~Helen
Sergei arrives for my lesson, and I’m still quite distracted; it does not go unnoticed.
“I think that must be all for today,” he says kindly. “You seem tired.”
I shake my head.
“What did the doctor say?”
“He says your recovery is nothing short of a miracle and that he would recommend you keep in bed another week at least. But I assured him you would rest at the earliest sign of fatigue. So please, do not make a liar of me.”
I smile up at him, grateful for his intervention. The idea of another week confined to bed, being bled every day, makes me want to cry.
“Of course, I will be quite vigilant.”
He hands me the book. “Here, practice with this on your own between lessons. You’ll pick it up faster this way.”
I clutch the book to my chest.
He offers me his arm and leads me from the library. As we turn the corner, we nearly run into Alexander.
“Off in a hurry?” Sergei asks playfully.
Alexander rocks back on his heels, bowing to me.
“No, of course not. Just, wiling away the time before Peter returns. Please excuse me, Princess.”
I nod, not looking at him. As we pass, the urge to turn back is strong. Only Sergei’s arm in mine gives me the strength to keep moving forward.
That night, I dismiss the maids before they help me undress.
“I’ll do it myself, thank you,” I say, and they scurry from the room. If my ladies think it strange, they say nothing. Elizavetta is working on her sewing, and Rina is reading a large tome. I allow myself the opportunity to doze for a bit, only to be awoken by the bells chiming eleven. I open my eyes to find Elizavetta long gone off to bed, but Rina still reading quietly, her long, yellow hair hanging loose around her shoulders.
“My lady,” she asks, seeing me wake. “Are you ready for bed?”
I shake my head. “I have been feeling quite heavy hearted since yesterday. I think I’m going to the chapel for a bit, try to find some comfort.”
She nods. Though her expression is placid, I see a flicker behind her eyes.
“Please, speak plainly Rina.”
She pauses, closing her book and setting it aside.
“It’s just that, I want you to know you can confide in me. I will guard your secrets as closely as my own, on my life I will.” She takes a breath. “And I worry for you.”
I motion for her to take a seat beside me.
“Yes, that is fair. You have always been so kind and honest. I do count you as a friend. I hope you realize that.”
She nods.
“I have… something of a delicate matter to attend to this evening. I hope that once it’s done, my mind and heart will be settled again.”
“Does it have to do with Alexander? He asked after you often while you were ill. Always with the look in his eye of a man obsessed, a man deeply in love.”
I tilt my head, unable to meet her in the eyes.
“Yes, it does. The heart is a… difficult thing to manage. But I will put an end to it tonight. There can be no future for us, I see that very clearly.”
She takes my hands in hers.
“I’m so sorry. I wish there was something I could do.”
I wish I could send her in my place, have her deliver my words so at least I would be spared the pain of looking him in the eye. This never should have gone so far, I chastise myself.
“As do I. But it is my responsibility, and I will deal with it.”
Rina smiles sadly. “Spoken like a true queen.”
Rina’s words don’t hold much comfort as I walk down the deserted hallway toward the secret room, though having someone to speak with it about does lighten my burden.
I push the door open. Alexander is already there, waiting for me.
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Queen of Someday Page 18