by Scarlet West
“So did I,” I said grimly. “I don’t get him.”
“Nor do I,” Heath admitted slowly. “Well, in which case, maybe talk to him. Or Clarke. I take it you’ve talked to Clarke already?”
I nodded. “Yeah. He’s the one who told me about all that…I don’t think he even considered anyone might have fallen for her.”
“No,” Heath agreed. “He wouldn’t.”
I nodded, smiling fondly about our lackadaisical brother.
“Well?” I asked. “I just don’t know what to do about Kelsey. I don’t know how she feels about Clarke, and…”
“You could ask her,” Heath suggested, reaching for his phone. “I have her…”
“No,” I said, not allowing him to finish that sentence. I didn’t know why, exactly, but the thought of hitting on Kelsey so blatantly froze my blood. I couldn’t write to her and ask her if, when she was finished with my brother, she’d get with me! It was disrespectful.
“Sorry, man,” my brother said, sounding hurt.
“No,” I said, more gently this time. “I just can’t do that.”
Heath sighed. “Well, then, you’ll just have to wait—see if she does something.”
“Yeah,” I nodded. “That’s all I can do, right?”
I felt my heart twist painfully. Waiting for that would be hard. But what else could I do about it? Nothing.
“Yeah,” Heath nodded. “That’s all you can do.”
I noticed an odd look cross his face just then and I wondered what it was. He cleared his throat.
“You know, Gray, I was wondering about your view on expanding into a new line of business, like Donnell suggested…”
I frowned. I didn’t really want to think about work—not now, on a warm Sunday afternoon, with the fond remembrance of Sunday lunch still weighing on my belly. But I had to, and besides, it was a welcome distraction.
“Well, I reckon that, as he says, the growth rate for our current services doesn’t look so promising for the next years, so maybe we should.”
As we discussed the possibility, I found some of my tension lightening. It was actually quite a pleasant relief to be focusing so absolutely on my work and forgetting all the crazy circus of Heath, Donnell and the most stunning woman I’d seen.
“Okay,” Heath said, standing after about an hour of planning. “I guess I should go back. I just have some things to finish before work tomorrow. You take care, huh?”
I nodded. Heath was, despite our struggles in the past, my big brother. I trusted and loved him.
“Thanks,” I said tightly. “I will—but you too, huh? No marathon running.”
He grinned. “It’ll be a while before I can train again,” he nodded. “But I’ll take care. See you tomorrow huh.”
“Yeah, Tomorrow. Bye.”
When he’d left, I couldn’t forget the fact that he’d had that inquiring look on his face when he’d left again. I had this feeling that Heath was planning something. I just didn’t feel quite right asking, and I had absolutely no idea what it could be.
All I knew was that, the more I tried to forget about that moment in the park on Saturday, that easy, pleasant walk with Kelsey, the more it haunted my thoughts. I was falling for her and I knew it—it was everything about her, from her sweet body to her sweeter smile, from her gentleness and the sunshine in her hair as it blew in the wind. I was really falling hard and there was nothing whatsoever I could do about it.
12
Kelsey
Sunday passed in a sort of confused haze. I called my mom in the morning and told her all about my job. I studiously avoided mentioning anything about relationships or romance. If I knew my mom even half-well, she’d read between the lines and not ask me any questions. She didn’t.
After breakfast—Daddy had already had breakfast and was walking with some friends, or so Rochelle told me—I called my friend Greer.
“Hey,” I said cheerily. “You want to go shopping later?”
“You serious?” Greer sounded ecstatic. “My oldest and dearest friend comes back to town and asks me if I want to go out? You bet I do!”
I laughed. We agreed to meet up at the mall at eleven.
I felt better after hearing Greer’s voice—the weird uneasiness of the last week melted in the old familiarity of its sound.
I don’t know why I’m letting all this stuff bother me, I thought firmly. I might as well just let things go as they will and stop trying to regulate everything.
