arm of a chair beside her, did not join in her laughter.
‘I did.’
‘I think you’re suffering from jet lag.’
‘I told you before that I would honour my responsibilities.’
‘And you think that involves marrying me. Leaving aside the small point of a girl liking to be asked…’ He looked at her blankly and she said, ‘Has it even crossed your mind that I might say no?’
His expression made it pretty obvious it had not.
‘That I might have other plans that don’t include you?’
The suggestion drew a dark frown from Luiz. ‘You are saying there is another man in your life?’
Nell rolled her eyes; how like a man. ‘Why does it always have to be about a man? Has it crossed your mind that a woman can live a perfectly full life without a significant other half? And anyway, for all you know I might want to make up for lost time and play the field!’
The images that flashed through Luiz’s head brought a metallic taste of utter repugnance to his mouth. ‘No!’
Her brows went up. ‘I beg your pardon?’ she said in a low, dangerous voice.
Luiz irritably swatted the beads of sweat that had broken out over his brow with the back of his hand and said, ‘A trail of one-night stands are not the male role models I had in mind for my child.’
This from the man she had seen with a half-naked woman draped all over him in a magazine and she was betting that they hadn’t spent the night in separate rooms. Nell felt her temper climb as her thoughts dwelt on the blonde actress.
‘So all of a sudden it’s your child, is it? Well, for the record, you’re not the male role model I had in mind for my child. As for my sex life, I’ll conduct it when I have one with more d-decorum and discretion than you, Luiz Santoro!’ Breathing hard, she sank back into the sofa and fought off the strong desire to burst into tears.
‘What have I done?’
‘I saw the…’
A flash of comprehension relaxed the lines of tension in his face. ‘You saw the article, the photo of me with Sarah.’
‘I might have.’
‘You really have no need to be jealous—that was just a photo opportunity and Sarah has a film to promote.’
Good for Sarah, bless her silicone-enhanced bust, Nell thought viciously.
‘You think I’m interested i
n your sex life!’ She loosed a slightly manic laugh and sneered. ‘You can sleep your way through the cast of every daytime soap for all I care. Dear God, I only mind that you seem to imagine just because I showed no damned restraint with you it means I’m a sitting duck for every man who deigns to notice I’m f-female. It’s going to take more than a man saying he wants me to make me lie back and think of E-England!’
Her shaky postscript caused the explosive anger that had been visibly building on Luiz’s face during her rant to dissolve.
From Nell’s point of view what replaced it was a lot more worrying.
‘And if I said I wanted you?’
Nell closed her eyes on the male speculative gleam in his. God, she really had lost her mind. Now, with all that had happened, she still wanted him so much that it was a physical pain. She knew that if he touched her, if he kissed her again, her resolve would dissolve.
The knowledge was terrifying. She swallowed, her glance lingering on his hands and his long, tapering fingers. Her eyes darkened and a fractured sigh left her lips as she recalled those fingers moving over her skin. For long seconds she was paralysed by a wave of longing.
Several soothing breaths later she regained the use of her vocal cords. ‘I’d say don’t waste your breath. Been there, done that, got the maternity smock!’
Instincts of self-preservation had made her strike out, but as she watched the colour drain from his face as her jibe found its target Nell felt no triumph.
‘I understand that you’re angry with me.’
‘I’m not angry with you, I’m angry with me!’ she exclaimed.
Luiz studied her, his curiosity clear, and asked, ‘Why?’
Nell just looked back at him and shook her head. What was she meant to say—I’m angry because I love you? I’m angry because I’m seriously tempted to take what’s on offer?
‘I think when you stop and think about this without the emotion—’
‘Without emotion!’ she echoed, shaking her head as she saw red. ‘The day I think about marriage without emotion is the day I have a personality transplant! Will you listen to yourself, Luiz? Marriage is about emotion. It’s about love and commitment. I may be pregnant but that doesn’t mean I have to settle for second best.