I headed out to the mall, purposefully setting my uneasiness about the evening, and meeting Donnell, aside.
“Kelsey!” Greer almost shouted when she saw me. I blushed and grinned, holding out my arms so she could embrace me. In high-heels and a lace-trimmed dress, with her long limbs and skinny body all vaguely uncoordinated, she could have been twelve. Except for the big eyes, which showed signs of tension at their edges when I leaned back to look at her face.
“Greer,” I smiled, feeling real fondness well up in me. “It’s been too long. How are you?”
“How am I?” she asked, shaking a dark-haired head fondly. “How are you, Kell? Let’s go sit.”
We found a place at our old favorite coffee place. I sat down opposite her and it felt like the years had all disappeared and we were at college together, gossiping about boys and complaining about grades and hockey practice.
“So,” she frowned. “How’s everything?”
“Peaceful,” I said, raising a shoulder vaguely. I wasn’t ready to discuss the realities of my return home with Greer—not yet, anyway. I was fairly sure she’d be shocked by my adventure.
“Well, that’s great,” Greer nodded. I noticed she looked a bit tense. I didn’t want to remark on anything, though—not yet. Greer was a very private person and I knew not to rush her into confiding things.
“How’s everything with you?” I asked once we’d ordered some coffee.
She let out a long sigh. “Stressful,” she admitted. I waited and she continued. “It’s work, mainly,” she said. Greer was a tax lawyer. I could understand how stressed she was right now.
“Yeah?” I asked, making my posture relaxed and open. I sensed she had something else to tell me.
“Stressful,” she said again. “And Bronson isn’t helping.”
I frowned. Bronson was her boyfriend, as far as I knew. “Oh?”
She blinked, and I realized she was about to cry. “He can be so mean and undermining,” she said. “I mean, it’s hard enough to have stress at work, but when he starts picking on little things, like how loudly I talk or whether or not I remembered to buy soap, it’s just too much.”
To my horror, she started crying. I reached across the table to take her hand but she clasped it over her mouth, trying not to make a noise. I didn’t do anything, just left my hand there and waited for her to stop crying.
She gave a big shuddering inhale and put her hand back on the table. I covered it with my own, fondly.
“It’s okay,” she said, sighing. “I guess all guys are like that. Huh?”
I stared at her. “No, Greer,” I said firmly. “Not all guys are assholes. The fact is, Bronson isn’t treating you right. Would you be like that, to someone you cared about? Would you do that to me, when I was stressed?”
She shook her head firmly. “No way.”
“Well, then,” I said briskly, but gently. “I don’t think Bronson’s behaving in a very caring way. Or even in a very normal way.”
She nodded slowly. “Well, that’s true,” she agreed. “I guess, it is a bit weird, isn’t it?”
“It is weird,” I nodded. “So you don’t need to take it. Just remember that.”
She sniffed again. “Oh, Kelsey,” she said. “I’m so glad you’re back. You’re my best friend.”
I smiled. “And you’re mine. Now, I have to ask you a favor.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. Can you help me find a dress for the golf-event dinner? I need something new to wear.”
; “Oh!” her eyes lit up. “Sure! I need a new party dress as well. Let’s find it together. That would be great.”
When we had finished coffee and were heading off into the stores together, I couldn’t help thinking about our exchange carefully. It was right that it wasn’t normal to pick on someone when they were stressed and undermine them like that. Chris had done that to me, a lot.
Were any of the brothers like that?
I frowned. I didn’t actually know any of them well enough for that side to have shown up yet. Since we’d only seen each other once or twice, they were probably all still on their best behavior. I didn’t think they were. But I would have to wait and see.
The thought added a bit more apprehension to my feelings about the evening.
We found the perfect dress. White, with a gold-colored bodice made in a draping, soft fabric, it was elegant and summery together. I loved it.
“It looks so good with your hair, Kelsey,” Greer said with a big grin.
“Thanks,” I said shyly. “I’ll take it. But you need to take the blue. That’s an order.”
She laughed, clutching a baby-blue dress to her ecstatically. “You think so?”
“I know so,” I said firmly. “And if you want to come to the golf dinner, just say. I have tickets to sell, remember?”
She laughed again and we headed out to buy our selections and then to head home again.
I spent the rest of the afternoon working, trying to lose the vague sense of apprehension that had been dogging me ever since I agreed to see Donnell. My dad was sleeping but when he woke and I heard him wandering out to the terrace, I went to join him.
“You seem like you’ve got a lot of friends here in town,” he observed. “I hardly see you nowadays.”
“Oh, Daddy.” I rolled my eyes playfully, though in truth I was a little hurt and felt a little awkward. “You know I love to spend time with you.”
“Thanks,” he said fondly. “I know I’m an old nuisance, but…”
“Please don’t say that,” I said, and meant it. “Just because I want to see other people too, doesn’t mean I don’t want to see you.”
My heart twisted with a cocktail of guilt and frustration, all mixed up with the love I felt for Daddy. It made me mad when he assumed that my wanting to have other friends was a comment on how I felt for him. How was I supposed to live a normal life that way?
He nodded, lips pursed in what looked like an apologetic face. “I understand,” he said. “And I know that wasn’t fair. I don’t begrudge you friendships. Really, I don’t. Where did you go today?”
“Out shopping, with Greer,” I said, relieved to change the topic. “I was looking for something to wear to the golf dinner next month.”
“Yes?” he looked interested. The golf dinner was one that Daddy and I organized—the whole Golf Day, really—a charity event for his company that I’d helped out with since I was twenty-five.
“Well, I found a nice white one—pale colors are so in this season—and it has a kind of gold overlay on the top part…” I gestured with my hands and he nodded.
“Sounds perfect. You always look stunning, sweetheart.”
“Thanks,” I grinned. “I look just like you, so…”
He laughed. “Well, I’m pleased to hear that. I can’t be such a horror, then.”
“A horror?” I laughed aloud. “Oh, Dad.”
“So,” he inquired, reaching for the coffeepot and pouring more into his cup, “you here for dinner this evening?”
“Uh, no,” I said, looking at the table between us. “I’m going out tonight.”
“Oh?” he frowned. “Somewhere nice?”
“Um, yeah,” I nodded. “Max and Lamar.”
“Good place,” my father nodded.
He didn’t once ask who I was going with, or if I might be out all evening, for which I was grateful. He had always backed off that part of my life.
If I had to talk about anything about relationships, I discussed it with mom. Not that I did very often, mind you—my mom lived in a world of texture and color and impasto oil paint, and I didn’t often venture into it and bring her out.
I looked at the time. It was six o’ clock. I guessed that it was about time to go and get ready. I smiled at Daddy, who was busy telling me a story about the landscaping crew he’d hired to do the back of the grounds.
“I guess I should go upstairs, soon,” I said with a fond smile.
“Um, yeah,” he nodded. “If you need to, sweetheart—and be sure to look at the back corner while you’re up there. I’m sure you can see from your window where they really messed up the slope of that little hill where I wanted to make a grove…”
I smiled. “I’ll check. I’m sure it turned out okay, though.”
He shrugged. “It’s not too hard to fix up mistakes,” he said with a grin. “Especially when nobody but you knows you didn’t mean it that way.”
I laughed and he laughed too. It was such a typical saying of his. I looked into those warm hazel eyes and felt my heart twist.
“That’s true, Daddy,” I acknowledged.
“It is.” He smiled. “Have a good evening. I’ll miss you at dinner.”
I felt my heart twist. I suddenly wished I wasn’t doing this. How could I neglect my dad, who was getting older and, I suspected, wasn’t very well? Especially in favor of doing something crazy like dating three brothers.
But nobody knows I didn’t mean to do this all along.
I considered those words as I got dressed for that evening.
So what if I was doing something a bit crazy? I thought, defiantly. As long as I was still enjoying it.
I let the pale blue dress fall down over my head and shoulders and turned in front of the mirror, checking the way it looked. It looked good. I should have felt good.
I felt guilty about squandering the time.
I shrugged harshly and reached for my bag and coat. I wasn’t going to let guilt ruin my evening. But the more I tried to ignore it, the more guilt reinforced itself. About Daddy. About Clarke. About Grayson.
“Dammit,” I swore under my breath. “Why am I doing this?”
I bit my lip, thinking.
My curiosity. My wanting to know what will happen next. My inability to say no.
What more could I say?
“I shouldn’t be doing this,” I told myself sternly in the rearview mirror as I sat down behind the wheel.
But I knew, even as I put my foot on the gas and sped off into the darkening night, that I would do exactly the same thing, make exactly the same choice, again if it was offered to me. It was just too intriguing to resist.
At the restaurant, I heard the low jazz music as I walked up the steps to the entrance. I let my coat fall from my shoulders, realizing that Donnell was across the room, watching me. I sauntered over to the table and smiled at him. His eyes met mine.
“Good evening,” he said. He had a strangely hungry look as he looked at me which both repelled and fascinated me. He stood and drew back my chair for me.
I lowered myself into it, feeling a slight frisson of danger as I swung around to face him.
“So?” I frowned. “Had a good day?”
“Yes,” he said. His voice sounded tight and I recalled he’d said he wanted to discuss something with me. I wondered what it was.
“Did some work?” I asked casually, reaching across the table for the wine list.
“A bit,” he agreed. “Had to discuss some things with Heath.”
“Oh?” I noticed he had a strange tone to his voice when he mentioned his brother and I wondered why. Again, that sense of guilt rose inside me.
“Yeah. About the company,” he explained.
“Oh,” I said again. “Are you ready to order?” I asked, passing him the wine list. “I think I’ll go with a Sauvignon Blanc tonight.”
“I’ll have my usual,” he nodded. “I’m planning to have the fish again tonight too. So I’ll stick with a white wine too.”
> “Oh,” I nodded. “I’ll be sticking with something lighter.”
I tried to talk about more neutral topics, but my mind was a flutter. I felt at once aroused and repelled by the whole situation. It was exciting and piquant but it was also starting to weigh on me. I reached up and tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear, feeling my brow sweat.
As I lowered my hand, I felt Donnell’s hand move to lie beside it. He was looking at me with that fevered intensity from earlier and my tummy clenched.
“Donnell…” I coughed.
“Your drinks, sir. Madam.”
“Oh.” I smiled at the waiter, at once pleased and flustered that he’d distracted us. When he’d left again, Donnell reached for his glass and raised it, so I clicked mine with his and we drank.
“Kelsey, you seem serious,” Donnell said with a frown.
“I am a bit,” I agreed. I bit my lip. I wished I could just stop feeling this weird mix of regret and discomfort that was rising inside me.
“Is there anything I can do?” he asked.
I shrugged uneasily. “Well, probably not,” I admitted. “I’m just in a weird headspace tonight.”
“I wish I could help you relax,” he said sincerely.
“I’m sure I will,” I said, trying to sound lighthearted. “It’s just that I have a lot on my mind.”
I reached for my wine, taking a bigger swig than I’d intended. The room went a bit blurry and then focused again. I shouldn’t be drinking like that on an empty stomach.
The waiter came and we placed our orders for dinner. We chatted and I found myself loosening up a bit. When the meal arrived, I was starting to feel a bit more loquacious. And a sort of desire was starting to flow in my veins again.
When we stood up to leave and Donnell kissed me, I didn’t resist. I felt my body respond to his touch and his hard, insistent mouth plundering mine. I felt as if I wanted him, even though, despite my body’s agreeableness, a small cold spot in my heart didn’t want him.
I went home with him and lay back, sighing as he undressed me. His hands were deft on my body and kindled fires in all the right places. I felt him move lower, kissing my breasts earnestly.